How do you handle the heart break?

[rang_27]

I just need ideas of how to deal with all of the sadness / stress of doing rescue work? The last week has been especially bad, and this morning just toped it off. First last week was the loss of a 15 year old cat that was just adopted a couple months ago. I feel terrible for the volunteers who adopted him. Then on Friday one of our cats had a seizure. She is doing well, but it was very stressful and I was afraid we might lose her. Then yesterday we had a cat returned who had eaten something, and we are now watching to make sure he passes it and continues to go (so far so good). Then this morning I got an e-mail that a young FeLuk positive cat we just adopted out a month ago has cancer. It looks like it is throughout her abdomen and lungs. This just makes me sick and today I just feel like giving up. What good does it do to save them & get them a home for them to die anyway? I know that may sound terrible, but it is how I feel today. I guess I am just completely heart broken. I feel to day like the triumphs are so few and far between, but the heart break is constant.

 

[kailie]

Oh hun, I COMPLETELY understand what you are going through. How I try to look at it is, I can't save them all, but those I CAN save make it worth it! Even if those babies got sick so shortly after being adopted, they were LOVED, something they may not have had being not for you and those at the shelter. I know how hard it is, but try to focus on all of the GOOD you do, and all of the kitties you help save and find forever homes for.

 

[mrblanche]

I tell people I go down to the shelter and get my heart broken every week.

There is NEVER a week where all the news is good. Perfectly good cats get put to sleep all the time. People bring in pets for no good reason. Pets get sick in the shelter. This past weekend, we had a dog die in the kennel unexpectedly. Last weekend, we had a kitten get his arm caught in the door of the cage, and it's still not clear if he's going to heal up from it.

It is a heartbreaking work, and I wish it wasn't necessary.

 

[addiebee]

Originally Posted by mrblanche

I tell people I go down to the shelter and get my heart broken every week.

There is NEVER a week where all the news is good. Perfectly good cats get put to sleep all the time. People bring in pets for no good reason. Pets get sick in the shelter. This past weekend, we had a dog die in the kennel unexpectedly. Last weekend, we had a kitten get his arm caught in the door of the cage, and it's still not clear if he's going to heal up from it.
It is a heartbreaking work, and I wish it wasn't necessary.

Was there nerve damage? I can put you in touch with a friend of mine here who pulled a kitten with the radial arterial nerve damage... her sister is a physical therapis and worked on the kitten. That cat is now full grown and perfectly fine. The vet couldn't believe it.

 

[mrblanche]

No one knows how long he was caught in the door, but his arm was cold to the touch, and he couldn't walk on it. By the end of the day, he was using it pretty well. But I looked at him today, and where it was cut, it's infected a little bit. He's been on antibiotics since it happened, too.

He's such a sweety. He LOVES to be cuddled up in your arms, and he's so soft.

Just another little black kitten!

 

[icklemiss21]

Its all individual, I know one person gets through it by blogging, hoping that somewhere, someone - just one person - reads it and doesn't give up their cats, not sure if that worked but she has found a lot of foster homes, other volunteers and adopters through it

Honestly, the cases you mention are why some shelters choose not to be no kill when they could be if they tried hard enough, the save the saveable ones and don't deal with the heartbreak of saving them for nothing, but at least they are dying knowing love and not sitting in a steel cage alone

 

[white cat lover]

Life never made any sense to me. Two of the sweetest cats in the world we have right now have had long-term ( 1 - 2 years) problems with using their litterboxes. Both urinate on the floor. But they are the most outgoing/friendly cats we have. Unfortunately their owners declawed them, so they are facing being euthanized due to space.

All you can do is think - even with the heartbreak, even if they die soon after adoption, they got to know love, a home, a family. That's more than many get.

 

[phillygal]

I am so sorry for your pain. And I understand it completely as someone in my area put a baby kitten in a library drop box and he did not survive. I dearly wanted to adopt that baby and give him a wonderful home, but he was just not strong enough to survive that type of cruely. My heart just breaks in two.

But I always try to remember that we can do the best we can and make a difference where we can. I know it never seems like enough, but we need to give ourselves a break. I also know deep in my heart that to the animals that are helped, it makes a HUGE difference in their lives. Please do not take that difference lightly because it really does matter. Remember, it would not have happened without your care and devotion!

I am working with rescue right now to adopt another cat. I have literally dozens to choose from with just one group! I despair that people take their responsibility to their pets so lightly and just walk away from them. But I know that I will make a difference to one of them and I pray for all of the others. You are doing much more than most people. Remember that and give yourself a hug for me!

 

[rang_27]

Thank you all so much. I am feeling a little better today. I got a good nights sleep & that certainly helped. It was just devestating to hear that this little girl is so sick. We knew with FeLuk she wouldn't live long, but she never showed signs of how sick she was. She was special to all of us because of her wonderful personality mixed with her special needs. I just needed the support of others who understand. I think there is a special bond between rescue people. The stories may make others sad, but when your heart is in the work it is hard when things don't work out as you had planned.

 

[cesg]

When I am feeling particularly lost and beaten by what I've been facing, I try to remember where these cats would be with out the safety net those in rescue provides. Kittens born outside to the elements and the preditors. Older cats abandoned outside to fend for themselves, cats with cancer who don't have loving owners to end their suffering before it becomes unbearable.

I remember those kittens that didn't make it at least knew love, a warm bed, and a full cat bowl. They died indoors and had someone greive over them.

and when I need it, I read this:
http://muttcats.com/starfish.htm

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

 

[hissy]

"If you don't save one, then you save the next one." But you can't save them all. If your heart is so full of sorrow, walk away for awhile and use your energies to help with fundraisers, raise awareness of the importance of vaccines and spay and neuter in the community. Make a difference in a way that you can handle. If you totally burn out- it will effect you forever.


MA (who recently lost beautiful kittens to a deadly virus)

 

[eilcon]

The best I've gotten from the director of the rescue I work with may sound trite, but it's what keeps me going - stay positive and focus on your successes. This may sound silly, but when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed about cat stuff (which happens way more than it should), I come on TCS and look old threads that members have started about cats they've helped. Or, I go to Petfinder or the rescue's FB page to see what cats/kittens have been adopted. That really helps. As others have said, there's no way we can save them all, but just look at the difference we can make in the lives of the cats we can help. Focussing on that can ease the heartbreak.

 

[piikki]

I am glad to hear that you are still able to feel heartbroken. Even though itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s easier when you donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t feel so much, itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s still sign of something better.

I am speaking from the point of view of adopter… We had an adoption recently when our cat basically was dead upon arrival. His fatal disease had gone unnoticed at fosterâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s and the vet had mucked up a very basic check up, twice (had not even looked into Aarreâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s mouth). It was great comfort to us that the foster was just as heartbroken as we were when it all unfolded. We cried together when we realized what had been going on. Indeed, I felt I had to comfort the foster just as much as she comforted me because she was feeling so terrible she had not noticed what became apparent the moment Aarre moved into our household.

Had the foster been just clinically cool and composed it would have been way harder to deal with, and possibly just turned more into anger rather than the overwhelming sadness that we felt. We were happy there was at least one person who knew and seemed to care about our new family member who we barely got to know. So thanks for having the strength to care!

 

[hissy]

There is a very disturbing letter on Craigslist written by a manager of a large animal shelter. I had no idea that shelters are paid a fee to euthanize animals! The letter is so heartbreaking- I am not even going to link to it- but in the content I sense the rage that this person feels for people who throw-away cats and dogs and toss them into shelters without one thought of "What am I doing?"

 

[icklemiss21]

They are paid a fee? The shelters around here charge people who bring their animals in for euthanising, but they pay a vet like any person would for the actual euthanising, the city animal shelter obviously get city funding to pay for it but its part of their funding since their shelter doesn't make a profit on adoptions

 

[catsknowme]

My prayers and thoughts go out to all the rescuers, that they are given encouragement to carry on

It is a difficult task that you are given, and I admire and appreciate your courage very much. I take comfort in knowing that there are wonderful souls like you out there who are quick and willing to get involved, to comfort, to care for those kitties in need. You are answers to my prayers - you are all REAL ANGELS

 

[mrblanche]

Originally Posted by hissy

There is a very disturbing letter on Craigslist written by a manager of a large animal shelter. I had no idea that shelters are paid a fee to euthanize animals! The letter is so heartbreaking- I am not even going to link to it- but in the content I sense the rage that this person feels for people who throw-away cats and dogs and toss them into shelters without one thought of "What am I doing?"

I checked a while back, and our shelter is NOT paid for euthanizing animals. In fact, our director was not aware that that was a policy anywhere, although I had heard of it.

In fact, she had the staff take a photo of every animal before and after euthanasia for a whole month last year, and showed the photos to the city board, in an attempt to get them to support free or low-cost spay/neuter programs for those with a low income, which has been shown to be an effective way of reducing the population at shelters.

 

[rang_27]

I got a very nice e-mail today from the people who adopted this kitty. They sent a photo of her with her play mate. They look so happy currled up together. They said they are hopefull that they may be able to get a couple more months of life for her. It is just nice to see that she is happy with her playmate. The people who adopted her were very kind and understanding stating that, "the cancer is from her FeLuk+ status and there is nothing anyone could have done." I know it shouldn't matter, but it is nice to know that they do not hold us responsible. We would never knowingly adopt out a sick cat without the new family knowing about it.

 

[newt]

Here's a helpful site about 'Compassion Fatigue'. Been there, had that!
http://www.animalsinourhearts.com/fatigue.html#topics

Give yourselves a hug

and do what you need to do to refresh and rejuvenate yourself.

Newt

 

[elayman]

Originally Posted by Rang_27

I just need ideas of how to deal with all of the sadness / stress of doing rescue work? The last week has been especially bad, and this morning just toped it off. First last week was the loss of a 15 year old cat that was just adopted a couple months ago. I feel terrible for the volunteers who adopted him. Then on Friday one of our cats had a seizure. She is doing well, but it was very stressful and I was afraid we might lose her. Then yesterday we had a cat returned who had eaten something, and we are now watching to make sure he passes it and continues to go (so far so good). Then this morning I got an e-mail that a young FeLuk positive cat we just adopted out a month ago has cancer. It looks like it is throughout her abdomen and lungs. This just makes me sick and today I just feel like giving up. What good does it do to save them & get them a home for them to die anyway? I know that may sound terrible, but it is how I feel today. I guess I am just completely heart broken. I feel to day like the triumphs are so few and far between, but the heart break is constant.

I do volunteer work at a no-kill shelter after hours which is a great role for burnout sufferers because it rewards direct care and socialization of the cats with minimal intrusion from the people/adoption/animal history side of things.


And while maintaining the room may not be the most glamorous job, it is definitely very rewarding (besides the only thing I think I could do there...

)