How Do You Deal With the Guilt...

[kittkatt]

When you have to have one of your furbabies put to sleep??

As some of you may or may not know, I had to have my beloved Maverick put to sleep on Monday (the thread is in the RB forum if anyone cares to read it). I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the guilt, because I keep thinking that just maybe more have could have been done to save him. I don't feel at peace with the decision like I did when I had to have other furbabies put to sleep: something keeps nagging at me that it wasn't Maverick's time just yet. My heart & conscience won't give me a rest.

 

[pipersjo]

You miss him and feeling guilty is a normal response. I think we all second guess ourselves when we have to make this decision.

 

[nekomania]

Well I don't think anyone is ever really and truly 100% sure of whether or not it is time.

Although you are feeling guilty and unsure, I think you should take a moment to concentrate on replacing those feelings with the fact that he is probably much more happy, content, and comfortable where he is right now.

Not to mention watching over you.

 

[Winchester]

I sent you a PM....and hugs, too.

 

[libby74]

I didn't read the thread concerning Maverick in the RB section---I simply cannot handle reading those posts. I do understand how you're feeling, having had to make that decision on several occasions thru the years. It is NEVER an easy choice to make, no matter what the prognosis may be.

It's normal to second guess yourself, especially since it's been such a short time since your dear Maverick left you. Give yourself time to grieve, and grieve for as long as you need to and as deeply as you need to. I hope you can come to the realization that you did your best for Maverick. IMO, there is no more gut-wrenching decision that a pet-lover has to make than to give that final gift of love to our suffereing fur-baby. You know deep down that you did the right thing.

I am truly, truly sorry you're feeling this way. In time, it will get easier.

 

[jennyr]

I have lost many cats over the years, through illness, accident or old age, and I have felt guilty each and every time. Do not worry, guilt and anger are a normal part of the grieving process. When you are calmer, you will be able to see that you did all you could for Maverick throughout his life, and you gave him a peaceful death, and he would thank you if he were able to.

 

[ut0pia]

I am so sorry, I just read your other thread

. It had me crying by the end because I can relate to how you felt about Maverick..
I can understand the guilt, but just think of how much suffering you saved him. He didn't know it at the time, but now he is grateful, I am sure

 

[larussa]

When I had to put Misty to sleep I felt dread, sadness and terror but not guilt. I could see how she was the last week of her life, I know she was in lots of discomfort and I just knew when I brought her to the vet that day, she would never come home. The vet listened to what I had to say but insisted that she give Misty a complete check-up anyway to be sure. Hours later the vet agreed the humane thing to do was release Misty of her suffering.

Now a little over a year later, I still feel no guilt at all. I know I did Misty a favor so her suffering in this world would be over and she would be re-born over the Bridge. I loved her like no other and miss her every day and night. In my life I know there will never be another like her and I feel blessed I had her in my life for almost 16 years.

Finally it was renal failure that took her from me.

 

[coolcat]

nobody are prepared enought to say goodbye to some of our family members as well is our lovely cats...

Stop to blame your self my friend, go to church & Talk with God I know he will make you feel better....

Why? because Maverick is right now with him...

waiting for you some day!...

 

[spudsmom]

I have to agree with all the posts on here, couldn't even pick one to quote. I can't believe that is coming up on 2 years since I had to make that decision for Siam. I miss him everyday even though I gave him the kindest gift that I could possibly give him. I did second guess myself at first but in my heart I know that it was the best thing for him. I could not bear to see him suffer from cancer, he was my soul mate kitty. PLEASE don't feel guilty! Hugs to you sweetie, I know how hard it is to lose a very-loved one!

 

[wellingtoncats]

It's been 3 years since we had to have our dog put to sleep and unfortunately the guilt still eats away at me. Sometimes I feel it would have been better to let her naturally pass but then how could I have handled seeing her in pain every day. I don't think it gets any easier, you've got to try and live with the fact you've made the right decision and they are no longer suffering.

 

[otto]

This only just happened and you are still in shock.

I am only now beginning to move on a bit from my grief of letting Ootay go last May. But I do not feel any guilt about my decision for her. She was ready to go, and wanted to go and I know it. The only guilt I feel is my selfishness in wishing she was still with me.

Everyone grieves in their own way. None of us can take away the agony you feel. It's the price we pay for the years of joy they give us.

All of us understand what you are going through. But in spite of the pain, we wouldn't be without them in our lives.

Maverick is at peace and understands your choice and is grateful for it. Of this I am positive. It is the ones left behind who suffer.

hugs and headbumps from me and mine.

xo

 

[addiebee]

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I know my boyfriend tortured himself for at least a year over putting to sleep his best buddy and pal for 18 years - Cato. Cato was in complete renal failure at age nearly 21. He was having seizures and he reeked of urea through his skin.

Cato had been an alley kitten- rescued by someone in Doug's apt. building... and I kept trying to reassure him that between the rescuer and him... Cato had a wonderful life. Doug took VERY good care of him. And in this instance, he did the merciful and selfless thing.

I came onto the scene late in C's life. He was a lovely boy who accepted me right away. HE changed my mind about cats! So I owe him a debt.

As others have said, give yourself time to grieve. There is no sense in beating yourself up. Really. Truly. I am sure- based on your posts here- that you gave Maverick a wonderful life and did everything you knew how to do to help him live 16 years. And he knows that.

 

[calico2222]

Oh honey

. I agree that guilt is part of the grieving process when anyone we love passes (the shoulda, woulda thing), and even more when it is a pet and you made the decision. But, think of it this way...what would make you feel more guilty...ending his suffering now, or watching him suffer for months until he had no quality of life and just existed?

That's what happened to my parents' dog and to this day I still feel guilty for not demanding that they should put him down before they did. He got to the point he couldn't hear, couldn't see well, couldn't walk (he had hip displysia) and had to drag himself down the steps to go outside if my dad wasn't home to carry him out (120lbs). He couldn't control his bladder or his bowels the last few months and would usually lay in one spot all day unless he was having a good day and actually tried to stand up. That is no life. Finally, dad had him put to sleep after an injury at work wouldn't allow him to carry him anymore. Long overdue, IMO.

I too haven't read the thread in RB because I can't handle them either, so I'm not sure of the whole story but I'm sure you did the right thing. Give it time and I'm sure Maverick is much happier where he is now, and you will see him again. I firmly believe that.

 

[plebayo]

I work in the veterinary field and although I cannot heal your pain I'm going to give you an honest oppinion about the situation.

Maverick was 15 [bless him!] which in itself is amazing because that is a very good ripe old age. His liver and kidneys were shutting down there is NOTHING that could be done. Although his spirit was strong, his body failed him. Yeah you probably could have dragged his life out longer FOR YOU, but you chose to let him rest and not suffer through his last days just because you couldn't let go. You didn't do wrong by him, you did the best thing for him which was give him some peace and not let him suffer.

Also you said "Who am I to play god?" You play god by taking an animal into your house, by feeding it, and providing veterinary care. If your cat was in nature he A.) would not live to be 15, B.) As soon as his body started failing, something would have eaten him. It has nothing to do with playing god. It isn't worth beating yourself up over asking if it really was his time, you can't stop the liver and kidneys from failing and you can't stop your cat from dying whether it be yesterday, tomorrow, or ten years from now, death is still inevitable.

As far as the guilt you feel, someday it will lessen. My 2 year old cat died in front of me donating blood to another cat. He had no health problems [other then a bladder stone which we found out he had that day], he was young, he wasn't supposed to die at 2yrs of age. I've spent the past 10 months feeling guilty because I chose to put him under anesthesia, I chose to have him donate blood, I forced him into the whole situation. It isn't as bad as it was the days surrounding the time it happened, but I still feel guilty. I can tell you from expirience as the days pass you will go through periods of anger and sadness, and more guilt. All of these feelings are normal.

Some things that helped me:

*I read books about pet loss from the library.
*I created a webpage for him: http://pause.pets-memories.com/ [you can make a free one too!]
*I talked to an animal communicator. Fake or not she did help ease my pain.

You're on my mind, even though I don't know you. I hope things get better for you and you don't beat up on yourself so much. You gave Maverick the best life he could have lived and he loves you for it.

 

[momofmany]

I second guessed myself when I had my greyhound Doug euthanized when he had bone cancer. Then I watched my FIL die from the disease, and realized that I had given Doug a gift by not allowing him that level of pain.

I watched my mom die from liver cancer and saw how it shattered her mental and physical health as the disease progressed. Maverick's liver was shutting down. You may hope that there was something more that you could do, but that organ is not forgiving and does not heal itself. I sense you would kick yourself even harder had you let this go on, just to see him through horrible suffering.

I deal with the guilt by putting that much more effort into the ones that remain. Everyone benefits from this. The deep edge of the pain will soften over time, and in the mean time, we are here for you.

 

[mews2much]

I tried to reply to your thread but it made me cry so did not reply.
Jan 11th will be 2 years since I had Yoshi pts and I o not know if made th right choice.
If you ever need to talk let me know.
I am here for you.
I had to have Stormy pts 1 month before Yoshi and I feel the same way.

 

[farleyv]

I usually ask the question "if I could bring my kitty back, would I?" It is always no because I would not wish the suffering and declining health on my furkid. It is my own little "test" and when I realize I would not bring them back to face a dimished quality of life, I start to make peace with my decision.

It will get better, I promise.

 

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by farleyv

I usually ask the question "if I could bring my kitty back, would I?" It is always no because I would not wish the suffering and declining health on my furkid. It is my own little "test" and when I realize I would not bring them back to face a dimished quality of life, I start to make peace with my decision.

That's what I've been doing to console myself: I ask myself, "Would you want this for yourself?" And the answer is always no. I could not do to Maverick what I couldn't do to myself. I love(d) him way too much to see him suffer.

I'd rather be in pain myself than to ever see him (or any of my other furkids) go thru a slow, painful death.

Thank you all for responding, and for caring enough to reply.

It means a lot to me. I know in my heart that I did what was best for Maverick, but it just hurts so much to not have him in my life, ya know? He was my "soulmate" kitty, and I loved him more than words can say.

For those of you who couldn't read the thread, or who can't visit the RB forum, you don't need to apologize because I know how you feel. I've avoided it myself like the plague in the past, because reading about everyone's pain just tears me up.

I didn't have much of a choice to go there though, when the inevitable came (how I dreaded that day!). In a strange sort of way, it's gotten "easier" since losing Maverick: I can't say why that is. I guess it's because I see others hurting now, and I know how they're feeling. I want to at least try to comfort them, like they all tried comforting me. I would have been a complete basket case if there wasn't any support to help me through this heart-breaking time.

Thank you all for responding.

 

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by calico2222

That's what happened to my parents' dog and to this day I still feel guilty for not demanding that they should put him down before they did. He got to the point he couldn't hear, couldn't see well, couldn't walk (he had hip displysia) and had to drag himself down the steps to go outside if my dad wasn't home to carry him out (120lbs). He couldn't control his bladder or his bowels the last few months and would usually lay in one spot all day unless he was having a good day and actually tried to stand up. That is no life. Finally, dad had him put to sleep after an injury at work wouldn't allow him to carry him anymore. Long overdue, IMO.

Calico, I so know how you feel.

The same thing happened with my dad's dog: the last time I saw Smokey, he had cancerous lesions all over his body, he couldn't see any more and could barely hear, and was nothing but skin & bones. I've never seen anything so sad in my life.

I wanted to just smack my dad for letting that poor dog suffer so needlessly. I could certainly understand why he didn't want to lose him, but how could he say he loved him if he let the poor thing suffer that way? He finally did have Smokey put to sleep, but it just kills me to know just how much that poor thing suffered before he finally did.