How did you decide?

[loreye]

Not sure if you can afford it, when you have kids, you just seem to find a way.

Even with planning you can never be "ready" you can never get ahead of the game because over the years you never know what is going to happen, you don't know what you're little baby is going to be like at 1 year, 5 years... teenager!! AH!

Just knowing that you want to have children is sign enough that you're ready.

You're going to love that kid, and you will do everything you can to raise him right.

Just to quote my grandfather at my cousin's 26th birthday. She was just excited to be getting married at this age and soon she would be ready to have kids. His response was "Your grandmother had Gail when she was 26!" My aunt Gail was the 6th of 7 children born to my grandparents.

 

[elise1]

Cat Mommy,

Since you asked us how to decide, I would say that you should wait awhile. You will know when the time is right in your heart and it won't matter what anyone else says. The best advice I ever received was to trust my own instincts. You already know what is right for you. Trust yourself.

I met DH when I was 18, we married at 24 and spent 10 wonderful years building a strong marriage and saving. I wanted to be able to quit my job and stay at home with my children. We had kids when we were 34, 36 and 38. I am now 50 and still at home with my children, my middle son was born with autism. Autism is not related to maternal/paternal age, but does have a genetic component.

I do not believe I would have been as good of a mother in my younger years. I have gained patience, understanding, maturity and wisdom. There is a stability to my life and marriage that did not exist when I was younger. Consider the possibility that you have a special needs child. It changes everything.

My best to you,

Elise

 

[lookingglass]

One of the greatest gifts in my life was having older parents. My Mom was 35 and my Dad was 40 when I was born. They were established people that had traveled the world before I came into their lives, and they were completely ready to have me.

I can understand your concern about the possibility of being an older parent, but if it is the right thing to do in your life please do it. Your child will be given a Mom and a Dad that are ready and happy to bring it into the world.

 

[sneakymom]

You will know when the time is right. But if you want children, I would say go for it asap.

Dh and I were fairly young when we got married. He wanted kids right away, I wanted to wait a while. We waited a year. It then took us 2+ years to get pregnant. I had no idea why. Second child was the same way (also a little over 2 years).

We wanted 1 more, and after 3 years of trying,( I know, I probably should have had the chat 2.5 years earlier) I had a chat with my gyn. I had blood tests, a laproscopy (she found endometriosis) and I also have PCOS. Doctor told me we couldn't have any more kids w/o medical help since I don't ovulate at all, and I said I was DONE.

As far as money- well it's been fun. After I had my second child, dh got out of the military and his pay was cut. We also had to pay for medical benefits, which was a real eye opener for me, since we'd always had military insurance. I wasn't working b/c after the infertility roller-coaster the first time around, I wanted to be at home b/c I had no idea if I could even have any more kids. We do own a house- it's small, but it's ours.

I don't regret it at all. Even when my middle schooler is grumbling about yet another English paper she doesn't want to write. Or when my 4th grader is going on about the drama that is a 10 year old's life

 

[sarahp]

Well... DH is 30 and I am 26, we are financially stable and we both wanted kids and was told by my cardiologist we should try to have kids sooner rather than later for my health. So I stopped getting the Depo Provera shots, and at the start of the year we decided we would wait until I was made permanent in my job (about middle of the year), then we'd start trying.

Next thing I knew I was getting all the pregnancy signs so my appt. with the doctor was for a pregnancy blood test rather than a pill prescription

So I'm due in October and we're very excited. Our decision was helped by health reasons and by the fact that there was really nothing stopping us. We're at a relatively stable point our lives (apart from not living in our home country...), so nowish was a good time.

When we were discussing it though gee it was a hard decision! It's a scary thought planning your first child - you know your life will never be the same ever again and it's such a huge decision.

I still occasionally think "omg are we REALLY ready for this??", but know we're in a good position being happily married, financially secure and with good jobs, so we're giving our baby a good start, and plenty of people who don't have all that are awesome parents, so there's no reason why we won't be.

I don't think age comes into it - lookingglass said her parents were older which was awesome because they lived life. My mum had had my brother and I by age 23, and I love the fact that she's younger, and feel we have an awesome relationship. My DH's parents were older and absolute fuddy-duddies who don't know how to have fun and he blames it on them being older.

I think it just depends on the people, and has nothing to do with age. And even though DH's parents don't know how to have fun, and often drive everyone crazy, they're loving parents, and raised great kids (well, 2 out of the 3 are great... my BIL is a little weird...

)

You'll notice that not one person here who had kids under not quite perfect circumstances all say "I don't regret it and wouldn't have it any other way".

 

[natalie_ca]

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome- it's the #1 cause of infertility in women....so my doctors have said if i want children- i need to start thinking about it SOON. I'll be 22 in July. So while i may be a little younger- i don't have much time left to try and have a baby. I would love at least 3-4 children - but i would be happy with whatever i am blessed with if we can have a child at all. Colin will be 31 in July (same day as me- the 29th

) We've talked it over and discussed things since i might not be able to concieve much longer- so for us, we plan to start a family as soon as we get hitched...otherwise we might not be able to.

More than 1/2 of the women in the world have polycystic ovary. Just because you have it doesn't mean there is a cut off time of when you can conceive and when you can't. You can potentially have kids up until the time you go into menopause, just like any other woman who doesn't have polycystic ovary.

Personally, I wouldn't dwell on the fact that you have polycystic ovary. It means that you may or may not have to take fertility drugs to conceive, but it doesn't mean you can't have kids

My cousin has it and she had her last baby when she ws 39 years old. She's now 43 and has been thinking of having another one (she already has 4 kids)

 

[ilovesiamese]

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

More than 1/2 of the women in the world have polycystic ovary. Just because you have it doesn't mean there is a cut off time of when you can conceive and when you can't. You can potentially have kids up until the time you go into menopause, just like any other woman who doesn't have polycystic ovary.

Personally, I wouldn't dwell on the fact that you have polycystic ovary. It means that you may or may not have to take fertility drugs to conceive, but it doesn't mean you can't have kids

My cousin has it and she had her last baby when she ws 39 years old. She's now 43 and has been thinking of having another one (she already has 4 kids)

I agree! My good friend is 35 and has PCSO. She had to do Ivetro(sp??

) and had twins, but then she really started looking after herself and her health (which I know you already do Nikki) and now, at 35, she got pregnant naturally (and her husband even has furtility issues), so keep positive hun!