How can I help my cat adjust to the new cat

[cbowdidge]

So, Merlin and Martini DID touch noses but then Merlin hissed! ACK! So close yet so far. Still, progress. 

 

[stephenq]

PROGESS!!!

 

[cbowdidge]

Yup, and again today, same thing. Definite progress. Merlin would hiss when Martini just approached at first. Just a tad unsure right now.

Something my sister said is that we got spoiled because Sotchy and Merlin became friends so quickly we may have been hoping for the same thing and that's rare. She said she'll try to vacuum her room so Sotchy's scent won't be there as much and that may be less confusing to Merlin. Unfortunately, what happened with Sotches was so fast and sudden there was no chance for Merlin to say goodbye. It's not surprising if he's still confused and doesn't understand, I don't think anyone fully understand what happened. Sotches went from being fine, to dying in a matter of minutes and was put to sleep. 

 

[cbowdidge]

OK, to clarify the cats in this topic in case it gets confused.

Merlin: My cat. He is six, a semi longhaired black cat

Martini: My sister's cat. A one and a half year old Maine Coon Mix, she adopted him about three weeks ago.

Sotches: My sister's cat who sadly crossed the rainbow bridge two months ago, put to sleep after suffering what appears to be saddle thrombus and heart failure. He and Merlin were close.

Update: They've since touched noses, it's still an ongoing game of Snakes and Ladders, but heading in the right direction. Martini has been exploring the house, and Merlin doesn't seem to mind. Martini has been playfully running up to Merlin. Merlin hasn't been hissing and growling as much. He is fine with Martini looking around the house. Going in the right direction for now.

 

[shadowsrescue]

It sounds like things are progressing nicely between the two.  Thanks for the update and I hope the cats continue to do well.

 

[stephenq]

 

 

[cbowdidge]

Definitely a work in progress, like I said, snakes and ladders. However, there hasn't been any really serious fighting, Merlin hasn't really swiped or anything. We are all waiting for them to become friends, but I think it's a case of a watched kettle never boils. it will just happen one day.  It's ironic that we didn't introduce Sotches and Merlin properly when my sister and Sotchy moved back home. Sotchy was in the living room, Merlin came back in and suddenly there was this strange cat that wasn't there before. They became good friends within a week-- a rarity. We got spoiled. We were more careful to introduce Merlin and Martini properly. Now Merlin has to get used to Martini being around the house.  Merlin is mostly just posturing.

 

[cbowdidge]

So I have some very good news to report: Over this past week, the interactions have mostly been peaceful. Merlin has seen Martini in the living room, and lied down on the floor and didn't chase him out. So we gave him lots of positive enforcement. Then last night, Merlin saw Martini up on my bed and didn't object, just looked at him then snuggled down while I told Merlin what a good cat he is. He chased him a bit last night at around 2 am but he was also wired (which he gets at times). So, that's definitely progress. 

 

[stephenq]

Yay!!!

 

[cbowdidge]

And yesterday and today he was back to being territorial again. They're not fighting at least. This how it will go until he adjusts, it just can get confusing when he makes progress then stalls again. We got spoiled with Merlin and Sotches and I fell that now it's backfiring at times,  since this is much more typical and we may have set the bar too high. Still, it's only been two months.

 

[stephenq]

2 steps forward, 1 step back isn't uncommon. They may have gotten into a spat over something.

 

[cbowdidge]

I get that, and that's how it goes. They aren't fighting, Merlin isn't attacking. It can be a bit baffling at times, but overall, it could be going worse. I re-enforce the positive steps, and I try to think about it from Merlin's perspective, losing his best friend so suddenly and having to adjust to a new cat all within a span of three months. It's a lot to get used to, and so I'm doing my best to be patient. 

 

[cbowdidge]

So, some very encouraging news to report: Merlin has been pretty good, he hasn't chased Martini out of the living room nearly as much (if he does it's more because it's the the morning and he's wound up), he is much more relaxed even sitting next to him, and just now they were nose to nose, both relaxed.  Overall, very good signs. I'm not counting my chickens (or should I say kittens) but it's definitely a good sign. 

 

[mani]

That's excellent.. time is a wonderful thing.

Keep us posted.

 

[stephenq]

Excellent!

 

[cbowdidge]

It's very reassuring. On reflection, Merlin could have been a lot nastier than just chasing and three/four months isn't that long, we just got spoiled with Sotches and Merlin being friends within a week, and set the bar way too high. Merlin now seems to be more comfortable. The occasional chasing isn't as hostile as it once was, it's more wound up.

 

[cbowdidge]

Good news to report: Merlin seems to have accepted Martini, he's even gone up to him and touched noses and sniffed him a few times. He doesn't mind him being around the living room, there was one incident last weekend when he jumped on Martini but that's more being wound up that's the only time he did that. He gives little greeting meows if he comes in and sees Martini. All is well

 

[bayareakitties]

I know what you are going through, I adopted a one year old about 2 months ago and then adopted another 1 year old, thinking it was wise to do before the first one got older and most set in her ways.  It's the best of time and the worst of times. On good days they play and seem to enjoy each other, and on bad days it's usually that the second one, Shiva, who is very energetic and fun loving just goes too far and Annabelle the first adopt gets really angry.  I really think as they age a bit and calm down things will be fine. It's just so hard to know what to do.  But leave them alone and think that humans who even love one another don't get along daily!  And we have are suppose to have more ability to reason! 

 

[cbowdidge]

 
I know what you are going through, I adopted a one year old about 2 months ago and then adopted another 1 year old, thinking it was wise to do before the first one got older and most set in her ways.  It's the best of time and the worst of times. On good days they play and seem to enjoy each other, and on bad days it's usually that the second one, Shiva, who is very energetic and fun loving just goes too far and Annabelle the first adopt gets really angry.  I really think as they age a bit and calm down things will be fine. It's just so hard to know what to do.  But leave them alone and think that humans who even love one another don't get along daily!  And we have are suppose to have more ability to reason! 

To echo what everyone's advice on here is to me: Give it time. It can take cats up to a year. It can be frustrating and confusing. Merlin has adjusted now, they've touched noses, sat together, any chasing is mostly in play and not aggression anymore and Merlin will often trill as if to say "Hi". The two are friendly now. It took five months, which by cat standards, isn't long at all. Martini is a character and likes to play kitty games, sometimes he paws Merlin's rear end playfully.

I agree, I think sometimes we think about it in people standards and not cat standards. That was my mistake. That, and we got very, very lucky when my sister and Sotchy moved back home and it only took Merlin and Sotches a week to become best buddies

 

[cbowdidge]

Merlin and Martini are BFFS now, and today I saw the ultimate proof. Merlin and Martini were sharing food from the same bowl, Merlin and Sotchy did the same.  We just got a puppy, and the cats don't seem all that upset. Just find him about hyper. Merlin is a bit more cautious but hasn't raised his hackles or anything.