Hi...
This week has been... one week I don't want to relive.
I lost an uncle on Monday. My boss cut my 2 weekend days and gave them to a new girl who hasn't opened by herself. That was Monday I learned that. Not to mention at work we literally ran out of almost everything. We had no large or small doughs for pizzas. We had no chicken, no Peperoni, ran out of cheddar and spinach. We ran out of medium thin crusts and large deep dish. With no small doughs there were no pasta bowls, or the new artisen pizzas. With no large doughs, we had to make the new stuffed cheesy breads out of mediums. So I spent the night at work appologizing to customers that we were out of all that. Getting yelled at by them because we couldn't give them what they wanted. Having to call the internet orderers to let them know we were out of the product they wanted. That was Monday.
Yesterday I was off, so I spent the whole day sleeping and crying. When I finally was up and trying to be more positive and happy, I really needed to go see my dad, cuz it was one of his brothers who passed. We headed out to his house, and he wasn't home. On the way back from his house, two baby deer popped up right in front of us. We hit them, one died instantly, the other rolled under our car. I love animals with all my heart. There is nothing that hurts me more then humans running over and killing them. I jumped out of the car before my husband could, and saw the deer laying there scared and trying to breathe. I wanted nothing more then to hug him and let him know he was loved. My husband had to end his life so he wouldn't suffer (he could have been a she). We could only see their heads above the hood of our car they were so small. I cried and sobbed for a half hour, freaking out and feeling really bad. we were fine, our car is fine. Minor damage. When they poped up in front of us, I tried to crawl over the back of my seat to get away from it. I was yelling No NO NO no NO NO No. When I got out of the car and saw it laying there, I said "I am so sorry baby deer. I am so sorry. I'm sorry..." and I prayed for forgiveness. I wasn't driving, but I was in the car. My heart, broken and smashed and run over. Plus it irritated the injury from last feb when we got rearended, so now I can't hardly move my neck. (that is such a small thing comparitively to everythng else)
so we found my parents at the vfw, and my grandpa was there. I stopped and wrapped my arms around him and just held onto him because I needed my family. While we were there his girlfriend called my Althea (My mom's name, she's been gone for 10 years, I didn't even know she knew my mom). ANd she kept saying "when he goes". THen I fidn out for the last week my hubby knew my grandpa had a lump in his lung, and they weren't going to operate because his lung will collapse. Now I know my grandfather is not going to live much longer. ... I don't want anymore. I want to curl up in bed under blankets and cry my eyes out.
When I went to sleep last night the deer were there again, and we ran over them again. I woke up freaked out. Everytime I close my eyes I see them. I just want to fall off the face of the earth and not care about animals or people ever again. I just want to dissapear.
SOrry to vent. SOrry for the negative post. I had to get it out of my head. It is still there and I still feel us going over the deer. I still see it laying there. I can't close my eyes because I see it all. To me... In my heart, in my mind, I felt like we ran over two human children. Animals ARE people to me. I talk to them. I love them. I respect them.
I hate being me right now. I wish I wasn't so in tune with animals. I wish I didn't care. I wish I was a person with no feelings and no love in my heart. I just don't want to feel this anymore. I am truely sad and hurt. worse then I ever had been before.
My heart is in a billion pieces, and some are wiht my uncle who just passed, some with the two baby deer on the side of the road, some with my grandpa... Ugh!
This week has been... one week I don't want to relive.
I lost an uncle on Monday. My boss cut my 2 weekend days and gave them to a new girl who hasn't opened by herself. That was Monday I learned that. Not to mention at work we literally ran out of almost everything. We had no large or small doughs for pizzas. We had no chicken, no Peperoni, ran out of cheddar and spinach. We ran out of medium thin crusts and large deep dish. With no small doughs there were no pasta bowls, or the new artisen pizzas. With no large doughs, we had to make the new stuffed cheesy breads out of mediums. So I spent the night at work appologizing to customers that we were out of all that. Getting yelled at by them because we couldn't give them what they wanted. Having to call the internet orderers to let them know we were out of the product they wanted. That was Monday.
Yesterday I was off, so I spent the whole day sleeping and crying. When I finally was up and trying to be more positive and happy, I really needed to go see my dad, cuz it was one of his brothers who passed. We headed out to his house, and he wasn't home. On the way back from his house, two baby deer popped up right in front of us. We hit them, one died instantly, the other rolled under our car. I love animals with all my heart. There is nothing that hurts me more then humans running over and killing them. I jumped out of the car before my husband could, and saw the deer laying there scared and trying to breathe. I wanted nothing more then to hug him and let him know he was loved. My husband had to end his life so he wouldn't suffer (he could have been a she). We could only see their heads above the hood of our car they were so small. I cried and sobbed for a half hour, freaking out and feeling really bad. we were fine, our car is fine. Minor damage. When they poped up in front of us, I tried to crawl over the back of my seat to get away from it. I was yelling No NO NO no NO NO No. When I got out of the car and saw it laying there, I said "I am so sorry baby deer. I am so sorry. I'm sorry..." and I prayed for forgiveness. I wasn't driving, but I was in the car. My heart, broken and smashed and run over. Plus it irritated the injury from last feb when we got rearended, so now I can't hardly move my neck. (that is such a small thing comparitively to everythng else)
so we found my parents at the vfw, and my grandpa was there. I stopped and wrapped my arms around him and just held onto him because I needed my family. While we were there his girlfriend called my Althea (My mom's name, she's been gone for 10 years, I didn't even know she knew my mom). ANd she kept saying "when he goes". THen I fidn out for the last week my hubby knew my grandpa had a lump in his lung, and they weren't going to operate because his lung will collapse. Now I know my grandfather is not going to live much longer. ... I don't want anymore. I want to curl up in bed under blankets and cry my eyes out.
When I went to sleep last night the deer were there again, and we ran over them again. I woke up freaked out. Everytime I close my eyes I see them. I just want to fall off the face of the earth and not care about animals or people ever again. I just want to dissapear.
SOrry to vent. SOrry for the negative post. I had to get it out of my head. It is still there and I still feel us going over the deer. I still see it laying there. I can't close my eyes because I see it all. To me... In my heart, in my mind, I felt like we ran over two human children. Animals ARE people to me. I talk to them. I love them. I respect them.
I hate being me right now. I wish I wasn't so in tune with animals. I wish I didn't care. I wish I was a person with no feelings and no love in my heart. I just don't want to feel this anymore. I am truely sad and hurt. worse then I ever had been before.
My heart is in a billion pieces, and some are wiht my uncle who just passed, some with the two baby deer on the side of the road, some with my grandpa... Ugh!