And I really hate to pile on you and sound like "a mom", but part of growing up is to, and I'm going to put this quite bluntly, stop whining and put up. You really need to buckle down, finish school and for goodness sake's not buy into all of this "favoritism" that you perceive is happening around you. You'll only victimize yourself and alienate the people who are most likely, whether you like it or not, to be here no matter what. I would highly, highly advise against trying to burn bridges with your family and your home. First of all, it won't work and secondly, you'll only make things more difficult for yourself in teh long run.
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- Thread starter lil_axl_gurl
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All really good advice. I would say that it is best of finish your education where you are (you're almost done anyways aren't you??). Get a job and move out on your own. Then you can do whatever you want and have your independance. Trust me moving to Canada will only make life more complicated. You will have a much more difficult time getting a job here.
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I have to agree with others who have posted. You seem to view moving to Canada as some kind of refuge. You are legally an adult. Who exactly is going to support you in Canada? A friend's parents? You want out of your parents' house? How about getting a job and an apartment and having a go at it yourself? Is this friend a person you know who has moved to Canada, or an internet acquaintance? If this friend is strictly over the net, you may find that offer of a place to stay to not be so carved in stone.
It really is all about taking responsibility for your own life and destiny. At 18, it's time to stop playing the blame game.
It really is all about taking responsibility for your own life and destiny. At 18, it's time to stop playing the blame game.
Yes, & since you are legally 'eligible' to get kicked out of the house, don't push your luck.
I give you an offer,
You can move with my parents back to Rome, because im sick of moving.
You can be their daughter, have a new life ect.
Lets see how long it will take untill you run back to your own parents
I can still blame my dad untill this day that my education hasnt gone right.. But in the last few weeks i havent, because i looked back and saw my self being stubborn. I was/am rebellious always decided WHAT I WANT TO DO.. and he just put up with it.. i sometimes wish he had more discipline in these areas.
But I MADE MY SELF the way i am, I could never cut contact with my parents, even if they did alot of mistakes, really bad mistakes that people and even sometimes family dont even forgive.
You know I cant even blame Ben that im in all these debts, because i should have been smarter and not put anything under my name
We all make mistakes and we learn from them,
Intelligent people learn the mistakes from others.
I am not attacking you, i just want the best for you.
You can move with my parents back to Rome, because im sick of moving.
You can be their daughter, have a new life ect.
Lets see how long it will take untill you run back to your own parents
I can still blame my dad untill this day that my education hasnt gone right.. But in the last few weeks i havent, because i looked back and saw my self being stubborn. I was/am rebellious always decided WHAT I WANT TO DO.. and he just put up with it.. i sometimes wish he had more discipline in these areas.
But I MADE MY SELF the way i am, I could never cut contact with my parents, even if they did alot of mistakes, really bad mistakes that people and even sometimes family dont even forgive.
You know I cant even blame Ben that im in all these debts, because i should have been smarter and not put anything under my name
We all make mistakes and we learn from them,
Intelligent people learn the mistakes from others.
I am not attacking you, i just want the best for you.
Wow - I haven't been posting for soooo long. But just thought I would come back for a quick check and I saw your dilemna.
First of all, you are 18? Second of all, are you talking about finishing off just this school year until June?
There are a couple of options for you I think. I'm sure we all remember what its like to be 18 and stuck in school and in your parents house. Man, i would have totally dropped out in grade 11, in fact, I was going to. But I just kept telling myself over and over that if I didn't finish it now, I would HAVE to finish it some time in my life and it might be worse in the future. So I stuck it out. But my point is, I know the feeling you have. I HATED school, I HATED my life, I HATED my parents, I HATED my town. All I could think of was getting out.
What are you plans for the future career wise? I mean, what are you working towards? What do you want to do?
There is no point in staying anywhere you really don't want to if there is another VIABLE option. But for any advice, I need to know the answers to the above questions. And Canada isn't impossible to get into, but in your case I think it might be complicated without your parents' consent. Also, moving from Canada to US and vice versa can't just be done on a whim and a prayer - you have to plan it out thoroughly.
ok, that's enough for now I guess until I hear back from you.....
First of all, you are 18? Second of all, are you talking about finishing off just this school year until June?
There are a couple of options for you I think. I'm sure we all remember what its like to be 18 and stuck in school and in your parents house. Man, i would have totally dropped out in grade 11, in fact, I was going to. But I just kept telling myself over and over that if I didn't finish it now, I would HAVE to finish it some time in my life and it might be worse in the future. So I stuck it out. But my point is, I know the feeling you have. I HATED school, I HATED my life, I HATED my parents, I HATED my town. All I could think of was getting out.
What are you plans for the future career wise? I mean, what are you working towards? What do you want to do?
There is no point in staying anywhere you really don't want to if there is another VIABLE option. But for any advice, I need to know the answers to the above questions. And Canada isn't impossible to get into, but in your case I think it might be complicated without your parents' consent. Also, moving from Canada to US and vice versa can't just be done on a whim and a prayer - you have to plan it out thoroughly.
ok, that's enough for now I guess until I hear back from you.....
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #27
Yes I'm 18. I HOPE to finish this school year out if that doesn't happen (Because I might be getting kicked out I will know if I'm kicked out or not by this thursday) then my plans were to take my jr. and sr. year in the school my friend goes to in canada.
I have no idea what I want to do career wise and I know everyone keeps telling me I should be thinking about that and yadda yadda which is quite annoying because you know I'm not going to just say "POOF I wanna be a vet" or whatever. I mean we're talking about the job I'm going to live to do I really want to put a lot of thought into this.
Anyway I'm not moving until I'm 19.
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At age 18, you are old enough to take responsibility for your own life, and quit blaming your parents. I had someone tell me that exact fact when I was 22, and it was the best thing anyone ever said to me.
You cannot just move to Canada and go to school. You cannot just move to Canada and get a job. You need proof of financial support. The school you intend to attend has to show that they have openings for a qualified foreign student, and if you are actually kicked out of your current school, I can't imagine why they would take you. If you can actually qualify for a student visa, you will not be allowed to work. And if you are not in school, you will not be allowed to move here, it's a very long and involved process, and you need to be qualified in a specialized career to get a work permit.
This sounds like a pipe dream, you are using "I am going to Canada" as the escape from your issues with school and family. It is not something that you can do easily, in the cavalier way you have presented the decision on this board.
Do you have the legal and financial wheels in motion? It sometimes takes a couple of years to arrange.
You cannot just move to Canada and go to school. You cannot just move to Canada and get a job. You need proof of financial support. The school you intend to attend has to show that they have openings for a qualified foreign student, and if you are actually kicked out of your current school, I can't imagine why they would take you. If you can actually qualify for a student visa, you will not be allowed to work. And if you are not in school, you will not be allowed to move here, it's a very long and involved process, and you need to be qualified in a specialized career to get a work permit.
This sounds like a pipe dream, you are using "I am going to Canada" as the escape from your issues with school and family. It is not something that you can do easily, in the cavalier way you have presented the decision on this board.
Do you have the legal and financial wheels in motion? It sometimes takes a couple of years to arrange.
Well actually - I wasn't asking to be "annoying". I was going to ask you if you planned on going to university/college after school, or taking a break, or going traveling. And no you don't have to decide on the career you want for the rest of your life until you die right now - I was asking to see if you had any ideas that might have influence on your decision to move somewhere.
I have seen that you have a tendency to do the same things in all your posts. you ask us for advice, but then if we don't tell you what you want to hear, you basically just say "well, this is what i'm doing and that's that". It's like, then why did you bother asking in the first place? I don't get it. You have a lot of people here who are older than you and who are giving you some straight-up advice for your best interests.
there is a saying - don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer.
I don't know much about Canada (other than the people seem really nice overall, so I kinda dig why you'd want to move there), but I'm guessing the Canadians who've posted to this thread do.
I do know a couple of things, though.
1. Listening to the advice of others who know what they're talking about will save you a lot of time, money, and grief. That's whether you're 18 or 88.
2. Someone is always going to know more than you. The "18 or 88" comment applies here too. You can fight and resent that, or you can accept and benefit from it.
3. Wherever you go, there you are. By that I mean that whatever portion of your troubles you've generated yourself—and 99.9% of the population bears at least some responsibility for the situations in which they find themselves—will follow you until you've worked through your issues. Someone in an abusive relationship can leave that relationship, but if she doesn't figure out what attracted her to an abuser in the first place, her next relationship probably won't be much better.
4. This is more personal: if you are in a sucky home situation (and trust me, I know what that's like), it really, really helps to remind yourself that it won't last forever. Every day, you look in the mirror and say, "Someday, I will stand on my own two feet. I am strong, and I can do it."
I think you feel trapped, so you want to run. That's understandable, but it's an impulse that can get you into trouble. Relax. Breathe. Think. Think about what's really bothering you. Do what you can to fix the problems, one by one. You can't change anyone else, not even your parents.
You'll be amazed at how much more empowered and in-control you'll feel once you take charge of your own life and work to change yourself for the better. (NOTE: Running away is not the same thing as taking charge.)
Also, don't feel so freaked out about the rest of your life. Some decisions need to be made now, but not all. You do need to decide pretty soon if you will go to college after high school. If you do, well, the first two years will be mostly the same, no matter what you major in. So you've got a bit of leeway there. And like most other people, you will probably have several "careers." That's okay too.
I do know a couple of things, though.
1. Listening to the advice of others who know what they're talking about will save you a lot of time, money, and grief. That's whether you're 18 or 88.
2. Someone is always going to know more than you. The "18 or 88" comment applies here too. You can fight and resent that, or you can accept and benefit from it.
3. Wherever you go, there you are. By that I mean that whatever portion of your troubles you've generated yourself—and 99.9% of the population bears at least some responsibility for the situations in which they find themselves—will follow you until you've worked through your issues. Someone in an abusive relationship can leave that relationship, but if she doesn't figure out what attracted her to an abuser in the first place, her next relationship probably won't be much better.
4. This is more personal: if you are in a sucky home situation (and trust me, I know what that's like), it really, really helps to remind yourself that it won't last forever. Every day, you look in the mirror and say, "Someday, I will stand on my own two feet. I am strong, and I can do it."
I think you feel trapped, so you want to run. That's understandable, but it's an impulse that can get you into trouble. Relax. Breathe. Think. Think about what's really bothering you. Do what you can to fix the problems, one by one. You can't change anyone else, not even your parents.
Also, don't feel so freaked out about the rest of your life. Some decisions need to be made now, but not all. You do need to decide pretty soon if you will go to college after high school. If you do, well, the first two years will be mostly the same, no matter what you major in. So you've got a bit of leeway there. And like most other people, you will probably have several "careers." That's okay too.
I think everyone has felt the same way as you at some point. Its part of growing up. Yeah, it sucks to hear that, but there is a reason people keep saying it.. its true.
I burned bridges with my family and pretty much disappeared into another state. I got myself into quite a nasty situation. I was asked to leave my college and ended up living in a slum with 4 other girls in my same situation. I developed a serious drug habit and eventually had to go crawling back to my family and beg them to help me. Luckily, they did.
Please remember that no matter what, your family is your family forever, no matter how difficult it may seem to be around them.
Running away is an option, but not a good one, and it will not go as smoothly as it seems.
I burned bridges with my family and pretty much disappeared into another state. I got myself into quite a nasty situation. I was asked to leave my college and ended up living in a slum with 4 other girls in my same situation. I developed a serious drug habit and eventually had to go crawling back to my family and beg them to help me. Luckily, they did.
Please remember that no matter what, your family is your family forever, no matter how difficult it may seem to be around them.
Running away is an option, but not a good one, and it will not go as smoothly as it seems.
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The most valuable piece of advice I was ever given as a teenager was by my older brother, who said, `Sare, if you expect Mum and Dad to treat you like an adult, you've got to start acting like one. It's not all about take, take, take. Start giving a little, compromise here and there, and you'll be surprised at how quickly they come to the party. You're not going to agree on everything, you're a teenager, you're SUPPOSED to argue with your parents. But meet them halfway and they'll be there waiting for you.'.
Never a truer word spoken, and it changed my life.
At 18, you are still young enough to be overwhelmed by many of the things that happen to you in your life, but you are certainly old enough to take responsibility for your situation and change it if you don't like it. You are trying to do that, I think, by considering moving to Canada. However, are you sure it's not just running away and starting fresh?
If you want to do that, do it in your own country, where things will be MUCH easier. If your parents are harsh with you, move out of home. You're old enough, and you clearly want to, so why not do it? Just why does it have to be to Canada? And you haven't given us a reason for possibly being `kicked out' of school. It's not something that you have to share with anyone, of course, but schools don't just go around kicking people out willy nilly - you must have done something to deserve it.
If that's the case, a fresh start sounds like a great idea, I just wouldn't move to a different country to do it.
If your school does not expel you, which I hope they don't, pull your head in, stick it out, finish it and then it's DONE, and you can make all of your life decisions after that. Finishing school should be your aim, here, and another few months out of your life to do so, with a small change in your perspective, may make all the difference to your life.
Never a truer word spoken, and it changed my life.
At 18, you are still young enough to be overwhelmed by many of the things that happen to you in your life, but you are certainly old enough to take responsibility for your situation and change it if you don't like it. You are trying to do that, I think, by considering moving to Canada. However, are you sure it's not just running away and starting fresh?
If you want to do that, do it in your own country, where things will be MUCH easier. If your parents are harsh with you, move out of home. You're old enough, and you clearly want to, so why not do it? Just why does it have to be to Canada? And you haven't given us a reason for possibly being `kicked out' of school. It's not something that you have to share with anyone, of course, but schools don't just go around kicking people out willy nilly - you must have done something to deserve it.
If that's the case, a fresh start sounds like a great idea, I just wouldn't move to a different country to do it.
If your school does not expel you, which I hope they don't, pull your head in, stick it out, finish it and then it's DONE, and you can make all of your life decisions after that. Finishing school should be your aim, here, and another few months out of your life to do so, with a small change in your perspective, may make all the difference to your life.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #33
Oh no you weren't being annoying is what I meant by that is the people who ask me that everyday and expect to hear something different as oppose to "I don't know yet."
The best advice I can give you is this............
Drop out of High school and get your GED....(most jobs and colleges accept GED like diplomas...I know I have one)..Because if you are 18 And a JR in highschool, And are getting kicked out....lets not beat around the bush....you sone want to be there so why fight it.....
Get a job......Work as many hours as you can...Save your money.....If you dont like the situation at home...Good dont be there and make money while you do it.....
Move out.........Learn to support yourself...Take care of yourself.....And if after a year or two of being on your own, and taking care of yourself adequetly then 1 of 3 things may happen.....
1. the relalationship between you and your mom may improve, and you may not want to leave her...
2. You decide you want to go to Canada...However you will now have the basic skills to survive on your own if things go south...
or 3....and I hope this is how it goes....From working so hard, and realizing its a hard Job being an adult...You will Grow up mentally...buckle down...Attend a community college or higher and make a good life for yourself........
LIVING is not easy.......and no one will ever say it is......I know it may be hard now......but w/ all the options that are open to you, it could be a lot worse of a situation........for example...Being in a forign country w/ no family, no friends, no home, and no money would definitly be one of those situtation......
Good Luck to you...I may sound harsh...but I do want the best for you....
those are some great points Nebula11- especially about the working a lot to get out of the house, I did that too, with my parents and my ex-husband
Also good idea about the GED thing- if you don't do that well in school and don't like it either, don't force it.
My only addition to the great avice that others have given is that I have the type of mother that needs to try to control every aspect of my life, and as soon as I moved out and got out from under her thumb, our relationship improved greatly. I love my mom immensely, but things just go alot smoother when she is on the outside looking in, if ya get my drift.
Also good idea about the GED thing- if you don't do that well in school and don't like it either, don't force it.
My only addition to the great avice that others have given is that I have the type of mother that needs to try to control every aspect of my life, and as soon as I moved out and got out from under her thumb, our relationship improved greatly. I love my mom immensely, but things just go alot smoother when she is on the outside looking in, if ya get my drift.
