- Joined
- Mar 16, 2015
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Hello, I'm not sure whether this is the right platform or forum, but I would really appreciate any advice.
Almost two years ago I adopted a cat from a no-kill shelter. She was estimated to be 4 years old, had been pregnant when found and subsequently neutered and had been at the shelter or a month. While she was thin, she looked in good condition. At the shelter she was very calm and happy, she was sleeping with other cats when I arrived and was happy to be carried and cuddled for a long time. As soon as I got her home she was anxious and afraid of me, which I thought was normal for a cat in a new environment + the stress of being moved. I had been ill for a long time and adopted her partly because I was desperate for a cat's comfort, and partly on recommendation by my doctors as a form of therapy. Because of this I agreed with the shelter to foster her for a trial period of a month, as I wanted to make sure she would be happy and I could handle it before making a commitment. I read every book and forum I could, and watched all the documentaries/cat expert shows I could on how to introduce a new cat to its' environment, how to gradually increase its' tolerance, how to make it comfortable, everything. And I tried everything. She was extremely aggressive, anxious, scared and mistrustful, but she was also very affectionate and asked to be petted, was very confident and vocal asking for food and would jump up to my lap regularly for more than an hour of petting. It was so inconsistent- she could be happily lying on her back on me with tummy exposed, then suddenly bite and claw me with her back legs. She would sit purring for hours next to me, then suddenly look around and sprint away, be aggressive, and then come back to purr. I used different techniques to diffuse her 'petting aggression', tried to play with her with all sorts of different toys/lasers/"da bird" to tire her out and help her feel less anxious, used feliway, treat training etc. etc. but while her petting tolerance increased slowly, nothing else did. I brought her back to the shelter vet to get her bloodwork done, and she was so aggressive that the vet said if she had known her personality she would never have been re-homed. The shelter workers encouraged me to be patient, and from all the research I had done I knew some cats could slowly get better, so I took her back home.
Unfortunately my illness relapsed, and I was not contactable for a few weeks (my lovely boyfriend took care of my cat for me). During this time the shelter went ahead to process a full adoption, and once I was out of hospital I continued to try to rehabilitate my cat. Over the next few months she started to develop/show what the vet thinks is a form of epilepsy called absence seizures, where she would become unfocused and make small slow twisting movements. I assumed her anxious/aggressive behaviour was linked to this disorder so I tried to be extra patient and slow down the rehabilitation. For the next year and a half nothing changed, and I am still so confused about the inconsistency of her trust. She is 100% trusting of me for days then suddenly she skirts around me with her belly low and is afraid of every sound I make. During this time, other health problems started to show and after multiple vet visits she has been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, hyperesthesia, epilepsy, a heart murmur, and a very sensitive spot on her spine which may or may not be related all the other issues. Because of the suspected epilepsy the vet was reluctant to put her on the usual anti-anxiety medication, so she has been on diazepam for a trial, several treatments of antibiotics for her bouts of diarrhoea (all over the flat) and short periods of anti-inflammatories.
My health has continued to deteriorate and I will be going into hospital again soon. I am so exhausted from caring for her and cleaning up after her while being ill myself, and I am not able to afford the money for the CT scans and further specialist investigations that she would need in order to pinpoint her main issue, and then treat it. I wanted to get pet insurance for her when I first noticed her problems, but they would not cover any pre-existing conditions (I had already brought her to the vet as previously mentioned at the start of her adoption so would have to declare it). My boyfriend has helped me with her, but he never wanted a cat and has only just been able to put up with her poo/wee everywhere/erratic behaviour for me. It has put a big strain on our 8 year relationship, and on top of that I have a severely mentally ill brother that I help care for and ongoing family issues. I don't know what to do as I am not able to cope with her, but I feel terrible as I made the commitment to adopt her and none of it is her fault. My main concern is her quality of life with me- if she is always anxious and stressed, and having to go into boarding whenever I am in hospital, maybe it would be better for her to go back to the no-kill shelter I adopted her from? She seemed so calm and happy there, I'm afraid that I am ruining her quality of life with my problems when she could be properly cared for there.
I have been struggling with this decision for the past year and am just truly exhausted. I feel it is terrible to give her back to a shelter, knowing that she will never be re-homed now that they are aware of her various issues. I am also afraid that although she doesn't show it, and she readily approaches any new person who reaches out to her/will lie fully across their laps and is affectionate, she is attached to me on some level and would be sad and lonely at the shelter. I have no idea whether she feels any form of attachment for me as she behaves the same way with anyone. If anyone could advise me on what would be the best decision for her, I would be really grateful. Thank you.
Almost two years ago I adopted a cat from a no-kill shelter. She was estimated to be 4 years old, had been pregnant when found and subsequently neutered and had been at the shelter or a month. While she was thin, she looked in good condition. At the shelter she was very calm and happy, she was sleeping with other cats when I arrived and was happy to be carried and cuddled for a long time. As soon as I got her home she was anxious and afraid of me, which I thought was normal for a cat in a new environment + the stress of being moved. I had been ill for a long time and adopted her partly because I was desperate for a cat's comfort, and partly on recommendation by my doctors as a form of therapy. Because of this I agreed with the shelter to foster her for a trial period of a month, as I wanted to make sure she would be happy and I could handle it before making a commitment. I read every book and forum I could, and watched all the documentaries/cat expert shows I could on how to introduce a new cat to its' environment, how to gradually increase its' tolerance, how to make it comfortable, everything. And I tried everything. She was extremely aggressive, anxious, scared and mistrustful, but she was also very affectionate and asked to be petted, was very confident and vocal asking for food and would jump up to my lap regularly for more than an hour of petting. It was so inconsistent- she could be happily lying on her back on me with tummy exposed, then suddenly bite and claw me with her back legs. She would sit purring for hours next to me, then suddenly look around and sprint away, be aggressive, and then come back to purr. I used different techniques to diffuse her 'petting aggression', tried to play with her with all sorts of different toys/lasers/"da bird" to tire her out and help her feel less anxious, used feliway, treat training etc. etc. but while her petting tolerance increased slowly, nothing else did. I brought her back to the shelter vet to get her bloodwork done, and she was so aggressive that the vet said if she had known her personality she would never have been re-homed. The shelter workers encouraged me to be patient, and from all the research I had done I knew some cats could slowly get better, so I took her back home.
Unfortunately my illness relapsed, and I was not contactable for a few weeks (my lovely boyfriend took care of my cat for me). During this time the shelter went ahead to process a full adoption, and once I was out of hospital I continued to try to rehabilitate my cat. Over the next few months she started to develop/show what the vet thinks is a form of epilepsy called absence seizures, where she would become unfocused and make small slow twisting movements. I assumed her anxious/aggressive behaviour was linked to this disorder so I tried to be extra patient and slow down the rehabilitation. For the next year and a half nothing changed, and I am still so confused about the inconsistency of her trust. She is 100% trusting of me for days then suddenly she skirts around me with her belly low and is afraid of every sound I make. During this time, other health problems started to show and after multiple vet visits she has been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, hyperesthesia, epilepsy, a heart murmur, and a very sensitive spot on her spine which may or may not be related all the other issues. Because of the suspected epilepsy the vet was reluctant to put her on the usual anti-anxiety medication, so she has been on diazepam for a trial, several treatments of antibiotics for her bouts of diarrhoea (all over the flat) and short periods of anti-inflammatories.
My health has continued to deteriorate and I will be going into hospital again soon. I am so exhausted from caring for her and cleaning up after her while being ill myself, and I am not able to afford the money for the CT scans and further specialist investigations that she would need in order to pinpoint her main issue, and then treat it. I wanted to get pet insurance for her when I first noticed her problems, but they would not cover any pre-existing conditions (I had already brought her to the vet as previously mentioned at the start of her adoption so would have to declare it). My boyfriend has helped me with her, but he never wanted a cat and has only just been able to put up with her poo/wee everywhere/erratic behaviour for me. It has put a big strain on our 8 year relationship, and on top of that I have a severely mentally ill brother that I help care for and ongoing family issues. I don't know what to do as I am not able to cope with her, but I feel terrible as I made the commitment to adopt her and none of it is her fault. My main concern is her quality of life with me- if she is always anxious and stressed, and having to go into boarding whenever I am in hospital, maybe it would be better for her to go back to the no-kill shelter I adopted her from? She seemed so calm and happy there, I'm afraid that I am ruining her quality of life with my problems when she could be properly cared for there.
I have been struggling with this decision for the past year and am just truly exhausted. I feel it is terrible to give her back to a shelter, knowing that she will never be re-homed now that they are aware of her various issues. I am also afraid that although she doesn't show it, and she readily approaches any new person who reaches out to her/will lie fully across their laps and is affectionate, she is attached to me on some level and would be sad and lonely at the shelter. I have no idea whether she feels any form of attachment for me as she behaves the same way with anyone. If anyone could advise me on what would be the best decision for her, I would be really grateful. Thank you.