Help please- sick adopted cat, may have to return

[exhaustedsad]

Hello, I'm not sure whether this is the right platform or forum, but I would really appreciate any advice.

Almost two years ago I adopted a cat from a no-kill shelter. She was estimated to be 4 years old, had been pregnant when found and subsequently neutered and had been at the shelter or a month. While she was thin, she looked in good condition. At the shelter she was very calm and happy, she was sleeping with other cats when I arrived and was happy to be carried and cuddled for a long time. As soon as I got her home she was anxious and afraid of me, which I thought was normal for a cat in a new environment + the stress of being moved. I had been ill for a long time and adopted her partly because I was desperate for a cat's comfort, and partly on recommendation by my doctors as a form of therapy. Because of this I agreed with the shelter to foster her for a trial period of a month, as I wanted to make sure she would be happy and I could handle it before making a commitment. I read every book and forum I could, and watched all the documentaries/cat expert shows I could on how to introduce a new cat to its' environment, how to gradually increase its' tolerance, how to make it comfortable, everything. And I tried everything. She was extremely aggressive, anxious, scared and mistrustful, but she was also very affectionate and asked to be petted, was very confident and vocal asking for food and would jump up to my lap regularly for more than an hour of petting. It was so inconsistent- she could be happily lying on her back on me with tummy exposed, then suddenly bite and claw me with her back legs. She would sit purring for hours next to me, then suddenly look around and sprint away, be aggressive, and then come back to purr. I used different techniques to diffuse her 'petting aggression', tried to play with her with all sorts of different toys/lasers/"da bird" to tire her out and help her feel less anxious, used feliway, treat training etc. etc. but while her petting tolerance increased slowly, nothing else did. I brought her back to the shelter vet to get her bloodwork done, and she was so aggressive that the vet said if she had known her personality she would never have been re-homed. The shelter workers encouraged me to be patient, and from all the research I had done I knew some cats could slowly get better, so I took her back home.

Unfortunately my illness relapsed, and I was not contactable for a few weeks (my lovely boyfriend took care of my cat for me). During this time the shelter went ahead to process a full adoption, and once I was out of hospital I continued to try to rehabilitate my cat. Over the next few months she started to develop/show what the vet thinks is a form of epilepsy called absence seizures, where she would become unfocused and make small slow twisting movements. I assumed her anxious/aggressive behaviour was linked to this disorder so I tried to be extra patient and slow down the rehabilitation. For the next year and a half nothing changed, and I am still so confused about the inconsistency of her trust. She is 100% trusting of me for days then suddenly she skirts around me with her belly low and is afraid of every sound I make. During this time, other health problems started to show and after multiple vet visits she has been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, hyperesthesia, epilepsy, a heart murmur, and a very sensitive spot on her spine which may or may not be related all the other issues. Because of the suspected epilepsy the vet was reluctant to put her on the usual anti-anxiety medication, so she has been on diazepam for a trial, several treatments of antibiotics for her bouts of diarrhoea (all over the flat) and short periods of anti-inflammatories.

My health has continued to deteriorate and I will be going into hospital again soon. I am so exhausted from caring for her and cleaning up after her while being ill myself, and I am not able to afford the money for the CT scans and further specialist investigations that she would need in order to pinpoint her main issue, and then treat it. I wanted to get pet insurance for her when I first noticed her problems, but they would not cover any pre-existing conditions (I had already brought her to the vet as previously mentioned at the start of her adoption so would have to declare it). My boyfriend has helped me with her, but he never wanted a cat and has only just been able to put up with her poo/wee everywhere/erratic behaviour for me. It has put a big strain on our 8 year relationship, and on top of that I have a severely mentally ill brother that I help care for and ongoing family issues. I don't know what to do as I am not able to cope with her, but I feel terrible as I made the commitment to adopt her and none of it is her fault. My main concern is her quality of life with me- if she is always anxious and stressed, and having to go into boarding whenever I am in hospital, maybe it would be better for her to go back to the no-kill shelter I adopted her from? She seemed so calm and happy there, I'm afraid that I am ruining her quality of life with my problems when she could be properly cared for there.

I have been struggling with this decision for the past year and am just truly exhausted. I feel it is terrible to give her back to a shelter, knowing that she will never be re-homed now that they are aware of her various issues. I am also afraid that although she doesn't show it, and she readily approaches any new person who reaches out to her/will lie fully across their laps and is affectionate, she is attached to me on some level and would be sad and lonely at the shelter. I have no idea whether she feels any form of attachment for me as she behaves the same way with anyone. If anyone could advise me on what would be the best decision for her, I would be really grateful. Thank you.

 

[red top rescue]

That is a hard situation, but it seems you have been working with a very good group of people at the shelter.  From what you say, they are a no cage as well as no kill shelter, and as such they may have made a lifelong commitment to her.  Just because they already processed the adoption doesn't mean they would not take her back, although after this length of time you should not expect a refund of any adoption fee you paid.  If she was happy as a shelter cat, that may be the place for her.  Some cats are quite happy in their rescue rooms as long as they are full of interesting things like cat trees, high shelves and even exercise wheels.  In rescue we sometimes end up with "unadoptable" lifetime residents as long as they are physically and emotionally comfortable.  You did not say what your own illness is, but I'm sure that your ventures in and out of the hospital are hard on the cat as well as you, and she might be happier in her former environment. 

It sounds as if you could visit her there frequently when you are not in the hospital, so she could maintain whatever connection she has to you.  Certainly that's better than spending time in boarding while you are in the hospital.  Talk to the adoption counselers at the shelter and explain everything you have told us here.  You could even offer to support her with a monthly monetary contribution.  It does sound like she would be better off going back there before you go into the hospital again. Be sure everyone knows her history so that if someone does want to adopt her, they will be prepared for all her idiosyncrasies.  It's possible an anticonvulsant medication would solve some of her problems, but just being back in her old social environment might help also.

 

[ct200]

My opinion only, and this post was really sad.

But, sometimes an agressive fearful cat will great fully benefit from another cat. Like a security blanket for them.

If it has diabetes, that's not something not everyone can afford, it's reality, especially with paying for your own health issues, then more issues along with everything for yourself?

It does sound like you are big hearted, and stuggle with this. But as hard as it is, are you really adding to quality of life? I don't mean that to be mean at all, just don't feel guilty.

 

[exhaustedsad]

Thank you for your reply Yes the shelter doesn't have cages it's a large room with cat trees and walkways but a bit crowded. I haven't had the CT scans to confirm epilepsy yet so she can't go onto anti-epileptics until then. Thank you again for your advice I will talk to the shelter.

 

[exhaustedsad]

Oh i'm sorry I thought the replies were individual, the first one was to Red Top Rescue.

ct200: Thank you for your reply as well. My cat doesn't have diabetes, I'm sorry if I misunderstood what you were trying to say. Don't worry about sounding mean I don't mind any feedback. Thanks again!