Help! I'm at my wit's end, I may have to put him down

[kholl1957]

I am at my wit's end with my beautiful Tonkinese, Ari.  We also have 2 other Tonks, Indi (male) and Kiki (female). All 3 are 8 years old and got along beautifully until December 2013.  After Ari had his teeth cleaned at the vet, when he came home, something happened and he was suddenly petrified of Indi.  Indi is half the size of Ari and has done nothing to make Ari afraid of him. 

We separated them from December 2013 through January 2014. Then we were scheduled to head to Florida for 2 months.  Miraculously, all 3 got along well in our motorhome for those months.  However, when we returned home, the hissing and screaming started again. So we separated them again. For the next 11 months, we have tried everything we can think of.  We tried re-introducing Ari and Indi (Kiki does not seem to be in the middle of all this), we've tried Bach flower essences, Rescue Remedy, Royal Canin Calm food, Ari wears a calming collar, we have a Feliway diffuser and Feliway calming spray, we've put Indi in a harness so he doesn't move as fast and can't scare Ari, playing separately and in view of each other, I've read behaviorist books, even consulted via Skype with a popular cat behaviorist, which was not inexpensive and followed all her instructions. She watched their behavior via Skype.  We kept them separated, then did allo-rubbing on each cat, tried Jackson Galaxy's Spirit Essences, had Ari checked by the vet for any diseases. 

Then this year we went to TX for March and April.  Miraculously, they all got along again, even better than last year.  Ari and Indi slept together, groomed each other, even played together.  When we returned home, I went in the house first and plugged in our Feliway diffuser, which we had used in the motorhome, sprayed Feliway Comfort spray on the rugs and when we brought the carriers in, we let both the boys out at the same time, to avoid one thinking he had more 'ownership' than the other one.  Within 5 hours, we were back to square one.  I slept in the living room last night to hopefully get them through the first night.  There was hissing, chasing and screaming during the night.  We went back to the Rescue Remedy, Scaredy Cat and Star of Bethlehem today for Ari, but it doesn't seem to have made even a dent.  Just now, he even hissed and swatted at Kiki, which he's never done before.  My husband and I are desperate!  We can't live like this. 

I don't want to have to put Ari down, but it seems more and more like he has a mental problem that can't be fixed.  Does anyone, anywhere have any ideas that we haven't tried?  Please answer ASAP if you have any ideas at all! Thank you.

 

[cat hunter]

I'm not experienced enough to advise you on Ari's behavior problems, but why suggest having him put down? If you cannot cope any longer, please surrender him to a cat shelter so that he can be re-homed. It may be that he needs to be the only cat in a house, and a good (no-kill) shelter will help him find the right home. 

 

[cameo2015]

Kholl,

Looks like you have tried everything in your power to have these two get along.  Could it be one of them is in competition to be Alpha Cat?  I had a similar situation,  but not this bad.  Both were neutered males. One more aggressive than the other. After I bought a house there was more room. But they never did get along, just avoided each other.  I do not have any other idea's to disarm these two. Perhaps Ari could be re-homed for a one cat family.  I do not think Ari should be put down for a behavior problem with another cat. Something is bothering him for sure. But maybe he just wants to be "Top Cat" or does not like separations from you. Do you have a cat sitter come to your home or do you board them somewhere? Try to re-home this beautiful boy, if you cannot cope with their folly.

 

[betsygee]

How very odd that they get along fine in the motorhome but not in the house.  It sounds like Ari feels safer there than in the house.  Is there anything you could bring in from the motorhome for Ari--bedding, or cushions, or something that smells like and reminds him of the motorhome?

 

[Norachan]

From the way you've described them getting along well in the motor home but fighting in your house it makes me think there is something in the house that is scaring them and what you are seeing is redirected aggression/fear.

Are there any feral cats in your neighbourhood? Any predators such as coyote or hawks that they could be hearing or smelling? Do your neighbours have pets?

There might be something that Ari can see outside that is spooking him. How is he when he is just alone in a room with you and the other two cats aren't there?