- Joined
- Apr 19, 2015
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- Purraise
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Hey, all.
This might be a bit long, so the TL,DR is: New cat from shelter scratches and bites, leaving blood and marks, and watching for "signs" that he's had enough doesn't help as he does it randomly, nor does trying to allow him to get his aggressions out on toys help.
**
Okay, so...I am in no way new to cat ownership. We had cats all the time growing up and I always had a kitty or two as an adult. We had cats all the way up until 10 years ago (I was 37 then), when our dear JR acquired a blood clotting disease and passed away. At that time our son was less than two years old. Since then we learned that he has special needs (autism and intellectual delay) and did not want to get a pet because we couldn't be sure how he would treat the pet nor what his understanding would be. He has never been violent or harsh, but the understanding was the difficult part. We didn't know how we would get through to him not to leave the front door open and so on.
In the meantime we did have a cat, which we didn't try for - she was foisted on us.
A stray kitten, about 10 weeks old, was found outside my son's special-needs daycare. The teacher begged us to take the cat as no other parent would. They had already introduced my son to the cat (which I didn't appreciate, it felt like blackmail) and of course he was all over the cat, touching it. So we had to take Kitty. We named her Arnwen, took her home, to the vet to get spayed and get shots and wormed, and we loved her to death and she loved us but we could NOT keep her inside the house. She was born outside, for all we know, and yep, as we predicted, one day it happened: my middle son heard Kitty crying near the door, and we found him laughing and opening the door and out Kitty went, and we never saw her again.
Today this son is 11 and is now verbal and has more understanding, and we have another son, age 8. We finally decided it was time to get a cat again. My arms have been aching for a kitty, I have missed so much having a cat in my lap. So we went to open adoptions at Pet Smart and we told the lady we wanted a cat to pick us. We wanted a cat who really wanted us. So we went in and sat down and this black-and-white domestic shorthair came up to us and was all over us, purring and in and out of our laps, including the children. We decided this must be the one! He is an adult. His age is estimated at 2 years. he was found outdoors and had been in the shelter for 6 months.
Well, Kitty (Which we named Mittens) was afraid at first, hiding under a bed, but was out by that night and all over me, but just me. He wanted to lie right in my face while I was reading a book. I decided to go slow and gentle with him. He ran from the kids and my husband. He never truly did warm up to them, but he seemed to be warming up to me. All of this was VERY WEIRD considering how social he was with us in the shelter. And it wasn't like my husband and kids were stalking him or getting in his face or anything at that time with him. At all. But I figured: Give him time.
Well, he started sleeping with us occasionally. And he was always coming to lie on me at the end of the day on the couch, but otherwise didn't come around much. (It's been about two months, BTW.) Then my son with special needs started to get frustrated that Kitty wouldn't be pet, so he'd try to pet Kitty and Kitty would scratch. We're talking SCRATCH, like DIGGING IN and making punctures. At the same time he would bite. I know what you're thinking: that's what started the scratching and biting. But no, actually, he had already started scratching and biting ME by that time. I was VERY careful to wach for signs that he'd "had enough (as I said, I do know cats...very well) but it would LITERALLY come out of nowhere. He'd come to me (I ALWAYS let it be that way) and would shove his face in mine, purring, and I'd gently stroke JUST his head. I didn't go near his tail, shanks, etc. (and not his belly, obviously!). He'd beg for more, shoving and shoving up on me. I'd reach to gently stroke one more time and he'd whirl on me with his ears back and pupils enormous, literally sink his teeth down into me as if attempting to break bone (we are not talking nips here) and gouge his nails into me and hold on. Of course I'd scream but I'd try not to jump backward as that is a "you win" sign and tends to encourage more scratching in the future (though I've NEVER had scratching this severe from any cat...ever...and I've literally owned dozens!). I'd LOUDLY state 'No, bad kitty" while fighting my instincts to protect myself and not jerking backward. His ears would flatten even more and his eyes would glare at me with hate (which really hurt) and eventually he'd run away, but not before attempting another swipe.
I decided to try to let him get his aggression instincts out by playing with him more...we had a cat toy with him, an octopus with braided legs on a string. He would never really play with it. He'd snub up his nose at it. We tried other toys, too...rolling toys, toys that made noise, and we even tried catnip. So I tried again to get him to play with the toys. He'd give maybe one half-hearted swipe...or not, and turn up his tail and walk away. He doesn't want toys. He wants an actual human being who will scream in pain. I hate to put it that way, but I can draw no other conclusion.
Then he started actively stalking. I'd have my ankles dug into (again, this is NO playful batting around or nipping) as I walked by. Again with "NO, Kitty" every time but that did nothing. Nor did making absolutely, 100% sure that when he did come to me for affection, I was the one to stop first, not him. I was just trying to avoid even giving him the opportunity to, for whatever his own internal reasons were, suddenly feel he'd had enough and get used to digging and biting for blood. But that didn't help either...in fact it was when I stopped allowing him to attack me after petting that he started actively seeking me out (and still refusing every single toy, every single time).
As for my sons, the little one is smart enough to stay back. The bigger one is a slower learner and his arms are criss-crossed everywhere with gouges and he's always in tears asking, "Why doesn't Kitty love me?" I have actually yelled at this poor kid in terror, "DON'T GO NEAR THAT CAT" when I saw the slightest twitch of Kitty's back or the slightest annoyed look in is eyes because I know it means my son will be bleeding shortly. My husband had taken to calling Kitty "Devil Cat," he'll come home and look around and ask, "Where's Devil Cat?"
Usually, Kitty is nice to me when he wants something (which I'm starting to resent, I am the prisoner of this animal who only wants to hurt me, but I' forced to clean up after and feed him, meanwhile trying to not let him hurt me...it's awful). He does this in the morning the most, as of course he's hungry in the morning. I get up and feed him. Well, this morning, God knows why...I had fallen asleep on the couch last night, and I was awakened from a dead sleep by a gouge in my cheek. For literally no reason I can ascertain, Kitty leaned over me, an unconscious person who could not possibly be annoying him in ANY way, and hurt me and hear me scream.
It's not that we're all over him and he gets no private time. In fact he spends hours and hours with nobody anywhere near him, in the sun room. He loves the sun room.
My husband has told me we should throw him outside and let him fend for himself, or that we should send him back to the shelter. I can't imagine doing either, that's like giving back a child you've adopted. Yet I live in fear of this animal. He hates us and only wants to hear us scream and see us bleed. I have NEVER experienced the likes of this from a cat...ever. What hurts even more is that we deliberately chose a cat that seemed to want us...period...that and good health were our only criteria. We wanted a cat who wanted to be with us, he tricked us and now he rules the roost, drawing blood whenever and wherever. Please help. I really am half about to just toss him outside and say, "Good luck" just so we don't get hurt any more. I am so tired of hurt and infected skin and bleeding everywhere and being afraid and this cat simply will not love us, no matter how much we love and care for him. I am so disappointed I could cry, actually I am crying. Any help would be appreciated.
This might be a bit long, so the TL,DR is: New cat from shelter scratches and bites, leaving blood and marks, and watching for "signs" that he's had enough doesn't help as he does it randomly, nor does trying to allow him to get his aggressions out on toys help.
**
Okay, so...I am in no way new to cat ownership. We had cats all the time growing up and I always had a kitty or two as an adult. We had cats all the way up until 10 years ago (I was 37 then), when our dear JR acquired a blood clotting disease and passed away. At that time our son was less than two years old. Since then we learned that he has special needs (autism and intellectual delay) and did not want to get a pet because we couldn't be sure how he would treat the pet nor what his understanding would be. He has never been violent or harsh, but the understanding was the difficult part. We didn't know how we would get through to him not to leave the front door open and so on.
In the meantime we did have a cat, which we didn't try for - she was foisted on us.
A stray kitten, about 10 weeks old, was found outside my son's special-needs daycare. The teacher begged us to take the cat as no other parent would. They had already introduced my son to the cat (which I didn't appreciate, it felt like blackmail) and of course he was all over the cat, touching it. So we had to take Kitty. We named her Arnwen, took her home, to the vet to get spayed and get shots and wormed, and we loved her to death and she loved us but we could NOT keep her inside the house. She was born outside, for all we know, and yep, as we predicted, one day it happened: my middle son heard Kitty crying near the door, and we found him laughing and opening the door and out Kitty went, and we never saw her again.Today this son is 11 and is now verbal and has more understanding, and we have another son, age 8. We finally decided it was time to get a cat again. My arms have been aching for a kitty, I have missed so much having a cat in my lap. So we went to open adoptions at Pet Smart and we told the lady we wanted a cat to pick us. We wanted a cat who really wanted us. So we went in and sat down and this black-and-white domestic shorthair came up to us and was all over us, purring and in and out of our laps, including the children. We decided this must be the one! He is an adult. His age is estimated at 2 years. he was found outdoors and had been in the shelter for 6 months.
Well, Kitty (Which we named Mittens) was afraid at first, hiding under a bed, but was out by that night and all over me, but just me. He wanted to lie right in my face while I was reading a book. I decided to go slow and gentle with him. He ran from the kids and my husband. He never truly did warm up to them, but he seemed to be warming up to me. All of this was VERY WEIRD considering how social he was with us in the shelter. And it wasn't like my husband and kids were stalking him or getting in his face or anything at that time with him. At all. But I figured: Give him time.
Well, he started sleeping with us occasionally. And he was always coming to lie on me at the end of the day on the couch, but otherwise didn't come around much. (It's been about two months, BTW.) Then my son with special needs started to get frustrated that Kitty wouldn't be pet, so he'd try to pet Kitty and Kitty would scratch. We're talking SCRATCH, like DIGGING IN and making punctures. At the same time he would bite. I know what you're thinking: that's what started the scratching and biting. But no, actually, he had already started scratching and biting ME by that time. I was VERY careful to wach for signs that he'd "had enough (as I said, I do know cats...very well) but it would LITERALLY come out of nowhere. He'd come to me (I ALWAYS let it be that way) and would shove his face in mine, purring, and I'd gently stroke JUST his head. I didn't go near his tail, shanks, etc. (and not his belly, obviously!). He'd beg for more, shoving and shoving up on me. I'd reach to gently stroke one more time and he'd whirl on me with his ears back and pupils enormous, literally sink his teeth down into me as if attempting to break bone (we are not talking nips here) and gouge his nails into me and hold on. Of course I'd scream but I'd try not to jump backward as that is a "you win" sign and tends to encourage more scratching in the future (though I've NEVER had scratching this severe from any cat...ever...and I've literally owned dozens!). I'd LOUDLY state 'No, bad kitty" while fighting my instincts to protect myself and not jerking backward. His ears would flatten even more and his eyes would glare at me with hate (which really hurt) and eventually he'd run away, but not before attempting another swipe.
I decided to try to let him get his aggression instincts out by playing with him more...we had a cat toy with him, an octopus with braided legs on a string. He would never really play with it. He'd snub up his nose at it. We tried other toys, too...rolling toys, toys that made noise, and we even tried catnip. So I tried again to get him to play with the toys. He'd give maybe one half-hearted swipe...or not, and turn up his tail and walk away. He doesn't want toys. He wants an actual human being who will scream in pain. I hate to put it that way, but I can draw no other conclusion.
Then he started actively stalking. I'd have my ankles dug into (again, this is NO playful batting around or nipping) as I walked by. Again with "NO, Kitty" every time but that did nothing. Nor did making absolutely, 100% sure that when he did come to me for affection, I was the one to stop first, not him. I was just trying to avoid even giving him the opportunity to, for whatever his own internal reasons were, suddenly feel he'd had enough and get used to digging and biting for blood. But that didn't help either...in fact it was when I stopped allowing him to attack me after petting that he started actively seeking me out (and still refusing every single toy, every single time).
As for my sons, the little one is smart enough to stay back. The bigger one is a slower learner and his arms are criss-crossed everywhere with gouges and he's always in tears asking, "Why doesn't Kitty love me?" I have actually yelled at this poor kid in terror, "DON'T GO NEAR THAT CAT" when I saw the slightest twitch of Kitty's back or the slightest annoyed look in is eyes because I know it means my son will be bleeding shortly. My husband had taken to calling Kitty "Devil Cat," he'll come home and look around and ask, "Where's Devil Cat?"
Usually, Kitty is nice to me when he wants something (which I'm starting to resent, I am the prisoner of this animal who only wants to hurt me, but I' forced to clean up after and feed him, meanwhile trying to not let him hurt me...it's awful). He does this in the morning the most, as of course he's hungry in the morning. I get up and feed him. Well, this morning, God knows why...I had fallen asleep on the couch last night, and I was awakened from a dead sleep by a gouge in my cheek. For literally no reason I can ascertain, Kitty leaned over me, an unconscious person who could not possibly be annoying him in ANY way, and hurt me and hear me scream.
It's not that we're all over him and he gets no private time. In fact he spends hours and hours with nobody anywhere near him, in the sun room. He loves the sun room.
My husband has told me we should throw him outside and let him fend for himself, or that we should send him back to the shelter. I can't imagine doing either, that's like giving back a child you've adopted. Yet I live in fear of this animal. He hates us and only wants to hear us scream and see us bleed. I have NEVER experienced the likes of this from a cat...ever. What hurts even more is that we deliberately chose a cat that seemed to want us...period...that and good health were our only criteria. We wanted a cat who wanted to be with us, he tricked us and now he rules the roost, drawing blood whenever and wherever. Please help. I really am half about to just toss him outside and say, "Good luck" just so we don't get hurt any more. I am so tired of hurt and infected skin and bleeding everywhere and being afraid and this cat simply will not love us, no matter how much we love and care for him. I am so disappointed I could cry, actually I am crying. Any help would be appreciated.
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