Help bonding with Naughty Boy

[lunch]

This is Goose Goose:

Today I am not feeling like a confident cat mum .
Goose Goose is my first youngster and I'm trying my best to understand his behavior and bond with him properly. It is very different from my previous experiences so I could use guidance. The progress feels small and the setbacks are discouraging. I am trying to meet him where he is at, but to be honest I do wish he would be more affectionate toward me.

Here's the basics:

• he is little over a 1 year old now, I brought him home at about 9-10 months old.
• he was rescued from a busy industrial worksite at about 6 months, the rest of his background is unknown
• he was neutered right after being trapped
• he was very guarded at the beginning, not aggressive but extremely defensive (scary percussive hissing!)
• after settling in he has become energetic and mischievous
• he initiates pets with me but sometimes will bite after one or two strokes, but only sometimes
• he doesn't respond to kicker toys but will grab my arm and kick and bite when I pet the other cat
• he plays like a madman and probably prone to over-stimulation
• he does not want to sleep in the bed with me but will sometimes follow me around the house
• he plays very rough with the 2 year old female in the house. she wants to cuddle him but he just wants to play fight and I worry it's too much for her
• he has lots of different types of toys/trees/scratchers but destruction/violence are his favorite activities
• he is scared of various things: walking around with shoes on, velcro, crinkly toys, plastic bags, jackets, etc.
• he doesn't attack when scared but I worry it sets back our bonding
• if I accidentally overstimulate him he takes it out on the other cat
• there are no other issues as far as appetite, litter box, or general health go

To be perfectly honest, I want kitty cuddles so bad and it's breaking my heart a little. I know that just isn't where he is at and I need to meet him where he is, so instead how can I make the best of our dynamic?

I have been curious about calming supplements but I don't know if my situation is appropriate for that kind of thing. I want him to be himself, I don't want stifle his natural big kitten energy unfairly, but I also want to make sure the other cat in the house isn't stressed by his dominance.

This is my first cat after my soul cat who passed a year and a half ago. My heart knows it's completely unfair to make comparisons and I am I'm trying my best to keep the expectations in check. Every animal is unique, and every bond is unique. I hope it's okay to say frankly the reality of moving on is incredibly painful.

I wish I was a more excited new cat ma, but there's been more discouragement than I was expecting. But that doesn't mean I don't love him, too. I would never write Goose Goose off as being "bad" I'm just venting a little, I hope that's understood. I'm still glad I brought this fella into my life

Thanks for helping me move forward

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
You have a healthy young cat, as you described so accurately, who is jampacked full of energy. Calming supplements would be an insufficient bandaid and honestly aren't appropriate for his situation.

If however you see that your girl's behavior changes, she might benefit. Keep playing with her and loving on her.

Make sure your other cat has ways to get away such as the cat trees you mentioned. If you need to move one so it is closer for her that might help. In other words, if she's on a shelf, she's above him and her confidence may help her to smack him when he gets too rambunctious. Also, when necessary, definitely separate them so she gets a break from him.

sometimes follow me around the house

This is huge. Tuck the knowledge of this behavior into your back pocket, because it's the basis of future love and possibly cuddles (maybe never sleeping on the bed, but you never know )

We had a cat who initially was scared to bits from the sound of plastic bags. We basically ignored this, and just went about our usual business of unloading groceries etc, and over time his fear completely disappeared. I'm pretty sure, from what you've described that he's already overcome, that he will be the same and will become a completely confident and assured boy.

Would he use a cat wheel? Sometimes I see one come up for sale on Nextdoor .com

The only other thing I can think of would be to possibly take him for walks. Work with him indoors for a good long while so he understands the harness and leash - this in itself will exercise his mind after he gets over the "flops" and the "ohmygawdmomwhatisthisthingonme"

 

[lunch]

Thank you Furballsmom for clarity about supplements. I suspected as much.

Great ideas for extra stimulation. I suppose that is the way to his heart right now.
I never considered a wheel but I'll look into it. Walks sound good if I can get the harness on without bugging him too much. He is a willful boy and will not be handled if he's not in the mood! Teeth are the solution to every problem

I'll try to remember that when the silly boy follows me around it is evidence there is a bond growing

 

[lunch]

Oh ho ho, there's a secondhand wheel for sale in my area!

 

[Furballsmom]

Awesome news! Good for you!

If he is treat motivated even a little, or at least likes treats, try going super slow with the harness. First just show it to him by placing it on the floor. After he's noticed it and maybe sniffed it, give him a treat (freeze dried might be good rather than one that could contribute to weight gain). Then, try draping it over him for just the briefest moment, not moving too fast, just so he feels it. Then another treat. Next time leave it on him for a little longer, then another treat ...and so on ...

 

[lunch]

Your wisdom is much appreciated

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[neely]

If it makes you feel any better our last cat, the one in my avatar, was an owner surrender named Precocious. That should have been our first clue, lol. She seemed mellow when we adopted her but it turned out that was because she developed a URI. We treated her for it and her real personality came out similar to but not quite the same as Goose Goose. Our kids who were older at the time were afraid of her and my husband wasn't over the moon with her either. That left me, I felt sorry for her so tried to show her affection. I was also the one who treated her for the URI and in turn I became the one she eventually bonded with but not right away. Long story short, there's hope that the same will happen for you. In fact, my husband later warmed up to her and visa versa but she always slept and cuddled with me, her mom. Be patient, give it time, you're doing all the right things and I'm sure Goose Goose will realize he has the best home ever.

 

[lunch]

Aww, Precocious It's great to hear she came around and was a good sweet pal.
Thanks for your words neely I am feeling a bit more hopeful. So far I've been focusing on how limiting this feels trying to remember all the things I shouldn't do around him, but who knows what will develop in the future. I guess I haven't been very patient.

At least he sleeps so deeply I can play with his toes and kiss his head when he's conked out without bugging him

 

[Alldara]

At least he sleeps so deeply I can play with his toes and kiss his head when he's conked out without bugging him

That's a HUGE sign of trust. Keep that close to your heart. With some kitties, you have to accept the type of affection they give.

(But I also don't say no to bribing a cat onto my lap with a Churu treat ).

Magnus didn't start to cuddle much until this year. He's turned 3 in April.

I recommend this specific kicker. Or a wollen dryer ball as a kicker. Kitty Kicker Toys by Wildsidecraftshop available in All the - Etsy Canada

 

[Hellenww]

That is one very happy looking cat! What you're doing is working for him!

At a 1yr he is still very much a kitten and not ready to cuddle much yet. Since your girl is interested in cuddling with him, he's probably not bothering her as much as you think. At 2 she's still young and getting benefit from the play. Adults will put up with a lot from youngsters. Most of the kittens I've had were not disiplined like equals until 18-20mts old. He's only been home a few months and still learning the house rules. If she refuses to play when he gets rough, eventually he will learn to play gentler or they just won't play toghether. If she is relaxed around him when not playing then she is ok with him.

A kicker toy might be too small for him. The bigger Kickeroo is slightly smaller than my 7lb senior. Try an infant safe stuffed animal a little bigger than him. Have the toy initiate play. Once he's not scared of it bouncing, try getting him to wrestle with it. Normally I'd say hiss or make a loud noise when he attacks your arm but it would probably scare your girl. The biting and kicking sounds like inappropriate play not aggression. Have a small blanket or towel nearby to put between you and him to push him away with a stern "no bite". If you're able to hold him down for 10sec it will help. A Mama cat would hold him down until he calmed but with his overstimulation issues that could make him worse.

he has lots of different types of toys/trees/scratchers but destruction/violence are his favorite activities

Does this bring you running to chase him? If it does, it might be the attention and chase he's after. Do you have play sessions with an interactive toy like Da Bird a few times a day? He's used to live prey so make the small toys look alive. Bonce in your hands or shake the mice by their tail before tossing for him to chase. Hopefully he'll realize these "dead" things can be fun. My high energy Yoshi enjoyed hide and seek. Hide and make a unique sound. I'd make a fuss over him when he found me with Goose Goose's overstimulation try a treat or a toy and praise.

• he is scared of various things: walking around with shoes on, velcro, crinkly toys, plastic bags, jackets, etc.
• he doesn't attack when scared but I worry it sets back our bonding

I've had 2 kittens that were constantly under foot. Even though I tried to be crefully each of them got stepped on with shoes. After that they stayed clear if humans had shoes on. Neither were injured nor had the fear of shoes turn into fear of the human wearing them. Our Sqeeker is afraid of many things. Early on it was a lot of TV sounds tha scared him. He started relxing when I said "It's ok, it's only the TV" I use that phrase when ever he gets scared of a sound that won't hurt him. Velcro sounds like a long angry Hiss. Even my fearless Luna reacts to it.

 

[lunch]

Thanks Alldara for that perspective and the recommendations. All of a sudden he has started walking up to me and flopping down at my feet, several times a day. I've been cautious about falling for a wrestling trap so I just run a finger from his chin to cheek and then back off. Maybe this is more of his brand of affection?

And this morning he was sleeping in my laundry basket when I woke up! Usually I find him on the couch after I've gotten up.

I'm just generally keeping treats on me more, too, so wherever I'm sitting I can pat my lap and give treats if he hops up. Maybe a bit of long term conditioning?

Hellenww I really appreciate your comprehensive reply! So much info, and lots to try Thinking about it more now I do think you're right that my girl is more fond of him than irritated by him. She follows him around, sits with him, and sometimes grooms him so the play must not be all that distressing. And I see her initiating play too. I'll stay on top of nail trimming more to prevent scrapes just in case her lessons don't stick. Goose Goose does come running for treats, so that'll help with reinforcing where to direct his energy.

I get the sense he was a VERY good hunter when he was a stray and it's when he goes for the kill shot with toys that I see the most overt overstimulation. Extremely keyed up, tail thrashing, hard squeezing bites and heavy panting. And play is never too far from his mind

 

[Alldara]

Thanks Alldara for that perspective and the recommendations. All of a sudden he has started walking up to me and flopping down at my feet, several times a day. I've been cautious about falling for a wrestling trap so I just run a finger from his chin to cheek and then back off. Maybe this is more of his brand of affection?

I'm just generally keeping treats on me more, too, so wherever I'm sitting I can pat my lap and give treats if he hops up. Maybe a bit of long term conditioning?

Definitely more his style.
You can try definitely! It may or may not work. My late cat Nobel used to prefer to lay next to me instead.