Having a Hard time Processing

[butterflydream]

I posted a couple times tonight and both times I posted I was a bit on the depressed side. Sorta fighting the mood swings with all the stress and what not.

Kids aren't helping but I'm trying to keep in mind that they have been through two moves in the last couple of months and it must be stressful on both of them and my daughter she's been a bit frustrating. But my son as I've stated before he's been in his terrible twos.

Well they are sleeping in the loft upstairs and he decided to toss his sippy cup (filled with water) onto the coffee table that's up there, well it 'had' double plated glass on the top....next thing I hear is my daughter telling me Josh broke the glass.

I'm thinking oh great, one more thing. Cause of course tension is high as we work out the bugs of this live together thing. I liken it to a new marriage, you have to get used to the other people.

But thing is, my ILs need our help and we need theirs so it's a symbionic relationship (that's not spelled right but you catch my drift). They need/want two rooms built out in the basement so hubby's helping with that (my FIL just turned 65 my MIL is in her late 50s I think, plus she has severe Lyme disease). I do a bit of cooking and cleaning around the house. So that's my help.

She helps me out with the kids when she can and we live here. After the rooms get built we'll move down there while we wait for the VA to make a disability decision for me and while hubby finds work. Then we'll look for our own place when we know we can afford it.

Hopefully to buy and not rent.

I'm just having a difficult time processing all the feelings I've got to process due to what happened with my folks....(again check my profile and read that thread about family issues). And it's alot to take in.

And on top of that having my own issues from how I was raised by 'them' and my ex husband. Well it's alot to try to deal with at once.

And I don't know if anyone really cares..aside from my husband and my ILs (and they do care). But I feel the need to vent....so forgive me. And thanks for listening if you did read all this.

 

[ilovesiamese]

Gosh,

I would totally be stressed out if I had to go through all you have had to, and plus all the stress your under now.

Even if you do get along very well with your IL's, it's still really hard! I know what it's like to take a family and move in with IL's and try to mesh. When ever I am at someone else's (even relatives) I feel like I'm intruding or something. Like I need to do everything and ask permission for everything. It's a very difficult situation, even if you've got a good relationship.

I really hope that your case gets settled soon and I'm send job vibes for your husband.

Terrible two's don't have to be that bad. What do you do for discipline (my son just got out of that faze (sp))

I'm really glad you have TCS to vent to.

 

[butterflydream]

Well he's been hitting and slapping us and his sister....we have been really lax on the discipline. Any suggestions for a 2.5 year old with a very short attention span that won't make him scream bloody murder and drive his mother and everyone else in the house insane?

 

[ilovesiamese]

My son behaved that exact way! He still has an extremely short attention span, but he has almost completely stopped the slapping/hitting etc. except for "play" time with dad.


I guess you really have to find what means the most to him and then take it away, but only for a reasonable amount of time. Like a day and make sure to do it consistantly. I'm sure that won't work the first time because he's going to test you to see if you'll stick to it (as mine did) and then you have to step it up. You may have to put up with shouting if you want the hitting to stop, but eventually it will get better.

My favorite stuff comes from Dr.Phil. He says it will get a lot worse before it will get better. Choose your battles wisely and once you are in a "battle" never loose! Commando parenting.

How is your son's speech??????

 

[jennyr]

Diversion tactics - give him lots of things to do like sheets of newspaper and crayons - but supervise him if you don't want the walls covered! Most two year olds love water, so again carefully supervised, is there any way you can let him play with floating things - even in the bath if necessary? Make him a tunnel with cardboard boxes with different holes cut in them. In other words, treat him like a kitten who loves to get into everything! Can your hubby make an indoor swing to fit on a door, with a rope seat that will hold him safely? My daughter loved her 'door swing' and played in it for hours. The movement was comforting to her. Goodluck, I hope everything starts to get better for you soon. It sounds like you are on the right path at last.

 

[meowsas]

I care. I look out for your posts and always wish the best for you. and I am sure you are on the right road to everyone feeling happy and sercure again its just this part of the road thats a little bumpy.
living with in lawas in hard hard hard.
You are doing great.
Once the weather improves you can get the kids out that will ease tensions.
hopefully the new rooms will mean you can have some sort of family unit with in those rooms. would it be possible to have a mini kitchen in there? microwave and gas hob (camping style if need be) then at least you could prep a little meal ( bowl and bucket of water for washing up)
Its all about boundries for the terrible twos he will keep pushing till you make it clear he has crossed the line then he will keep checking if the line still stands. kids at that age NEED your attention and approval. so an easy way to correct behavior is to remove that attention ( think of it like a lovely iced cake--it is to a 2 year old)
so when ever possible ignore the minor bad behaviour ( anything that does not hurt him or property or is socially unacceptable) and praise the good- throw in a bear hug for good measure!. however small the good is..if he is craving your attention he will be good just to get it.
For unacceptable behavior ( and pick your battles carefully ie is it really unacceptable) I would say a firm NO making strong eye contact. In the case of the table I would have said you have broken grannys table. granny is going to cry. No more sippy cup and take it away. lay him down in his cot and say firmly Naughty boy! then remove all attention.
The other thing with 2 year old is they are easier if you have a whole host of activites laid on, did you see my post with ideas?
It sounds like more work but 30 mins to an hour setting out the playarea and garden with activities. plus an adult led craft or game for 30 mins in the morning and a trip out to the park in the afternoon can pay off for a days peace. honestly it can.
This was my previous post.
have a great weekend xx
How about setting up a weekly plan for yourselves so you have scedule even thought its the holidays?
The toddler busy books are great.Even for free play you could set out a nursery type setting with playdoh, bricks, dressing up , puzzles, colouring and at one point in the afternoon a adult/child craft activity. cooking for you and your daughter with your son using play cooking stuff like a sause pan and wooden spoon to mix?? trips out to local parks or ball pools or to feed the ducks?
Exploring your new area bit by bit and going home and drawing a map of the place with your daughter. noting the cats on the street corner and where the shop was etc.
I too moved to a new area during the holidays and its a long summer having no friends with children to come and play and chat.
Do you have any neighbours with kids? could you drop an invitation round inviting them for a chat one afternoon?
Camping indoors is fun too. setting up a pretend tent and once the actice camping games are over just put a duvet and books and make a quiet corner.
Hope these ideas break up your days a bit x

 

[butterflydream]

Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

How is your son's speech??????

Did I mention this before?

I must have...he is actually doing great!!! Just in the last few weeks he's really exploded verbally. Though I must add that he understands perfectly well. You tell him to get something he gets it. Tell him to do something he does it.

He's one of those types that wants to perfect something before he does it.

Everything has been that way, when he crawled there was very little practice, same with walking...he just up and did it it seemed.

 

[ilovesiamese]

Actually, I don't remember reading about your son's speech.

See my son had very delayed speech ( only spoke a few words(very basic) and signed) and with the delayed speech came aggression stemming from being frustrated because he couldn't communicate properly.

Telaryn had many ear infections as a small baby (14 in less than 1 1/2 years) and behind his eardrums had filled with liquid which prevented him from hearing. The doctor said it was like trying to hear under water for him and so he had minor surgery to get ear tubes in. It's been a full year and what a turn around. ( Communication combined with consistant discipline)

That is why I asked.

Has your son had any ear aches or always suffering from a cold or anything like that combined with speech delay????

 

[meowsas]

We call it glue ear over here. it is very common in this age range.
Delayed speech in general is more common for boys too.

 

[lilleah]

Well hunkey-dory! This makes me happy!
I've been wanting to talk about the terrible twos here for a while. But just never really felt like it or somethin.

So yes..My daughter is also 2 and a half. And WOW! When people told me about the terrible 2's, I didnt belive it. lol. Now I know.

When she has a temper tantrum..It's like she's not herself. She's like this complete different person. My mom thinks I should go to a book store, and get a couple books about it..Which is a great idea.

BUT then I reminded her Ya, like I have time to read books. lol. Although I do find time to be on here.

But I sure cant cut back TCS time.

Anyways...I'm just kind of controlling the temper tantrums a firm way. While she turns into "Captain Psyhco", I turn into "The mother."

I sometimes actually have to hold her close to me and have her look into my eyes and tell her "look at me..And stop" That one works the best right now.

I've tried a few different things. She doesnt hit though. She's hit me once to get my attention. But never during a temper tantrum, or any other time.

So Dr. Phil talks about tantrums? Wow..I gotta see that one. Dr. Phil is the best at everything!!

I've been working so much lately, and now when I get ready for work..She instantly gets sad. And needs/wants attention. It's the saddest thing ever. I just so wish I could call in, and spend that 8 hours with her instead.

She stands in front of the door saying "no mommy, please dont." And comming from a two year old, with that tiny little voice, and sad little eyes, and little hands streching across the door shaking her head no....Is really sad. I almost cried when leaving today.
And I mentioned it to my boss thinking maybe the "Magic Go-Home Fairy" placed some of her pixie dust on him, and he'd let me leave.

But she didnt come today.

(I do belive in the Magic Go-Home Fairy by the way. lol. Sometimes I just have to wish real hard before walking into work. For real.

)

 

[ilovesiamese]

Dr.Phil is my hero when it comes to talking about raising children.

I just thought of one thing you might try with your son (from supernanny hehe): sit with him when he being agressive and/or throwing a tempertantrum and tell him to do breathing exercises (like deap breath in through the nose and out through the mouth repeat a few times.) show him how and talk him through it. It really help my son when he is having "melt downs".

 

[lilleah]

"melt downs"

I like how you put that. Because that's like exzactly what it is. Just a complete loss of control and personality.

 

[luckygirl]

One of the best pieces of advice I can give about the terrible 2's is be firm. You can't say in a sweet sugary voice "don't do that, stop it, don't do that" a child cannot always understand the difference with out the tone of your voice changing. Kinda like a cat. And they don't know if you mean it or if your teasing. My nephew, I say "stop it" or "no" in a very firm serious voice & he freezes, he knows I'm not kidding, and sometimes he says "teasing? teasing?" and I say "No, I'm not teasing" firmly. It's hard for them to decipher when you play around with them alot, pretending "no, no stop it, don't run & jump on mommy" and a real "no stop it" so the tone of your voice is most important.

 

[butterflydream]

We just give a slight tap (not a hit or a slap, but a tap, on the hand to get him to stop...it generally works).

But he also is like obviously tired but refuses to take his nap....and throws all his belongings out of his crib.

Sending me packing upstairs a hundred times (naptime and bedtime) to put everything back in.

Not fun.

 

[meowsas]

He might be growing out of day time naps.
what is in his crib?
could you remove it all?
Did you try any of my ideas?
Did it help??
Hope so!

 

[ilovesiamese]

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

We just give a slight tap (not a hit or a slap, but a tap, on the hand to get him to stop...it generally works).

But he also is like obviously tired but refuses to take his nap....and throws all his belongings out of his crib.

Sending me packing upstairs a hundred times (naptime and bedtime) to put everything back in.

Not fun.

I think he is definately not too old to be taking naps and I find them very important and needed. (my son is 3 1/2 and still has a 2 hour nap in the afternoon). When he throws his stuff out of the crib, he is looking for attention, so don't go up there when he does it or take it all away so he can't. Like I said before, it may get worse before it gets better (noise wise) so maybe just have the other people in the house aware. (If your willing).

Personally, I never tapped my son's hand, especially for hitting or being agressive because that would send a mixed message. (like it's ok for mommy or daddy to do it when they are upset or fusterated but I can't???) my mom thinks I'm crazy for thinking this but it worked out for me.

It also sounds like your kids are a bit stressed with all the moving and such too and you guys just need to find a way to decompress somehow. I think it will be much better once you settle into the basement and can have some space.

 

[shengmei]

I don't know how to say that I would send good vibes to you........

Glass tables are way overrated as far as furniture goes. My husband has a huge scar on his arm from putting it through a glass table while roughing with his brother when he was little.

 

[mamasquishy]

I understand alot of what you are going through. I was past the terrible twos. But, My husband who is older than me has an 18 year old daughter and a two year old grandson. Shortly after we moved in together so did they. It was so very stressful. Don't get me wrong, I love Kristen and Dylan with all of my heart. But, Dylan would not listen or mind for anything. My 4 yr old and 6 yr old forgot how to mind. But, I learned with Dylan and helping raise him for 6 months you have to firm, yes, and when he does well treat him. Dylan went from a bottle to drinking out of a regular cup. Now when he stays the weekend with us he ofcourse trys my patience, but, firmness and reinforcing his wonderful attributes worked real well. As for the speech difficulties I understand those too. My six year old didn't speak until she was 3. There were no health problems, and she is in speech class at her school. He will come around, and if you get frustrated, remeber there are people who can help you.

 

[meowsas]

Music can be very calming.
something classical.
it defuses the tension in the air somehow

 

[zissou'smom]

When I had a temper tantrum, my mom totally ignored me. Like, if we were in the grocery, she'd start to walk away and leave me there (stayed within sight of me) and when I quit she'd just say "Do you feel better now?". If I did it at home, she would just leave me in whatever room I was in or pretend I wasn't doing it. If I whined at her, she'd say "I can't understand you when you talk like that". I had temper tantrums for about a month, and not very often, because I learned really fast that it did not get me what I wanted. And I hardly ever whined about anything. When you respond to a tantrum you're just encouraging it, and you end up trying to compromise/reason with the kid who won't accept anything but exactly what he wants. My mom wasn't a very good parent after I wasn't a little kid, but she's really good with little kids.Another thing she did was always make everything seem like you're picking it. Instead of saying "go take a nap" she'd ask "Do you want to rest now, or do you want to help me scrub the kitchen floors?" You had to pick one. Usually it was the nap, which is what she wanted! And also for things like getting dressed or whatever, it's "We can do this the hard way or the easy way", the easy way being you put your clothes on, the hard way being fighting about it and yelling but eventually end up with your clothes on. The point is that your son has to know that you're mommy and he's going to end up doing what you want him to do right now, and he can fight it or not but it's happening.

I hope you feel better soon, I know how much stress you must be in right now!