Have You Ever Had A Feral Leave Colony After Many Years

[m935]

I just need some support if you could. I have no one who really understands how emotionally difficult caring for ferals is. I've been feeding for 10 years starting with 19... Only 4 are left making the next few years the absolute worst as losing them gets harder and harder. I just "lost" the youngest... She has "taken off" for the first time in 5 years. She was at every meal (fed twice daily). What pains me most is I couldn't trap her to get her adopted, I feel I failed her and can't get over the guilt. I know she COULD come back... but This is a first disappearance.... It's been 4days. She has 2best friends here. Having depression doesn't help... But I hate feeding now because I have such hope she'll come running out... That i break down on my walk home.. And if I really never see her again I will always feel that her short life was totally my fault.
I understand life is horrible for a lot of people.. And this is silly i suppose.. But I just still find it a tough situation to accept.thanks for your time

 

[surya]

Since you don't know where she is, it is possible she is eating somewhere else. Try not to assume the worst. The truth is we don't have very much control, but dwelling on the worst does not change anything. Our suffering does not help the cats. So it is not useful to get stuck in the pain. But I do understand. I have gone through it too. Sometimes you have to take a step back and detach a little bit, and just enjoy the present moment with the cats that you still have. You can not appreciate them fully if your stuck in sadness. I send out positive thoughts and sometimes I pray for the missing, that is all I can do. It is not your fault. You have done the best you can for the kitties.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Sometimes my mom's ferals would 'disappear', sometimes for weeks, only to reappear and act as if everything was normal.

You did NOT fail her! You have been caring for her for 10 years! I don't know where she is, but I know you love her - and she knows!

 

[sweetblackpaws]

How are you feeling today? Any sign of her yet? How are the others doing?

 

[maggiedemi]

I don't think it's silly at all. I know exactly how you feel. When I was a kid, my dad made all of our cats live outside. I went through the same thing, they all disappeared one by one over the years, all 7 of them. It's just the way it goes with outdoor cats. You did your best and loved them, that's all anyone can ask. You gave them a good life.

 

[m935]

Thanks all! The anxiety doesn't help with my thought process but I get it.
I actually drove down st parallel to mine and spoke to 3neighbors. Thank God all are cat people.. Occasionally they see a few of mine which I assumed but not the missing one.
Unfortunately they have one injured and one dead cat!!!! They claimed new neighbors moved in with a nasty cat who killed theirs! Would cats kill each other?? Anyway... Something is attacking them.. So. Yeah. I feel pretty awful right now

And another didnt show up last night or this morning... Im waiting to freak out about him... I had 3cats disappear 2summers ago. I can't take more than one again

 

[maggiedemi]

I've never heard of cats killing each other, but I know that un-neutered male cats can fight violently.