Have fun at the Bridge Cooper

[alleygirl]

I am so, so sorry for your loss

Reading your words just makes me remember how horrible and alone I felt when I lost my Alley in December 2006. It does hurt, and it will hurt for a long time. There will be a little corner of your heart that will never stop missing Cooper, and hurting over his loss. However, it does get easier to deal with in time. You will be able to look at his pictures without crying. You will be able to remember the happy times with him, instead of remembering only the loss. Time doesn't heal, I don't believe that, but it does insulate the pain a bit, so that you can deal with the loss.

Please know that I am thinking of you, and Cooper. I hope he will find Alley at the bridge.

 

[trouts mom]

Ooooh, I can't imagine

I am so so sorry you lost Cooper

May he rest in peace like the little angel he is

 

[katz4life]

Rest In Peace Sweet Cooper

May you drink from rivers of ice cold water, prance through fields of catnip,
& play the day away with all your fuzzy friends over the rainbow bridge...

 

[cooper38]

So I'm hesitant to say so, but I think I'm doing better today. I woke up this morning and knew he was gone and didn't burst into a fit of heavy sobbing like before. I just felt hollow. I think my heart and brain are starting to realize he's truly gone and are getting used to it. Maybe it's just right now too, but any relief is better than none.

I've just been questioning if putting him down was the right thing to do and that there was NO way he could have recovered. My Dad and Mom are both physicians, so they know exactly what was happening to him and they both said without a doubt he wouldn't have recovered. The vet said the next step would have been a state of constant seizures, and that's why I put him down. I knew my big boy's brain was failing his body, but it was hard to make that call when he was seemingly pain free. My Dad and the vet said that's not the case though. His injured brain was swelling and he probably had the headache of the century.

I just have to remember there was nothing we could do for him anymore and that it was his time. I knew this would happen too soon because he had FIV, but the little hope I had in my head told me that it could have been a bad test or he's fight it all off until he died at an old(er) age. I was shooting for 10. I guess the fact of the matter is that he lasted 7 which while not long enough for me or him was still better than nothing. He'll always be my favorite cat and wherever he is now is lucky to have him. If there is a Bridge then he's there now showing all your lost kitties how a real man eats haha.

I'll check back in when his ashes arrive and where they end up. That's going to be a hard day I have a feeling. Take care everyone and thank-you for everything.

 

[jcat]

RIP, Cooper.
My heartfelt condolences, Mark.

 

[mrblanche]

Cooper38, I wish you lived closer to us; there's a cat at our local shelter that really needs you. I thought of him immediately when you described how Cooper ate, and that is exactly how this big boy eats! He's a big odd-eyed white cat named Casper, and he's been at the shelter for quite a while (they try hard not to euthanize any animals that are at all adoptable). They recently took him out of the public area, just to give him a rest, and put him in a large cage. They also put in a small, sick orange kitten. Most of the time, Casper lets the kitten have the comfy bed in the cage, but sometimes they go back there and find the little kitten curled up between Casper's huge arms!

I guess what I'm saying is that it's clear you loved Cooper, but there are still others out there who need you and you have lots of time left to love more of them, so take care of yourself and don't let them down!

 

[cooper38]

Thank-you for the response. I would definitely consider Casper, but it still seems way too soon and would IMO disrespect Cooper's memory. Also, Sampson is just starting to realize something isn't right I think. He's usually rearing to get out the door, but today he's just sitting there unresponsive and unwilling to do anything except mope.

I think bringing an unfamiliar cat into the house right now that I'd dote on heavily would push Sampson even farther away from me and he's still 1/2 of the original duo that I made a promise to those 7 years ago. My promise was to fully respect them and treat them as if they were my own sons, and to never put them out for my own selfish reasons. I feel that if I had Casper come up here less than 72hrs after the love of my life passed away then it would be breaking that promise to both of them even though Sampson is the only guy left in bodily form.

I feel Cooper all around me and would like to honor him fully. He's having a candle service on Monday and hopefully they'll have his ashes back to me by then because how long can it possibly take? Once he's symbolicly (sp?) laid to rest and I've had enough time to grieve for him then I'd definitely consider Casper. It's getting a tad easier to cope with, but my heart just aches and aches for him.

Tell Casper that if he can hold on a few more weeks that there's a guy in the Pacific Northwest that would love to have him. Hopefully he'll understand. As for getting him up here, I have no problem buying him a 1st class kitty ticket and will meet him at the airport with a sign that says CASPER haha. I may fly down there to see him 1st just to make sure. Taking a cat into this household is a big deal because I'll fully open the door to both my house and my heart, so I just need to know it won't be in vain. We'll see how this all plays out. PM me more about him if you'd like. Love is a funny thing and I may just fall right for the old fella. Thanks again for the heads up. Take care now.

 

[mrblanche]

I'll keep you and Casper in mind, but my real point is that there are other perfect kitties out there that, while they will never exactly fit the hole in your heart left by Cooper, will complement you and your other cat in ways you cannnot imagine today. I live in a southern suburb of Dallas, by the way.

By the way, I don't know if you've visited www.petloss.com, but if you haven't, you should. I have dealt with the founder/owner of that site, and he has quite the story, too; he disappeared from a web site I was working on, and when we checked up, he was at home ill and close to death, due to some ongoing health problems.

 

[cooper38]

To my magnificent Bobo-kid, Ghibligook, Coo-Bear, Coopy oopy, Balboa, Gubbins, and of course Mug-Mug:

I remember you, I can't forget the day I received you too. Your helpless mew and your giant eyes. Your soul shown through for the world to see; I was happy as any new father would be.

You knew what you wanted from the start of our journey and till the end you never once thought it prudent to betray me.

Time after time we shared pure love, not a care in the world when you showed your mug. Your beautiful kitty face was all it would take for my heart to open full make no mistake

It was unconditional love that we shared, and I sure hope you know how much that I cared. A high maintenance kitty without a doubt; I wouldn't have it any other way my gentle giant so soft and so stout.

I'll never forget the day it rang true; my soul mate was here fresh out of the blue. Inseparable till the end was the name of the game, and as it grew near we felt one in the same, because as you knew I was hopelessly addicted to you.

Now that you're gone I feel rotten inside without my Blue Bear to remain by my side. The anger of Zeus wells up in my brain as I know deep down that you were taken in vain. Far too young to leave this fine place; I'll never forgive the heartless devil who brought this disgrace.

Even now I weep freely from withdrawl and heartbreak, and can't help wonder if I made a mistake. The armies of the East couldn't hold back my hate if I finally get a hold of the one who dealt you your fate.

You were pure love I have to remember, so I won't cause a stir, but it's hard to contain the filth my poor brain can muster. I won't forget what you taught me; that my heart is what's real, so get ready buddy because I'll be running with zeal, as I cross that last bridge with your favorite meal.



I'm not so much a poet obviously, but I felt like it was warranted to at least make an attempt. I don't know why but right now it's getting hard again. It's been over 3 days since he passed, but now I'm questioning everything and feel pain and anger that wasn't there before. I feel like he shouldn't have had to die young, and almost feel as if we both got burned. It's not fair at all, but I guess that's life. I can't accept it now but I suppose I'll have to. I miss him with fire in my belly and sadness in my heart.

I thought things were getting better, but I keep picturing him waddling around the house and just doing all the little things that became his routine. I fear nothing can help with how intense this new wave of emotions has hit me. I just want him back and am worried sick about how they're taking care of his body. I'm starting to 2nd guess my decision to have him cremated. I think I maybe should have kept him here with me as I know deep down that's what he would have wanted. It's too late now for anything except grief and I guess that's what's so hard for me to wrap my head around. The finality of the whole thing.

I keep getting these rushes of pure emotion that overwhelm me and I fear something may happen if they continue without ebbing. I guess I'm just in mourning and this is part of it, but never in a million years would I have guessed it would progress like this. What a dirty trick that was. I started to feel better and then it got worse. Maybe it's because tonight was always movie night with me and the boys. Cooper on my lap, at least what could fit, and then Sampson on my neck. This is so hard! I wasn't ready for this.

I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with this pretty quick here because I feel it may be destructive rather than healthy. Nothing helps which is what's different. Before I'd read the poems and read other people's stories and it would ease the pain a bit, but now it's all just caving in. I need a break somehow, but the problem is you can't just shut down your brain. Sorry for the doom and gloom folks, it's just how I feel for the time being.

 

[xocats]

Grief comes in waves that can knock you to the ground.
After a wave passes, get up and take a deep life affirming breath.
Over time, the waves will become smaller, but they will always come.

Your tribute to Cooper was beautiful.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by xocats

Grief comes in waves that can knock you to the ground.
After a wave passes, get up and take a deep life affirming breath.
Over time, the waves will become smaller, but they will always come.

Your tribute to Cooper was beautiful.

also, these changes in attitude/feelings are normal. regardless of who we've lost, we all go thru the stages of grief:
1. denial & isolation
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance

 

[cooper38]

I'm definitely not in denial because I know he's gone for good. I'm definitely in isolation though. Anger is new for today, even just tonight. It's full tilt rage that is truthfully the hardest to deal with. I want to honor his death by grieving not by having ghastly and ridiculous thoughts about payback for someone that doesn't even exist. IDK about bargaining. I keep telling myself that he couldn't have lived forever, so maybe that's partial bargaining. I have depression too. I don't think I knew what true depression was before this. I look forward to sleep; almost beg for it, and I've never done that before. I'm definitely not accepting this. I guess I've accepted he's not going to be around, but I'm not ok with it at all and probably never will be. At least that's what it feels like.

So basically I'm cycling through all the stages right now except the last. I just miss him. He didn't deserve this. He was so sweet and innocent and beautiful inside and out. Maybe I'm just mad that death is a part of life. It doesn't seem fair at all!

 

[janey83]

I'm so sorry, he was a beauty. I'm sure he knew how much you loved him and that you did what you could. I had my cat put to sleep a year ago and he's never out of my mind. but it will get easier. *hugs*

 

[mrblanche]

It sounds to me like you're having a pretty typical grief response to the loss of Cooper, who you clearly loved with your whole heart. Just hang in there and fight it out, and you'll be a better man for it when you emerge from tunnel.

 

[lilyluvscats]

I know you don't want to hear it but sometimes getting another kitty that needs you is the best thing you can do for yourself. I was so sick in Nov when we had to pts our 7 year old male. I loved him so much.....he was a friend. I was sick all weekend and lost 7-8 pounds in 3 days. I called in sick that Monday & Tuesday.....by Tuesday night we decided in order to heal we needed another kitty to move on. It was the best thing we could have done. Brady did not take Nomie's place but he filled a void for us. I don't think it's disrespectful at all. Everyone is different though so take your time if that is what you need to do. Cooper would approve no matter what you do.

 

[tab]

it is heartbreaking reading your words. like many others here it reminds me of how i felt when i lost my boy last oct. i have questioned time and time again if i did the right thing in putting him to sleep, but i know deep in my heart i did. my boy was suffering and there was no way back.

i'm so very sorry that your beautiful boy was taken from you.

take care of yourself.

RIP dear cooper.

 

[KittenKrazy]

Originally Posted by xocats

Grief comes in waves that can knock you to the ground.
After a wave passes, get up and take a deep life affirming breath.
Over time, the waves will become smaller, but they will always come.

Mark and I discussed this a bit last night.......and sometimes those waves will seem to come from out of nowhere, whereas others you know what triggers them, a favorite toy, a favorite place to sit....something you did together. In the days and weeks to come, the waves do at least get smaller, and further apart, but they always will be there. As a matter of fact, I was sitting here writing this, and the thought crossed my mind of the first cat that I had pts, back in 1996....I don't think of her as much now, but still, sometimes.....

Just never, ever be ashamed of how you feel Mark, it only proves just how much you love your boy, and that is one of the greatest things that we as humans can ever do.

 

[luvmy2cats]

Oh Mark, what a lovely poem you wrote for Cooper. It was very touching.

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Mark I am soo sorry about your loss

 

[cooper38]

Thank-you again everyone. I'm just eternally grateful for the support I've received on this site and truly appreciate the ability to be able to get my feelings down. I think writing this stuff down these past few days has prevented me from making some irrational and frankly stupid decisions in my life as a result of simply not wanting to feel Cooper's loss so much. Tonight is going a bit better. I almost feel guilty I'm not laying in bed sobbing, but I have to remember that Cooper and I were happy and that's how he'd have wanted it to stay, even without being able to supervise me daily.

Also, Krazy I saw that you wrote me tonight and sorry I missed you. I was out for awhile and when I came home you had signed out already. I stay signed in even when I'm not around, so please don't think I was ignoring you at all. Tomorrow is Cooper's candle service, so no doubt I'll need someone to talk to. Take care everyone and have a good night.