Has anyone here attended a destination wedding?

[MoochNNoodles]

It looks like 2 friends of ours will be having a destination wedding; possibly sometime next year. I'm not sure exactly where; but I know somewhere tropical. I'm just wondering about how much it might cost DH and I to attend?

The girl and I go back to 10th grade biology. They were both in our wedding. I met the guy when DH and I were still just flirting and I introduced her to him. It took almost 9 years; but now they are together! And I can't imagine not being at her wedding!! Plus we have ALWAYS planned to be in eachothers weddings. Up until she started this destination business....

They want a nice wedding but don't want to spend a lot of $$. (He owns a business and has some; just doesn't want to spend it on that, which I understand) They see that as their best option to get the biggest bang for thier buck. While I know the wedding is primarily about them; I've been telling her all along that they have to realize some of the people they really care about being there might not be able to come!! At least I thought they really cared.

I'm a stay-at-home mom now. DH's vacations are "bidded" already. He's a low man on the totem pole still; so hes one of the last to get to pick his vacation times. Plus with us being former military; the 2 weeks he does get are already eaten up with the obligatory visits to each side of our family. Especially now that we have a baby. So between costs, childcare (whether we bring the baby or not; she won't even be 2 yet), and DH's work I just don't know that we will be able to go! Even if I were to go alone! That totally breaks my heart (and ok it makes me ANGRY at the same time). If I were still working and we didn't have a kid it might work. But i just don't know. We already have my cousin's wedding reception in July to figure out too. (And don't get me started on that one too.....what is it with people making it like jumping through flaming hoops to see them get married!?!?!?!)

This just really gets me lately. My cousin was my maid of honor and she's getting married at the court house in NYC; in the middle of the week. Then having a reception 2 months later. Now one of my oldest and best friends decides to get married in a whole different country. When I got married I had the traditional church wedding and reception. It was what I wanted; but I also made sure it wasn't going to be a hardship on the people I love to be there. While a wedding is about the couple getting married; your family and close friends are still an important part of the day!! It really hurts to think they've all chosen to make it so we can't be there to celebrate with them. It's not as if there aren't other options. And it's not as if these aren't people that I know well. They are all people that are VERY important to me!!

I know someone is going to say that they disagree with me on that last paragraph. But I feel horribly snubbed by the people who matter to me the most (besides my husband, child and parents of course). But it's not as if they don't want us there; they've just made it nearly impossible for us; so at the same time it feels like maybe the don't!

 

[capt_jordi]

it may be they decided to only do what they want and not worry about who it made happy. I know some people are different! Inlcuding me, but I know plenty of people that have just said "we dont care" and ended up having wonderful weddings!
My only advice as for travel, start planning now and sign up for some of the different travel sites for their deals. Also you may want to see about signing up for a reward program if you use any major credit or debit cards! That way you may be able to start racking up the airmiles! With the wedding being a bit far off, just make a budget to save up and stick to it!
And you know an option you may want to look into is flying out from somewhere closer to one of your families and then seeing if they can take care of your baby while you are gone!

 

[natalie_ca]

No, I haven't been. I doubt I would want to go anyway. When someone goes away to the tropics to get married, it's my belief that the last thing they want is everyone hanging around them for the entire time you are there. I feel that the idea behind these weddings is to combine their wedding and honeymoon. No way do I want to feel like I'm a third wheel on their honeymoon. And I'm sure not going to invest money going some place I wouldn't normally go to, just so I can spend their wedding day with them.

I say that they should go to the tropics, get married, have their honeymoon and then come back to their home and arrange a small private party to celebrate their marriage.

 

[russian blue]

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

.....it may be they decided to only do what they want and not worry about who it made happy.

Rob and I went to St. Lucia last year to get married. Many people go to another country to get married for various reasons, but the wedding couple has to realize that not everyone can afford to take a vacation only for their wedding! Especially as you stated above - finances and vacation time is limited. I would tell the couple that you would love to join them - but the finances will not allow. They will have to understand.

Plus, many destination wedding couples have another celebration when they come back for those friends/families that couldn't attend the actual wedding.

We did it because we didn't want a church wedding and wanted to roll our honeymoon into the same time. It was certainly cheaper, no stress at all for us ( I was swimming in our private pool minutes before the ceremony!), and we had the wedding that we wanted. No headaches, worrying about matching table decorations or all the other stuff. It was totally our day and it worked out perfectly! I wouldn't have changed one thing.

IMO, many weddings end up being about everyone except the bride and groom. It ends up snowballing into a big production they didn't initially want because they were trying to please everyone.

 

[nurseangel]

My cousin got married in Greece earlier this year, but I did not attend. Heard that the plane tickets cost a small fortune, but the wedding pictures were beautiful.

 

[darkmavis]

I haven't been to a destination wedding, and I think the idea is kind of rude to be honest, to expect people to use their vacation time and money for someone's wedding instead of their own vacation. But as long as the couple realise that people might not want to or be able to go and share the day(s) with them, then that's fine. It's the couples who insist on everyone sacrificing to be at their wedding otherwise they get insulted and have fits that bother me. So I guess do it if you can and want to, and if not, hopefully your friend is really a good enough friend to understand if you wouldn't be able to make it.

I've said if I ever get married, I think I'd like to go to Vegas, and I'd let people know when I'm going; if they want to come out and party, that's awesome, if not, I'll send photos.

 

[laceface]

I'm getting married in January, and to most of our family is "destination." Pat's family, other than his mom and sister, live in Michigan and Vermont. Mine all live in NY and southern Florida, and we are in the panhandle. We fully understand that a lot of family won't be able to make it. We are paying for my mother and step father to fly down. But, I do think it is silly to intentionally go far away from all of your family and expect them to fly to you. We just happen to live here, so it is not something we can help.

 

[swampwitch]

Etiquette dictates that it's all up to the bride and groom, and if guests don't want to or can't attend, the couple will certainly have to understand. But, most weddings cause hurt feelings anyway; and destination weddings make pretty much everybody feel inconvenienced if they can attend, or poor or otherwise unhappy if they can't attend.

If the bride and groom do not invite children of the guests of a destination wedding, the wedding guest list will really shrink. Unfortunately, guests are not always considered when a wedding is planned. I think if you have a destination wedding, you should have it all-expenses-paid for all of the guests. (And guests should give a really, really good wedding present.)

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I think part of what has me worked up so much is that we've always planned that I would be her maid of honor. We've always joked about my toast at her reception and just shared all of those dreams together. She was privy to every planning detail of my wedding. We've been through thick and thin together.

I'm the one she calls when she has a fight with her boyfriend. She's spent EVERY major holiday for probably the past 5 years or more with my family! My parent's consider her one of their own and even buy her stuff for Christmas! I've got 3 friends that I consider my best friends. Of them; she and I have remained close the longest. The other 2 have drifted a little farther out of reach and back again as life has gone on; but not her. Even though we live over an hour away from each other. Even though we've been in completely different places in life for the past 7 years; we've stayed close and talk often. (Less often lately because she's always on the phone with him. But that's excused!

) He works in another country for 2 months every winter. I'm already prepared to have my phone ring off the hook. She bought LO too many Christmas presents... I also have a photo of her boyfriend talking to her on the phone for the first time. They spent a lot of time with DH and I when we were first dating. We teased the heck out of them back then about getting together. And my parents have always said they would get married. So you see, they are no Joe and Jane Schmoe to us.

I know she told me there are some family members HE wants to leave off the guest list. We live on the coast; a beach wedding is totally doable here. A small one if they want. I've done flowers for several weddings. I'd more than gladly do hers. I'm awesome at favors. One of my other friends just happens to be a seamstress who does custom wedding gowns on occasion.... And she's good.

Originally Posted by laceface

I'm getting married in January, and to most of our family is "destination." Pat's family, other than his mom and sister, live in Michigan and Vermont. Mine all live in NY and southern Florida, and we are in the panhandle. We fully understand that a lot of family won't be able to make it. We are paying for my mother and step father to fly down. But, I do think it is silly to intentionally go far away from all of your family and expect them to fly to you. We just happen to live here, so it is not something we can help.

My own wedding was something like that. DH was in the military when we got married and so was my step-father. So our family lives primarily in Tennessee and New York. We live in the middle of those 2 places. One of DH's sisters couldn't come and we were a little sad; but completely understood. His best friend came up and stayed at the house on the couch. The one I felt the worst for was my sister-in-law who had a 9 month old. I know it was a hard trip for them (her husband stood up for DH). The up-side was we had connections at a hotel and got everyone a great rate. My family on my Dad's side rented a van and all came together and things like that. Having it here made it more flexible for our families to get here. That was important to me.

Plus not too long after we got married my Gram had her first stroke. She's never been the same. Now she is in a nursing home with pretty advanced dementia. About the same time that all happened BOTH of my Dad's parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It's like my wedding was the last family event where things were good with them.

A little voice in the back of my mind is suggesting that she's severely compromising what she wants in a wedding because she wants to be married so badly. That's not all bad; because a wedding is just one day, but I don't want her to have regrets either.