gosh, this is tough...

[kateang]

one of my best girlfriends is going through a tough time trying to juggle between her boyfriend's financial problems and her own preganancy. She intends to abort the child as she does not have the capability to keep the child. I have talked to her and she has pretty much made up her mind about it.

for some of you who have known me since day 1 i came in, you should know my story and it is really tough trying to go through this with her and especially when this is her first.. she is lost and seeks my help in terms on deciding which hospital or which clinic to go for the abortion... somehow on my part I wish to block out this part of the memory.. the painful process of going through to call for appointments for the abortion, the prejudiced look on the nurses faces and all... it's just something which I have kept quiet about... am i selfish and all? but I do know she needs help and support now... so I'm helping her but she kept asking me which one I have gone and how much I have paid for it... gosh, it's tough trying to refrain from telling and giving my opinions... am I wrong?

 

[willowsmom]

Oh kate! I can totally understand the postion you are in. Your not being selfish about wanting to keep your experiance quiet. Abortion can be a very tramatic experiance for some. If not all who choose to go that route. I feel that if you can open up to her and tell her exactly what you went through it will help not only her but you. It is something that no matter how badly you want to forget it and not speak of it, it will always weight on your shoulders, until you except it and talk about it. What better person to do that with then someone who is a friend and someone who will be experiancing the same thing. I say open up to her tell her what you went through. I wish you the best of luck! and don't worry you and her will be just fine

I will make sure I send lots of Good vibes and Prayers your way.

 

[cla517]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. You are there to support your friend. I'm certain this was a very difficult decision for her and she needs you there to help her (not to make her feel bad or try to change her mind if she's already decided). I went through the same thing with a friend of mine. It was very difficult, but I decided that I needed to support her decision and not burden her with my personal opinions. This is each woman's choice.

 

[rosiemac]

Without a doubt the most important thing is for you to be there to support her.

A girl i worked with was in the same position. She had mixed feelings about it, but what added to the pressure was the fact that her mother kept nagging at her and told her she had to have it aborted, which made her feel that she wanted it just to spite her mother?!.

The only advice i gave her was at the end of the day it has to be her decision and to think about the pros and cons of having the baby e.g. could she afford to have one, did she realise how her life would change and how she wouldn't be able to go partying as she used to.

If your friend does decide to have it aborted, she may have tears afterwards as the girl i worked with did, which is where she really needs you. But two years later she has a good career as a childrens nurse, she hasn't forgot what she did, but it gets easier.

 

[kiwideus]

Kate, I can understand how difficult it is for you - I commend you for being a good friend even though it rips you up inside.
I don't have any good advice but I just wanted to give you a hug *hug*

 

[ricalynn]

Kate, I am so sorry you're having to go thru this.

I don't know much of your story, but I can gather the details from your post. If she's a good friend, you owe it to her to tell her (and in the telling show her) how much you're hurting from this, so that just maybe she won't have to go thru it too. Tell her how much it hurts when she asks you for advice on which clinic. Is she planning on staying w/the boyfriend? Is she afraid if she were to carry the baby and give it up for adoption that he wouldn't agree? I certainly don't want to start a debate on the subject, but she needs to know from someone who's experienced that abortion is NOT an easy out. I know adoption isn't the easy way out either, but situations like this are never easy, no matter what she decides. You are not being selfish at all! You are still hurting, and she obviously doesn't understand that. Kate, I will be praying for you, that you receive the words necessary to reach this young lady.

 

[jcat]

Originally Posted by RicaLynn

Kate, I am so sorry you're having to go thru this.

I don't know much of your story, but I can gather the details from your post. If she's a good friend, you owe it to her to tell her (and in the telling show her) how much you're hurting from this, so that just maybe she won't have to go thru it too. Tell her how much it hurts when she asks you for advice on which clinic. Is she planning on staying w/the boyfriend? Is she afraid if she were to carry the baby and give it up for adoption that he wouldn't agree? I certainly don't want to start a debate on the subject, but she needs to know from someone who's experienced that abortion is NOT an easy out. I know adoption isn't the easy way out either, but situations like this are never easy, no matter what she decides. You are not being selfish at all! You are still hurting, and she obviously doesn't understand that. Kate, I will be praying for you, that you receive the words necessary to reach this young lady.

Kate, I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I think Rica Lynn's advice is right on target.

 

[creepyowl]

The only thing you can do is be there for her. Its her decission.

 

[cilla]

You are not being selfish at all. You are showing that you are not wanting to go through all the hurt again and yet you are sticking by your friend. It is hard to help someone go through the same things you have been through yourself no matter what it is, because you naturally relive it, but you will be glad afterwards that you was there for her. It is the same for people who have lost a baby because it died, those who have lost a child, mother, husband everytime someone you know has to suffer in the same way you live again in that sad, desparate time, but you will help each other. You are a marvellous friend.

 

[justplainheidi]

I know you may not want to share all of the painful details with her but if I was in her position I would want you to tell me exactly what I was getting in to. It's obvious that she trusts you and she'll believe whatever you tell her so perhaps you need to lay it all on the table so she can make a truly educated decision. I would hate for her to go through the procedure and resent you in the end for not preparing her fully enough (as if anyone can be fully prepared I know).

I know that this is just my personal experience but I had a couple of friends throughout high school and college that made the decision to have an abortion and seeing the pain and hurt they were forced to endure was heart wrenching. While it may seem like the only way out now there is a huge potential for regret later. Thank goodness your friend has you there to support her regardless of her decision!

I wholeheartedly agree with those that recommend adoption. My older sister found herself pregnant at 18. After telling her "fiance" she found him with another girl and (partially due to hormones I'd guess) she rear-ended the car with him and his floozy in it resulting in a court date. She knew that she wouldn't be able to financially provide for a baby and although my parents offered to help her with a place to stay and whatnot, she decided in the end that it would be best for both her and her baby for him to be given up for adoption. I can't even imagine what she went through during that decision making process (I was only 5) but knowing that she brought a beautiful child into this world and gave him to a couple that couldn't have kids of their own, is just so amazing to me. I am so very proud that she was able to give that family such a wonderful gift.

Since my family is from a small town our family dr who helped to set up the adoption knew both parties involved and as fate would have it, my nephew's grandfather was not only friends with my own grandfather but he worked in the same school building as my mother! Over the years my nephew's family has be kind enough to share pictures or updates and it's so blatantly obvious that he has an amazing family and a wonderful life. There is no doubt in my mind that my sister made the right decision. I think the most exciting thing for me is the fact that Mitchell is going to be 18 this September. Now that he's becoming an adult I look forward to the day that I might actually get to meet him. Sometimes at night when I remember him in my prayers I try to imagine what his voice sounds like, what kind of sense of humor he has, etc. If my sister had had an abortion all of those years ago this beautiful boy would never have been born and there would be so many more empty lives.

At the same time I've got great friends from college that were adopted. I am so grateful that their parents made the selfless decision to give them life and then give them away. I can't imagine it's a decision that you make lightly but I know there are so many wonderful people out there that have love to give children that aren't their own. It's not the right decision for everyone but it might be worth discussing with your friend.

That's just my .02

~Heidi

 

[jugen]

IMO, it's your decision if you want to tell her or not. Maybe you can just direct her by saying I have a friend who went here if you don't want to tell her that way you aren't telling her you did it and she is going to the place you went and will be ok? That's just my