Frustrated.. I need suggestions please!!!!!

[crittermom]

Originally Posted by Pami

Im sorry that you came here to get advice and it turned into a judgement battle.I am sure that as a Mother you are trying your very best. I hope that you do not abandon this thread.

I have been a lurker on other sites and never joined because things seemed to ALWAYS get heated. This is the only one I ever stayed with because its such a strong, diverse group of people, who are very supportive.

Im sure there are people here who will listen to what you have to say and to what you are facing now and try to help you sort through it. Not one single person here is without fault or blame in their life.




I can respect that you are a strong and an opinionated woman and you speak whats on your mind. But strong women do not always have to be so "in your face" with their opinions. Sometimes, its better to sit back and evaluate the the whole situation and give advice diplomatically. Its received much easier that way.

 

[trouts mom]

I agree with Pami as well

 

[gingersmom]

I became more strongly opinionated after being falsely accused of crucifying her. Now it appears that I am going to be crucified for being myself and being direct.

I'm not going to take it personally. I was not on the attack. Suggestions were asked for, given, and rejected.

I have a strong concern for the well being of the child involved here, and yes, I strongly voiced my opinion. That doesn't make me a bad person.

Who am I to judge? Just another mother, one who has walked a long and difficult road carrying many heavy burdens. I speak to what I can relate to and understand.

Some of you have PM'd me in support of my comments, now more of you have chosen to publicly berate me, excuse me, criticise me for giving suggestions that were asked for and backing up my statements.

That's ok too. If you all sit back and read through this thread, and read between the lines of all of the OP's posts, you may see where I happen to be coming from.

And it's ok if you don't.

I meant everything I said, and I did not say anything with the intent to be mean. I'm not a mean person, just very direct. And I've been through pretty much everything that the OP detailed. With one exception: I had no husband at all.

I said I wish I could help. I'm not going to apologize for being who I am.

 

[crittermom]

We have gotten way off the subject on this post.
The OP came here asking for suggestions!
I too have walked a VERY heavy burdensome road, one that I wish on NOONE!!!
I wish the OP the best of luck and pray that a solution can be found and that all involved are o.k. and God watches over them!!

 

[lunasmom]

Often times we forget that words that are typed on a computer do not relay feelings, or the general context/nature of what we are trying to pass on to the other person.

One word that is improperly used could turn a sentence into a sour one. A person's mood while reading a post could turn what was typed into a different feeling than what was meant to be displayed.

Mom2Isis, I really wish you the best of luck. I do not have a solution, or alternate suggestion for you, but I really honestly believe that if you have faith on a resolution for the situation, something somehow will give you your answer.

 

[neetanddave]

Originally Posted by neetanddave

This is a fine place to come to for "suggestions" but not for a "solution." That has to come from piecing together all the "advice" into an "answer."

We have a pretty diverse group here, and lots of "been there, done that" is what has been offered here. You asked for "suggestions", and no one is saying you have to act on any of them.

Yes, I meant to quote myself.

I agree with Betsy, she is just stating things based on what she has been through. No meanness implied, just facts on how she handled things in a similar situation. That is what was asked for in this thread : "Frustrated...need suggestions please."

 

[mom2salemisis]

I appreciate everyone suggestions I really do. And I am sorry if this thread got way off track and out of line. I felt like I was being attacked and felt like I needed to defend myself because of it. I felt like I was being judged and that I was being considered a bad mother which I am not. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. I have tried all the suggestions that were given and felt like people were more focused on the fact that she was at home by her self than the real problem of how to get some help. I spent all day at work crying because I kept asking myself "Am I a bad mother?" I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I was not listening because that is not the case. I actually wrote down every suggestion in my notebook and went over it so many times yesterday that I had to re write it on another piece of paper. All I can say is I hope things get better and I am doing all I can do at the moment. I hope you believe me.

 

[phenomsmom]

We believe you are doing the best you can or you wouldn't have turned to us in desparation. I will again apologize if your felt like we were attacking you. Any of us. I assure you that we are just trying to help. And like it has been said many times that we don't get all the feelings we intend to get through by merely typing on here. The reader can take things as they feel they are meant, even if it is the opposite of what the poster meant by it. The best of luck to you and your daughter.

 

[gingersmom]

Originally Posted by Mom2SalemIsis

I appreciate everyone suggestions I really do. And I am sorry if this thread got way off track and out of line. I felt like I was being attacked and felt like I needed to defend myself because of it. I felt like I was being judged and that I was being considered a bad mother which I am not. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. I have tried all the suggestions that were given and felt like people were more focused on the fact that she was at home by her self than the real problem of how to get some help. I spent all day at work crying because I kept asking myself "Am I a bad mother?" I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I was not listening because that is not the case. I actually wrote down every suggestion in my notebook and went over it so many times yesterday that I had to re write it on another piece of paper. All I can say is I hope things get better and I am doing all I can do at the moment. I hope you believe me.

And I apologize for upsetting you - that was NOT my intention.

I was in your shoes once, and to make sure that my child was taken care of, I had to voluntarily place her in foster care, quit my job, go on Welfare, then get her back from foster care, and by doing all this, I was able to get ALL the resources that I needed to care for her.

I did all this because I was doing the best I could, but my best just wasn't good enough, and I had to go to extremes to make sure that my daughter's well being came FIRST.

My job was MUCH less important than my flesh and blood, and giving it up (becoming destitute on purpose) gave me a schedule that allowed me to care for my daughter, made me eligible for resources that I would have otherwise not qualified for, and got me grants to go to school with that I never had to pay back.

And then I went to college, got two degrees, and have been off of the welfare system for over a decade.

It wasn't easy, it hurt me VERY much to give up my child, even as a temporary measure, and I cried gallons and gallons of tears.

I do NOT think you are a bad mother, just one who is overwhelmed, and I really, honestly DO understand and appreciate how difficult your position is, and I truly hope that you are able to somehow find the help that you need. But you have to make opportunity happen, it won't just come to you. Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

But I am NOT telling you what to do - your life is your own. I have simply given you suggestions based upon my own difficult experiences, and I hope that you are able to get some benefit from at least one of them.

I DO care - and I WILL send out vibes that things work out better for both you and your daughter.

 

[mom2salemisis]

Thank you

Originally Posted by GingersMom

And I apologize for upsetting you - that was NOT my intention.

I was in your shoes once, and to make sure that my child was taken care of, I had to voluntarily place her in foster care, quit my job, go on Welfare, then get her back from foster care, and by doing all this, I was able to get ALL the resources that I needed to care for her.

I did all this because I was doing the best I could, but my best just wasn't good enough, and I had to go to extremes to make sure that my daughter's well being came FIRST.

My job was MUCH less important than my flesh and blood, and giving it up (becoming destitute on purpose) gave me a schedule that allowed me to care for my daughter, made me eligible for resources that I would have otherwise not qualified for, and got me grants to go to school with that I never had to pay back.

And then I went to college, got two degrees, and have been off of the welfare system for over a decade.

It wasn't easy, it hurt me VERY much to give up my child, even as a temporary measure, and I cried gallons and gallons of tears.

I do NOT think you are a bad mother, just one who is overwhelmed, and I really, honestly DO understand and appreciate how difficult your position is, and I truly hope that you are able to somehow find the help that you need. But you have to make opportunity happen, it won't just come to you. Sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

But I am NOT telling you what to do - your life is your own. I have simply given you suggestions based upon my own difficult experiences, and I hope that you are able to get some benefit from at least one of them.

I DO care - and I WILL send out vibes that things work out better for both you and your daughter.

 

[lakeriedog]

Dear Mom2SalemIsis,
GingersMom has given you some very good straight forward advice, and she has qualified her experience by sharing with you what she has gone through. I have also had some really tough times as a divorced mom E-3 in the Navy with no child support, no monetary help from anyone and no family nearby to help.

I ate on my ship at lunch time and never at home I would cook meals for my boy, feed him, put the leftovers in the fridge for his dinner the next day, and go to bed hungry myself in order to STRETCH what money I had for food. I rode a bicyle to and from the base from Chula Vista, with a child seat on the back of the bike and we took the trolley in bad weather.

A shipmate's wife provided overnight day care every fourth day (because we had duty and had to sleep onboard) for ten bucks and I pent something like 30% of my pay on day care at the base for my normal work days. Every penny I had each month went to Food, Rent, Utilities, I had NO phone, and Daycare. I was on the list but never got into base housing. Some months I was lucky to have a dollar left on payday. I had no bed, but my son had one. I had used furniture from the salvation army, and dried my clothes on a clothes line to keep the electric bill down. I even took in roommates at one point and moved into my son's room to make ends meet.

I don't have any idea how much money you make, or where you live, or what resources you have already tried. But if you can't make enough at your job to provide some form of childcare, your child is at risk. That is a tough situation for you both. I am glad that you asked us, and even if you get mad at some of us for what we say, I think that somewhere in all of the advice you get you will find a solution which will work for you.

A few ideas that I had while reading through the other posts are;

1. quit your job, and go on welfare (money still tight but your child is cared for)

2. move in with relatives, pay a smaller amount of rent and use the excess to pay for child care

3. barter with a neighbor for free child care....maybe you could clean their house on Saturday's top to bottom in exchange for free childcare

Believe me I am not judging you, just trying to give you some ideas, and remember with free advice you can take what you need and leave the rest.

 

[rockcat]

Mom2SalemIsis, you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[starryeyedtiger]

Originally Posted by lakeriedog

Dear Mom2SalemIsis,
GingersMom has given you some very good straight forward advice, and she has qualified her experience by sharing with you what she has gone through. I have also had some really tough times as a divorced mom E-3 in the Navy with no child support, no monetary help from anyone and no family nearby to help.

I ate on my ship at lunch time and never at home I would cook meals for my boy, feed him, put the leftovers in the fridge for his dinner the next day, and go to bed hungry myself in order to STRETCH what money I had for food. I rode a bicyle to and from the base from Chula Vista, with a child seat on the back of the bike and we took the trolley in bad weather.

A shipmate's wife provided overnight day care every fourth day (because we had duty and had to sleep onboard) for ten bucks and I pent something like 30% of my pay on day care at the base for my normal work days. Every penny I had each month went to Food, Rent, Utilities, I had NO phone, and Daycare. I was on the list but never got into base housing. Some months I was lucky to have a dollar left on payday. I had no bed, but my son had one. I had used furniture from the salvation army, and dried my clothes on a clothes line to keep the electric bill down. I even took in roommates at one point and moved into my son's room to make ends meet.

I don't have any idea how much money you make, or where you live, or what resources you have already tried. But if you can't make enough at your job to provide some form of childcare, your child is at risk. That is a tough situation for you both. I am glad that you asked us, and even if you get mad at some of us for what we say, I think that somewhere in all of the advice you get you will find a solution which will work for you.

A few ideas that I had while reading through the other posts are;

1. quit your job, and go on welfare (money still tight but your child is cared for)

2. move in with relatives, pay a smaller amount of rent and use the excess to pay for child care

3. barter with a neighbor for free child care....maybe you could clean their house on Saturday's top to bottom in exchange for free childcare

Believe me I am not judging you, just trying to give you some ideas, and remember with free advice you can take what you need and leave the rest.

That is a very excellent post. I definitely like some of the ideas

 

[babyharley]

Originally Posted by Rockcat

Mom2SalemIsis, you and your family are in my prayers.

Val, there isn't anything that hasn't been said that I should add, I just want you to know that you are in my prayers - I'm always here if you need to talk