- Joined
- Sep 24, 2022
- Messages
- 46
- Purraise
- 103
Hello all. I wanted to thank everyone who tried to help me with Frankie and for the well wishes and advice. Last weekend Frankie declined within a matter of hours, from Friday to Saturday she began to inhibit signs of kidney failure and heart failure even with medications. I thought about taking her to an emergency vet an hour away but decided it wasn't worth the risk. Sunday 10/9 I just knew she wasn't going to make it for Wednesday xray and update. After watching her very closely for the past month or so I just saw it in her eyes it was time. She began to refuse all foods and treats, even her favorite human treats like mayo or cheese. She began to wobble as she walked and Sunday she couldn't even move much anymore I could tell that wasn't the old Frankie anymore. I think she was hanging on for my sake. Monday morning I called the vet to help her pass, he didn't want to do it until later in the day at 4 pm which pained me because she was doing so bad. She was suffering. I didn't know what else to do but wait. When the time came I tried putting her in a little box with her favorite blanket and toys. She tried to get out so I held her in my arms as I walked to the car. As soon as I laid her in the box she began to panick and pant. I told my boyfriend I didn't think she'd make it. The vet was only 10 minutes away. I held her close and comforted her. I know that my Frankie was no longer consciously there but it was very painful and traumatic to see her this way. When we arrived at the vet my bf went in to try and rush everything so they had a room ready. I cried and cried and told Frankie it was OK if she could no longer hold on. I felt and saw her take her lasts breaths as her body began to twitch, could've been a seizure or her body simply having last minute reflexes. I held her lifeless body in my arms and I held her close telling her I was so sorry and that I love her so much. Frankie passed away on 10/10 around 4pm. I've never lost someone I loved so much. I've never lost a friend let alone a best friend and a soul mate. Frankie was my light. She saved me time and time again from the darkness. I called her my life line because she was. As I lay here holding a piece of her close to my heart, this pain, this emptiness within lingers and I fear it will never go away. I miss her so much. My life will never be the same in fact I had no plans on having a life if she was gone from mine. My other 3 younger pets and boyfriend of 4 years are the ones helping me hold on but my entire reality is in pieces and I can't grasp what has happened, I feel like I will wake up any minute from this nightmare and she will be laying next to me sleeping or she will be by the door ready to go eat breakfast like she was for the past 16.5 years. I see her when I close my eyes. I picked her up yesterday so she is home. I thought I'd feel better but I don't. There is a gaping wound in my broken heart. I think to myself I will be ok and then reality sets in that she is gone and I will never get to see her or hold her or kiss her again in this life and it's something I don't want to do but somehow I'm forced to do it anyway. I wish things couldve gone differently. I wish i couldve helped her pass in peace here at home but not vet would do that. I failed her in the end, letting her suffer and go the way she did. They say our pets create a soul contract with us before the beginning of time and they choose how when and where they would. Typical frankie, always strong and independent doing things on her own terms. My boyfriend comforts me and says frankie didnt want me to make that choice becaue it would be too hard so she chose to leave her own way. This doesnt feel real. My one constant piece of heaven that was there every day of my life for almost 17 years, since i was 17 years old is just gone in a blink of an eye and i dont know how to adapt. I know she is always with me but not being able to hold her and see her is just unfathomable pain that i am living. Rest easy my precious girl. Momma loves you and misses you and hopes to reunite with you, someday. I cant wait for that day. I no longer fear death because i know my frankie will be there, waiting for me.