For those who haven't faced loss, do you ever wonder how you will cope?

[alexa]

Before Charley passed away I thought about it often, basically because I knew her time was coming to an end.

It wasn't that long ago, so the pain is still fresh and I miss her terribly.

I don't handle death very well, but I guess Charley's passing has made me think a lot lately about life and death and especailly about my folks, knowing that they are getting on.

Sometimes I have to make myself change the subject (in my head) because I feel like I'll go crazy if I just think about the what ifs.....

 

[beckiboo]

Grief can be very different for different losses. As a multiple pet household, I have learned that different pet deaths hit me differently.

No matter how close you are to a pet, you understand going into the relationship that you need to commit to total care for this living being for a period of time. Yet you cannot be sure how long the animal will live. People live longer than pets, unless you get a turtle! But the love and relationship we gain is well worth the pain at time of departure.
One way to buffer the loss is another pet. My friend Jet purchased a puppy for her 9 y/o daughter this year, because the dog she has had since babyhood is getting old. Jet is planning ahead to the time when Parker passes, and now they have Lucy to love who will help comfort them when the time comes.

Jill/Silly Jilly, my condolences on the loss of your mother at age 19. I lost my Mom when I was 41, and it was crushing. And for all the others who have lost loved ones, both furry and hooman, I send

!

 

[hopehacker]

I just recently experienced the pain of losing my 20 year old Snoopy. He was my best friend in life, and I loved him as much as I loved my mother and father. I don't mean to sound heartless when I say that, because I really loved Snoopy. To me, he was my son. I loved him in a way, as if I'd actually given birth to him, and Oooooh but he loved me back. He was such a pure and beautiful soul. He was my sunshine through my entire adult life.

For the last 2 or 3 years of his life, I did spend a lot of time, wondering how I could handle his loss. I prayed to God to let me go first, so I wouldn't have to live on without him, but that was not in Gods plans. Sometimes I would just look at him and know that his time on earth was not going to be much longer, and I'd sob. Then I'd tell myself, that spending all that time crying about something that hadn't happened yet, was ruining the time I had left with him, and I would try to just enjoy being with him, and be grateful for all of the years I had been blessed with him in my life.

About a month before he passed on to The Bridge, I was sleeping when a voice came into my head and it said, "Snoopy will not be here much longer." I woke up with a start, and looked over at Snoopy who always slept with me, on my pillow right next to my face. I fell apart, for a few minutes, and then I tried to wipe that sad thought from my mind, and finally went back to sleep, but I really couldn't wipe the thought away completely. It stayed with me. I often wonder if it was God who was preparing me for Snoopy leaving, or if it was ME knowing the truth, or even if it was Snoopy telling me in some way that he was going to be leaving soon.

When the time finally came, I handled quite well, surprisingly well, considering that everyone I knew thought that I would be a basket case. It still hurts, and I don't think it will ever stop hurting completely, but somewhere deep within me, I mustered up the strength to go on, even though there were days after he was gone, that I wanted to die, to I could be with him again. For a few weeks I just went about my business kind of like a zombie, but I did get through it, and if I could get through the loss of my Snoopy, I know others can deal with that most painful loss. I was more devestated at Snoopy's loss than I was about my own mother and father. He was my life. I loved him SO MUCH, and I still do, and I will love him until the day I die and join him at the Bridge.

 

[darkeyedgirl]

I have never lost a cat, but I did lose my lop-earred bunny, Mr. Kickers. He was only 2 yrs old and such a BIG part of my life (big as in, big in personality!). He was a real buddy to my cat Zorro; Kickers was a big dude & was so fun & sweet & comical. He was free-roaming in my house.

He got sick and died within 24 hours; I had heard that rabbits don't usually survive stomach blockages, and that is what killed him. He died right here in my arms. I did NOT handle it very well at ALL. I cried like a freaking 2 year old who just got her arm slammed in a car door. Broken heart? Yeah, I buried Mr. K in the backyard of my condo, bought a headstone for him, and spent loads of time just staring out there. I didn't let on to many people about how much it hurt to lose him. It was just so sudden, and watching him die was absolutely HORRIBLE.

Then in early March this year I nearly lost Snickers, my 14 yr old cat. Snickers and I had just been reunited after 9 yrs... long story short, my ex-hub kept him when we divorced, and the ex-hub gave him back to me last yr. Snickers had major trouble adjusting to a new diet, new lifestyle. During that week that he spent in the Vet hospital ---- both arms shaved, IV's in him, catheter in him, and going from being "okay" one day and "downward spiral" the next --- I cried every morning on the way to work and every night to go see him at the Vet. When I got to bring him home you can imagine the relief.

But I know I will have to let him go, along with my other aging cats... death is a part of life. It IS going to happen. With human kids, the natural process is for YOU, the parent, to die first; with pets? You have to watch them age and die. That is the part I myself am having trouble with. 4 of my 6 are over 12 yrs old, and I can tell Snickers is aging... he has trouble with his sight (walks into stuff), he is getting clumsy... he was always "funny clumsy" like me but now he's just sort of wobbly.

While he was sick, all the thoughts ran through my head about where to bury him in my backyard... how I'd feel about seeing his grave every day I'm outside... and how much I'd miss cleaning up those big furballs of black fur every day. Most of all I thought of how much I'd miss his big golden eyes watching my every move, the way he curls up next to me every night & nibbles my face. I thought of all the bad stuff I'd feel IF I lost him (if and when), and thought of all the wonderful things about him I'd miss so much.

So I make it a point now to hold him more and kiss him more... my older cats get a tad more attention now than my youthful ones... can't help it.

I won't cope very well, in answer to your question because I do not cope well with death in general. It's not that I don't believe in the afterlife, it's just that it's so easy to love and be loved by pets, how DO you let that go????

 

[wellingtoncats]

Originally Posted by halfpint

I think that when it's the unknown that we worry more, not knowing if they are alright, or if there out there and if they are lost or what, but death has a certin finality to it, at that point we know in our Hearts and minds that we can't make a differance.

That's exactly right but I couldn't put it into words.

My Grandad had a huge battle last year, he was dying for weeks! I cried 24-7 when he was ill but the morning he passed away, I finally felt that he was OK and he wasn't suffering anymore. I didn't cry, I wanted to because I thought it was wrong by not?! but yeh

now I'm crying.

 

[rosiemac]

Awwwwww Sam

i've shed a few tears myself reading this thread tonight

 

[kittylea]

I didnt really read all the threads. I'm already depressed today (my sleeping disorder is acting up).

I have a problem with asking pets to promise me that they will always be with me.

When my first cat died (Candy - R.I.P.) when i was about 14, I didnt go to school for 3 days and I had awful nightmares. One still haunts me all the time. In my dream I saw Candy running around and acting normal but my parents wouldnt believe me that he died. I started crying, argueing with everyone and altogather freaking out. I woke up and my pillow was soaked in tears. I still think about it all the time.

Sadly I have already made the promise with sakura. My bad. I freak out when she just sick and get parinoid going to the vet thinking that he might find something wrong. I cant imagine losing her.

ps. I swear my parents house in now haunted by candy. Late at night you can hear him running up the steps, you can still smell his litter box and when i wake up in the morning I can still sence him looking at me (he used to wait for me to wake up). My parents havent had a cat since then (7 years). Spooky.

 

[simmyandnunny]

Yes, I sure do. I have actually cried thinking about it! It's inevitable, and I fear the day that it comes. I always try to imagine how old I'll be when it happens. Simmy left for 24 hours and I cried my eyes out. I couldn't believe he showed back up at my door! I was suprised he knew where to find our apartment! But he sure knew, and was meowing desperately to get back in! LOL. John was asleep, and I woke him up to his baby in my arms! He was so happy!

Yeah, I worry about it too. When it happens it's going to suck so bad, and we will mourn like crazy!

 

[simmyandnunny]

Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl

I have never lost a cat, but I did lose my lop-earred bunny, Mr. Kickers. He was only 2 yrs old and such a BIG part of my life (big as in, big in personality!). He was a real buddy to my cat Zorro; Kickers was a big dude & was so fun & sweet & comical. He was free-roaming in my house.

He got sick and died within 24 hours; I had heard that rabbits don't usually survive stomach blockages, and that is what killed him. He died right here in my arms. I did NOT handle it very well at ALL. I cried like a freaking 2 year old who just got her arm slammed in a car door. Broken heart? Yeah, I buried Mr. K in the backyard of my condo, bought a headstone for him, and spent loads of time just staring out there. I didn't let on to many people about how much it hurt to lose him. It was just so sudden, and watching him die was absolutely HORRIBLE.

Then in early March this year I nearly lost Snickers, my 14 yr old cat. Snickers and I had just been reunited after 9 yrs... long story short, my ex-hub kept him when we divorced, and the ex-hub gave him back to me last yr. Snickers had major trouble adjusting to a new diet, new lifestyle. During that week that he spent in the Vet hospital ---- both arms shaved, IV's in him, catheter in him, and going from being "okay" one day and "downward spiral" the next --- I cried every morning on the way to work and every night to go see him at the Vet. When I got to bring him home you can imagine the relief.

But I know I will have to let him go, along with my other aging cats... death is a part of life. It IS going to happen. With human kids, the natural process is for YOU, the parent, to die first; with pets? You have to watch them age and die. That is the part I myself am having trouble with. 4 of my 6 are over 12 yrs old, and I can tell Snickers is aging... he has trouble with his sight (walks into stuff), he is getting clumsy... he was always "funny clumsy" like me but now he's just sort of wobbly.

While he was sick, all the thoughts ran through my head about where to bury him in my backyard... how I'd feel about seeing his grave every day I'm outside... and how much I'd miss cleaning up those big furballs of black fur every day. Most of all I thought of how much I'd miss his big golden eyes watching my every move, the way he curls up next to me every night & nibbles my face. I thought of all the bad stuff I'd feel IF I lost him (if and when), and thought of all the wonderful things about him I'd miss so much.

So I make it a point now to hold him more and kiss him more... my older cats get a tad more attention now than my youthful ones... can't help it.

I won't cope very well, in answer to your question because I do not cope well with death in general. It's not that I don't believe in the afterlife, it's just that it's so easy to love and be loved by pets, how DO you let that go????

Awww, I feel the same way you do. This thread is killing me, lol.

group hug to all the sensitive souls who love their babies so much it hurts. I look forward to seeing them all in Heaven some day.

 

[iarecrystal]

This thread is killing me, also. The stories actually brought me to tears because I do too think about one day they will be gone and end up crying.

 

[pandybear]

just recently experienced the pain of losing my 20 year old Snoopy. He was my best friend in life, and I loved him as much as I loved my mother and father. I don't mean to sound heartless when I say that, because I really loved Snoopy. To me, he was my son. I loved him in a way, as if I'd actually given birth to him, and Oooooh but he loved me back. He was such a pure and beautiful soul. He was my sunshine through my entire adult life.

awwww hope that would have been such a difficult time, i'm sorry you had to go through that

((((Hugs))))

I won't cope very well, in answer to your question because I do not cope well with death in general. It's not that I don't believe in the afterlife, it's just that it's so easy to love and be loved by pets, how DO you let that go????

i don't cope well with deathe either and it's kind of like my mind protects me by making me believe they are still alive but with a pet who is whith you every day it would be hard to pretend they are somewhere else

felicia

 

[ash_bct]

Originally Posted by pandybear

i don't cope well with deathe either and it's kind of like my mind protects me by making me believe they are still alive but with a pet who is whith you every day it would be hard to pretend they are somewhere else

felicia

That's just it isn't it? Our minds can play tricks on us with people/pets that we don't see every day.

I still have days (not as much anymore) when I ask my Mom how Bear is. And then the tears flow. I was with him when he died, but I never want to believe it. I think I do this because even though I was living at home then, I knew I couldn't take him with me when I did move out. I trick myself knowing that he is still with me, and in all honesty I think he is.


I am much worse with my Grandpa who I lost last summer. I come home from a busy day and go to pick up the phone to call him but Brandon just gives me a "look". It all comes back. I can seem to only remember (still) what my Uncle said at the funeral...

"Grandpa lives on and always will through the hearts of his grandchildren. They are the reason he came home from the war, the reason he cried, and the reason he wished he hadn't made it through the war. He hated the heartbreak he felt when "his girls" were heartbroken. But in the end the reason he lived was the love he had for these women sitting in front of you today."

I had never heard that before that day and I will never forget it.

All I want to believe is that Bear and Grandpa are on vacation together and will be home soon~ Sometimes that gets the better of me and I do~

 

[wellingtoncats]

Originally Posted by rosiemac

Awwwwww Sam

i've shed a few tears myself reading this thread tonight

Susan

It's not easy reading about grief is it.

 

[rosiemac]

Thats why i can't go in the bridge Sam

 

[purity]

Originally Posted by rosiemac

Thats why i can't go in the bridge Sam

Nor me. I had a quick look in there a while ago but I just end up in tears reading the posts

 

[darkeyedgirl]

Nor me. I had a quick look in there a while ago but I just end up in tears reading the posts.

Every now and then I'll wander into the Bridge forum. It's sort of like prepping yourself for what you will have to face in the future. Having been there before with my bunnyboy, knowing what loss in general is like... all the questions unanswered & stuff left unsaid... that's what makes loss so hard. I'm talking about pets and humans.

Just cherish every moment... and always say I Love You & give a big ol kiss when ya say goodbye every morning... My daughter & don't leave the house til all 6 cats have had a hug, kiss & love-yous! and then of course when I drop my daughter off, she gets the same.

((( Hugs Y'all )))

 

[halfpint]

Originally Posted by WellingtonCats

That's exactly right but I couldn't put it into words.

My Grandad had a huge battle last year, he was dying for weeks! I cried 24-7 when he was ill but the morning he passed away, I finally felt that he was OK and he wasn't suffering anymore. I didn't cry, I wanted to because I thought it was wrong by not?! but yeh

now I'm crying.

When My 1st hubby was ill, I never once cried in front of him, I never once had the courage to ask him what he was thinking, I couldn't, it took me over a year to finally fall apart, I was married to him for 34 years I was 16 he was 18, he died at 50 years old after being ill for 9 months from the time we found out he had cancer till he died.That is when I learned life is not fair, at 47 yrs old.
I am not saying that we care more or less for one or the other, animal or human, it's just different...
The animals don't get to pick who they live with who does or doesn't take care of them. They have no choices, but when it comes to pets and it's sad to say but sometimes we have to make choices they we don't really want to, we as humans do not think in that respect with our minds, It's our Hearts that lead us. And yes now I am also crying

 

[pandybear]

Originally Posted by Purity

Nor me. I had a quick look in there a while ago but I just end up in tears reading the posts

i actually went in there for the first time the same day i posted this, it's what made me think about how i would feel if i lost a furbaby.

while i was reading the posts in there the tears did not stop the whole time, i am so over sensitive to pain whether it is mine or someone elses and it just kills me inside to read about people hurting so much

especially because even though i have not lost a pet i know no words will ease their suffering, it was sad to be in there and even though i'd like to say i won't go again i probably will even if it's just to prepare myself a little for when it happens to me.

i guess i like to read the posts where people remember the good times and it gives me comfort that when one of my babies passes on that i could maybe do that too, it also helps to read posts from people who have been through really bad emotional trauma losing a pet and are okay now, it gives me hope i guess....



love,

felicia