First You Lose Your Mind...

[bellaandme]

I've always been a private person--especially when I'm grieving. I've seen 3 cats slip away from me in less than 10 months. How am i suppose to wrap my head around that?? When Emmy passed away I actually felt like I had stepped out of my body and was watching the whole thing like it was happening to someone else. It was another wound on top of other wounds that hadn't healed yet. How much can one person cry and scream? When will it stopped hurting? I just feel empty now--I can hear the wind blow through my soul---there's nothing there anymore...
Am I not meant to ever love another cat again? I don't think i can stop that kind of love--I don't want to. But how can I bring another cat into my life without the fear of losing it too soon?
See I hate self-pity and I don't want this thread to sound like that. I just had to share some thoughts going through my head lately. I do want to thank all of you for the love and support during this recent walk through Hell. It would be a lonely battle without you guys!!!

 

[kailie]

Oh hun, how I wish we lived closer... I would give you the BIGGEST hug and would find some ways to make you smile. Your pain must be so incredibly intense, but I DO hope that you know that NONE of this is your fault. I will never understand why such terrible things always happen to such wonderful people. I just don't get it. I never will.

 

[bellaandme]

Thank you Kailie!! You're always comforting. You know the saying, "If it doesn't kill you; it'll make you stronger"? I don't feel like it's making me stronger...

 

[Winchester]

I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. Losing one baby is bad enough; losing three so close together would make me mad with grief. I don't know how you're going through this. And my heart breaks for you.

 

[libby74]

Cheryl, I am so very sorry for all your losses. I actually do understand how this has hit you; I lost my beloved Belle in Nov.06, my rambunctious Bob in Feb 07, and my sweet Sophie Sept 07. All of those losses were totally unexpected and heart-breaking. You begin to wonder why all this grief and loss is being dumped on you, and truthfully, I've never been able to come up with an answer. We know that our kitties aren't going to be our life-long companions, that we're going to be devestated at some point in time, but we never think it will happen so soon. Hold onto the fact that you gave your fur-babies a wonderful, loving home in the short time you had with them. Their lives were better because of you.

Don't ever think you're not meant to have cats in your life; that's exactly what your purpose seems to be. You shower them with so much love, and they give you so much in return; you're brought together with the ones that need you, for however short a time that might be.

It will get better, I promise. You'll always grieve for those little souls, but it will become easier as time goes on. And I know you'll be adopted by another special kitty that needs someone like you in his/her life. Don't let your fear of losing them eventually keep you from welcoming another furbaby into your heart. For now, cry and scream and punch pillows all you need to, don't bottle it up inside. Anytime you need to talk, sweetie, you know we're all here for you. (((hugs)))

 

[larussa]

I know how you feel as many of us do. Why things like this happen to us, we will never know. We love our cats so deeply and they become part of who we are so that when we lose them we lose part of ourselves and that really hurts.

I am so sorry for you losses in so short a time, I know your hurt is huge.

 

[farleyv]

I have hoped to see you back. I too, wish we lived close by.

In 2008, I lost three cats within 5 months. One in May and two in September. The last two in 48 hours. One expected, the other not. All indoor cats.

I am glad you don't want to loose the feelings of love for the kitties. This is just all so very over the top. You are reeling, and rightfully so.

The best way, IMO, to honor those you have lost is to give the love out again when you are ready. You are such a good person, and loving owner. Please don't let these losses rob you of loving another little one.

Honestly, sometimes when I am in a reflective mood, and wonder why I was put on earth my thoughts go to my kids and DH of course. They all grew up well and have good lives. But I was also put here to care for all the little cats that have touched my life. Who, without me, would have met certain death in the cruel, outside world.

I believe you have this same "job". You do so much for these little ones, and are probably "doomed" to more broken hearts, as we all are. But that is the price we pay for the abundance of love we give and get.

I am so happy to see you back. I have been worried about you. Take the time, regroup. I hope every day, you get a bit stronger. We are here for you, as you are here for us too.

God Bless you Cheryl.

 

[nurseangel]

I am sorry you are hurting. You are meant to have a cat. You have been through a lot in a short time and it is difficult seeing through the pain right now. My prayers are with you.

 

[ruthyb]

We are all here for you Cheryl because we know what a wonderful and caring person that you are. You didn't have Emmy for very long but in the time that you had her you gave her more love and care than she has probably ever experienced. Look what you did for Genesis, most people would have let that go, not you, you got justice for her and made people aware and it may just stop atleast a few people from doing something so terrible. And Bella, well Bella was your girl and you gave her love, care and affection and think of the wonderful adventures that you and Bella shared.
I know it seems now that everything is so cruel and it hurts like hell and you are finding it hard to see beyond that at the minute but you will get stronger but it will take time, I cannot imagine how hard this is and I cannot say how sorry that I am that you have had to go through this, you really don't deserve it at all. We all love you Cheryl.xxxx

 

[milk maid]

I am not good with words but I do know how you feel, all your kitties have had love from you and loved you in return and I just want to send you loads of (((huggs)))

 

[ldg]

The simple answer to your question of how.... or why.... is that I have no idea. I just know it must hurt more than I can begin to imagine, and while I may believe that everything happens for a reason... that doesn't mean that ANY of it is fair or doesn't hurt.

I do know that if hugs could heal, you'd be smiling already, but it's just not that easy - especially because you DO feel so deeply!

 

[bastetservant]

There is hardly anything more that I could say that hasn't already been said, so eloquently, above. It is one of the most difficult parts of life to try to make sense of such painful experiences.

You've had an uncommon amount of grief to grapple with in a short period of time. You are emotionally so beaten down and discouraged. It is very, very unfair. I'd be angry if I were you. Not that it would help. Not much will help, except time.

The depth of your pain is the measure of how much you loved them. They were privileged cats to have so much devotion from you.

In time you will heal enough (though never completely) so that you can risk loving a cat again. And there will be one (or more) who needs you.

And the odds are, he or she will live a long healthy life.

Have faith!


Robin

 

[my4llma]

Originally Posted by Bellaandme

When will it stopped hurting? how can I bring another cat into my life without the fear of losing it too soon?

I don't think it will ever stop hurting. I still hurt every time I think about

Lynxx

. He died 2 days after Thanksgiving. Not a moment goes by each day I don't think about, and cry over him. People have told me that eventually it won't hurt when you think about them, it will just bring a smile to your face remembering them. But I haven't gotten to that point yet. I can't imagine ever thinking about

Lynxx

, and not crying.

I'm very paranoid over Luna and Midnight now all the time, because I keep remembering

Lynxx

was taken away from me. So if you get another cat, you'll probably be an over protective mother like me. Actually over protective is a good thing, you'll know your new cat much better. I've gotten to know Luna and Midnight much better, because I'm constantly observing them, watching them, making sure their ok. Paying more attention to their eating habits, and drinking habits.

You gave

Bella

,

Emmy

and the other 1 (sorry I don't know their name) a very good life, for the time they were here with you. You can give a new cat the same good life, for as long as they are with you. These

cats

will be proud of you for that.

 

[krazy kat2]

There is not a kitty in the world that can replace the lost ones. I am so sorry you had to find that out for yourself. I had a very wise man tell me once that each time a beloved pet goes to the Bridge, that leaves a spot for another in desperate need. Some day your angels will send you one to love, and only you know will if it is " the one." Until then, remember we are all praying for you.

 

[lovesmycats]

I don't think it will ever stop hurting and I'm sure you have questioned why has all of this happened?? My fiance' passed away in June '10, my grandpa July '10 and I had to put my cat to sleep in Nov '10. The pain is still unbearable. I lost two very special men and my first cat in such a short period of time.

Take it one day at a time. I'm sure one day a special kitty out there will need you. Let your RB kitties lead you to them. You will be in my prayers. If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[stephanietx]

I am so sorry you've lost another kitty in such a short period of time. It's so hard! I try to focus on all the fun times, joy and laughter my kitty has brought me and not focus on the sadness. You'll know when it's time to open your heart to another kitty. Until then, you can live vicariously through all the kitties here.

 

[mbjerkness]

I am so sorry for all you have lost. I too wish I could hug you in person. I know that I can't take your pain away. I do know that Emmy was sent to you, so she could know what it is to be loved. I am so thankful you could be there for her. There will be a special kitty for you to love. When you are ready.

 

[nanner]

Many hugs to you. It's so very hard, I know.

But I also have a feeling that, despite the very real pain you're now experiencing, you are meant to welcome kitties into your home and give them more love and care than they would have ever imagined in their little lives. I know that, when you're ready, some little creature will be lucky enough to feel your embrace and your love.

 

[otto]

Cheyrl I'm glad to see you posting because I worry about you. You've been through a terrible hurtful time, and I worry how you are managing it. When the time is right another will find you, your love was meant to be given, and I pray s/he will be there for a long haul, you've been through so much. I know it's not much, but do try to take comfort from the fact that all your Bridge angels knew love, your love, before they left, even Genesis. Love and hugs from me.

 

[catbehaviors]

My sincere condolences go out to you.

I just can't imagine losing so many cats in such a short period of time... you must be feeling so down. Don't blame yourself that they died, it was just their time. I hope your feeling better soon.