Finally Had Enough

[cmshap]

It's a very different experience watching a bonded pair. I think "having a bond" and "bonded pair" are two different things, frequently confused.

I totally get that. And like I said, whoever wanted to keep them together probably had only good intentions.

But a shelter must be a stressful, scary place for cats, or any other animals. This is just conjecture, but I could imagine animals bonding and sticking together when living in a shelter. For comfort and survival reasons.

But there's never any guarantee that will continue after moving them into a larger space, where they can naturally exist as cats. I'd certainly hope they'd continue to get along, but there will always be a possibility that the situation doesn't work out.

 

[dandelion22]

Okay. I'll explain as best I can. First, the cats were siblings. Most adoption shelters are insisting that siblings be adopted together and are saying that they are a bonded pair. Since I had recently lost my cat of fourteen years to kidney failure, maybe my judgement was off. But I figured that if the shelter says that they are bonded, and related, who am I to argue?

I adopted them in spring of 2020. If you could see earlier pics of these two, you would have seen them sleeping curled up together, playing, and sharing things. Only when one cat began to be bigger in stature, did I start to see bullying; this was around spring of 2022.
I started looking for cures, asking advice on various forums, even asked my vet's office. They recommended several things, including supplements and feeding practices. So, it is not so much that I waited for three years; the situation started to worsen last spring and has only gotten worse. I am a person who feels committed when I take a pet home; I usually try everything to make it work. But this is not resolving, and I am sure that these guys will be better off separated.

I do think that these agencies shouldn't be so free with words like bonded. These guys shared a mother, but they don't even like to be in the same room. And when one of them starts losing weight because she is afraid to eat, even if I feed the bully behind a closed door, then something has to give..

 

[Kwik]

Okay. I'll explain as best I can. First, the cats were siblings. Most adoption shelters are insisting that siblings be adopted together and are saying that they are a bonded pair. Since I had recently lost my cat of fourteen years to kidney failure, maybe my judgement was off. But I figured that if the shelter says that they are bonded, and related, who am I to argue?

I adopted them in spring of 2020. If you could see earlier pics of these two, you would have seen them sleeping curled up together, playing, and sharing things. Only when one cat began to be bigger in stature, did I start to see bullying; this was around spring of 2022.
I started looking for cures, asking advice on various forums, even asked my vet's office. They recommended several things, including supplements and feeding practices. So, it is not so much that I waited for three years; the situation started to worsen last spring and has only gotten worse. I am a person who feels committed when I take a pet home; I usually try everything to make it work. But this is not resolving, and I am sure that these guys will be better off separated.

I do think that these agencies shouldn't be so free with words like bonded. These guys shared a mother, but they don't even like to be in the same room. And when one of them starts losing weight because she is afraid to eat, even if I feed the bully behind a closed door, then something has to give..

Wow-2 years later this happened- well I'm confident in saying it had nothing to do with size:but something changed.... however it seems you have passed the point where you've had enough and would prefer to let the one go- honestly I'd rather see someone rehome a cat than to be so terribly unhappy and frustrated,not good for either cat or you-there are times the "family dynamic' just doesn't work

If your not past the point of no return we could try starting over with you,I wont lie -t's a heck of alot of work,time and patience required but we are here if you change your mind

Alldara is spot on about seeking legal advice online- most attorney consultations are free- I'd suggest finding a local "contract attorney" to review the terms.....I know nothing about adoption contracts but I do know contracts are not unbreakable .....I wish you the very best ,it's exhausting living under duress constantly,the kitties are young enough to live happily ever after- separately ,follow your heart

 

[Kflowers]

I'm not saying this is what happened, and I'm only suggesting it as a thought. The only thing I've read on this site that sounds remotely like what happened to your cats is that when they stopped liking each other something frightened them and they experienced re-directed aggression. There are threads on this, if you don't know what it is, it's when an animal is with another who is a friend, but a strange animal or event (fireworks will do it) appeared, and the first animal wanted to fight the intruder. They don't have to make contact, visual will do. But since they can't reach the intruder they will attack the closest animal to them - their friend, you. People have had some luck with re-introducing the estranged cats to each other.

It's also possible they were bonded and the trauma of seeing whatever it was finished the bond. Which would at least mean no one intentionally lied to you and you can still trust the shelter where you got them.

This is only a thought and may have nothing to do with your two.

 

[cmshap]

It's also possible they were bonded and the trauma of seeing whatever it was finished the bond. Which would at least mean no one intentionally lied to you and you can still trust the shelter where you got them.

Yeah, there are a thousand different possible explanations for what changed. You could very well be right.

I also am fairly confident that nobody was lying. There were two cats in a shelter who were visibly sticking together. Anybody would look at that and think that those two cats find comfort with one another, so they would do well if adopted together.

But, either the change of environment provoked the behavioral change, or something else happened in the new environment. Or it's a reason that none of us have thought of yet.

To dandelion22 , I don't think anyone faults you for "waiting" a few years. You were obviously doing the best you can to try to resolve this issue. If anything, the fact that you tolerated it and tried to remedy it shows that you were responsible and really made an effort.

 

[dandelion22]

I'm not saying this is what happened, and I'm only suggesting it as a thought. The only thing I've read on this site that sounds remotely like what happened to your cats is that when they stopped liking each other something frightened them and they experienced re-directed aggression. There are threads on this, if you don't know what it is, it's when an animal is with another who is a friend, but a strange animal or event (fireworks will do it) appeared, and the first animal wanted to fight the intruder. They don't have to make contact, visual will do. But since they can't reach the intruder they will attack the closest animal to them - their friend, you. People have had some luck with re-introducing the estranged cats to each other.

It's also possible they were bonded and the trauma of seeing whatever it was finished the bond. Which would at least mean no one intentionally lied to you and you can still trust the shelter where you got them.

This is only a thought and may have nothing to do with your two.

They were semi feral, and they both were very shy when I got them. I am home all of the time, and there has been no triggering event that would cause such a difference in their relationship. I just can't think of anything that could have triggered this gradual but definite change.

 

[dandelion22]

BTW, I am currently corresponding with the shelter. I will update when I can.

 

[Furballsmom]

I know you said it was gradual, but just to mention (although I realize the cause isn't super important at this date in time) could this be a little (or more) redirected aggression from a cat or other animal they're detecting outside of your home? Doesn't matter if you're in an apartment or house, "territorial encroachment" from ferals, strays, other animals such as raccoons etc, and pets moving into other apartments can all be sources of tension for a sensitive cat.

 

[maggie101]

Until you can find someone to take her, I suggest having no where for her to hide ,remove the box springs so she cannot get under the bed, and numerous places to jump above her. My cat Maggie walks away when peaches jumps on a table. My cat that's really afraid of her sleeps on top of my couch it took Coco a year to leave my bedroom. She walked out on her own

 

[cmshap]

I just can't think of anything that could have triggered this gradual but definite change.

In some cases, we, as humans, can't ever think of the cause for such changes.

We can only do our best in guessing how to control cat behavior, which is ultimately what we are all doing here. We want cats to live their best cat-lives along with us, but we are ultimately trying to control their natural behaviors such that they are living with us as our pets. We can't know everything going on in their minds.

To be clear, I agree with the facts that our cats live longer, and can have happy lives when taken indoors to live among us. But they are still cats, and we can only partially understand what governs their instincts and behaviors. There could have been an environmental change you couldn't perceive, or some external event you did not witness. Those possibilities are just within the nature of having pets.

 

[Kwik]

I know you said it was gradual, but just to mention (although I realize the cause isn't super important at this date in time) could this be a little (or more) redirected aggression from a cat or other animal they're detecting outside of your home? Doesn't matter if you're in an apartment or house, "territorial encroachment" from ferals, strays, other animals such as raccoons etc, and pets moving into other apartments can all be sources of tension for a sensitive cat.

That's what I'm thinking-often times a human cannot see or hear what the cat does to trigger redirected aggression.... sure seems to indicate such

 

[cmshap]

That's what I'm thinking-often times a human cannot see or hear what the cat does to trigger redirected aggression.... sure seems to indicate such

This is exactly right. Even just thinking about cats' senses... they have different vision/hearing than we do, and obviously much better smell, so they can perceive things that we don't.

I made a thread a while back about my cat randomly starting to pant one night, as if he was very stressed. One possible explanation was that he witnessed something, either out the window, or smelled through my apartment door, that I had no idea about. He did not continue to pant after that night, so I let it go.

 

[dandelion22]

They were semi feral, and they both were very shy when I got them. I am home all of the time, and there has been no triggering event that would cause such a difference in their relationship. I just can't think of anything that could have triggered this gradual but definite change.

I just spoke to a friend who used to foster cats, and she said that this is a situation where the cat's true personality has emerged. She needs to be a solo cat who doesn't have to share resources. Period.

 

[maggie101]

I just spoke to a friend who used to foster cats, and she said that this is a situation where the cat's true personality has emerged. She needs to be a solo cat who doesn't have to share resources. Period.

How old are the cats now? At what age did they first meet?

 

[Kwik]

I just spoke to a friend who used to foster cats, and she said that this is a situation where the cat's true personality has emerged. She needs to be a solo cat who doesn't have to share resources. Period.

I'm sorry to disagree with your cat fostering friend& God Bless her heart for doing what she does BUT after over 4 decades of working professionally with big ,small, domestics & ferals there is no " period" and true personality emerged,that's ludicrous

She's a good friend apparently that wants to support your decision and we all support your decision as well,it does not have to be justified it simply has to work for you .... What the cat " needs" is another story but she can live as a "solo" cat - fact of the matter is your mind is made up and thete is absolutely nothing wrong with that as you are doing all that you can to see that she is put in the proper hands to rehome her- please do keep us updated on the outcome

 

[maggie101]

I think it's because as kittens,they run,chase,play with each other. As they get older hunting starts. I had no idea maggie would be territorial after years. And Peaches attitude changed, she became more bossy. They were bf as kittens

 

[Alldara]

BTW, I am currently corresponding with the shelter. I will update when I can.

Hopefully they'll be facilitative with you. Looking forward to hearing about it.

 

[dandelion22]

How old are the cats now? At what age did they first meet?

They are siblings, and are both four.

 

[maggie101]

They are siblings, and are both four.

So their personality cannot be changed but they can be clicker trained

 

[danteshuman]

Ummmm Nick & Jackie were a bonded pair. We had to split them up but settled on weekend visits. They hang out together and like being close.

If your kitties won’t even sleep (often) within a couple feet of each other (like the picture of the 3 cats on a bed) & are fighting all the time; rehoming is best. I wish you the best.