Yesterday, I had to take my cat Gracie to the emergency vet. Being that it was Christmas Eve, her regular vet wasn't in the office. Yesterday made the second time this past week that I had to take her into emergency. Friday night, early yesterday morning, she was yeowing in pain and couldn't use her hind legs to walk. I took her in and they took her back pretty quickly. The nurse came and told me the doctor would like to see me. I knew then that the news wasn't good. The doctor told me that after doing x-rays, she had found a blood clot had burst and that there was nothing that could be done for Gracie. I agreed to putting Gracie to sleep, as I don't want her to suffer, which she obviously was. My guilt comes from not being there with her while she was put to sleep. The doctor told me that Gracie was already extremely agitated and me being there would make it worse. I had never had to make that decision before, as my other cats all died at home. I was in such a state of shock that I didn't argue with the vet. And to be honest, I just assumed that most people aren't present with their pets when that happens. I now know most people are there for their babies. I'm devasted thinking about how scared she may have been. Alone and dying. I can't stop crying. I feel like I let her down when she needed me the most. I've read some not so great reviews of the emergency hospital today, and I'm afraid I didn't make the right decision.
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Feeling guilty
- Thread starter Tgal73
- Start Date
No. Please don’t feel guilty. She would have been given a tranquilizer first and been calmed by that. Relieved of stress and pain eased, she would have felt huge relief. After being exhausted she probably dozed off before anything else happened. I am so, so sorry you had to make such a hard decision but you gave her freedom. No matter if we are with them or not, we all look back and think ,” what if….” Last year I had to make the same decision for my heart cat. I spent a great deal of time trying to find a solution with the vet. He was sedated as we talked and he was totally relaxed. So much so that , if I had not understood his condition well, I would have felt he was okay. He wasn’t. I know that but it still tugs hard at my heart. So, my heart is with you. You should never feel guilty for loving her enough to make the hardest of decisions.
This choice is one that had to be made for Gracie. It was the right choice, while it is emotionally dreadful and painful for you. Cats live in the now. As
Jcatbird
said, she would have known relief of pain, then into that sleep from which there is no awakening.
My condolences, T Tgal73 I'm glad you found your way here to TCS so we can say "We know. We understand. We're sorry for your loss."
Jcatbird
said, she would have known relief of pain, then into that sleep from which there is no awakening. My condolences, T Tgal73 I'm glad you found your way here to TCS so we can say "We know. We understand. We're sorry for your loss."
I wasn't there for one of my cats, I was for the other.
The people who were involved did their best to make things as easy as possible for her, I'm sure.
You absolutely made the right decision. She is at peace now and wouldn't want you to be so upset
The people who were involved did their best to make things as easy as possible for her, I'm sure.
You absolutely made the right decision. She is at peace now and wouldn't want you to be so upset
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Rest you gentle, Gracie, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.
I am so, so sorry that you and Gracie went through that. I know, I know to the bottom of my heart, that Gracie knew your heart was with hers, and that you watched her take those first steps through the Gate between This Adventure and her Next Great Adventure, and that your love went with her to guide her along her way. Now, from That Place Where All Things Are Know, she blesses you, and sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to you to walk with you down through all of your day. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.
I am so, so sorry that you and Gracie went through that. I know, I know to the bottom of my heart, that Gracie knew your heart was with hers, and that you watched her take those first steps through the Gate between This Adventure and her Next Great Adventure, and that your love went with her to guide her along her way. Now, from That Place Where All Things Are Know, she blesses you, and sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to you to walk with you down through all of your day. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.
I’m so sorry you have lost your Gracie, but please, don’t feel guilty. She wasn’t “alone and dying” - she was in the hands of vets relieving her pain, as the others on the thread have said, and it is SUCH a quick process. Literally less than the blink of an eye. They’re tranquillised and when the final injection goes in, it’s instant. Much easier ime than dying of heart failure as one of mine did.
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I know and understand the pain of your loss. You did the right thing. Hang in there it's a ruff road for a while. I still ocassionally miss my batman.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You made the right decision and did what was best for Gracie. The vet's advised you not to put more stress on her by being there. They would of made sure she was comfortable believe me. Please don't feel guilty your decision was made out of love and that's never wrong. 
She was literally out of her mind with pain. When she was given the sedative, I'm sure the relief was so great she focused on that and not her surroundings. No matter how the end comes you will ALWAYS have doubts and guilt, it is a part of grieving. If you would have been with her, you would feel the guilt of feeling helpless and not being able to help her. Losing someone we love is always hard, nothing goes perfect. There is always something our poor confused mind latches onto to make us dwell onto the pain.
Please know she is at peace because she knows she is loved. the bond of love you two share is spiritual, so eternal. You will ALWAYS have her as close as your thoughts and prayers. Her sweet love is a permanent part of your heart and soul. Try to go forward now into the future as you would have wanted for her if you were the first to go. She wants no less.
Of course you hurt. It will always hurt. But time will help it to be less acute. in the years to come it will become an ache that is manageable. Especially if you let her legacy of love spread and grow with another little love. Never replaced, that can never happen with the unique love you two shared. She taught you to open your heart. Taught you that you can open it again an pass on her legacy. Because that is what she left you, a precious gift, a cat's love........RIP Precious Gracie. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
Please know she is at peace because she knows she is loved. the bond of love you two share is spiritual, so eternal. You will ALWAYS have her as close as your thoughts and prayers. Her sweet love is a permanent part of your heart and soul. Try to go forward now into the future as you would have wanted for her if you were the first to go. She wants no less.
Of course you hurt. It will always hurt. But time will help it to be less acute. in the years to come it will become an ache that is manageable. Especially if you let her legacy of love spread and grow with another little love. Never replaced, that can never happen with the unique love you two shared. She taught you to open your heart. Taught you that you can open it again an pass on her legacy. Because that is what she left you, a precious gift, a cat's love........RIP Precious Gracie. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
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Something I've noticed is that many people feel guilty about how the ending was. It is so hard. It happens so quickly. My mom was there when her pug passed and she said watching it happen was horrendous and something that she struggles to have in her mind. Our cat passed yesterday and we didn't make it to the hospital in time (it happened so quickly) and I feel so guilty that we weren't there. I guess guilt might be part of the process.
I'm so sorry 
There might be something here that helps, written by one of our members Margret;
Guilt is perfectly normal after the loss of a loved one, even contradictory guilt - “I did it too soon, no, I waited too long.” The fact is that in the face of death we are all helpless, and helplessness is a terrible feeling, so terrible that our subconscious minds would rather feel guilty than helpless. You see, guilt implies that there was something we could have done that would have prevented this horrible thing that happened, and if we can just figure out what that thing was and avoid it in the future this will never happen again. It’s just too bad that life doesn’t work that way. Eventually, if we are to survive intact we absolutely must acknowledge that, while we may have regrets, we did the best we could with the resources at our disposal at the time, and then we have to forgive ourselves for not being God.
I went to the library and searched for a book about grieving. The very first book that I found (and I’m sorry that I no longer remember either the title or the author so I’m unable to give credit where it’s due) had a whole chapter about grieving for pets, and it gave three rules or principles for grieving a pet (or anyone else). Here they are:
There might be something here that helps, written by one of our members Margret;
Guilt is perfectly normal after the loss of a loved one, even contradictory guilt - “I did it too soon, no, I waited too long.” The fact is that in the face of death we are all helpless, and helplessness is a terrible feeling, so terrible that our subconscious minds would rather feel guilty than helpless. You see, guilt implies that there was something we could have done that would have prevented this horrible thing that happened, and if we can just figure out what that thing was and avoid it in the future this will never happen again. It’s just too bad that life doesn’t work that way. Eventually, if we are to survive intact we absolutely must acknowledge that, while we may have regrets, we did the best we could with the resources at our disposal at the time, and then we have to forgive ourselves for not being God.
I went to the library and searched for a book about grieving. The very first book that I found (and I’m sorry that I no longer remember either the title or the author so I’m unable to give credit where it’s due) had a whole chapter about grieving for pets, and it gave three rules or principles for grieving a pet (or anyone else). Here they are:
- It hurts as much as it hurts. There is no right or wrong about how much the loss of a pet "should" hurt. The fact is that our pets are family members; they aren’t “just” anything; and anyone who says “It was just a cat” is demonstrating a gross lack of understanding. And the loss of a family member should be painful.
- It takes as long as it takes. There is no set period of time within which grieving should end, not for the loss of a parent, or a child, or a spouse, or a friend, or a pet. Some people do their grieving quickly; others of us take longer, and it’s important to take whatever time you need to complete your grieving. And remember, this is still a family member we’re talking about. People who say “It’s already been six months; don’t you think it’s time you got over the death of your cat?” would never think of saying “It’s already been six months; don’t you think it’s time you got over the death of your mother?” No, I’m not saying that your cat was as important to you as your mother. I am saying that grief doesn’t always make that kind of fine distinction, and if you expect it to do so you’re going to be seriously confused and hurt.
- The only way to the other side of grief is straight through the middle. There are no shortcuts, no bypasses. Any attempt to cut the process short, or avoid it altogether, merely ensures that you will never complete it.
I understand. My Katie died in my lap on the way to hospital to euthanise her thirteen years ago. I had to get home from work via public transport to get to her. It was awful, and I never want to leave it that late again. Better a little early than too late, imo.
