So, recently, I have totally failed at 2 auditions, gotten a few B's on tests that I should have aced, and not gotten the arts administration job I applied for.
So, I'm pretty much feeling like a complete failure. I feel like all I ever hear is that I'm not good enough to do, well, anything. I work really hard, I TRY to focus, but it's really a difficult thing for me to do, and nothing is getting better. I had a meltdown in my most recent lesson, I think all of the other students are talking behind my back about my abilities, I have a coaching tonight and I'm just not ready for it because I've been so busy trying to make everything ELSE right. No matter what I do, it's not enough. I have no connections, no prospects and now, everything thinks I suck at the flute.
To top that off, I finally learned just how MUCH debt I'm marrying into and realized that to get a good teaching gig I'm going to need a car AND a new flute. Neither of which I'll be able to afford for years without taking out yet another loan.
I suppose I can just work for my dad after school part time and practice and try to get teaching gigs...meh. I really wanted to be doing SOMETHING in music for my whole career...but apparently administrative/development positions (which is exactly what I do at Tree House, but apparently that experience wasn't good enough for them) are as competitive as the NBA. Or something. I just didn't want to spend much time after school being a nanny or working for my family. It makes me feel like a leech.
So, I'm pretty much feeling like a complete failure. I feel like all I ever hear is that I'm not good enough to do, well, anything. I work really hard, I TRY to focus, but it's really a difficult thing for me to do, and nothing is getting better. I had a meltdown in my most recent lesson, I think all of the other students are talking behind my back about my abilities, I have a coaching tonight and I'm just not ready for it because I've been so busy trying to make everything ELSE right. No matter what I do, it's not enough. I have no connections, no prospects and now, everything thinks I suck at the flute.
To top that off, I finally learned just how MUCH debt I'm marrying into and realized that to get a good teaching gig I'm going to need a car AND a new flute. Neither of which I'll be able to afford for years without taking out yet another loan.
I suppose I can just work for my dad after school part time and practice and try to get teaching gigs...meh. I really wanted to be doing SOMETHING in music for my whole career...but apparently administrative/development positions (which is exactly what I do at Tree House, but apparently that experience wasn't good enough for them) are as competitive as the NBA. Or something. I just didn't want to spend much time after school being a nanny or working for my family. It makes me feel like a leech.