End of my rope with jealous and violent cat

[grimalkin]

Hi everyone. I have a 3 year old neutered male tabby with serious jealousy issues, who is abusive towards my sweet 5 year old tortoiseshell female. As I'm typing this, he has just randomly jumped her from behind and tackled her to the ground, making her scream in pain. Right in front of me, unprovoked.

Sometimes the attacks are random and unprovoked, like that one, but what really  triggers him is seeing her getting any form of affection. Whatever he's doing at the time, he will drop it and stare at her from afar as she is getting patted and cuddled, waiting intently like he is watching prey. You can actually see anger in his eyes. Then, as soon as she is out of our sight, he will violently attack. The worst is when we are woken up in the middle of the night by a blood-curdling cat scream.

This is a daily occurrence and I am beyond fed up. It has been going on pretty much since the day we brought him in as a sick kitten, 3 years ago. Even in his poor health, he would attack her. At first I thought it was play and he would grow out of it, but I was very wrong. I consider myself very good with all matters of cat training, but this cat is unable and unwilling to be trained. No amount of water bottle spraying, clapping, yelling, chasing, or separation over the years has had any affect on his behavior. I've even tried Feliway. Nothing has worked. He fears nothing, like a psycho. He forgets any punishment within seconds. The amount of anger he's caused my husband and I toward him has not been good.

My tortoiseshell always has a bald patch on the scruff of her neck from the recurring wound he inflicts on that area when he attacks. As of tonight he has a new large scab on her head. I feel so bad for her.

I am a cat lover, but it has gradually reached the stage where I don't even like him anymore. I feel so guilty about this.

Things seemed to get better briefly when we moved to a bigger house recently. But, sadly, he has gotten bored with exploring his new digs and has snapped back into his old pattern of daily attacks and stand-offs. The cat will never change.

My vet suggested feline Prozac as a last resort, but I'm not sure I'm willing to go so far as to give my cat heavy duty behavior modifying drugs. Is it even worth the trouble? Not sure what to do at this point, but this can't go on forever. Please help.

 

[katachtig]

Some people have had success with Prozac. It does sound like an extreme case you're having there.

Here are some other experiences:

Prozac for bullying

Ziggy and Prozac

Cats on Prozac?

 

[luhhjane]

Are you able to give any attention to the mean boy?

My grandmother had two cats and her situation was almost exactly like yours, except the mean male cat did not direct his violence only to the other cat, he attacked people as well. My great aunt had to get 4 stitches after being attacked by him.

When she was able to soothe him enough and give him attention, she put Kitty Caps on him. This at least kept him from tearing into others with his claws!

I feel your pain though. Being a cat lover, I don't like admitting when I just plain don't like a mean cat. I wonder what he's thinking from his perspective....

 

[zeety]

I take the view that cats will be cats. I know it's hard to see them doing things you feel may harm them, but they are cats, after all. As much as we want to domesticate them, at the end of the day they are still cats, you should not try to insulate them from every bad thing. Take good care of them, try to keep them safe and away from unnecessary injury, feed them well, and take them to the vet when they are sick.

But don't coddle them, let them face a little adversity in life...that's what makes all living things thrive.

Good luck

 

[bookworm19]

You may want to look into flower essences to curb his overly aggressive and clingy behavior...start off with "Rescue Remedy," and then try something like "Red Rock" if that doesn't help. You tailor the treatment to the cat's response, but it has to take a week or two to take effect.

 

[howtoholdacat]

I usually don't like this option but would you consider rehoming the male?  He may just belong in a one cat household.  If you don't like that idea, what about simply separating the cats in different parts of your house.  From your description, I don't think you'll be able to get him to coexist peacefully.  The Prozac may be your only option if you keep them together.  I tried it once with one of mine but took her off it after a time.  She seemed perpetually drugged and I didn't feel good about it for her.  However, I would consider trying it with another cat in the future if needed.

 

[otto]

I would try the medication. Like people, cats can be wired "wrong", with a messed up chemistry. Medication can help.

Welcome to TCS and keep us posted.

 

[yayi]

I take the view that cats will be cats. I know it's hard to see them doing things you feel may harm them, but they are cats, after all. As much as we want to domesticate them, at the end of the day they are still cats, you should not try to insulate them from every bad thing. Take good care of them, try to keep them safe and away from unnecessary injury, feed them well, and take them to the vet when they are sick.

But don't coddle them, let them face a little adversity in life...that's what makes all living things thrive.

Good luck

I agree. If the scabs on the female's neck are the only signs of "injuries" due to the encounters, I don't think it is that bad. My cats play rough daily and one or two will turn up having bald spots on their necks and heads. It is more likely that your male is overzealous in play or he is too energetic. Does he have lots of toys? 

 

[otto]

I take the view that cats will be cats. I know it's hard to see them doing things you feel may harm them, but they are cats, after all. As much as we want to domesticate them, at the end of the day they are still cats, you should not try to insulate them from every bad thing. Take good care of them, try to keep them safe and away from unnecessary injury, feed them well, and take them to the vet when they are sick.

But don't coddle them, let them face a little adversity in life...that's what makes all living things thrive.

Good luck

I agree. If the scabs on the female's neck are the only signs of "injuries" due to the encounters, I don't think it is that bad. My cats play rough daily and one or two will turn up having bald spots on their necks and heads. It is more likely that your male is overzealous in play or he is too energetic. Does he have lots of toys? 

Oh dear, you think it's okay for one cat to live her life out in fear and harassment? Scabs on the back are not a normal thing, and the poor girl deserves a better quality of life than that.

Not to mention the stress the male cat feels, always wanting to attack the female.

It's not a healthy situation for either cat. Quality of life is all a cat has. No cat should be forced to live in such stress and misery "just because they are cats".

And stress eventually makes cats sick.

It's obvious both cats are very much loved. I would try medication before I would consider rehoming, but something really does need to be done, for the sake of both of these kitties.

 

[auntie crazy]

I take the view that cats will be cats. I know it's hard to see them doing things you feel may harm them, but they are cats, after all. As much as we want to domesticate them, at the end of the day they are still cats, you should not try to insulate them from every bad thing. Take good care of them, try to keep them safe and away from unnecessary injury, feed them well, and take them to the vet when they are sick.

But don't coddle them, let them face a little adversity in life...that's what makes all living things thrive.

Good luck

I agree. If the scabs on the female's neck are the only signs of "injuries" due to the encounters, I don't think it is that bad. My cats play rough daily and one or two will turn up having bald spots on their necks and heads. It is more likely that your male is overzealous in play or he is too energetic. Does he have lots of toys? 

Oh dear, you think it's okay for one cat to live her life out in fear and harassment? Scabs on the back are not a normal thing, and the poor girl deserves a better quality of life than that.

Not to mention the stress the male cat feels, always wanting to attack the female.

It's not a healthy situation for either cat. Quality of life is all a cat has. No cat should be forced to live in such stress and misery "just because they are cats".

And stress eventually makes cats sick.

It's obvious both cats are very much loved. I would try medication before I would consider rehoming, but something really does need to be done, for the sake of both of these kitties.

Everything Otto said, plus one.

I love cats. All six of mine were pulled off the street and socialized or nursed back to health by me. They will never go anywhere.

That said, sometimes, rehoming is precisely the right thing to do. I had two fosters last year that I eventually had to make the drastic decision to bring to a shelter. I volunteer there and knew the cats would be well-cared for while they waited for new homes, however long that took, but the reason they went was due to the stress their presence caused on every cat in the house. The fighting was insane, the stress off the charts and NO ONE was happy.

Sometimes, the personalities are so poisonous to each other that separation is the only viable option. I empathize with your frustration, Grimalkin. I hope you are able to work something out soon!

AC

 

[coatfetish]

I have the same situation. I adopted a feral stray when she was about 10 weeks old. When she was 6 months, I had to put my German Shepherd to sleep, so I went to a no-kill shelter and adopted a cat that was the same age (6 months). These are my very first cats, and I may have made a mistake in getting another female - I've been told there can be more friction between cats of the same sex. Anyhow, my Taz is originally a feral cat. She seems to actually hate  Zazu, the cat from the shelter. Perhaps it's due to being feral that she's so mean (my vets tell me so). Taz would also sit and glare when I'd pay attention to Zazu, then immediately pounce her. So it worked out that Taz always got the lion's share of attention to keep her soothed - so unfair to Zazu who is like a uber-gentle teddy bear.

 Finally it became so annying and unfair to Zazu - who was getting pounced, bitten, and harrased - that my vets put Taz on Clomicalm, a med they use for anxiety issues. It has worked like a dream. Two years plus, and I still see jealous stares thrown Zazu's way, but for the most part Taz ignores the fact that there is even another cat in the house. No more pouncing, attacks, or intimidation.

 If you are hesitant about rehoming, perhaps Clomicalm is something to discuss with your vet.

 In any case, good luck - no cat should live a tormented life, due to harrassment OR jealousy.

 

[maryam1234]

This sounds like a strange case of jealousy for me.  I feel the vet might be right.  As much as you may be angry with the cat, I really do not feel like putting a cat down is a viable option.  Take the vets advice and see how that works, then gradually take him off and see if the change sticks.  If not then keep working at it.  Cats are very docile creatures and just a little more work might be all he needs.  I really do wish you luck with your situation.

 

[kittysback]

Just read this thread after I posted my similar situation with fighting.  Hopefully something works for you. Going to talk to the vet about medication. I'm not a fan of medication, but there is no way I can get rid of any of my cats. I guess if I absolutely had to, I would, but I can't even imagine....