Don't know how to make my new cat feel comfortable.

[calvinmigi]

Background: So it's been 5 days since I picked up a male cat who is one year old. I don't have any previous experience owning a cat but decided I wanted to change it. The cat was taken in by the family when he was a kitten and has been with them ever since. When I went over to visit him, he was pretty nervous but let me pet him and at one point hold him even though I could tell he clearly prefer I don't. But seeing how he interacted with his family and how was friendly I decided to bring him home with me. 

The past week: So when I first brought him home he shot under my bed which I was already prepared for. So I spent the next couple of days in my room playing classical and then just soft rock music for him. Every once in a while I would just sit down on the floor at the edge of the bed and talk to him. I even played my ukulele and sang for him at one point. Anyways by the 2nd day I began hearing him wonder around my bed at night so on the 3rd day I kept my lamp on and the moment I went to bed he came out to wander around. I even got up at one point and he let me pet him a lot and pick him up. But every day before the sun comes up he goes right back into hiding. I guess I was starting to loose my patience because I ended up taking out my bed frame and now my bed is on the floor so he can't hide under the bed anymore. When I did this and woke up the next day I found him hiding in his litterbox I tried to get  him out bu facing one end of his tiny cat tree against the wall so there was only 1 entrance.  When he saw this he immediately left the litterbox and went inside and has been there ever since. Since I brought him home even though he remains in his hiding place during the day time he lets me pet him and even purrs. Since he's been hiding in his cat tree, every once in a while I would sit down next to him, pet him, talk to him, and he even started eating the treats I give him, but I don't know what to do. Should I simply just ignore him until he comes out on his own and approaches me during the day time? Should I just continue to sit next to him while he hides and give him treats?  

Oh and recently the past couple of nights he's been scratching at my door and meowing but I don't want him to explore the rest of my house until he is completely comfortable in my room. Is that the wrong way to approach this and just let him explore the whole house? 

In short: New cat, hiding, but lets me pet him. Should I ignore him or continue petting him / occasionally give him treats? 

I really appreciate any feedback. I think I'm slowly losing my patience but hopefully you guys can give me new hope

 

[haleyds]

Okay so think about it this way:
For your entire memorable life you've lived inside a house. Never seen anything but this house. It's all you've ever known and the people inside are the only people you've ever been around.
Then in a days time you're taken from your world and put into a place that you've never been to and all your people are gone.
What's your reaction? You're going to be scared.
Cats sometimes take up to 3 months to completely adjust to a new home, and because your cat is a bit older it will be a slower process than with a kitten. But he WILL warm up.
Patience is key, and talking to him frequently, sitting in the floor near him and offering treats, and generally just spending time with him will win his trust over. Don't push yourself on him, let him come to you.
I know it can be frustrating because all you want to do is love him, but there will come a time when he not only allows you to love him, but he loves you back.
It's very promising that he already lets you touch him some, which means he's a sweet cat who's just nervous.
I always recommend keeping a new cat contained to one room for the first two weeks just so that they get accustomed to you before trying to take on a new house on their own.
Good luck, best wishes, and you can do this!

 

[Columbine]

Hi, and welcome to TCS

Patience is key, especially with a new cat. Give him time to acclimatise and fully settle before giving him access to the rest of the house. haleyds has given you some great pointers already. These articles should help too:-[article="32804"][/article][article="0"][/article][article="32735"][/article][article="29674"][/article][article="22480"][/article][article="30274"][/article][article="30307"][/article][article="30316"][/article]

 

[lisahe]

I agree that it's just a matter of patience and time: our cats took a couple weeks to be at all comfortable with us. They were not purring and letting us pat them so you are way ahead of where we were! That said, our cats are also rescue cats, who came from a household with too many cats so they had other 'issues' going on... Two and a half years later, they're incredibly friendly and affectionate.

In their case, they initially hid IN the bed rather than under it. One liked getting under the covers, the other liked getting inside the duvet cover. They also stayed in their places for most of the day and came out at night. Sitting on the floor and letting them come to us worked very well to get them used to us.

In our case, we didn't follow the usual advice of confining the cats to one room in their first week or so with us. We'd meant to but that just didn't happen (dumb story); they ended up choosing our bedroom as their place so we set up food, water, litter box, and all the rest for them there. That worked out very well for everybody: we didn't shut them in but they didn't make many forays out in the first couple weeks. Probably one reason for that is that they quickly got upper respiratory infections, which made the bedroom and the warm bedding an even better choice for them.

All of which is to say that I think giving a new cat time -- and hiding places where they can feel safe, whether it's in the bed, under the bed, or in a condo box -- is the most important thing. It sounds like you're off to a good start with your cat (even though that "good start" often feels really slow for us humans) and he'll be hanging out with you even more once he's more used to you and his new home. What's his name?

 

 

[calvinmigi]

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• calvinmigi
• Jul 3, 2016

So am I on the right track? Should I every once in a while just sit down next to him while he hides and give him treats? He sometime eats from my hand sometime he will only eat it when I put it right next to where he is sitting. I tried to lure him out with treats as you can see but it has yet to work. Also is it normal that cats don't play? I asked the people who had him before and they said they never gave him treats or toys, but they did use string and random other household items to play with him. I got both household items and cat toys but he doesn't seem to take a interest even when he is out at night. I'll be sure to read up all the suggested post so thank you @Columbine  but yeah any other recommendation on how I should approach this? Oh speaking of not responding to cat toys. I got 2 different types of cat nip and feliway and never got a response for any of them. I understand feliway may take a little time but whenever I sprinkle cat nip on anything he doesn't even pay it any attention. Do you think it's cause it doesn't affect him or is it because he's just stressed? Thank you so much! you guys have been a lot of help so far  

 

[bodester413]

So am I on the right track? Should I every once in a while just sit down next to him while he hides and give him treats? He sometime eats from my hand sometime he will only eat it when I put it right next to where he is sitting. I tried to lure him out with treats as you can see but it has yet to work. Also is it normal that cats don't play? I asked the people who had him before and they said they never gave him treats or toys, but they did use string and random other household items to play with him. I got both household items and cat toys but he doesn't seem to take a interest even when he is out at night. I'll be sure to read up all the suggested post so thank you @Columbine  but yeah any other recommendation on how I should approach this? Oh speaking of not responding to cat toys. I got 2 different types of cat nip and feliway and never got a response for any of them. I understand feliway may take a little time but whenever I sprinkle cat nip on anything he doesn't even pay it any attention. Do you think it's cause it doesn't affect him or is it because he's just stressed? Thank you so much! you guys have been a lot of help so far  

Yeah he's probably still kinda freaked out with the new environment. If he's eating treats that you give him that's definitely a good sign though. I think you're doing fine. Each cat can be so different. My first cat was completely freaked out for a good week when I adopted her. She hid under my bed. Wouldn't come out or play etc. My second cat. I brought him home. Took him upstairs in my bedroom with his litterbox ,food and toys. About 4 hours later we had a power outtage and I had to go to the neighbors to use their phone. I came back home and realized I hadn't closed my bedroom door completely. My cat was downstairs sitting in a window watching the birds. Like he had always lived here. The exact opposite of what I expected him to do. Some cats are just a bit more high strung than others when it comes to new things. They all come around eventually and rule the house.

Oh.........as far as the catnip....some cats like it some don't.....It's probably too soon to tell with your cat....being nervous he might not be interested in it either way....at least until he gets used to his new house.....

 

[lisahe]

 
So am I on the right track? Should I every once in a while just sit down next to him while he hides and give him treats? He sometime eats from my hand sometime he will only eat it when I put it right next to where he is sitting. I tried to lure him out with treats as you can see but it has yet to work. Also is it normal that cats don't play? I asked the people who had him before and they said they never gave him treats or toys, but they did use string and random other household items to play with him. I got both household items and cat toys but he doesn't seem to take a interest even when he is out at night. I'll be sure to read up all the suggested post so thank you @Columbine  but yeah any other recommendation on how I should approach this? Oh speaking of not responding to cat toys. I got 2 different types of cat nip and feliway and never got a response for any of them. I understand feliway may take a little time but whenever I sprinkle cat nip on anything he doesn't even pay it any attention. Do you think it's cause it doesn't affect him or is it because he's just stressed? Thank you so much! you guys have been a lot of help so far  

Yes, sitting on the floor when you're in the room with him is a good thing to do. That was one of the best things we figured out to do with our cats!

As for playing, our cats didn't play for a while after we brought them home. That's partly because they got sick but also because they were more interested in exploring the house. And it's great that you got toys and household things: our cats like both. (Just be careful with string, though: some cats, like one of ours, like to eat it and it can cause serious problems if they eat a lot!)

Yeah he's probably still kinda freaked out with the new environment. If he's eating treats that you give him that's definitely a good sign though. I think you're doing fine. Each cat can be so different. My first cat was completely freaked out for a good week when I adopted her. She hid under my bed. Wouldn't come out or play etc. My second cat. I brought him home. Took him upstairs in my bedroom with his litterbox ,food and toys. About 4 hours later we had a power outtage and I had to go to the neighbors to use their phone. I came back home and realized I hadn't closed my bedroom door completely. My cat was downstairs sitting in a window watching the birds. Like he had always lived here. The exact opposite of what I expected him to do. Some cats are just a bit more high strung than others when it comes to new things. They all come around eventually and rule the house.

Oh.........as far as the catnip....some cats like it some don't.....It's probably too soon to tell with your cat....being nervous he might not be interested in it either way....at least until he gets used to his new house.....

And there's the thing: they're all different! I think the big key with new cats is to just let them let you know when they're ready to interact more. I will readily admit that it took me some time to do that myself with these two because they were very skittish when we first brought them home.

That story about the power outage and the cat sitting in the window is so perfect: when the cat was left to his own devices he just did the cat thing. They really do take over when they're ready.

 

[calvinmigi]

Is it faster to just ignore my cat? or to sit down next to him and give him treats throughout the day. I feel like since I started sitting down next to him and giving him treats I'm in some way enforcing that hiding is actually a good thing and he doesn't need to come out to be fed etc. I guess it's because I feel like he's been more distance since I started sitting down next to him. 

 

[bodester413]

 
Is it faster to just ignore my cat? or to sit down next to him and give him treats throughout the day. I feel like since I started sitting down next to him and giving him treats I'm in some way enforcing that hiding is actually a good thing and he doesn't need to come out to be fed etc. I guess it's because I feel like he's been more distance since I started sitting down next to him. 

It might help. What LisaHE said above is so true as far as letting them let you know when they're ready to interact more. They're  very  curious animals. If you go off and do something else in the same room I bet eventually he would come out and see what was happening. That's what I did with my first cat that was scared. I would have been around 11 years old when we adopted her. I just did what I normally did during the summer with no school. Sat down in my bedroom and played video games with the sound turned super low... (yeah Atari 2600!!...long ....long time ago...lol) What they say about cats being attracted to people that ignore them is kinda true....From our point of view that seems really rude and the opposite of what would get good results .....at least with other humans......but cats seem to relax more around that kind of environment.

 

[calvinmigi]

Update: While Calvin still hides a lot he does come out at night... I feel like I'm making progress but barely... Any more advice? It's been two weeks 

 

[boosmommy]

It can take months. Just be patient and know that it is normal.

 

[daezae]

My cat did very similar things that you're describing. She hid and hid for weeks when we got her but then one day she came up onto the couch, planted herself in my lap, and pretty much hasn't left since.

I think what was helpful was that I let her find her spot to hide and I let her have it. Each day I would offer her some treats, speak softly to her, pet her when she tolerated it. I always let her know when I was coming into her space by talking to her so that she wouldn't feel startled. It did take a long time but it was worth it.

Like everyone else said, patience is really key. Cats know when we're frustrated and they will back off if they sense it could be threatening to them even if is not at all.

You might try getting some Feliway diffusers in the meantime to help him feel more calm. They make some for nervous cats and it gives off the pheromones that are on the face. It helped keep my cats from killing each other when the new one moved in.

 

[plan]

I want to echo what others have written and also emphasize not pushing yourself on your cat. Let him come to you. I don't mean interactions -- like others have said, you're doing well by sitting down, talking to him and giving him treats. But physically, let him narrow the distance between you, and just be patient. It will work out much better for you both in the long run if you let him approach when he's comfortable.

As for toys, I highly recommend getting Da Bird or another good wand toy and spending some time trying to play interactively with him. My cat is more than 2 years old now and still loves wand games that simulate hunting. The toy is the prey, and if you play your part with the wand so it looks like the actions of a prey animal (moving away from the cat, stopping and staying motionless for a few seconds, moving away again, disappearing behind couch corners, etc) then the vast majority of cats are gonna be pulled into the game by impulse and instinct.

It has huge benefits for both of you -- your cat will love it, and it's a healthy way of getting him to exercise. But also, the interactive nature of it really helps you bond. Your cat knows it's just a game, and he knows you're manipulating the wand toy, so he bonds faster with you.

And finally, it's the ultimate way of redirecting "bad" behavior. Negative reinforcement never works with cats. But if your cat is doing something you don't want him to do, you can pick up the toy and distract him until he forgets about the thing he wasn't supposed to do.

As for exploring the rest of the house, it depends on the cat. My Buddy was just a kitten when I brought him home, but he strolled out of his carrier like he owned the place, surveyed his new domain (my bedroom), explored it for a few hours, then later that night he was demanding to be let out so he could see the rest of his new kingdom. I bought a bed for him, but he had other plans and claimed a spot on my bed. And I realized pretty quickly that when I have guests over, he's not hiding under a bed or lurking out of sight -- he's right there in the open, demanding attention, rubbing up against people, getting petted and vocalizing even if the guests are strangers to him. Likewise, whenever there's someone at the door -- even UPS, or a pizza delivery guy -- Buddy comes right up to the door and stands next to me when I open it, all curious and meowing. People are surprised to say the least.

But cat personalities are as wide-ranging as human personalities, so every cat is different. For your cat, it could be another two weeks or another two months before he really starts warming up to you. But one thing is guaranteed -- that it's 100% worth it, because having a cat is awesome. Good luck.

 

[lisahe]

It can take months. Just be patient and know that it is normal.

I couldn't agree more! It's totally normal and, really, two weeks isn't that long, though I know (from personal experience!) that it seems like it when you're integrating a new cat into a household. Cats really do reward patience.

My cat did very similar things that you're describing. She hid and hid for weeks when we got her but then one day she came up onto the couch, planted herself in my lap, and pretty much hasn't left since.

I think this happens a lot -- after their initial hesitance, our cats are both very, very affectionate now.

 

[bodester413]

I think you're doing good so far.  That's definitely progress if he's coming out at night and exploring a little  bit. He's comfortable enough to come out on his own.  Most cat's I've been around seem to respond better to that. I think sometimes  when we show concern they end up picking up on our nervousness more than anything...Even though that's not our intention. 

I'll second Daezae's recommendation for Feliway. Last summer they did road construction in my neighborhood and Bodhi was terrified when the dirt compactor  would shake the house. When I had him in for his shots/checkup I mentioned it to the vet and she told me to give Feliway a try. They even had small blankets that were impregnated with it at the vets office.