Do cats hold grudges?

[jazzygemmy]

My husband, son and I just got back from a two day trip. We had our neighbor look over our three cats while we were gone. This happens at least three times a year. The problem is, every time we have returned, my Siamese cross female kitty (who has been with us the longest), seems distant. Usually she is very cuddly with me and we are very close. She will still follow me around when we get back but isn't as inclined to approach me for pets, etc. Is this common? Do cat's hold grudges against us when we leave them? I am a stay at home mom also, so I am rarely away from her unless we leave town.

 

[fhicat]

As far as I know, cats don't hold grudges or do things just to "piss people off". What is more likely that while you were gone, you picked up strange smells that your kitty has not yet associated with you (i.e she isn't 100% sure it's the same you). Does she go back to being cuddly after some time (she should)?

My cat acts a bit funny when I come back from the shelter covered in other kitty smells. He sniffs me for an uncommonly long time, and then duckss away rather quickly. I keep a change of clothes in my car and I change back to my usual clothes before entering my house.

 

[happybird]

Everyone always says that dogs and cats are incapable of holding grudges because it is a human emotion... but I don't agree. My cat does the same thing as yours, jazzygemmy. When ever we have gone on vacation, when we get home she greets us happily. Then we get the cold shoulder. Sometimes it is for a couple days, other times it has been for over a week. She turns her back to us constantly and will leave the room every time I enter. And she acts very aloof and arrogant, with her tail straight up in the air, basically loads of kitty attitude. Normally she is a laid back couch potato.
As far as grudges go, it is short lived and once she has gotten over it, everything is back to normal.

 

[jazzygemmy]

 
As far as I know, cats don't hold grudges or do things just to "piss people off". What is more likely that while you were gone, you picked up strange smells that your kitty has not yet associated with you (i.e she isn't 100% sure it's the same you). Does she go back to being cuddly after some time (she should)?

My cat acts a bit funny when I come back from the shelter covered in other kitty smells. He sniffs me for an uncommonly long time, and then duckss away rather quickly. I keep a change of clothes in my car and I change back to my usual clothes before entering my house.

Yes, after a few days she typically goes back to her old self. The scent change makes a lot of sense. She's sharp as a whip, though, so it still wouldn't surprise me if she WAS just being a diva ;-) lol

 

[fhicat]

And she acts very aloof and arrogant, with her tail straight up in the air, basically loads of kitty attitude. 

A cat with her tail straight up is a sign of contentment and confidence. Sounds like you're just seeing things that aren't there. Anthropomorphism is the tendency to assign human emotions, behavior and characteristics to animals, and it's pretty common.

 

[mycatsinthetub]

Some do, most don't.

 

[laurag]

I had a cat Hazel that definitely held grudges and it wasn't my imagination.  Ignoring after you've been away is pretty common. I've always attributed that to "It's been a long time. I missed you. I don't need you. Cats are emo.

 

[lilin]

 
My husband, son and I just got back from a two day trip. We had our neighbor look over our three cats while we were gone. This happens at least three times a year. The problem is, every time we have returned, my Siamese cross female kitty (who has been with us the longest), seems distant. Usually she is very cuddly with me and we are very close. She will still follow me around when we get back but isn't as inclined to approach me for pets, etc. Is this common? Do cat's hold grudges against us when we leave them? I am a stay at home mom also, so I am rarely away from her unless we leave town.

I don't believe cats hold grudges. I think that when they don't understand why something has happened, it causes them to have some trust issues. Cats are kind of anxious creatures, and they don't always assume the best.

There was a fire alarm recently, and I packed Pia up into her carrier when I went out. I smelled something in the hall, so I was worried it was a real fire (fortunately not -- just a very dirty oven in someone's apartment).

She was terrified. I had to be very firm with her to get her in the carrier quickly. The alarm was extremely loud. It wasn't very warm outside.

But it was a soft carrier, so I opened it just enough to fit my hand through (but still too small for her head) and I scratched her neck the whole time we were outside.

I had thought, when we came back in, that she'd be hiding from me for the next day or so. She does have trust issues, and I didn't think she'd react well to all that.

She didn't. She hid for about 10 minutes, and then she was fine and very affectionate.

I think the fact that I didn't break body contact with her helped. She might not have understood why I had to push her into the carrier and take her out into the chilly fall weather, but as far as she was concerned, I got her away from the noise of the siren, and the fact that I kept petting her assured her that I wasn't just trying to torment her.

Had I done the exact same thing, but just set her on the ground in the carrier with no contact, I think the result would have been different as far as her behavior after we got inside.

 

[tnyc]

 
I don't believe cats hold grudges. I think that when they don't understand why something has happened, it causes them to have some trust issues. Cats are kind of anxious creatures, and they don't always assume the best.

There was a fire alarm recently, and I packed Pia up into her carrier when I went out. I smelled something in the hall, so I was worried it was a real fire (fortunately not -- just a very dirty oven in someone's apartment).

She was terrified. I had to be very firm with her to get her in the carrier quickly. The alarm was extremely loud. It wasn't very warm outside.

But it was a soft carrier, so I opened it just enough to fit my hand through (but still too small for her head) and I scratched her neck the whole time we were outside.

I had thought, when we came back in, that she'd be hiding from me for the next day or so. She does have trust issues, and I didn't think she'd react well to all that.

She didn't. She hid for about 10 minutes, and then she was fine and very affectionate.

I think the fact that I didn't break body contact with her helped. She might not have understood why I had to push her into the carrier and take her out into the chilly fall weather, but as far as she was concerned, I got her away from the noise of the siren, and the fact that I kept petting her assured her that I wasn't just trying to torment her.

Had I done the exact same thing, but just set her on the ground in the carrier with no contact, I think the result would have been different as far as her behavior after we got inside.

Awww, poor kitty! That is a terrifying situation, and I don't think I would have reacted as quickly and calmly as you did !

 

[trevandbur]

Trevor "won't speak to me" if I have been gone overnight. I'm not talking about being standoffish or something. I'm talking about he completely ignores my existence, for anywhere from a couple hours to most of a day. Normally he's all over me, he's kind of obsessed with me. But if I've been gone overnight, I get an absolute cold shoulder. He won't even twitch an ear toward me if I call to him! But then he gets over it and is all over me and purring again.

 

[tnyc]

 
Trevor "won't speak to me" if I have been gone overnight. I'm not talking about being standoffish or something. I'm talking about he completely ignores my existence, for anywhere from a couple hours to most of a day. Normally he's all over me, he's kind of obsessed with me. But if I've been gone overnight, I get an absolute cold shoulder. He won't even twitch an ear toward me if I call to him! But then he gets over it and is all over me and purring again.

That's kinda cute. Does he do the same thing if you change back into your house clothes?!

 

[trevandbur]

I'm not sure what you are asking?

But the only time he gets upset with me like this is if I am gone overnight. Oddly, he doesn't seem to mind not being allowed to sleep in the bed anymore. We moved in with my boyfriend, and he's got cat allergies. They are pretty well managed but we declared the bedroom a cat-free area so we don't have to deal with cat hair in the bed, pillows, etc, to help his breathing. Trevor doesn't seem to mind. He's waiting for me when I open the door in the morning, but he doesn't sleep there, as he's not there if I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

 

[tnyc]

 
I'm not sure what you are asking?

But the only time he gets upset with me like this is if I am gone overnight. Oddly, he doesn't seem to mind not being allowed to sleep in the bed anymore. We moved in with my boyfriend, and he's got cat allergies. They are pretty well managed but we declared the bedroom a cat-free area so we don't have to deal with cat hair in the bed, pillows, etc, to help his breathing. Trevor doesn't seem to mind. He's waiting for me when I open the door in the morning, but he doesn't sleep there, as he's not there if I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

What  I meant was: when you come home from spending the night elsewhere, you have new smells on you. So have you tried immediately changing back to whatever clothes you were wearing at home that they've already rubbed on? That might make him be more receptive, but who knows!

 

[lilin]

 
Awww, poor kitty! That is a terrifying situation, and I don't think I would have reacted as quickly and calmly as you did !

Yeah, I felt so bad for doing that to her. Poor girl had no idea what was going on. Burning smell, sirens, and then cold!? What is this insanity!?

I wasn't entirely together. I remembered my kitty, but left both my phone and my jacket!

 

[fhicat]

I wasn't entirely together. I remembered my kitty, but left both my phone and my jacket!

Phone and jacket can be replaced.

 

[trevandbur]

 
What  I meant was: when you come home from spending the night elsewhere, you have new smells on you. So have you tried immediately changing back to whatever clothes you were wearing at home that they've already rubbed on? That might make him be more receptive, but who knows!

He doesn't get close enough to check out any smells on me! But if I have been out to the same places, around the same people (so presumably would have the same smells), and come home that same night, he is fine. It's when I am gone all night that he gets upset with me. My life is a little tamer since I've met my boyfriend and moved in here, I haven't been gone overnight since we moved, and I think Trevor is good with that. He's lying next to me right now, sound asleep and purring for all he's worth 

 

[lilin]

 
Phone and jacket can be replaced.

Exactly.

But it certainly would have made logical sense to grab them. If my apartment had actually burned down, I'd be in a lot of trouble with no phone (like most people today, I don't memorize anyone's number -- it's all in the phone). So I wouldn't say I was entirely collected.