Did I push to hard?

[carolpetunia]

I think everyone here is absolutely right on target, about everything.

But even if this woman really isn't just using you, even if she and the relationship really are what you believe them to be... you still need to reconsider the way you're treating your parents.

I hate to say things like this to people, because you never know how it might hurt them, and I sure don't want to hurt you -- but this is a really serious situation, and I'm going to go ahead and say it: my friend, you need to go home and see your parents, help them out in any way you can, start paying them back instead of borrowing more, and (above all) demonstrate to them that you truly love them, as parents and as people.

I'm dependent on my family, too (though I hope to change that soon), so I can see this from your side as well as theirs, and I'm telling you -- whatever you can possibly do to show them love and support, right now and always, you need to be doing it. We never know how much time we have left with our loved ones... and your folks are sick. Cling to them.

And listen: you and I have some of the same problems in our lives, and I have a feeling we also share the awful conviction that "nobody will ever want me romantically." And sometimes people who feel that way will latch onto anyone who seems agreeable and try to make a romance out of it, ending up in "relationships" that aren't even worthy of the word. They go through all the motions, creating the appearance of a meaningful relationship... they build it up in their own minds until they really believe it has substance and depth... and they invest in it obsessively, always more time, more money, more emotion, all in a desperate effort to make something out of nothing.

But it doesn't work. It can't work. If it were true love, genuine and mutual, it would not be so one-sided. I think this woman is either "playing" you just as Linda said, or at best, she's merely accepting your interest in her... and all the benefits that come with it.

But you don't have to settle for someone who merely accepts you. You deserve someone who's head-over-heels in love with you -- and this woman is not.

Your parents obviously adore you, though.

Go see them, and focus on them for awhile. They need it.

 

[h~chan]

Originally Posted by clixpix

I have to say that I'm stunned by this. Your parents need help so badly, and you're choosing this time to hit them up for money to go see your girlfriend? Really? You don't have the time to go see the parents who have been incredibly generous with you, but you have the time to go see a girl who makes zero effort to see you, and you want them to pay for it to boot?

Clearly you are going to do what you want to do. Not one person has encouraged you to continue to pursue this with your dad. In fact, absolutely everyone has advised you to drop it.

The bottom line is that the right thing to do, and the grown up thing to do would be to not take the money from your father. Take the trip when you can pay for it yourself. Personally, I'd be re-evaluating a relationship that is clearly so one-sided. You make all the effort, your parents pay for everything, and she does...well...nothing.

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

That's really bad

You've got no excuse not to see them, your not working so you have plenty of time on your hands to go home and help them.

Originally Posted by emrldsky

I give up. It's obvious you just want us all to agree that you're doing the right thing, even after we've all told you that we don't think you are.

It's also obvious that you're going to go see her, no matter how much you talk about needing to spend time with your parents. I still feel that you will be better off spending the time you would have spent with her with your parents. They deserve it.

Originally Posted by calico2222

So, you have enough money saved up to buy HER a round trip ticket, but you have to hit your parents up for money for YOUR trip when they are already strapped from paying for your last trip?? Think about that for a second.

Originally Posted by Ping

As for this girl she is using you. Every reason you gave for her not seeing you and her living with her parents could easily be faked. Chances are she is married and using you as a boy toy.

I agree with all of these. Stop asking your parents for money to go see her when you have money saved up. Use your saved money to go see your parents instead of a girl that (like many others have suggested) is using you.

 

[natalie_ca]

Originally Posted by Yosemite

I have read this thread with unbelief, then dismay. As a Canadian who has been paying taxes for many, many, many years, let me just tell you that if this person is only working 4 hours a day, there is no way they would need to pay taxes and especially not that kind of money.

Young man, you are being conned and everybody sees it but you. I feel bad for your parents - they are having enough worries without you adding to them. You need to take that money you've saved up and visit your parents not this woman here in Canada. If your "girlfriend" was half as good as you say she is, then she would be encouraging you visit your parents and do whatever you can to help right now - the fact that she isn't urging you to do so does not say there is much good about her in my opinion.

I've come to the dismal conclusion that none of this is true. There are too many inconsistencies coming out as the thread progresses.

Sorry, but I have to say this is either one very naive and thoughtless young man who is clearly blind to everything around him except for a girl who is using and conning him, or someone with no better way to spend their time than to make things up.

Anyway I'm done with this thread. You can't give advice to someone so blinded by love that they can't see the forest for the trees. And clearly if this is in fact true, he obviously is going to do what he wants anyway, including takeing money from his sick parents to go see a girl who is using him, when his parents could die tomorrow and it seems he wouldn't even care except for the fact he couldn't get anymore money from them to go and visit the love of his life who doesn't really seem to care about him in the least, except for what he can buy her.

Once that money flow stops coming her way, she won't have the time of day for him. Some people just need to learn things the hard way.

 

[rosiemac]

Originally Posted by algebrapro18

I've been in this relationship for 10 months now and I've been up there twice.

And your talking about living together when you've only seen her twice?!. I hate to be blunt here but i think you have your head in the clouds in this relationship.

Originally Posted by algebrapro18

I do really wish she would come down but she just won't.

Well what does that tell you?.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Sorry, but I have to say this is either one very naive and thoughtless young man who is clearly blind to everything around him except for a girl who is using and conning him, or someone with no better way to spend their time than to make things up.

Anyway I'm done with this thread. You can't give advice to someone so blinded by love that they can't see the forest for the trees.

Were banging our heads against a brick wall, so good luck in what you decide.

 

[enuja]

What does it take to grow up? Experience. How do you get experience? You make mistakes.

If your parents are willing to pay for or give you loans for your visits to your girlfriend, that's a choice they are making. Maybe you're taking advantage of them, but instead I suspect that they are giving you want they want to give you. Don't second guess their choices, and don't worry about your judgment; just pay attention to what's going on around you and make the best choices you can with the information you've got.

If I were you, I wouldn't feel bad about it. If this women breaks your heart, you'll have learned more about love, and at least you can fondly remember the good times/ happiness for the future. My only caution is to make sure you don't get her pregnant; you could be facing a case of the biological clock.

I also suggest you look into cheaper ways to do things; how about Greyhound? Staying in a hostel instead of a hotel? My spouse followed a band around the US and Canada for a month and spent less than $2000. Hamilton is a suburb of Toronto, yes? You should be able to get plane tickets or greyhound (although it takes a long time) for less than $500 round trip, much, much less if you're smart about it and/or live somewhere near there. You should be able to get bed for yourself in a hostel in Toronto for about $200 for a week, double that price for a private room that fits two people (no private bathroom, of course). That's $700 base cost, plus food and whatever. You really, really, shouldn't spend more than $1000 on a trip to see a sweetie in Toronto from anywhere in the states.

 

[abbycats]

Originally Posted by Enuja

What does it take to grow up? Experience. How do you get experience? You make mistakes.

If your parents are willing to pay for or give you loans for your visits to your girlfriend, that's a choice they are making. Maybe you're taking advantage of them, but instead I suspect that they are giving you want they want to give you. Don't second guess their choices, and don't worry about your judgment; just pay attention to what's going on around you and make the best choices you can with the information you've got.

If I were you, I wouldn't feel bad about it. If this women breaks your heart, you'll have learned more about love, and at least you can fondly remember the good times/ happiness for the future. My only caution is to make sure you don't get her pregnant; you could be facing a case of the biological clock.

I agree with this. God knows how many mistakes I have made in my life and the lessons I have learned from them. Falling in love/lust and the rush of emotions that come with it can cloud our minds of rational decisions.

Your parents love you very much and want the best for you. You should cherish the time you spend with them.

I wish you the very best in life. Learn from both your achievements and from your mistakes. This is what will make you the the person that you are.

I enjoy reading your posts and hearing about Tomnus.

 

[neetanddave]

Originally Posted by algebrapro18

I am planning to finish my degree before moving up there so don't worry about that. I hope to graduate in May so I will be moving up there in June unless things change. I am also planning to go back to school when I am up there to get my degree in clinical psychology which is what I really want to do I am only getting the math degree because my dad is making me finish it up. I plan on doing nothing with it but I will have it to fall back on I guess.

After reading all the drama here, I'm thinking maybe you didn't learn very much from what they've taught you in school. All these problems could be examples from a textbook I bet.