- Joined
- Sep 4, 2018
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- Purraise
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Hi everyone. Sorry for the super long post. I’m not sure if I posted this thread under the correct category, but I’m lookin for reassurance, or support, or maybe just some words from somebody who has gone through a similar event. I have been searching for pet loss support forums ever since putting my best friend down five days ago. Some of them help provide relief, but I still feel this tremendous guilt because most of the threads I come across are about cats who are in their teens, or have had a confirmed diagnoses.
I adopted my cat (a beautiful black Siamese) from the animal shelter in May 2008. She was only about two months old at the time. I had to haggle with the officer in charge because she was scheduled to be euthanized as she was feral. I was told feral cats were difficult to socialize, but the officer finally agreed to let me adopt her for $10.
Black (my cats name, very creative I know) became very socialized and loved everyone. She would greet my husband and I at the door, and wanted to snuggle with every visitor we had. I received compliments on her at every vet we visited and even friends who dislike cats. She slept by me, if not on top of me, every night. She was extremely loyal and always seemed to be there through the good and the bad. She would come sit directly next to me and purr whenever I was crying. Whether I was crying for sadness, gratefulness, or happiness, she would find me.
In March 2018 she started to vomit anytime she ate and her purr sounded wet and raspy. I brought her into the vet and she stayed the night for tests. The next day the vet said I could pick Black up at the close of business because she had improved and that all the tests and blood work came back fine. I picked her up as the vet ordered. Her purr was still wet and raspy, and she continued to vomit. Of course I called the vet back but they were closed, and I left a message that she was exactly the same as the previous day. I was able to bring her back the following day so the vet decided to do an ultrasound. She called me about an hour later and said there was a mass on Blacks liver so they wanted to do surgery to attempt to remove it and get a biopsy. Black ended up staying the night again, and the following day the vet who performed the surgery (who was not the same as the original dr) called and said good news was there actually was no mass on the liver. What they had seen in the ultrasound was severely inflamed intestines. The vet said he took a biopsy of the intestines and said he believed she had Lymphoma.
I picked Black up that evening and was instructed to feed her a diet of only meals that I cooked from then on. Black continued to vomit in the next couple of days. She would be able to keep chicken down for about two meals, and then she would become completely intolerant, so I would switch to beef, and so on.
About a week later the vet called and said the biopsy came back nagative for lymphoma, so he diagnosed Black with IBD. He prescribed an anti nausea med, and said to continue with the cooked meals and things should start improving.
Within 4 months my baby lost 4.5lbs and no longer passed stools. She was vomiting foam and would have labored breathing episodes. One was so bad that I ran to my husband in the garage and told him to take her in for euthanasia that moment because I could t bear to see her in the pain. I thought for sure she was going to suffocate that day, but she recovered within an hour.
I went to get a second opinion about Blacks symptoms a couple weeks ago from a different vet in town. She had no idea what was wrong with Black because again all the tests checked out clear. She did, however feel that Blacks lymphnodes in her neck were the size of ping pong balls. Something I had felt, but I thought was just her jaw bone seeing as how she had lost over half of her body weight. I should also mention that Blacks left eye swelled shut and oozed.
The new vet prescribed Black prednisone and an antibiotic. Two weeks later she showed no improvement. She continued to vomit foam and mucous and still had no stools in her litter box. She was very interested in eating but could not swallow the food because her throat was so swollen. She was able to walk around, and was still very social and sleeping on my bed. But the vet called and said that if there was no improvement from the meds then we were probably looking at lymphoma that had developed since the biopsy, or a different kind of cancer. She suggested euthanasia.
I opted for pain meds because I felt that Black seemed to be doing better emotionally, but physically hadn’t improved and I would get a third opinion. Two days after the vet called, my son went to pick up Black. I’m not sure what happened but she collapsed and could no longer walk that night. I made the decision that the following morning I would bring her in to cross the rainbow bridge. The whole night she slept by me just as she had done the last ten years. I spent most of the night awake, petting her and crying.
I felt evil bringing her in to the vet the next morning, especially because she was able to walk again, although it was with a limp. I was hoping that when I brought her in that the vet would suggest other options, but she didn’t. Black did not fall asleep with the sedative. We waited almost an hour and she just sat on the counter looking somewhat content, but also uncomfortable. Finally the vet put her on an IV with anesthesia, but Black was still partially awake. The vet had me hold her to make sure she wouldn’t jump away, and then put the final dose directly into the IV. I could feel Black go limp in my arms. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do.
I never expected to feel this terrible after putting down a pet. I feel pain, like a deep, deep pain in my body. I cried so much that first day that my face was burning and raw. I sobbed like a child on the bathroom floor. First, I feel terrible because she was only 10. I always thought she would live until 18. She was strictly an indoor cat and always had been. Second, I feel terrible because we never got a confirmed diagnosis. I keep thinking that if I had just got one more opinion that maybe somebody could have figured out what was wrong with her and then we would know if euthanasia was the only option at that point.
When I look at photos of her over the years I can see her rapid decline. She no longer groomed herself. Her coat that was once shiny and soft had become greasy, flaky, and unkempt. She was also tiny. She weighed 12lbs last summer, and when she was put down last week she weighed 4.4lbs. When I look past my emotions and at the evidence through photos, I can see that she was in bad shape, and the only thing I wanted for her was to be out of pain. But I can’t shake this guilty feeling, like I took her life from her when she MIGHT have been able to make a full recovery. On top of that, the euthanasia was not a peaceful one for us. My husband and I couldnt stand to watch her sit on that counter for so long and keep getting poked with sedatives until she was administered the IV. That also tells me that she was fighting the meds, like she just wanted to go back home with us.
I find peace in knowing that she is no longer suffering. We buried her in our yard and I have a lace bark elm being delivered to us in a couple weeks to plant beside her. I miss my cat.
I adopted my cat (a beautiful black Siamese) from the animal shelter in May 2008. She was only about two months old at the time. I had to haggle with the officer in charge because she was scheduled to be euthanized as she was feral. I was told feral cats were difficult to socialize, but the officer finally agreed to let me adopt her for $10.
Black (my cats name, very creative I know) became very socialized and loved everyone. She would greet my husband and I at the door, and wanted to snuggle with every visitor we had. I received compliments on her at every vet we visited and even friends who dislike cats. She slept by me, if not on top of me, every night. She was extremely loyal and always seemed to be there through the good and the bad. She would come sit directly next to me and purr whenever I was crying. Whether I was crying for sadness, gratefulness, or happiness, she would find me.
In March 2018 she started to vomit anytime she ate and her purr sounded wet and raspy. I brought her into the vet and she stayed the night for tests. The next day the vet said I could pick Black up at the close of business because she had improved and that all the tests and blood work came back fine. I picked her up as the vet ordered. Her purr was still wet and raspy, and she continued to vomit. Of course I called the vet back but they were closed, and I left a message that she was exactly the same as the previous day. I was able to bring her back the following day so the vet decided to do an ultrasound. She called me about an hour later and said there was a mass on Blacks liver so they wanted to do surgery to attempt to remove it and get a biopsy. Black ended up staying the night again, and the following day the vet who performed the surgery (who was not the same as the original dr) called and said good news was there actually was no mass on the liver. What they had seen in the ultrasound was severely inflamed intestines. The vet said he took a biopsy of the intestines and said he believed she had Lymphoma.
I picked Black up that evening and was instructed to feed her a diet of only meals that I cooked from then on. Black continued to vomit in the next couple of days. She would be able to keep chicken down for about two meals, and then she would become completely intolerant, so I would switch to beef, and so on.
About a week later the vet called and said the biopsy came back nagative for lymphoma, so he diagnosed Black with IBD. He prescribed an anti nausea med, and said to continue with the cooked meals and things should start improving.
Within 4 months my baby lost 4.5lbs and no longer passed stools. She was vomiting foam and would have labored breathing episodes. One was so bad that I ran to my husband in the garage and told him to take her in for euthanasia that moment because I could t bear to see her in the pain. I thought for sure she was going to suffocate that day, but she recovered within an hour.
I went to get a second opinion about Blacks symptoms a couple weeks ago from a different vet in town. She had no idea what was wrong with Black because again all the tests checked out clear. She did, however feel that Blacks lymphnodes in her neck were the size of ping pong balls. Something I had felt, but I thought was just her jaw bone seeing as how she had lost over half of her body weight. I should also mention that Blacks left eye swelled shut and oozed.
The new vet prescribed Black prednisone and an antibiotic. Two weeks later she showed no improvement. She continued to vomit foam and mucous and still had no stools in her litter box. She was very interested in eating but could not swallow the food because her throat was so swollen. She was able to walk around, and was still very social and sleeping on my bed. But the vet called and said that if there was no improvement from the meds then we were probably looking at lymphoma that had developed since the biopsy, or a different kind of cancer. She suggested euthanasia.
I opted for pain meds because I felt that Black seemed to be doing better emotionally, but physically hadn’t improved and I would get a third opinion. Two days after the vet called, my son went to pick up Black. I’m not sure what happened but she collapsed and could no longer walk that night. I made the decision that the following morning I would bring her in to cross the rainbow bridge. The whole night she slept by me just as she had done the last ten years. I spent most of the night awake, petting her and crying.
I felt evil bringing her in to the vet the next morning, especially because she was able to walk again, although it was with a limp. I was hoping that when I brought her in that the vet would suggest other options, but she didn’t. Black did not fall asleep with the sedative. We waited almost an hour and she just sat on the counter looking somewhat content, but also uncomfortable. Finally the vet put her on an IV with anesthesia, but Black was still partially awake. The vet had me hold her to make sure she wouldn’t jump away, and then put the final dose directly into the IV. I could feel Black go limp in my arms. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do.
I never expected to feel this terrible after putting down a pet. I feel pain, like a deep, deep pain in my body. I cried so much that first day that my face was burning and raw. I sobbed like a child on the bathroom floor. First, I feel terrible because she was only 10. I always thought she would live until 18. She was strictly an indoor cat and always had been. Second, I feel terrible because we never got a confirmed diagnosis. I keep thinking that if I had just got one more opinion that maybe somebody could have figured out what was wrong with her and then we would know if euthanasia was the only option at that point.
When I look at photos of her over the years I can see her rapid decline. She no longer groomed herself. Her coat that was once shiny and soft had become greasy, flaky, and unkempt. She was also tiny. She weighed 12lbs last summer, and when she was put down last week she weighed 4.4lbs. When I look past my emotions and at the evidence through photos, I can see that she was in bad shape, and the only thing I wanted for her was to be out of pain. But I can’t shake this guilty feeling, like I took her life from her when she MIGHT have been able to make a full recovery. On top of that, the euthanasia was not a peaceful one for us. My husband and I couldnt stand to watch her sit on that counter for so long and keep getting poked with sedatives until she was administered the IV. That also tells me that she was fighting the meds, like she just wanted to go back home with us.
I find peace in knowing that she is no longer suffering. We buried her in our yard and I have a lace bark elm being delivered to us in a couple weeks to plant beside her. I miss my cat.
In the meantime I'm sending you all the hugs and condolences I possibly can. 
