Did I Kill My Baby Boy?

[Solidus]

Yesterday was a devistating day, I was playing with my baby boy silver (1 year old, neutered, vaccinated ) just like everyday, he liked rough playing and I didn’t mind it (like hand wrestling and spinning him 2-3 times on floor, nothing crazy like choking him or throwing him against a wall or slapping him hard), but he reached a point that day were I felt that he didn’t like it and that he just move to the room corner.

I went to the other room for like 5 mins and I came back to find silver pooped on the floor for the first time not in his litter box then he vomited 2 hairballs and collapsed on the floor

I tried to carry him to help him maybe vomit more balls, I noticed white foam coming from his mouth but his chest was still moving and breathing...seconds later he started shaking and died in my arms

I rushed him to the vet but it was too late, the doctor said that he needs to do autopsy to find out what happened but my wife refused.

I am devastated and been crying since yesterday...words cannot describe the guilt I am feeling, what happened here? How a healthy cat dies so young? Did I kill my cat by mistake with my rough playing?

God did not give us kids and silver was the closest thing to having kids, life will never be the same without him.

 

[Solidus]

 

[margd]

I am so sorry to hear about Silver's passing. You must feel just terrible about this. Perhaps it will help to know that the number one cause of sudden death in cats is heart disease, often with no previous symptoms or signs that anything is wrong. It is devastating when death happens out of the blue. If heart disease was the problem, there was probably nothing you could have done to prevent it. However, your vet is absolutely right about needing a necroscopy to determine Silver's cause of death.

You asked if you killed your cat with your rough playing and the answer to that is that there is just no way to know without the autopsy. Maybe you should be more gentle when playing with cats in the future - it certainly won't hurt and can only help. The cat may have other ideas and want to rough house like a tiger but sometimes we have to disabuse them of their beliefs that they rule the household.

I hope you won't mind if I comment on something that doesn't involve Silver but is still important. You wrote:

...nothing crazy like choking him or throwing him against a wall or slapping him hard

That isn't play, not rough play, not any kind of play. If you see anyone doing that to a cat and calling it play, please stop them at once. That is abuse and someone doing that and calling it play could very well hurt or kill a perfectly healthy cat.

Back to Silver....

I know that life will never be the same without Silver and that it will take a long time for the pain of his loss to dim to the point where you can enjoy remembering your happy times together. Those memories will stay in your heart, keeping Silver alive and loved. When my cats have passed away, I've found that going through their photos can be wonderfully therapeutic. Try writing about him as well. Write down all his curious little traits and about the fun you had together. And write out your grief. These things can help more than you might think. Among other things, they will put you back in touch with the "feeling" of Silver in your mind and heart.

While I was writing this, you posted a photo of Silver. My goodness, what an absolutely gorgeous cat! His eyes are so beautiful and expressive. Please post as many more of him as you wish. We can never see enough cat photos and it might comfort you in your grief.

Again, I am sorry for such a loss.

RIP dear Silver.

​

 

[di and bob]

Please, please don't ever blame yourself for something you had no intention of doing. It takes intention to hold blame and you have none. The symptoms you describe were exactly the same as a puppy we had, six months old, running around and collapsed after vomiting and pooping, same foam. We DID have an autopsy done because we wanted to know if it was something we did or was inherited, etc. It turned out to be a heart abnormality. The vet said it was inherited, and in a young, seemingly healthy animal, would not have been checked for. You had absolutely no way of knowing something like this would happen, there would be no symptoms except maybe a cough that would appear to be harmless.
Of course life will never be the same without him, but remember, he was in your life for a reason. He shared your home and your life's journey for a while and he will always be near as his new path will forever follow yours. He would be the last one to ever want you to feel this way, he loves you too much. He only wants you to remember the good times and share the legacy of love he left for you, because that is exactly how you would want it for him if you were the first to go. That is called love.
A broken heart takes a long time to heal, and it always leaves a scar, but time is the only thing that helps to soften the sharp edges and you are still in the beginning of your painful journey of healing. Surround yourself with people who understand your pain, it helps so that you can release some of your pain and keep it from taking over your life. Don't dwell on the end, it changes nothing and only brings heartache. Try to remember how much that little boy meant to you, the happiness and the joy, that is what he wants you to remember. He may be gone from your life, but the bond you will always share with him is a part of your soul. Use that bond and your precious memories to bring you comfort, that bond can never be taken from you because it is spiritual, and so eternal.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I know the pain too well. It does get better, you will learn a new life's path and get through this time of tears and grief. Just don't let it consume you, be strong for that little boy, because I know he is so thankful to have had you in his life and for the love and the home you gave him. You were there to give him comfort at the end, and he is at peace. Let that same peace back into your own heart in his name. Take care of yourself, remember we are always here to share your pain..........RIP precious Silver, you will never be forgotten and will always have a place in a loving heart. Please send what comfort you can for the one who is hurting so badly, he will always love you so very much. May God bless and hold you, until you meet again!

 

[catlover73]

I agree with Di and Bob. You have nothing to blame yourself for here. This could have been an undetected heart issue. The bond you formed with Silver will never be broken. A piece of your love has helped light his way to the rainbow bridge. A piece of his love will always remain in a special place in your hearts. Silver is now an angel looking down on you both.

One of my friend's lost a healthy young adult too cat that suddenly passed away in his sleep. There were no signs of anything wrong with Ripley. I used to cat sit for him when she traveled for work. I had spent some time with him earlier that day and everything was completely normal. I understand all to well wanting to blame yourself because it took me a long time to stop blaming myself for Ripley's death. He was an extension of my family even though he did not live with me. My friend could not afford to do an autopsy. The best answer her vet could give her was that Ripley had a heart attack in his sleep.

Your memories of the time you shared with Silver will always be there and I hope in time they become a source of comfort. Grief is a very individual process that everyone moves through differently. You have come to the right place to get support and please use this support for as long as you need it.

Rest in Peace Silver. You will never be forgotten.

 

[les26]

I am sorry for your sudden loss, such a sweet little face. I doubt that doing a bit of "roughousing" with him had anything to do with it, and the way you loved him I know you didn't do anything even close to hurting him, it is just the grief of the sudden and catastrophic loss talking and can come out in many different ways, guilt and self blame being one, anxiety and depression also, many ways but we just have to try to keep our heads and remember that sometimes very bad things like this happen whether we want them to or not, for reasons that we may never know, and we just have to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and take it day by day, the pain does lessen but it takes a LONG time, up to 1.5 years I was told and that was true, but the love and memories you shared will never leave you, and you will feel better someday and probably will take in another cat or more, just give yourself time to grieve, these sudden losses are so so hard to deal with but you came to the right place, we all understand and are here to talk to and help.

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[vyger]

It is highly unlikely that anything you did caused the cats death. They are capable of surviving some pretty bad things including being run over by cars, mauled by dogs and even shot. It sounds more like some kind of poison that he might have picked up. A single little aspirin is enough to kill a cat so something like that is the most likely cause or a congenital disorder, possibly an aneurysm. When I was in High school I had a friend who's little sister died from an aneurysm. She was standing in the kitchen talking to her mother helping her cook dinner and mid sentence she collapsed on the floor and died. It was pretty traumatic for all of us. But it happens.
Something I have trained myself to do is to be very careful about spilled pills. I make sure to get them all if I drop any. I take thyroid pills and even having a pill in their mouth without swallowing it would be a big enough dose to cause a cat big problems. So people meds can be a big problem.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Silver, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

It is so human to blame ourselves, but...You played with him as you had so many times before. There was something happening inside Silver that you could not see, could not know, and he could not tell. It is tragic, but not a cause for blame. You loved him, and he loved you, and I promise he knows you did your very best for him.

 

[Solidus]

 

[Solidus]

Thank you all for the kind and warm words. I burst into tears just reading all your replies, thank you everyone for being very supportive, I have friends who understand this pain but no one like you guys.

It’s been couple of days now, the pain is getting worse with every time I do something in the house and think in my head “Silver would have done this now”.

I took a day off work and my wife took 2 days off, both us trying to heal, the guilt pain is less but the missing pain is much much more, I just miss silver welcoming us as we enter the house, meowing at night to get our attention, sitting next to me as I watch tv and even annoying me while I try to eat my food.

He was a very curious cat, no single plastic or paper bag comes home without him inspecting it or jumping inside of it, the house feels so cold now, some of my friends are already suggesting to “just get another cat” but I have this guilt feeling even thinking about it, i know that no one will replace silver’s place in my heart, maybe with time I might be ready but for now I think am not...

Just some morning thoughts I wanted to share with you dear friends, thank you again for being super supportive, this is exactly what I was hoping to find.

 

[Antonio65]

Silver was a real beuty and if only he was a good boy as half as his beauty he should have been an angel on Earth.
It's absolutely devastating to lose a pet, even when you expect it, but the unexpected and sudden loss of a young furry friend it's something that can shatter our hearts in tiny pieces.
You will able to put the pieces back together, but probably one will be missing or they won't fit perfectly and your heart will never be the same.
All of us have had our heart shattered and I think I'm not wrong if I say that none of us here in this Forum has never found all the pieces of their hearts again.
You lost a beautiful kitty, Heaven has found a new bright and wonderful star.
A big and warm hug to you and a kiss to Silver!

 

[Antonio65]

t’s been couple of days now, the pain is getting worse with every time I do something in the house and think in my head “Silver would have done this now”.

I took a day off work and my wife took 2 days off, both us trying to heal, the guilt pain is less but the missing pain is much much more, I just miss silver welcoming us as we enter the house, meowing at night to get our attention, sitting next to me as I watch tv and even annoying me while I try to eat my food.

He was a very curious cat, no single plastic or paper bag comes home without him inspecting it or jumping inside of it, the house feels so cold now, some of my friends are already suggesting to “just get another cat” but I have this guilt feeling even thinking about it, i know that no one will replace silver’s place in my heart, maybe with time I might be ready but for now I think am not...

When the pain will be smoother these will be the memories you will always have of Silver. The happy or funny moments with him. The moments that once made you laugh could make you cry, but they will be your memories and nobody will be able to take them from you, and I'm sure you'd never give them away.
You'll find yourself thinking or talking about Silver as he was still with you, but then again you will find that he isn't there. You will feel a strange warm and bittersweet pain in your heart, probably it will be one of Silver's paws that will tell you that it's alright, he still loves you and he's still by your side.

Those who say "get another cat" have no idea what being loved by a pet feels like, they're empty!
The right time for another friend will come.

 

[les26]

[QUOTE="Antonio65, post:
All of us have had our heart shattered and I think I'm not wrong if I say that none of us here in this Forum has never found all the pieces of their hearts again.[/QUOTE]

You are right Antonio, each one that dies takes a piece of our hearts with them., it doesn't get any easier no matter how many times we experience it, it breaks your heart every time, and Deb and I have 9 more times to go through it, more if we take any others in but we are trying not to, we fear they will outlive us! And it is getting harder to afford it and take care of them, so we are steady at 9-for now!

My guy pictured, Sylvester, helped me get over losing Simon and Sebastian, two great boys and two devastating losses over the last few years, he looks like those two put together and reminds me of them every day but is a great cat in his own right, he helped glue my heart back together after Sebastian passed 11/23/15, but I fear that I am so very attached to him that when his time is up I will be a wreck, again....he is only about 5 but I worry because his early years he probably didn't get enough nutrition as he was an outside cat in the city, and when I adopted him he was skinny but no more, he eats good and I give him GNC cat vitamins and fish oils to keep him healthy, and just last night gave him some and told him "this is to keep you healthy, buddy, please stick around for a long time", but I can only hope for the best but he looks great now!

But my point to the OP is yes, we get so so attached to these little creatures, and no matter how young or old or for whatever reason they pass away it is just devastating, we do understand how your heart is broken and how your mental state is not very well, grief hits hard and in many ways, when Simon died I had panic attacks off and on for weeks if I was in the dark or in an enclosed area like the shower, I felt like I was suffocating, but it did eventually go away. When Sebastian died in my arms, I had a month later physical stress symptoms, thought my heart was bad, lungs etc., but I was okay physically it was just the stress from the grief playing games, it took like I was told almost 1.5 years until I could deal with it and not crumble, it still bothers me but not nearly as badly as it did because I know he and Simon and all the rest are just fine now, no problems at all, and we will all see them again one day and it will be wonderful!

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to convey these experiences to you from an almost 57 year old man who also views them as "our kids".

Hang in there, visit and write on here often, it is wonderful therapy....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

He was and IS a beautiful, beautiful cat. Remember this, if nothing else. Love never EVER dies, it only changes form.

 

[di and bob]

You will feel an emptiness for a long time, the guilt for even longer, but it DOES get easier to live with as time goes by. Even though I truly believe you have nothing to feel guilty about, it is you that has to sort through all these feelings, and I know how hard that is.
The emptiness can be helped by doing good in Silver's name. Donate food and litter to your local shelter, offer your help to socialize kittens, it helps to make you feel good about something in your life again. Do it all in his name. I pay for a cat's adoption that has been there the longest and they put a little sign on their cage that says the adoption is paid for. I do it in my dear Chrissy's name and her name is on the sign too.
Another cat does force you to live in the present again, it does fill your life with something besides grief and keeps your mind busy. Silver would be proud to pass on his legacy of love, after all, he taught you how to love a cat. It will never be the same, but like a parent with many children you love them all as unique and separate individuals. you have so much to offer. Take care of yourself and keep in touch!

 

[les26]

I pay for a cat's adoption that has been there the longest and they put a little sign on their cage that says the adoption is paid for. I do it in my dear Chrissy's name and her name is on the sign too.

This is wonderful.......

 

[Kat0121]

You will feel an emptiness for a long time, the guilt for even longer, but it DOES get easier to live with as time goes by. Even though I truly believe you have nothing to feel guilty about, it is you that has to sort through all these feelings, and I know how hard that is.
The emptiness can be helped by doing good in Silver's name. Donate food and litter to your local shelter, offer your help to socialize kittens, it helps to make you feel good about something in your life again. Do it all in his name. I pay for a cat's adoption that has been there the longest and they put a little sign on their cage that says the adoption is paid for. I do it in my dear Chrissy's name and her name is on the sign too.
Another cat does force you to live in the present again, it does fill your life with something besides grief and keeps your mind busy. Silver would be proud to pass on his legacy of love, after all, he taught you how to love a cat. It will never be the same, but like a parent with many children you love them all as unique and separate individuals. you have so much to offer. Take care of yourself and keep in touch!

What a lovely way to honor sweet Chrissy.

 

[di and bob]

It truly helps in the grieving process to do good in your loved one's name. I do this every two or three months, it's only 25.00, and the shelter says it DOES help them get adopted. I've done it for five years now!
Thank you both for your comments, I hope Solidus can find something too that brings comfort in this time of tears. It's a wonderful way to honor your little one's name.

 

[Kitty Mommy]

I m so sorry you lost Silver. I understand your pain. I lost my boy Tiger 3 weeks ago. He died suddenly so I can understand how shocked you are. It likely was a heart condition that you were unaware of. That is what it was with my Tiger. If it was there was nothing you could have done. Its so hard losing a beloved pet and it hurts for a long time. I hope you can let go of the guilt and start healing. Silver will always be with you in spirit.

 

[margd]

Silver was gorgeous -you really named him well. The care and love you have for that dear boy shine through those photos just as his love does for you. I hope that the guilt is fading as everyone here reassures you that there was nothing that you did wrong and everything you did right. Let Silver live on in your hearts and minds in a special Silver-place filled with love and good memories. He will always be with you. Although the loss is still fresh and sharp, the day will come when you can smile, remembering his antics and special ways, and be glad that you had time together, even though so short.