Did I Do The Wrong Thing?

[charles marcus]

I had my cat euthanized yesterday and I am really afraid I made the wrong decision.

As a backstory: he has always been somewhat aggressive, though generally fine with me and would come sit with me, allow me to pet him and sleep beside me at night. About 2 years ago, he started having seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. He was on medication twice a day, but still had occasional seizures.

A year ago, I had a baby. Unfortunately, I could no longer allow the cat into the bedroom at night, which didn't make him happy, but life moved along.

The aggression ramped up over the last few months and he attacked my son as he was sitting in the living room playing. The attack came out of nowhere and I was shocked. I took him to my vet who suggested it sounded as if he likely had something wrong with his brain, though only an expensive brain scan could confirm that. She also discovered a heart murmur, but I don't know if that could be as a result of stress from being at the vet's office. She said euthanasia would not be the wrong choice at this point. However, she gave me Feliway as well as some gabapentin to try for 2 weeks to see if that helped.

The aggression seemed pretty extreme over that 2 week period and there were many times where I would walk across the room and he would lunge at me out of nowhere. He spent a lot of time growling and biting. He also lunged at my son as he was sitting playing in his crib and got his leg. He fought taking the Gabapentin, so I don't know if it would have made any difference to him.

When he wasn't attacking, he was largely absent and he had himself hidden away somewhere, but I am still not sure where that was. I know cats sleep a lot, but it did seem extreme.

I sat with him yesterday afternoon and was with him when he died. It was the first time in months that I was able to hold him or pet him without being attacked.

I worry now though that I should have gotten the brain scan. Maybe there was more I could have done for him. I should have paid more attention to him. Should have played with him more. Maybe Prozac or an anti-anxiety medication would have helped?

He was only 5 years old, so I feel like I should have done something to help improve and prolong his life.

There is nothing I can do now, but did I make the right choice? Because, I really worry I just gave up on him and I can't stop picturing him just sitting in a freezer somewhere totally alone. I am so devestated.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello.
The thing of it is, had you gotten the brain scan, what if it had shown an impossible tumor? Or nothing specific?

As I'm reading through your post, I'm seeing a really unhappy cat that was possibly in pain, and as you commented, absent --and not just physically.

Many times it's suggested to ask a vet that if the cat was their cat, what would they do.

Your furbaby is no longer in pain, or confused, or upset and angry. He knows you did your very best for him, and he loves you still.

RIP sweetheart.

 

[di and bob]

Seizures are never a 'normal' thing. In the process they can and do destroy brain tissue or can stem from something that is....like a tumor that destroys too, or neurological disease and both can cause distinct personality changes. That is why those afflicted with Alzheimer's usually get violent. The seizures alone indicate something was terribly wrong, and most likely would never be cured, and the personality changes and hiding almost confirm a diagnosis of unending pain and the unrelenting progression of a fatal condition.
Your first responsibility is to your son. Your sweet cat was changing into someone different from who you knew and loved because of the pain and confusion indicated by the hiding and lashing out and would have lost likely escalated. You tried, you did what you could do.Something like this exhausts a normal life, a life filled with a young child makes it almost impossible. Any guilt, you feel, those should haves, could haves would have come anyway, they are a part of grieving. I don't think there is a person alive that doesn't have them in a situation like this. The ending of a life is never easy or comfortable to do, because we value life so much. But there comes a time, and I think your vet was telling you they have seen it many times, when it is time to end that pain and to let go. The bond you have with that sweet boy can never be taken from you, the memories of how he was, how he truly was, will be with you always and will bring you comfort. There is never any cut and dried advise in a situation like this, no one to tell you exactly what to do. You have to go on advise from the experienced, and with your heart. It takes an incredible amount of courage and love to do what you did, what you did you did out of love, both for your son and for that boy.That can't be wrong.
So in the end, go forward into life with joy and happiness, you did what you had to do, and no one can say different. Raise that son to love and enjoy life, and to remember the little cat that was in his life for such a short time, but his, and your, love for these wonderful creatures of God will be with you forever. Take care I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.......RIP precious little one. You will never be forgotten, you will have a secure place in a loving heart forever more. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

And you, you rest easy, as well. You did the very best you could for your cat. He was obviously miserable, and his quality of life was not good. In the end, the best we can do is the best we can do. It is "good enough," even if not everything that was needed. Sometimes "what is needed" is impossible.

Your cat knew he was, and is, loved. He'd not have slept by your side if he did not. I know what repeated seizures can do to a brain, and the changes in personality that they can cause. Bless him, he had no choice, nor did you. But now, he is whole, and healthy, and his only sorrow is your guilt. Let that pass in the normal grieving process, and know that he is at peace.

 

[KarenKat]

He is not alone somewhere because you held him and were with him, and made the decision he could not. Don't worry about what might have been, know that you absolutely made the right choice. You didn't take him in because he was inconvenient, you took him in because he was suffering. I'm so sorry for your loss. I do think he was one lucky kitty to be so loved in those five short years.

Like all things in life, there is no knowing what might have been. But you made the decision with love and compassion, which means it was by definition the right one. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and all the love to you and yours in this difficult time.

 

[les26]

I am sorry for your loss, that was a tough situation that I could see would be upsetting, but you did what you thought was best at the time and had a vet to bounce it off of but it is so so hard to do that. The only other thing might have been to have tried some of Jackson Galaxy's products but I don't know if that would have made a difference?

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....