Destructive and clingy cat stressing me out

[deathstardisco]

Hi,

I've never really wrote on forums asking for help before but I'm really reaching the end of my limit with my cat so I nee to vent a bit to people who may have been in similar situations and can hopefully offer me advice on how to deal with it.

My partner and I got Hugo about four months ago an he is now almost six months old, before we got him we don't really know much of his history and how long he was with his mother etc before being seperated. He's really healthy and has had a check up at the vets who said that he is completely fine and there are no health problems whatsoever.

We don't let him sleep in the bed with us as he doesn't sleep, gets excited during the night and starts scratching or biting really viciously and knocking things over in the room. He has his own bed in the living room and when he is put out of the bedroom on a night he cries and scratches at the door for a long time until he gives up and goes to sleep, however he'll wake up through the night and start trashing the room, he then cries on a morning for his breakfast. I've percervered and let him sleep in the bedroom for a few nights in a row so he can get used to it and maybe calm down but he doesnt, he still attacks and causes problems through the night. He has a bed and countless toys but he seems uninterested in all but one of the toys.

My partner works five days a week and also stays at his family home a few nights of the week so it is mainly me here dealing with Hugo. When I'm in the kitchen cooking things have gotten dangerous an I can't seem to stop his behaviour. He jumps up onto the oven while the hobs are on, he's pulled a frying pan of, luckily, cold oil off the hob, he's dived onto my back with open claws while I was bent getting something out of the oven causing me to fall onto the oven burning my hand on the shelf. I decided that when I was preparing meals I would simply put him out of the kitchen, when I do this he simply stands at the kitchen door screaming his head off, scratching the door and ripping my carpets to shreds in an attempt to get in the room. The noise and desire to not have my carpets ripped up is unbearable sometimes, I find myself purposefully buying things in shops that I can eat instantly instead of going through the process of cooking an contending with his behaviour.

I don't let Hugo in the room when I eat as he jumps on plates and will literally do anything that he can to get the food from my plate for himself so I put him out of the room. This causes the same reaction of screaming and ripping up the carpets, I feed him the same time that I eat and he just wolfs down the food so he can start attempting to get in the room to me and I now find myself eating as quick as possible to avoid this. It's just the same if I have a bath or a shower, he'll stand at the bathroom door screaming and ripping carpets, recently he's started doing it when I'm just using the toilet.

I know he's still only young but I've gone through countless sites looking for tips to help change his behaviour but nothing works, he now thinks water spray bottles are a game, he has no fear of water. Putting him out the room makes him worse, shouting no or telling him to stop doesn't work either. Nine times out of ten if I shout no at him he'll run over and attack me, lately his attacks have became worse, he can be laid on the bed with being all sleepy an comfy then out of nowhere he will just snap and attach himself to my arm or leg with his claws and teeth and refuses to get off till he's attacked, some times drawing blood.

I'm trying everything I can to be a good owner to him but I find myself getting more an more stressed as each day goes by, this may seem like small trivial things to a lot of people but as a first time cat owner I am really struggling to cope with it all.

Thanks in advance for any advice

 

[mollyblue]

I really have not had much luck with feliway collars and have not tried the diffusers, but others sing their praises so I guess thats worth a try.

Also, you did not mention how often you play with the kitty, or what types of toys he likes (though you did mention he has toys... its no fun to play alone!).  I will strongly suggest this is where you begin.  You have to play with the poor guy and tire him out.  Do you have wand toys that he can chase and hunt and fly through the air trying to catch?  If he doens't particularly care for the wand toys, it might just be that a laser pointer could be your new best friend.  Not sure how you feel about taking walks with a cat, but you might invest in a harness and leash (and if you have no experience with this, I will be happy to give you some pointers as there is more to it than just slapping a collar on them and saying here kitty).  Do you have a pet carrier?  It is not safe for kitty to be jumping on the stove, lit or not lit, so if words and gentle gestures don't work, you may need to give him some time outs to keep both of you safe while you eat...

When you get woken up at night - don't reward the cat with food.  Acknowledge him so he doesn't keep trying to get your attention, but my cats seem to learn "not now" pretty well.  They will get up in my bedroom window and wait until they think they can barely start to see the sun... but even my cats will still check sometimes... I guess that just doesn't bother me that much since I never sleep the night through anyway, I am up and down all night... they know I am up up when I feed them and fix coffee 

I would also suggest you get some toys that kitty  can play with alone.  Our cats like this little tower toy, its basically three rings stacked, and a ball in each ring... they can hit the ball and it will go round and round.  They have many toys like this... and my nocturnal cat will use it to amuse herself when everyone else is asleep. They also have laser toys (if it turns out that your cat likes lasers) that you can turn on and they will make a random pattern for about 30 minutes before shutting off, and I used to have to turn that on for Snowy before I went to bed and before I left for work. 

Good luck, but I would really concentrate on the play therapy... find something you and Hugo both enjoy, and go after it... you will both be happier for it.

 

[Columbine]

mollyblue has given you some great advice here. I have a few things to add.

First off, remember this little guy is still a kitten. Kittens have seemingly endless energy at times, and are naturally more inquisitive than older cats. Your job is to give him appropriate outlets for all that energy and to set clear boundaries for him that he finds easy to understand.

First off, I would make the kitchen a cat free zone. It's far easier to enforce house rules if they're totally consistent - if a room is sometimes ok but off limits at other times, you'll end up with one confused cat! If Hugo's frustration is because he can't see you, a screen door in place of the regular kitchen door might be the answer. Another option would be to give him an interactive play session followed by a meaty treat or meal just before you start cooking. Cats are programmed to follow the pattern hunt-catch-kill-eat-groom-sleep. By fulfilling the first part of this pattern you should then be able to cook in peace, as you'll be leaving Hugo at a point where he's ready for nap. This is also a great trick to use just before bed - if you leave him feeling ready to sleep, he'll soon learn that night time is for sleeping and will get onto a schedule closer to yours.

When he's bothering you at inappropriate times (whether its at night or when you're cooking/eating) its really important to ignore him. If its at night, feign sleep. If its at mealtimes, push him away - no eye contact, but maybe with a firm 'no' or even a hiss. Either way, this behaviour mustn't be rewarded. Once he learns he's getting nowhere, he'll give up.

Hopefully, these articles will give you some pointers:
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[riley1]

I think you must have my cat!  LOL You got great advice from Columbine & Molly Blue.  I read through the articles; great info.  I knew nothing of cats when I got my first one; site unseen.  Little did I know that for the most part he was a perfect cat.  Never got into anything.  One or two loud nos & the behavior was not repeated.  Seemed to know the difference between what was mine & what was his.  Trained to stay off of one couch until I realized this was unfair.  Best of all he forgave me for all the stupid things I did without knowing. Keep in mind that he was a little over 5 years when I got him.   Lost my little soul mate in Jan. 2015.

Enter Aamira.  Part Siamese, part devil.  Followed me around the house like a shark; biting/bunny kicking at every opportunity.  Jumping right into my plate when I was eating.  Attaching me in the wee hours of the morning.  Surfing the counters.  Not responding to any type of correction.  Except for the occasional counter surfing almost all of these problems have been resolved.  Think about this.  The vet told me exactly how much food she could have a day to maintain her weight.  After two months of her digging in the garbage disposal & toaster I called the first shelter that received her as a stray. (she was transferred to our shelter)  They said that she was brought in extremely underweight & starving.  I started her on raw food & gave her more than she should have but not as much as she wanted.   Made the mistake of feeding her 4 times a day in the beginning trying to correct the food problem so I am stuck with this pattern.  Yes, she got fat! Now that it has been 5 months I noticed that her body has returned to  near the correct weight.  A lot of the other bad behaviors seemed to decrease with having more food.  I think she was disparate for more food & thought she was being starved again. 

The other solution was play, play, play!  She is only about 2 years old, extremely active & outgoing.  I live alone; things are really boring here.  Bought her every toy made for a once or twice per day play session.  This is just not enough.  I posted recently that she is not all that interested in her fishing pole sessions anymore.  I have come to the conclusion that the only long term solution for my girl will be a very active cat playmate.  Being a Siamese she does not even do well with me being gone for several hours during the day.  She has not however reverted to the bad behaviors listed above; certainly different cat than the  one I bought home.

I hope my experience is of some help to you!  Good luck & hang in there.

 

[di and bob]

A playmate DOES help believe it or not, it is a great distraction. Two kittens keep each other occupied and busy.  All of the behaviors you describe are due to being a kitten, and a kitten that was taken from his mom and siblings too early to learn social manners. This happens typically between 8-12 weeks. So now YOU have to be mom! I hope you believe me when I tell you these behaviors will improve with age, you have to set limits now and strictly enforce them. A heated pet bed would make a difference at night, I can't get my cats out of them! A corrugated cardboard scratch pad is another essential, the kitten will most likely take his frustrations out on it, I know my cats do. Put it right outside the door you have shut him out with so he gets the idea.  When he is doing something you don't like, grab him by the back of the neck and hiss at him, I know this sounds weird, but that is what mom would do. Don't squeeze him, just grab the loose skin on his neck.  Or tell him 'NO' in a very firm voice and give him a time out in the bathroom for 5 minutes. No longer, because longer then that and he will forget what he had done and just be confused. I wish you all the luck, and please remember.... THIS TOO WILL PASS!