im going too have too spill my past out too let people understand why it is i have a stressed and upsetting past.. its not the worst i know others have had it worse.. but i need too learn how too handle stress as all pointers point too depression but i refuse point blank too go to the doctor for it!
When i was a little girl (7-8) my mum left my dad no warning no nothing just disapeared.. she didnt get intouch for months on end leaving me and my sister (iona) alone and upset not really understanding where she went...
after we got used too the fact our mother had abondoned us, she came back pregnant my father (graham) being the sap he is took her back...
we moved house just a few blocks up from the original house, mum had caitlin my youngest sister...
i had started being bullied in mums absence for being the noisy child at school, i was noisy as i felt the need too make my presence known and i was at that age anyway...
mum 7-8months after caitlin was born started on chatrooms flirting with other men...
she and dad would argue every night loudly!
she then filed for a divorce when my youngest sister was 9 months and left!
my dad began too go into depression; id look after my 2 sisters day and night feeding them while dad would just cry all day!
mum settled and we were allowed hourly visits once a week...
by this time i hated her for what shed done too dad!
she and i began too patch things up i had grown up and learnt to forgive (age 11-12 now)..
she moved out with her new fancy man our visits became monthly...
the third visit too her we were introduced too the "nice man upstairs"
shed warn me too watch him (not understanding what she ment)
we(all 3 of us sisters) used too go up and make little mach stick models!
i cant type into that too much he was a peodophile and he abused me and threatned hed do it too my sister iona if i told...
one day i told mum and he was arrested...
At age 13 i became an angry young girl and just took all anger out on my dad who had met a new woman...
oneday i left moved in with my mum....
i was always in trouble slipped in with the wrong crowds at school and regularly got beaten up i felt the need too fit in so i turned to drugs and drink...
my mum changed me too another school and the bullying carried on i used too take bottles of port and vodka or any alcohol i could get in and get drunk on the bus on the way too school!
too make it worse dad got rid of my dog that i used too talk too about everything i used too cry myself too sleep on her!
i found myself cutting my wrists and overdosing too escape the pain of life!
i met ricky via a friend and he pulled me out of the gutter dusted me off and turned me around because of him i got 3-4 GCSE's!
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but thats the story, but i still find i get mad and get that same hate for myself as i did when i tried too overdose or cut.......
yet i dont know why im happy with ricky i love the life i have!
how do i handle this anger at myself?
When i was a little girl (7-8) my mum left my dad no warning no nothing just disapeared.. she didnt get intouch for months on end leaving me and my sister (iona) alone and upset not really understanding where she went...
after we got used too the fact our mother had abondoned us, she came back pregnant my father (graham) being the sap he is took her back...
we moved house just a few blocks up from the original house, mum had caitlin my youngest sister...
i had started being bullied in mums absence for being the noisy child at school, i was noisy as i felt the need too make my presence known and i was at that age anyway...
mum 7-8months after caitlin was born started on chatrooms flirting with other men...
she and dad would argue every night loudly!
she then filed for a divorce when my youngest sister was 9 months and left!
my dad began too go into depression; id look after my 2 sisters day and night feeding them while dad would just cry all day!
mum settled and we were allowed hourly visits once a week...
by this time i hated her for what shed done too dad!
she and i began too patch things up i had grown up and learnt to forgive (age 11-12 now)..
she moved out with her new fancy man our visits became monthly...
the third visit too her we were introduced too the "nice man upstairs"
shed warn me too watch him (not understanding what she ment)
we(all 3 of us sisters) used too go up and make little mach stick models!
i cant type into that too much he was a peodophile and he abused me and threatned hed do it too my sister iona if i told...
one day i told mum and he was arrested...
At age 13 i became an angry young girl and just took all anger out on my dad who had met a new woman...
oneday i left moved in with my mum....
i was always in trouble slipped in with the wrong crowds at school and regularly got beaten up i felt the need too fit in so i turned to drugs and drink...
my mum changed me too another school and the bullying carried on i used too take bottles of port and vodka or any alcohol i could get in and get drunk on the bus on the way too school!
too make it worse dad got rid of my dog that i used too talk too about everything i used too cry myself too sleep on her!
i found myself cutting my wrists and overdosing too escape the pain of life!
i met ricky via a friend and he pulled me out of the gutter dusted me off and turned me around because of him i got 3-4 GCSE's!
------------------------------------------------------
but thats the story, but i still find i get mad and get that same hate for myself as i did when i tried too overdose or cut.......
yet i dont know why im happy with ricky i love the life i have!
how do i handle this anger at myself?