Contemplating A 2nd Cat

[amaruuk]

Hello there

Let's see. Where to start.
I adopted my beloved Petunia 3 1/2 years ago from the shelter, and she is the best decision I have made as an adult. She's saved my life, very literally, more than once. She's exceedingly calm, snuggly, never denies attention, rolls over for belly rubs, snores in my ear at night, never missed the litterbox, doesn't scratch anything but her post, doesn't even jump on counters - that sort of cat. She's a great judge of character, coming out for pets from some people, hiding the entire day from others.

A year and a half ago, my ex got a siamese kitten that bullied the hell out of her. She was miserable. But he *was* really young, had way too much energy for her, and was relentless in chasing her (wanting to play, but she was having none of it). Eventually, she was grooming him when he was calm, and as he got sick she took care of him, but otherwise, she turned into a ghost in my home.
The kitten passed on from lily poisoning about a year ago. I knew he was sick because of her mothering him 24/7, long before the symptoms showed up.

I've been working from home for the last 4 months. Something my girl sees as all for her and all for snuggles. If I go out for 12 hrs, she is absolutely beside herself when I get home. Hell, if I go food shopping, I'm welcoming by frantic mews and body-slams (forceful snuggling if I sit down) and head butts and chirping. She's very, very attached. And I'm afraid, very lonely if I'm not here.

As I look into office jobs again, and as I recover more from a very bad car accident, I will be out of the home more and more. And I'm worried, from her panic as of late, that this is going to leave her too lonely. She's now taking calming treats when I leave the house and return, as I assure her everything's ok.

For some time now, I've been looking at the humane society's site, and contemplating adding to the family. This will take a while, as I need the right companion for her. About her age (now 8 yrs), exceedingly calm, laid back, even shy. Overweight (she's still coming down from her whopping 23ish lbs when I adopted her - now she's at 14.5 yay!) is fine, medical condition is fine, in fact I prefer older cats that people often just overlook because they're not 'pretty' enough, or thin enough, or young enough. Part of this is also wanting to give a great, quiet, serene home to a cat not suited for family or kids or dogs.

My self-doubt though is pretty high.
I want to do what's best for my girl, and for the potential cat coming into the home. I don't want her to end up bullied again by another cat's presence. I don't want her to hide for days on end again, that was heartbreaking. But I don't want her to feel alone and stressed when I'm gone either.

When I was working 14hr days a few years ago, she would tug at the front doorframe until nearly all the insulation between the door and the wall was gone.
Unless she's an award-winning actress in trying to guilt me into just staying home for her to snuggle with all day.

Info online is conflicting.
Some say 'yes, cats are social animals', some say 'nope, they're solitary and hate companions'.
Right now, as I'm home a lot, I could be here to facilitate the slow introduction, Petunia's stress level wouldn't be off the charts because I'm gone *and* there's a new cat.

Is this a good idea?
Is she just making me feel guilty with all the panic?
I sense I should be looking for a cat like her - very calm, open, relaxed, snuggly, even somewhat shy - but am I wrong there?
Will a friend comfort her when I'm gone, or are cats truly solitary and I'm just contemplating introducing a whole world of more stress for her?

Gah. Sorry this is long.
I'm just...I'm trying to make the wisest decision I can. And that's hard without a sounding board.

Thank you for your time, and patience in reading my wee novella there.
Any advise you could give would be most appreciated!

(by the way, this is my Petunia, sitting with me and her favorite blanket watching Netflix)

 

[Timmer]

First off, she's just a lovely sweet looking girl and you two are lucky to have each other. I am in sort of the same boat as you are in some ways. I lost Timmer to IBD/Cancer two months ago and I'm left with my girl. They never got along. What you describe as this other cat bullying her sounds pretty tame to me, especially if she was caring for the cat when he got sick. My situation was much more severe and we had to keep them separated for 8 years.
I think we tend to think they need a companion but I'm told they don't. I don't know if I could take a gamble and put my Lupita through trying to introduce another cat into our house hold.

Petunia sounds a lot like my Timmer was, super affectionate, cried when I wasn't home (because if I went for a walk I could hear him screaming his head off) but I don't know if another cat would help that anxiety because it's YOU she wants. Then again, it might. See, I have no answers for you! Sorry. LOL.

All I can say is if you think it would matter and you want another cat, give it a shot. There sure are so many cats out there who need good homes and you sound like a terrific cat mom.

 

[mightyboosh]

It's always a bit of a gamble depending on the respective cat personalities. The story you give suggests that she would benefit from a companion as she seems lonely when you're not there.
It may take a while but they should accept each other eventually. They may be best of buddies, who knows, or they may just tolerate each other's presence. In any event, just having another kitty around should keep her occupied even if it's just thinking about the other one and guarding her territory.
I have three cats and they're not the best of buddies but they accept each other and mingle without any trouble save the occasional hiss. It took a while to reach that state of affairs so patience is very important.
I would go for it and you would be saving another cutie from an unknown future. If you get another, let them sort out the pecking order themselves and intervene only if it gets out of hand. They're complex little things but they know what they're doing in their little world.

 

[duckpond]

Pretty girl, i have a little black girl too I have always had cats, and i have always preferred multiples. The few occasions i have had only 1 i felt like it was lonely. I think cats are social creatures. There are always exceptions of course, but mine love to play together, groom each other, snuggle up and sleep together. i cant imagine them not having each other. There will occasionally be a brief spat, but few and far between. no flying hair or blood, so its ok, they work it out.

so if you have the urge for a second cat i would say go for it i have two boys and two girls. I think try to find one about the same age, and same personality as best you can tell.

or a very young kitten for her to mother. I approve very much of adopting older cats, but it is a little more time consuming to get them to accept each other. If you have a cat that may be difficult i have found that everyone always love kittens about 8 weeks old...lol never had a cat that turned their nose up at a young kitten for long at all.

 

[amaruuk]

Thank you all for the replies so far!
Timmer - I am so sorry to hear you lost your Timmer (it sounded fine in my head, really hah). That's always so hard. And thank you, she is a very sweet girl. The bullying was tamer than some, though there was blood drawn when that kitten didn't know when to stop and kept harassing her. He'd leap from the top of the cat tree onto her back (5 feet up) as she walked unsuspectingly by. He was a bit of an ass, that one.

mightyboosh - thank you for your input. I do have the time to keep them separate and both kept company right now so a very slow introduction is entirely possible. She did, with the last kitten, eventually curl up with him as long as he'd just stay still. And she groomed him, allowing him to groom her. So I suppose there is hope.

duckpond - Hah, I have a big weak spot for black cats. My very first - a half dead kitten I found dumped in a box when I was 6 years old and took home with me - was a black cat and she was amazing. They tend to be the least adopted as well, so I get more to choose from
And thank you for your experience with multiples - ultimately I want to find my girl a best friend, someone who does as yours do, snuggling up, grooming, playing.

Hm I hadn't considered a very young kitten for her. The siamese was 5 months when he came into the home and honestly was a train wreck from day one. Far too smart for his own good, could leap 6 feet up onto anything, and was showing signs of kitty ocd. He harassed her to no end, unrelentingly trying to play with her. I'm wondering if my Petunia would 'train' a young kitten to behave the way she'd want? Or is that energy going to make her a ghost again when it hits?

 

[Furballsmom]

Well, there's no doubt young (and old, LOL) Meezers are little train wrecks in fur, and snowshoes are also more than a handful. However there are feline breeds which aren't quite so... uh, cram-packed with drama.
Can you look for a ragdoll, something like that?

 

[Kieka]

It's really a mixed bag when it comes to multiple cat households. I currently have three and my boy, Link, will come in the house and yell at me to open the door for his sister, Rocket, who is waiting outside. While Rocket loves to jump up and headbutt Fury until he starts grooming her; which he will with an arm wrapped around her to keep her from moving too much. I've had multiple cats before and this is honestly the first time I've had three so closely bonded. It's like they were meant to be together even though they are different ages and from different places. But I've also had the cats who didn't get along at all and the ones who just shared the space without much interaction.

From your description, it does sound like your girl would do good with a buddy but the right personality is key. If there are any rescues with foster parents in your area you can talk to, that would be ideal. I am talking cats that are fostered in a home so that their personalities are really known. You'd want either an adult that has been around other cats and is relaxed or a kitten. If a kitten then one who wants a mom but doesn't need one to wrangle in their energy (I'd stay far away from any that the group call Siamese or pointed and Bengal or Bengal mixes because those would probably be too much for your girl). If you work with a rescue try maybe a foster to adopt situation. Whereby you foster the cat/kitten for a set period of time and the adoption isn't final for a few weeks to make sure it is the right fit. Not all groups will do this and really the best way to make it happen is to work with a foster parent within the agency.

 

[amaruuk]

Furballsmom - I'm looking only at shelters, honestly. If there ends up being a ragdoll in there, it won't last longer than a few hours, as people here are *all* about how a cat looks, not what the cat is like. (very hipster-central city)

The siamese was my ex's cat, and a fluke to find. I'm not a fan of buying from breeders either, I'd rather have a mutt cat

Shelters in the past, when I was looking for Petunia, got soooo excited when I'd come in because I don't care how old the cats are, if they have special needs, if they're bonded, or what they looked like. It's the heart I'm after. The personality.

Kieka - Aww, I'd really love for Petunia to have the kind of relationship your kitties seem to have now. I really just want her to be happy. There's actually a catfe about an hour away from me; you reserve a spot for an hour, go have tea or snacks with a cafe full of cats up for adoption. I'm considering it as a starting point.

Though the foster to adopting idea is a fantastic one, I hadn't thought of that! I've just started considering this further, so I'm not in touch with any rescues as of yet but I shall look at that avenue as well. The catfe here is associated with the humane society. And man, people love their cats here, the turnover for kitties in the humane society is insanely high!

 

[rubysmama]

I think it's always a gamble getting a second cat, at least if you go by the threads posted here on TCS. But then again, people are more likely to post about negative situations, than positive ones.

TCS has several articles on the topic of multi-cat households that may be helpful in deciding whether to get the beautiful Petunia a buddy.

Your Second Cat: How To Choose The Best Friend For Kitty
The Multi-cat Household
Introducing Cats To Cats
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

 

[amaruuk]

rubysmama - Thank you for the links, I shall read them as well. I've been reading articles online the last 2 months regarding another cat for Petunia, mostly ending up with the argument that (cats are solitary!) vs (cats like company). I do have experience with introductions, behavioural issues and health issues as well, as attracted as I seem to be to the kitties 'left behind' and not often looked at or adopted from shelters.

 

[orange&white]

I think if you have the love in your heart, which you do, for more than one kitty in your life at a time, then you should have more than one cat. You will make it work.

I have read a few horror stories here about cats fighting with blood and fur flying. I don't think that's the majority experience. Since 1989, I've owned 2-3 cats at a time, and never had any violent cat fights. I did have a very shy kitty who would have been ok with being an only cat, but she didn't seem to mind when I brought in #2, and later #3. She would have kept mostly to herself regardless.

My current senior was a foster cat after I lost my two eldest kitties many years ago, leaving the third cat without any buddies for the first time in his life. He was grieving, but I wasn't sure a "new" cat was right. He missed his home boys. Anyway the shelter sent me home with 2 7-month old brothers for a week, which extended to 2 weeks, which extended to forever. Fostering was a great way to help a shelter kitty, and find a good match.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and great instincts about cats. You'll make the right decision at the right time.

 

[duckpond]

Another thing to think about, if you have the heart for it. an even older cat? I know our shelter will often have senior cats that they have a hard time finding a home for. I think we are afraid to loose them too soon if we adopt a senior. But they often have years of love let to give, and need in return. fostering or adopting a senior cat may be great, no kitten energy and they might treat petunia as the baby and love on her

I believe if you spend time with the cats at the shelter the right one will call to your heart.

 

[amaruuk]

Thank you all of you for your wonderful replies and sharing your experiences with more than one kitty. This kind of thing a google search just doesn't quite cover.

orange&white - yup my girl is pretty damn shy. she'd be happiest if I just stayed at home with her all the time and she could convince me there was no reason to ever leave her or have anyone over. But well, that's just not happening unless I win the lottery! I'm definitely looking for a match to her personality, as I start my search.

duckpond - oh god yes, I love senior kitties. Petunia was 5 when I got her, is 8 now, so I'm looking in and around her age range and up primarily. My heart breaks when I see 10+ year old kitties stay in cages for month after month! No matter the age, the fit just has to be right. If I find a 13 year old kitty that's the right fit for us, then home they'll come. I do hesitate to get a young kitten still, I'm not sure Petunia could handle all that energy again. And you just never know if their personality will turn out to be mellow or really active.

You're all so awesome, offering up stories and input, I really appreciate it!

 

[Desertmouse]

I am so glad you mentioned getting a older cat! My first thought when people talk about getting another cat is “please let them get a cat the same age”. On top of that I personally like older cats.

As far as this helping with your cat’s loneliness, I just don’t know. I agree with others that what she misses most is you, but that doesn’t mean having another companion won’t help ‍.

A couple suggestions if you do decide to adopt. First, I would consider a cat being fostered. By doing this you should be able to ask the foster questions about their personality and how they do with other animals. I would also go ahead of time to visit a potential cat and bring a blanket or shirt with your scent on it. If you fall in love with them, ask the foster to put the item with them so they can start to get used to your scent and to put their own scent on it so when they come to your house they will have it to help comfort them. Also I would go very slow with the introduction and make sure you give your Petunia preference when they are together at first (put down her food/treat first, pet her first then the other ect). Just make sure your sweetheart knows that you aren’t going to ignore her for the new cat. Another suggestion would be to ask if they have a favorite toy. If they do, buy a replacement for it and ask them to trade so you can bring their special toy back with you.

One last thing, remember, by adopting from a foster you are giving them the freedom to foster another cat who could really use that one on one love . I truly hope things work out for you either way!

 

[amaruuk]

Thank you so much!
I've spoken to a foster program here in the city, and made it very very clear that I am in no way in a rush to bring someone home. It has to be the perfect fit, the perfect personality, and if it takes a year to find, I'm good with that. I even spoke on the phone with them for an hour, detailing what I'm looking for, what I'm indifferent about (looks, sex, older, special needs, breed). All their cats are in foster care and it's a brutal screening process, and a long visiting and integration process. I respect that a great deal.

I'm still not set on a new kitty, so I'm unwilling to make any compromises when it comes to personality. (when I was younger I had moments of 'oh that doesn't matter, just let me bring her home!')

The toy idea is brilliant, as is the blanket/shirt idea! I'll definitely integrate that if/when I find my next family member.
And in the end, if I just don't find the right fit, then I'll see about working at night to prevent 14 hr office days, when I'm back in a corporate environment, so Petunia won't miss me quite so much.

 

[orange&white]

You're a wonderful cat mom, whether you get a second kitty or not!