Confusing Signals From My Cat

[lemam]

I adopted a 1 year old female cat just about two weeks ago. The foster said she was very affectionate and sweet (stayed with the foster for 3 weeks). Although I didn't get that impression when I made a visit, because she hid under the couch the entire time (a sign I shoulda been aware of), I believed and expected an affectionate cat. I know it's only been two weeks but I'm starting to think I've adopted a very shy and nervous cat and perhaps not so affectionate as the foster claimed.

Some behaviors that are confusing...

• So far I've noticed that she's only affectionate when she wants to be fed or she thinks its meal time. She'll walk back and forth near my legs, purr, rub her face against my legs, she'll let me pet her from head to trunk and I occasionally rub her chin. During this time she's bit me (not hard, but not that soft either) at least 4 times and it's really unexpected because she looks fine. I get a little surprised and pull away and in result she's scratched me twice (pretty badly, she has very sharp nails right now). I'm assuming this because I scare her when I pull away.
• She lets me pet her when she's eating, I take this opportunity to groom her fur. She lets me grab her paw for 2 seconds but then pulls away while still eating. I could never lay a finger on her paws if she wasn't eating so I haven't had the chance to cut her nails.
• During the day she usually hides under my bed and plays with a feather toy from underneath. Sometimes I'm successful with getting her to play out in the open. After several minutes she gets this weird look and then runs underneath the bed again.
• I've noticed the tip of her tails vibrates like a rattlesnake at random times, even when she looks completely relaxed. I think this is a sign of nervousness or anxiety around my presence.
• During the evening she lays down on my bed near my feet but I can't pet her. She'll try to hit my hand or bite me.. but she's been unsuccessful so far.

What I don't understand is why she bites when she's being petted, especially when she's the one who approaches me. Whenever she thinks it's meal time she'll act so sweet and initiate the affection. I cant pet her when she's just sitting somewhere or laying down on the bed. I'm assuming begging for food momentarily subsides her fear of me? Otherwise, all other behaviors or normal and healthy. I play with her, talk to her, give her treats at appropriate times, etc.

I'm hoping this is something temporary and she'll let me pet her eventually but it's really hard to tell and her actions are confusing. She looks comfortable around but her tail says otherwise. She purrs and headbutts for food but doesn't truly like being touched. This was my first time adopting a cat and I really wanted to an affectionate one. Has anyone experienced something similar? What can I do to let her pet me? Her unexpected bites and scratches are kind of scary and I'm worried that I didn't get the right cat for me.

 

[samdacxt]

cat are very anxcious animals, it’s a new place and a new person. it’s gonna take her some time to trust you. if she’s not biting go draw blood, cause if she wanted to trust me she would, then it’s probably some love bites. but other than it being a new place she’s also still young and rambunctious, a lot of the time kittens and younger cats arent going to want to be affectionate as much, they have too much energy.
her being nice around feeding time is pretty common i’d say, id just keep trying.
but let her come to you on her own terms, never force her or you’ll push her away more.
id get some feliway spray or diffusers, calming toys maybe to help her get more comfortable.

cats are stubborn and take some work, don’t give up!!

 

[Brian007]

Two weeks is not a very long for her to still be adjusting and hiding. Give her more time. Be patient. Life must be very confusing for a little cat who's spent a year of her life in several other homes.

Just take things at her speed. Slow down. Stop trying to pet her so much. Try to think how you would feel if you had been fostered, adopted, moved from here to there in a tiny box in a scary, noisy vehicle, and you were only very young. Try to see that she likes her new person very much but just wishes they'd stop fussing and hassling her until she feels settled and at home.

Don't pet her when she's eating, let her eat. Would you like someone poking you when you're eating? Definitely don't try to cut her claws when she's eating! I'd probably leave all thoughts of claw-cutting alone until she's fully settled.

My cat, Brian's, tail would vibrate sometimes, especially at mealtimes, as a sign of excitement and happiness. A cat's tail signals are very subtle, and not all movement is negative. Is her tail upright when she walks? An upright tail is a happy tail.

Don't worry about her hiding, it's natural for a cat to hide at first. That she comes to sit on your bed is a very good sign that she likes you. Her rubbing around your legs is another great sign of affection. She does really like you; she's just not ready for all your hands-on attention.

Continue to play with her often, and talk to her. But, please leave her to come to terms with her new life in her own time, and resist the temptation to pet her all the time, then she'll come to you.

If she does catch your hand, let your hand/arm go limp and play dead until she naturally releases you, and you can gently & slowly move away. If you pull away, she'll dig her claws in. So, do not pull away!

Do not shout at her or scold her in any way. She won't understand and will just think you're being mean.

Relax, be patient, and give her the time and space she needs to feel at home with you.

 

[Timmer]

I'm not going to tell you don't give up because I don't know if she will ever come around but it's true, cats do things on their own terms and it's also true that two weeks is a short amount of time.

I adopted two females at the same time several years ago and neither one liked to be held. This baffled me, since I have always had cats who LOVED being held. But you gotta realize they are like people and everyone has their own personality. I still have the one female and in 10+ years she has never really completely warmed up to me 100% in the sense where I can hold her, she's never sat on my lap. The only time I can pet her is when she comes to bed with me at night. Then she is all in for it and loves it. I have no idea why the rest of the time I can't catch her or pet her. She just doesn't want it. She wants it when she wants it. This is frustrating but, that's how she is and I got no choice.
Maybe your definition of affectionate and the foster home's are two different things. But don't take it out on the cat and honestly, don't even take it personally.

Don't groom the cat when she is eating.

I'll tell you what my girl cat loves is boxes. Shoe boxes and like Amazon packing boxes. I put packing paper or newspaper in those and my gosh, she gets in those and lays there and THEN I can pet her, in the box.

Do you have a scratching post? Mine also loves to sit on the post and look out the window. When she does that, I walk over and groom her and clip her nails. Front paws, not the back. Most cats (and dogs) can't stand their back feet being touched. I give her a couple of treats when I'm done. All you have to do is snip off the tips.

How about calling the foster mom up and asking her for tips?

 

[Brian007]

Excellent idea about the boxes, Timmer ! If there's one, other way than food, to a cat's heart it's with a cardboard box. Stunningly simple. I can spy my Dudley sitting in his hallway box right this second (he's waiting for me...). Parker is outside this cardboard box, sitting right next to it (he's waiting too...).

And, what a good idea about asking her foster mum for tips.

Please update your post, lemam , when you can. And tell us what she's called.

 

[lemam]

Two weeks is not a very long for her to still be adjusting and hiding. Give her more time. Be patient. Life must be very confusing for a little cat who's spent a year of her life in several other homes.

Just take things at her speed. Slow down. Stop trying to pet her so much. Try to think how you would feel if you had been fostered, adopted, moved from here to there in a tiny box in a scary, noisy vehicle, and you were only very young. Try to see that she likes her new person very much but just wishes they'd stop fussing and hassling her until she feels settled and at home.

Don't pet her when she's eating, let her eat. Would you like someone poking you when you're eating? Definitely don't try to cut her claws when she's eating! I'd probably leave all thoughts of claw-cutting alone until she's fully settled.

My cat, Brian's, tail would vibrate sometimes, especially at mealtimes, as a sign of excitement and happiness. A cat's tail signals are very subtle, and not all movement is negative. Is her tail upright when she walks? An upright tail is a happy tail.

Don't worry about her hiding, it's natural for a cat to hide at first. That she comes to sit on your bed is a very good sign that she likes you. Her rubbing around your legs is another great sign of affection. She does really like you; she's just not ready for all your hands-on attention.

Continue to play with her often, and talk to her. But, please leave her to come to terms with her new life in her own time, and resist the temptation to pet her all the time, then she'll come to you.

If she does catch your hand, let your hand/arm go limp and play dead until she naturally releases you, and you can gently & slowly move away. If you pull away, she'll dig her claws in. So, do not pull away!

Do not shout at her or scold her in any way. She won't understand and will just think you're being mean.

Relax, be patient, and give her the time and space she needs to feel at home with you.

Hi Brian,
I'll stop petting her when she's eating but I thought it would condition her to think that petting isn't too bad, since she'll associate it when a positive experience such as eating. She does walk around with her tail upright. I slowly get up and walk away from her if she ever hits me because I don't want to scare her even further. I'll keep those in mind, thank you for the feedback! (:

 

[lemam]

I'm not going to tell you don't give up because I don't know if she will ever come around but it's true, cats do things on their own terms and it's also true that two weeks is a short amount of time.

I adopted two females at the same time several years ago and neither one liked to be held. This baffled me, since I have always had cats who LOVED being held. But you gotta realize they are like people and everyone has their own personality. I still have the one female and in 10+ years she has never really completely warmed up to me 100% in the sense where I can hold her, she's never sat on my lap. The only time I can pet her is when she comes to bed with me at night. Then she is all in for it and loves it. I have no idea why the rest of the time I can't catch her or pet her. She just doesn't want it. She wants it when she wants it. This is frustrating but, that's how she is and I got no choice.
Maybe your definition of affectionate and the foster home's are two different things. But don't take it out on the cat and honestly, don't even take it personally.

Don't groom the cat when she is eating.

I'll tell you what my girl cat loves is boxes. Shoe boxes and like Amazon packing boxes. I put packing paper or newspaper in those and my gosh, she gets in those and lays there and THEN I can pet her, in the box.

Do you have a scratching post? Mine also loves to sit on the post and look out the window. When she does that, I walk over and groom her and clip her nails. Front paws, not the back. Most cats (and dogs) can't stand their back feet being touched. I give her a couple of treats when I'm done. All you have to do is snip off the tips.

How about calling the foster mom up and asking her for tips?

Wow thats really interesting, 10 years a lot. That's kinda tough to hear because I've always wanted a very affectionate cat and the possibility of not having one is pretty disappointing, especially since I was led to believe that she is. But at the end of the day it makes me happy that I can provide a home for her.

I don't have a scratching post yet, just one of those cardboard like materials. But she loves sitting by the window. I plan on contacting her foster mom and checking if she had different experience, but she only had her for 3 weeks which isn't that long either. I'm hoping she'll become more affectionate and surprise us all haha. Thank you so much for the tips, take care.

 

[lemam]

Excellent idea about the boxes, Timmer ! If there's one, other way than food, to a cat's heart it's with a cardboard box. Stunningly simple. I can spy my Dudley sitting in his hallway box right this second (he's waiting for me...). Parker is outside this cardboard box, sitting right next to it (he's waiting too...).

And, what a good idea about asking her foster mum for tips.

Please update your post, lemam , when you can. And tell us what she's called.

Cardboard box it is! I'll try that one. Dudley is a great name btw. My cat's name is Neko (Japanese).

 

[Brian007]

I think Neko is probably going to surprise you as it sounds as though she likes you, but just needs time to relax and come out of her shell. She might be feeling on edge because she doesn't know that you are not another temporary, foster home.

Have you lived with a cat before? They are very individual beings and require special attention to suit their individual personalities and needs. The longer you have Neko and the better friends you become, the easier it will be for you to learn what she does and doesn't like.

Are you at home with her most of the time? Cats get very lonely and bored if left alone for long periods. Putting the radio on to a talk radio station and leaving a light on when you go out will help her to feel more secure.

Please do not hesitate to come here to ask questions any time that you or Neko needs. It is very good of you to have joined this site and posted your thread.

Please look around this site (TCS) and make yourself at home. Everyone is very friendly and supportive. You could introduce yourselves in the 'New Cats On The Block' forum:

New Cats on the Block

And, we'd all love to see a photo of Neko if you have one.