Company - need to vent

[rockcat]

They didn't show up at all yesterday!!!

I had a great time (even with a cold) alone with my husband!!!

Originally Posted by calico2222

Oh, hon I feel for you, and it is a hard situation. We had that with DH's cousin. DH would get home from work between 5pm and 5:30. He would have time to feed the dogs, and let them out for a run. I would get home between 6:30 and 7. His cousin would show up around between 7 and 7:30, with girlfriend and at least 1 or 2 kids in tow (she has 7 but only 2 are his cousin's). Now, his cousin DOES help him do stuff around the house, but I was left to entertain his girlfriend (who I really don't like, but that's another thread all together!). Now, if it was only for 1/2 hour or so, no problem, but they would stay until after 11:00pm. DH gets up for work at 6:00, and I have to up by 7:00. They didn't do this every day, but at least a few times a week.

They showed up one time on the weekend and I was in the process cleaning the house. I told the girlfriend I was trying to get things done, and instead of just leaving, she proceeded to start dusting for me, and told me how I was cleaning was the wrong way to do it.

I would be fuming!!! To impose on you and then insult you on top of it! Grrrrr!

Originally Posted by calico2222

Finally, DH had to take his cousin aside and tell him that he can't just pop in like that, that we need time to relax after work and actually have a conversation. Now, at least they call and we are prepared when they come over. And actually it's been seldom, thank god!

Sometimes you do have to be blunt, but I would definitely make sure you and your husband are on the same page with this before anything is said.

I'm glad it is working for you. Hopefully they don't stay as late as they did before, too.

 

[goldenkitty45]

Seriously tho, you and hubby need to address this issue now, while you are not angry. A time limit and how often to visit should be agreed on between you and then let those people know the next time.

Hard to be tough sometimes, but they will keep doing it unless you and hubby put an end to it.


In our family we have one aunt that makes it a habit of inviting another family member to get togethers (bbq's, weddings) WITHOUT permission. She just calls up and says "is (name) invited?" and hands the phone to the person for them to say yes or no. Two examples (1) bbq for DH's sister. We were just about finished and cleaning up stuff and this aunt calls the niece and then asks BIL if the niece can stop by for food in an hour after she gets off work! (2) calls up our son and asks if the niece is invited to the wedding and before our son could say anything, he's talking to the niece and has to tell her yes or no!

 

[greenvillegal]

Yikes!!! I would never go anywhere uninvited and I would be horrified if that happened to me all the time. I'm sorry you have to put up with that but glad that by the time I got to the end of the thread it was starting to turn around.

I am non-confrontational too, so know how you feel about not wanting to say anything, but you HAVE to. Or don't answer the door! If you're polite and they get mad, then they are not worth being your friends. They have to understand that what they are doing is extremely rude and inconsiderate. Period.

Good luck!!!

 

[tara g]

I'm planning on just ignoring the door if I see unexpected, unwanted guests

And I also want to set our alarm to "Stay" while home, in case the MIL decides she's just going to let herself in.

 

[siobhan]

Good Grief! That is not friendly - that is ridiculous! Don't they have things to do!

I had a friend whose husband I cold not tolerate - he'd arrive with his laptop bec he knew my apt bldg was wireless and asked for the number - I told him I forgot it - that I just logged in - but really, I should have been up front and said I cannot give it out to people who do not live here. I thought he had a lot of nerve, just like your "friends". Then, he is a fundamentalist Christian which is fine - I think people are entitled to believe in what they wish and believe everyone has some kind of moral compass be it religion(organized or not) or something they live by. He has never handed out pamphlets at my place but has at another but I told him straight up that I did not need to listen to his preaching since while I respect his views, surely he must know I am never join his Church. (My family and I are Reform Jewish). Still, he would make snide remarks about Harry Potter being evil - things like that. I know the woman more than him and am glad she is doing well but my God, they drive me to distraction. I have hid on some occasions and said flat out I had to study (true). Fortunately, I work a lot so...

I would tell them straight out if you are ill or not up to company. Tell them you like them, respect them but just are not up to entertaining. (I am not sure whether it's wise to ask for a rain check,

)

 

[EnzoLeya]

Oh my goodness! I could see where you would be upset. Nearly 12 hours!!! Who on earth does that! I like to see friends and family, but 12 hours?! I don't even spend that much time at my parents house when I'm down to ride the horses and visit! YIKES!

hopefully they are in some sort of rut and they'll stop visiting so often. Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. I totally understand where you're comming from. My SO is "too nice" too, although, I call him a painsy sometimes

He would never tell a friend they have to leave, he would hint though!

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by Siobhan

Then, he is a fundamentalist Christian <snip> Still, he would make snide remarks about Harry Potter being evil - things like that.

obviously, he's not bothered to read the books & form his OWN opinion. that's a common belief among many Christians who just believe what they're told.
personally, i read the books [as did my sister] & we could find nothing objectionable about them. she allows her children [who are homeschooled until high school because of her beliefs] to read them, as well.
so, not all fundamentalist Christians are cur from the same cloth as this guy

 

[chadsgirl374]

I solve that problem and still do if it should happen to become an issue again. I get up and look through the peep-hole in my door (in case I ordered food to be delivered and completely forgot about it), then go back to what I was doing. My friends and family all no that the pop-in is a no-no. If I don't receive a call first AND agree on that visit, they are welcome to come and stand outside my door - but I'm not opening it

I've only had a couple of people who used to do that, one being my step-mom. They all call and ask if I want company before they come over.