Christmas woes

[sunlion]

I feel like I've lived out the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 7 stages of grief. I did the self-pity thing, I've been angry, I'm sort of resigned to things now. I kind of miss the anger part, it gave me the drive and energy to get some things done.

I don't get it. He says he wants more space, but he gives me a cel phone so he can reach me. He doesn't want a Christmas present from me, but he keeps giving me things, like dvd's or computer stuff. It's like, make up your mind!

And while this is very kind of him - if confusing - I feel rather invisible because it doesn't really reflect what I want or what I do with my time. It's as if he doesn't know who I am, he's buying things he'd like for himself. Which I suppose is okay, just . . . I don't know.

He called me Tues. to tell me he didn't go to lunch with his office chums. I guess they all took a long lunch and went shopping together at Fry's, his favorite store. But he wanted to be alone. It was kind of a revelation to him, that it wasn't me (even though he's been saying that all along), he really didn't want to be around anyone in a social situation. I guess that was good for him.


Daniela,

I have no intention of keeping him if he doesn't want to stay. What I want is, for him to want to stay. But if he doesn't want to stay, I don't want him. Problem is, he can't seem to make up his mind what he wants, and I'm torn between not wanting to put up with the waffling and the fact that I love him and want him here.


Bill,

It's actually good to know we aren't the only ones. I am surprised by how many other women have gone through this with their husbands (you are the only man to say anything to me about it, but as an at-home mom I don't see very many men). I am also surprised how many people are or have been depressed. I wish he would do counselling, but I can't see that happening.


A.P.,

When I was single, I missed my dad horribly. Now that I have a family, I miss my mom constantly. There are so many times I want to call her and have a good long talk. What kills me is my daughter's relationship with her Grandma. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're close. I just wish she knew my mom too. And these days I sure get tired of being the adult all the time, I'd love to just throw myself on the sofa and let someone bring me hot soup and Kleenex.


Thanks again everyone for all your kindness and support.

 

[donna]

Ken,

You have great wisdom. I wish there were more people out there like you. Happy Holidays to you, Sandie and Kylee.

Hugs,

 

[debby]

Sunlion,
I just now read this, I have been offline for a week, and I am so sorry things are going the way they are for you....you are such a beautiful person, and I wish there was something I could do or say to make this holiday season better for you.
You have gotten alot of really good advice here.
You are very much loved here, and you are in our thoughts and prayers.
I know christmas can be a really rough holiday.
This is my second Christmas without my father, and my 5th without my mother.
I know how you feel about Hubby. Mine goes through bouts of depression often, and he doesn't want to talk to me for days sometimes.
I feel like when we do talk, he just wants to pick a fight.
I know he loves me, but it still really hurts.
I hope you are feeling better now, and I also hope that if you need to talk further you will talk to us, we will always be here for you!!!!!