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Puppy is the only one alive now. I'm very sorry to anyone reading this. I should have rushed them to the VET right away. I just didn't think life would be so fragile, nor did I believe a vet could truly help. Everything was sudden.
Chloe was in the living room a while ago and she was meowing looking for her kittens.
Yesterday night, all the kittens kept crying. I fixated on the idea that they were cold. But now I believe they were sick. Sick perhaps from everyone peeing and excreteing on each other.
Leo kept crying all day after I came home earlier today while his closest brother Axle lay there quiet but moving -- didn't seem to be fading. But fade Axle did and it was a very very long process, lasting for hours. I tried dropping goats milk into his moth, and unlike others Axle would drink it. So I didn't know at the time that Axle was fading.
Leo was crying LOUD all day. I thought it was about wanting to be with mom but when his mom sets up nest underneath my bed and drops the kittens 12 inches away from where she rests, it seemed like a case of simply missing the target. Eventually I pushed my bed away from the corner so that I can reach down and guide the kittens- Leo and Puppy, to their mother. But Leo would keep crying, moving vigorously, and didn't know what to do with mom's nipple or find it. But he would always quiet down when I held him in my hand. So again i thought it was about temperature and let him and his orange twin rest on my hand. Leo's chirping would let up in my hands but it was strange to me that he wouldn't stop crying even while on top of his mother's belly and would only stop while laying on the palm of my heads. Axle and Leo were the final 2 and the only 2 kittens that I saw Chloe giving birth to, as I came home before they were born.
- There was no striving for food from Leo, while Axle lay quiet but moving and breathing comfortably in my hand. No rooting for and finding a nipple. He just kept crying, wet, soaked in urine as usual, and as usual, I'd do what I can to keep him warm and clean by wiping him up. But like all the others, Leo faded too. But unlike the others his was a steep decline. As soon as I started stroking him from head to tail, he seemed to find a real comfort and would quiet from his chirps. This repose pushed him quick into the fading phase where instead of sleeping he entered the same spiral his siblings did, the same decomposition of form, the same open-mouth slow breathing. Followed by death.
I did not want to experience any of this. I did not want to know about any of this. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I was looking forward to my home become its own little Petco with kittens everywhere. I'm writing about this because it will help me cope.
I wanted Axle to survive the most. He was my favorite, a light-pink orange and had normal feet. He was named Axle Rose because Chloe would always respond and become very affectiionate whenever I'd whistle a section of the song November Rain.
Puppy is sleeping. No chirps. For the first time in over 24 hours, there is peace. His nest is my bedroom floor. He pisses all over himself too, so I am worried. But he has a strong will to thrive, knows what to do with a nipple and knows how to find it. He cries only when he's away from mother and stops as soon as she comes around. He also dislikes me and my touch and does everything to get away. These are great signs as it shows instinct is in tact. I am going to the vet tommorow since it's my day off. I should have gone today but I was fixated on the wrong things and still desperately trying the goats milk and the body warmth.
A few minutes ago:
A few seconds ago:
Chloe was in the living room a while ago and she was meowing looking for her kittens.
Yesterday night, all the kittens kept crying. I fixated on the idea that they were cold. But now I believe they were sick. Sick perhaps from everyone peeing and excreteing on each other.
Leo kept crying all day after I came home earlier today while his closest brother Axle lay there quiet but moving -- didn't seem to be fading. But fade Axle did and it was a very very long process, lasting for hours. I tried dropping goats milk into his moth, and unlike others Axle would drink it. So I didn't know at the time that Axle was fading.
Leo was crying LOUD all day. I thought it was about wanting to be with mom but when his mom sets up nest underneath my bed and drops the kittens 12 inches away from where she rests, it seemed like a case of simply missing the target. Eventually I pushed my bed away from the corner so that I can reach down and guide the kittens- Leo and Puppy, to their mother. But Leo would keep crying, moving vigorously, and didn't know what to do with mom's nipple or find it. But he would always quiet down when I held him in my hand. So again i thought it was about temperature and let him and his orange twin rest on my hand. Leo's chirping would let up in my hands but it was strange to me that he wouldn't stop crying even while on top of his mother's belly and would only stop while laying on the palm of my heads. Axle and Leo were the final 2 and the only 2 kittens that I saw Chloe giving birth to, as I came home before they were born.
- There was no striving for food from Leo, while Axle lay quiet but moving and breathing comfortably in my hand. No rooting for and finding a nipple. He just kept crying, wet, soaked in urine as usual, and as usual, I'd do what I can to keep him warm and clean by wiping him up. But like all the others, Leo faded too. But unlike the others his was a steep decline. As soon as I started stroking him from head to tail, he seemed to find a real comfort and would quiet from his chirps. This repose pushed him quick into the fading phase where instead of sleeping he entered the same spiral his siblings did, the same decomposition of form, the same open-mouth slow breathing. Followed by death.
I did not want to experience any of this. I did not want to know about any of this. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I was looking forward to my home become its own little Petco with kittens everywhere. I'm writing about this because it will help me cope.
I wanted Axle to survive the most. He was my favorite, a light-pink orange and had normal feet. He was named Axle Rose because Chloe would always respond and become very affectiionate whenever I'd whistle a section of the song November Rain.
Puppy is sleeping. No chirps. For the first time in over 24 hours, there is peace. His nest is my bedroom floor. He pisses all over himself too, so I am worried. But he has a strong will to thrive, knows what to do with a nipple and knows how to find it. He cries only when he's away from mother and stops as soon as she comes around. He also dislikes me and my touch and does everything to get away. These are great signs as it shows instinct is in tact. I am going to the vet tommorow since it's my day off. I should have gone today but I was fixated on the wrong things and still desperately trying the goats milk and the body warmth.
A few minutes ago:
A few seconds ago:
