Childless on purpose......is that what you always wanted?

[sillyjilly]

Originally Posted by Tari

Russian Blue, I know exactly what you mean! It's amazing how emphatic people can get about something that's really none of their business...and it's amazing how even people who are only casual acquaintances feel that they need to put in their two cents worth. It's as if deciding not to have children of your own is somehow offensive...like you're saying you don't like children.

That couldn't be more untrue in my case. I love children. My house is a very child-friendly environment, and there are bunches of my friends' kids who are counting down the days until our pool opens and they can come swimming. My nieces and I are good friends, and I just LOVE being the "cool aunt".

I guess it's just hard for some people to see a perspective different that their own. Many people here have remarked that they were surprised there were so many who were childless by choice...I'm surprised that there are so many people here with kids who are open-minded and supportive of someone else's personal choice (but, on the whole, the members here do tend to be remarkably open-minded and supportive, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised).

My thought on why a lot (not all) of these people to talk down about us not wanting to have children, is because they wish they could go back. To have back the freedom they don't have anymore because of having children. To be able to go and do what they want when they want! They're jealous!

 

[katiemae1277]

Originally Posted by SillyJilly

My thought on why a lot (not all) of these people to talk down about us not wanting to have children, is because they wish they could go back. To have back the freedom they don't have anymore because of having children. To be able to go and do what they want when they want! They're jealous!

now that is an interesting theory! I would bet probably very true too

 

[dixie_darlin]

I have 2 boys, 4 and 8. They are the love of my life, but yes, it's VERY hard! There hasn't been a time in 8 years that I have been able to take an uninterupted shower, eat dinner in peace or watch a movie without having to pause it. I had my oldest 9 days before my 19th birthday which was 11 months after I got married to my ex-husband. He was planned but, not thought through. It was very hard on both of us. 4 years later just as he was starting pre-school, out of diapers and I was going back to work full-time and going through a nasty divorce, getting things back on track, I ended up pregnant with my now 4 yr old. It's been a long road for my now husband and I. We do get aggrevated sometimes that we can't just pick up and go to the movies or out to a quiet dinner by ourselves. I was very much like alot of you when I was younger. I didn't want kids. Babysitting was fine because I could send them home

when they were spoiled rotten. I am not the motherly type at all. Probably won't ever be. I teach my boys to burp, fart, play with bugs and get dirty and ride 4 wheelers and dirt bikes. I'm more like a big sister to them in some ways. I know it sounds bad but I was raised a tom-boy and when people see me they automatically think I should not have ever had children, and they might be right in thier minds but they are my boys and I love them to death. If one of them were ever hurt or sick, I would give my last breath for them. Being a parent is the hardest job ANYONE could ever have.

 

[luckygirl]

Originally Posted by Russian Blue

What has surprised me to no end is how people will get into your personal business about this subject. First of all, it's a very personal decision to have or not have children.

I can relate to what your saying Russian Blue...only in the opposite way. We have been trying for 2 years. I had cervical cancer @ 19 and was told it would be harder to get pregnant. And I was so responsible in my younger days (28 now, married almost 4 yrs) with birth control and all...not wanting to bring a child up b4 I'm ready or out of wedlock.

But this is a very hurtful, sore, touchy, difficult subject for me. I have longed for children forever. Everyone I know has them...all my "little" sisters, all my friends...everyone. And everyone I know says "you'll be such a great mom!" As if they are helping. And I did it right, I waited, got married, travelled, then we decided after 2 yrs of marriage to get off birth control & nothing...all my sisters got pg young...1 had the shot-gun wedding, 1 got pg in college, 1 got pg @ 18 by a real jerk...

It's hurtful & freightening enough to not know whether you will ever have 1....the pressure from trying for 2 years...let alone people I barely know saying "when are you gonna have 1?" I feel like crying... not as a practical joke either! People don't realize that is not something you ask other people! I feel like screaming "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!" I mean it is my uterus right???


And then there's family..they mean well, but my dad wants a namesake...my sisters can't wait to give me their baby stuff. Everytime I see a baby it makes my heart ache.... and then to hear at every family function the curious...."well?" I'm like "well what?"

I believe that it is eveyones own decision to have or not to have kids...and some people should have that right taken away (abusers, neglecters, etc). But I hope that if I can't conceive I am ok with the way most of you are. It is inspiring that so many women are at peace with NOT having kids... And I hope that I can be at peace with whatever my fate is too...

PS...for anyone who has read my other threads, I do have a step-daughter, Jasmine (8yrs), I've been in her life since she was 2, and it's great, but not like having a baby grow inside you...experiencing the "miracle" of birth....being able to give my husband a son...feeling that connection...the flutters of someone kicking inside you...I want all that so badly...