Cat's Licking Misophonia (Looking for advice)

[CatsSoul]

Greetings to all of you, cat people!

I have a very strange situation and looking for help from you...

My husband really loves Ronnie.

But he has a very strange reaction to the sounds of Ronnie licking himself.

I googled and found out that it's called Misophonia.

Misophonia, meaning "hatred of sound", was proposed in 2000 as a condition in which negative emotions, thoughts, and physical reactions are triggered by specific sounds.

- Wikipedia

He simply gets mad when hears those licking sounds He says that he can't explain this but in those moments he's ready to kill the cat.
This reaction is not specific to our Ronnie - he hates the licking sounds from TV shows or other animals, etc.

He never caused any physical harm to Ronnie but still he becomes very very rude at these moments of licking.

Sometimes we're watching a film and laughing. Our mood is perfect. But then Ronnie starts licking himself and husband instantly becomes very angry. He can say something offensive to cat or even start swearing...

This makes me so sad!

I know that he loves Ronnie but his reactions are poisoning the warm home atmosphere

Does anyone have the same problems? I really tried to search the forum but couldn't find anything similar to this...

Maybe someone managed to solve this?
Your help, experience, advice or even suggestions would be highly appreciated!

 

[di and bob]

Unless he is willing to get mental help fro his phobia, I don't think much can be done. I, myself, have pushed cats off the bed at night when they wake me up with excessive licking, so I know how annoying this can be. The only suggestion I have is for your husband to leave the room when he feels himself getting angry, or you taking the cat out of the room. Perhaps have a pair of foam earplugs handy by his chair. Hand them to him. Phobias are like addictions, you really can't control them without extensive conditioning and professional help. Most are harmless. Anger in itself is not harmful unless he physically takes it out on the innocent cat or another object/human. Your poor cat is totally innocent, he is doing what is natural. Explosive yelling, loud swearing, stomping or banging things can seriously upset him and cause him to become timid and afraid around your husband. No one wants that. Your husband is innocent too, he can't control what is to him, extremely distasteful. It is really helpful if he can find out what is at the root of his distaste. What exactly does the licking remind him of that is so annoying? Often when you learn what it is that is at the root of the problem, then you can understand that what the cat is doing is not what you think, he is simply cleaning himself as all animals do, as HE would be doing himself if humans hadn't evolved. He must find SOMETHING to distract himself from instantly exploding. Maybe earbuds with loud music, ear plugs, or leaving the room. Has he ever been to a relatives or neighbors and their animal starts licking? What does he do then? It IS something that can be controlled, most likely not eliminated. Some get exposed to lengthening times of exposure to what triggers their phobia, so it gives them time to control themselves or find something for distraction. Does smacking while eating bother him too? I know THAT does me! Cats are animals and can't change instinct. But humans can learn manners........Your husband isn't alone, one thing that instantly angers me, and I don't know why, is when my husband, and his whole family, get done with a bowl of anything, say ice cream or soup,they bang their spoons against the borrom of the bowl getting the last drops, and I mean for 5 minutes! You should hear 4 or 5 of them doing this! I immediately have to bite my tongue and get up and leave. Bathroom time!

 

[SpecterOhPossum]

becoming... rude? Sounds like therapy and proffesional help is needed.

 

[di and bob]

I can accept an angry person becoming rude, but rudeness can escalate to a physical altercation. It must be dealt with before it does. I am often accused of being 'rude' to inlaws, other rude people etc. But unlike some I would NEVER become physical. I leave first before it does. It must be psychological, it makes them even madder!

 

[mani]

I don't think we need to assume that there will be an escalation to a physical response. CatsSoul described it as poisoning the warm home atmosphere, and that must be awful. It's hard to know what 'being rude' is but Cats Soul could be referring to the swearing?

To me, therapy is the answer. Learning to deal with the feelings that arise due to this sound. In yoga we refer to 'witnessing'.. the abilty to sit back and hear sound purely as sound, witnessing the feelings that arise without being affected. But that is no mean feat and your husband's difficulties sound really entrenched.

I can understand how annoying it can be.. a lot of us have triggers. di and bob described the 'mining the bottom of the bowl' thing and that irks me too. I have to move if I'm near someone chewing gum noisily with their mouth open, or just eating that way. I imagine all of us have a 'thing'. This one just happens to be quite common in your household and it's built itself up. Therapy.. techniques to unlearn the response.. is pretty useful when that happens.

 

[neely]

Many of our students at school have difficulty with loud or disturbing sounds so we keep a supply of noise cancelling sensory headphones for them. I know other people who use these or a version of them for misophonia. Perhaps your husband and you might want to check them out: Explore noise cancelling headphones for autism | Amazon.com

I understand that just like Ronnie not being able to control his licking your husband cannot control the sound that triggers him. I hope you find a helpful solution.

 

[CatsSoul]

Has he ever been to a relatives or neighbors and their animal starts licking? What does he do then?

Yeah, we had similar situation with his grandparents's dog. Their English bulldog smacked loudly and he asked multiple times to take the pet out of the room. And they refused which led to the conflict.

It IS something that can be controlled, most likely not eliminated.

100% agree, di and bob

Does smacking while eating bother him too?

No. And to be honest, I can't even remember the last time we heard someone smacking

becoming... rude? Sounds like therapy and proffesional help is needed.

I'm also thinking about it. But not sure which specialist can help us with this. SpecterOhPossum any suggestions?

therapy.. techniques to unlearn the response.. is pretty useful when that happens

100%

so we keep a supply of noise cancelling sensory headphones for them

neely this can be done when working or learning. But what about sleep? Also he can't use ear plugs because his ears are too sensitive.

 

[SpecterOhPossum]

I'm also thinking about it. But not sure which specialist can help us with this. SpecterOhPossum SpecterOhPossum any suggestions?

Not sure, the best advice I can give is look on google maps at local ones. I will also advise NOT to seek online therapy, such a thing is a hoax. Steer clear notably from "better help"! It's a sketchy, deviant company .

 

[neely]

neely this can be done when working or learning. But what about sleep? Also he can't use ear plugs because his ears are too sensitive.

Sorry, perhaps I wasn't clear but the headphones I referred to are different than ear plugs. I meant for them to be used when your husband is awake at home. Maybe using a white noise machine at night might be helpful. Just trying to brainstorm and come up with suggestions.

 

[Willowy]

I feel like he needs some therapy and maybe medication. I think misophonia can badly mess up relationships and needs to be controlled.

My dad hates the sound of metal utensils touching ceramic dishes. But it's impossible to eat without a utensil touching the dish at least occasionally. He made every mealtime absolutely miserable, we kids thought he hated us (well, he probably did at that time; as pointed out, misophonia can make you want to hurt and/or kill someone). Now my parents use plastic utensils, too bad nobody thought of that before he ruined his relationship with his kids.

Granted, as long as he doesn't hurt the cat there may not be as much harm as making kids think you hate them, but I still feel like it needs to be controlled.

 

[Jem]

I suffer from this myself, it also extends into touch as well. Simple noises drive me insane and I'm very quick to anger with certain forms of touch. I find that my hyper-sensitivity to such things is worse when I'm tired, stressed or if my anxiety is on the high side. My only advice would be to have him evaluated for an anxiety disorder and see about getting help for that. Although my first instinct is to lash out when I've been "provoked", I have never, ever, EVER physically hurt someone, and I have also learned to not project my "frustration" towards others. I take a deep breath and try to remove what has bothered me. By confronting what is bothering me in a calm manner, it makes me feel better, rather than getting all hot under the collar and reacting by either yelling or being "rude". There are times when I don't have a choice but to simply "take it", like if it's a stranger or an outside stimulant causing my distress, but by retraining myself, my initial instinct only lasts like a second, you would hardly know I'm ready to explode.

 

[BITTERSWEETDISNEYCAT]

As someone who has Misophonia I'll say there's honestly nothing you could do to fix it. I'd recommend watching a few YouTube videos about it.
I have the same reaction to many things especially cats licking, to put it into terms its immediate intense rage you want to scream hit something leave the room literally launch the cat outside.

Id say if your able to possibly get rid of the cat if it's that bad for him I know it's be hard but you'd be overwhelmed and stressed all the time if randomly every few minutes someone nonstop would by using nails on a chalkboard which isn't even as bad as a cats noises for someone who has Misophonia

I'd also say also if it's something special like a date movie or during dinner to put your cat in a separate room to help him. You might also want to ask them if they have any any other trigger noises that bother him like the cats licking does cause it's usually more than one trigger noise

 

[DownTheLane]

I personally try to avoid any sounds that trigger my misophonia, which is of course easier said than done. I'd recommend earplugs for him most of all. I've tried professionally fitted ones, but honestly, it was a waste of time and money. For me the silicon festival plugs work best! That and/or noise cancelling headphones. If he has them on him at all times around the house, he can try to block the sounds as soon as they begin.
I really empathise with both of your situations. I know what it's like to be in his position, I have had really agressive thoughts about people that couldn't really control their noises. My relationship with my dad has become very strained because of this. But I also realize it isn't anyone's responsibility but mine. I'm really lucky I don't have it with my cats at all, but the irrational irritation and anger I have towards the people I live with sometimes makes it hard to keep those relationships healthy.
Talk to him about it, your cat is part of your family and can't understand why he's suddenly mad, even less so than humans would.
I hope you guys can work it out

 

[Babypinkweeb]

Something like this definitely needs professional help. I wish I can afford it for myself so I can stop being so paranoid about my sounds and anxious about others sounds. I do hope it works out because it sounds like both you and your husband do love Ronnie, and he's just being a cat afterall.

I don't want to self diagnose but I've always been very sensitive to noise. I don't get aggressive or angry though, more like it freaks me out and immediately makes me feel anxious to the point where I wish I can just get rid of the source of the sounds. I love my friends but I can only stand being around them a few times a year as they do get loud when happy and excited, and I don't want to be the weird lady shushing someone who's happy. My cat is also very talkative so I've had to figure out a feeding schedule that works for the both of us to minimize him making all sorts of noises to get fed. Thankfully my spouse, who has grown up in a noisy family, has been very understanding and has over time learned to do things in a quieter way (and learned to enjoy the quietness).