Cat Rant

[Pen'sMomma]

This seemed like the only place I could post this. So, this is a rant and I am not asking for advice on the topic just overwhelmed and need to express my thoughts and feelings.

I have had my cat on my own since the end of May. She was so quiet and sweet and continues to be sweet however I am realizing I didn't see her full personality before I accepted the offer to take her into my home. She was somewhat neglected by my former roommate/friend so I spent a lot of time teaching her how to play and act like a cat basically and she has been mostly awesome but the more of her boisterous personality I see the more overwhelmed I am. I feel like I loved and took in one cat and I am now realizing that cat doesn't really exist. I am happy she is coming out of her shell but she is also really triggering my anxiety.

I train her to do tricks and also to understand commands tho she chooses if she actually does them which is fine but when I am overwhelmed by her I need to withdraw and after a day or two when I am ready I feel the distance and often there is a regression in whatever I was teaching her. I am just frustrated and probably more so because I am currently anxious as I write.

 

[Starlion]

I would suggest asking a friend to care for her for a day or two, so you can take some time to think about your options

 

[Starlion]

Whatever you do, your angel will thank you

 

[Shane Kent]

I can't offer much advice for dealing with a single cat as I have always had cats in sets. I do know that you should avoid getting stressed out around cats. They will pick up on your anxiety and get stressed out by it. There is even an article on this site about it.

You, Your Cat And Stress

Getting stressed out around them makes it harder to deal with them. A good example is that my wife cannot get our cats into their carriers. She gets all stressed out by it, stresses the cats out and they don't cooperate. I very calmly put them in their carriers with little difficulty.

You should provide more details. The cat's age, is she spayed and was she recently spayed. Does she meow a lot and that is what is bothering you? Does she play aggressively biting and scratching you? Is she clingy or needy and seem to have a confidence problem?

There are lots of good articles on this site. If you go to the article section you can search for things like "playtime", "aggression", "stress", etc.

 

[KarenKat]

We all feel overwhelmed with our kitties. It’s ok to take breaks and allow yourself some space.

 

[Columbine]

Anxiety is such a tough thing to deal with, and I can totally understand that seeing your girl getting boisterous and over-exuberant is stressful for you, especially if she is very social and constantly wants to be bouncing around you.

I've had animals of mine go through almost complete character changes as they start to open up, and realise that they're both safe and heard. It can be very disconcerting, as all the pent up emotions from previous neglect start to come out. Over time, as she works through all of this, she will start to settle again, and you'll see more of that sweet, gentle little girl that you first met.

As far as training goes, every animal I've had will have good days and bad days, and it's very common to have a little regression after a day or two off, especially in the early stages. It can also be a sign that you're moving a little too fast for her. I know this is different, but I moved too fast when training my pony as a youngster. She was clever and quick enough to understand what I was asking, but emotionally wasn't ready to progress at the speed her intelligence was (I hope that makes sense). Moving slower, and going back a few steps after even just a day or two off made a world of difference. I know you aren't asking for advice, but you might find that going back a stage or two after a break (and accepting the need to do so) will help you get less anxious and overwhelmed. It might even work better to train on alternate days, so that you don't push yourself to the same level of frustration and mental/emotional fatigue.

Remember, too, that cats are not machines, and logic doesn't always apply. I've been upset and frustrated so many times when one of my guys fails to build on the previous session, and loses focus or regresses a bit. Progress and learning is not linear, and everyone (no matter what species) has good days and bad days. Try to go easier both on yourself and your girl, and remember to have fun with it! Learning to laugh when things don't go quite to plan is probably the single most valuable training 'tool' I've ever learned

Remember, too, that simple, unstructured playtime is invaluable with any cat. It'll give you space to just laugh at her, and will give her an outlet for that exuberant energy. I'm guessing she's pretty young still, from what you say. As she gets older she'll settle down a bit more.

 

[Blakeney Green]

Thank you for giving this kitty a home. It sounds like she really needed someone to care for her, and it's great that you stepped up.

That said, I really think the main issue here is that your expectations aren't set quite right, and that is going to cause you more anxiety.

It's frankly just not realistic to expect an undersocialized cat that you've had for around two and a half months to be making any sort of steady progress on tricks and commands already. That's a great long-term goal, but right now I think you need to focus on providing consistency and building trust through affection. What you're trying to do now is like trying to teach math to a toddler and then getting frustrated and worried when the toddler can't seem to manage.

You're just asking too much too soon. Try lowering the bar a little and just spending time with your kitty. Remember how disrupted her life has been, and how hard it can be to trust again. Building a relationship is much more important than teaching her things, and once you have that relationship the teaching will come much easier.

Like I said, I think it's wonderful that you are taking care of this cat, and you sound like a really devoted cat parent. I just think a lot of your stress right now is caused by your expectations, and resetting them a bit will help both you and your kitty relax.

 

[Pen'sMomma]

Whatever you do, your angel will thank you

Thanks. I am not rehoming her I was just anxious at that moment and wanted to post about it.

 

[Pen'sMomma]

Anxiety is such a tough thing to deal with, and I can totally understand that seeing your girl getting boisterous and over-exuberant is stressful for you, especially if she is very social and constantly wants to be bouncing around you.

I've had animals of mine go through almost complete character changes as they start to open up, and realise that they're both safe and heard. It can be very disconcerting, as all the pent up emotions from previous neglect start to come out. Over time, as she works through all of this, she will start to settle again, and you'll see more of that sweet, gentle little girl that you first met.

As far as training goes, every animal I've had will have good days and bad days, and it's very common to have a little regression after a day or two off, especially in the early stages. It can also be a sign that you're moving a little too fast for her. I know this is different, but I moved too fast when training my pony as a youngster. She was clever and quick enough to understand what I was asking, but emotionally wasn't ready to progress at the speed her intelligence was (I hope that makes sense). Moving slower, and going back a few steps after even just a day or two off made a world of difference. I know you aren't asking for advice, but you might find that going back a stage or two after a break (and accepting the need to do so) will help you get less anxious and overwhelmed. It might even work better to train on alternate days, so that you don't push yourself to the same level of frustration and mental/emotional fatigue.

Remember, too, that cats are not machines, and logic doesn't always apply. I've been upset and frustrated so many times when one of my guys fails to build on the previous session, and loses focus or regresses a bit. Progress and learning is not linear, and everyone (no matter what species) has good days and bad days. Try to go easier both on yourself and your girl, and remember to have fun with it! Learning to laugh when things don't go quite to plan is probably the single most valuable training 'tool' I've ever learned

Remember, too, that simple, unstructured playtime is invaluable with any cat. It'll give you space to just laugh at her, and will give her an outlet for that exuberant energy. I'm guessing she's pretty young still, from what you say. As she gets older she'll settle down a bit more.

Thank you so much for this response. I think I feel like I am failing her when things don't go right or when I am overwhelmed by her those feelings are compounded by me feeling as though I shouldn't be triggered by her behavior. I'm going to try to go slower with the training and make things more fun for the both of us. She really is very sweet and I think it's ok for me to need a break sometimes. Thanks again!

 

[KarenKat]

I'm glad you posted, it sounds like you are slowing down and not putting so much pressure on you two. I think it's normal for a change in purrsonality when a cat moves to a new environment. When we adopted Olive, she was just a sweetheart cuddlebug that would fall asleep in my arms like a baby. I felt like I had found a cat designed for me. Once she moved indoors and was with us for a few months, her tortitude came out in spades and she is crazy and energetic. I love her spunkiness, but it gets very trying after a while. So I understand feeling you have a different cat. It can be fun "meeting" this new creature, but I know you also miss the old kitty that you fell in love with.

I think it's important to take breaks, and take care of yourself. Ranting is sometimes a really nice break!

I think I feel like I am failing her when things don't go right or when I am overwhelmed by her those feelings are compounded by me feeling as though I shouldn't be triggered by her behavior.

You are only human, and there is no "right" way to feel. You are allowed to feel upset, and have those emotions. They are neither right, nor wrong.

Wishing you lots of fun with your kitty.

 

[Boris Diamond]

Cats can take time. I had one kitty that bit me hard for six months whenever I petted him! It was so frustrating. And, yes, there were times when I took a break from him. But I took it slowly and lowered my expectations. Every time I passed him, I would give him one pet. He came to trust me. He mostly stopped trying to bite me after six months. And he became one of the best friends I have ever had. I still miss him every day.

I felt much of the frustration that you are feeling. But I decided eventually things would be right between us. But we had to go at the cat's own speed. My expectations or my friend's expectations had nothing to do with how fast things would happen.

It sounds like you are doing many right things. It just may take longer than you had hoped. I know how frustrating what you are going through can be. But it sounds like your kitty will take some time. It's just the way some cats are.

I am grateful that you got this cat out of a neglectful situation. I think more than a few here have gone through frustrations similar to what you are going through. So any time you feel the need to, feel free to rant! Please come back and let us know the progress you are making.

 

[Columbine]

Thank you so much for this response. I think I feel like I am failing her when things don't go right or when I am overwhelmed by her those feelings are compounded by me feeling as though I shouldn't be triggered by her behavior. I'm going to try to go slower with the training and make things more fun for the both of us. She really is very sweet and I think it's ok for me to need a break sometimes. Thanks again!

You are so very welcome Always remember that you are NOT failing her in any way; you SAVED her, and that's a very special thing that will always bond you together. She will never forget that kindness, and nor should you

I hope you can see from the number of wonderful replies that you are supported here. Sometimes just that knowledge alone can help you get through the bad days