Cat Lymphoma - Putting Cat Down Tomorrow

[catsforlife]

Hi All.
I'm new to posting on this forum. I've mostly been a lurker and this is an amazing site. Best site out there on cats.
I have a question, I'm putting my Scottish Fold fur baby Jasper down tomorrow. He's 7 years old, has heart disease(didn't get it until 4 years old), and advanced lymphoma. He's been on steroid medication for a little of a month to help his appetite increase, but now it looks like his cancer is outgrowing the medication, which is what they said would happen.... . He has not eaten for 3 days, and sleeps(or tried to sleep) constantly, so I know it's not him just having a bad day. I don't want to go another day as I don't want him to suffer organ damage etc(if he hasn't already). I would have put him down today, but I don't like the emergency vet hospital in my area, and prefer the local vet(open on the week days), as they are amazing.
My question is, I know the grief is always going to be there to a degree, but I'm hoping someone can tell me that the severe pain will lessen a tiny bit each day? I really haven't been able to eat or sleep this weekend because of my best friend. He's a such a gentle sweet soul and doesn't have a mean bone in his little body.... He's always never complained about taking his medicine, and never scratched me or hissed at anything his entire life.....I'm just hoping that the pain will lessen gradually so that I'll be able to eat and sleep again. Thanks for listening...

 

[basschick]

i'm so sorry to hear about Jasper.

as far as the grief, it goes away to some degree slowly. it will be much less acute over time, and after an initial period where i allowed myself to grieve, for me i found that work kept my mind busy, although i'd have to take sadness breaks.

it sounds like Jasper has been very lucky to have you and you've been lucky to have him. i'll bet you have a thousand happy memories of playing with him, watching him do something really smart or doing something really funny that made you laugh. remember the wonderful life you've had together, not just the sadness at the end. i'm sure you and Jasper wouldn't have given up your happy times and life together for anything.

 

[silkenpaw]

Yes, the pain will get better. How fast that happens is very individual. Don’t let anyone tell you to “Get over it, it’s only a cat.” Jasper was your baby for seven years and he sounds like an amazing cat. But one day you will be able to remember him without feeling like you are being stabbed in the heart. For now, try to remember the good times.

You are doing the generous thing for him, even though your heart is breaking. I’ll light a candle for him tonight and send good thoughts your way.

 

[neely]

I'm deeply sorry for Jasper's illness and what you are facing now. It's never easy and my thoughts are with you today. Take all the time you need, everyone grieves differently and some days are better than others. Your memories of Jasper will live in your heart forever.

In the coming days or weeks if you would like you can post a tribute to Jasper in the forum, Crossiing the Bridge: Crossing the Bridge

Thinking of you and sending special thoughts at this very difficult time. Please remember we are all here to support you.

 

[artiemom]

I am so sorry to hear about Jasper..

Yes, the pain will be unbearable at first.. I put my guy down on May 23....

It will always be with you... and it will come in waves.. The worst will be the emptiness... the visualizing.. the 'what ifs"...

Then it will not really lessen, it will become different.. really different.. it will be there in the background.. surfacing every now and then; when it does, it will be intense.. but there will be more space in between the episodes.

You will never forget Jasper, He will always be in your heart/mind... you will always have reminders.. but it will soften, a bit...

I had a period where, I was ok, until I mentioned Artie's name.. then I would burst into tears.. even now, I still cry, and have periods of horrible crying.. but it does lessen...

I found what is helping a lot, is to volunteer at a shelter..
I had been a volunteer before Artie got so sick. They staff still remember me.. I am fortunate, that I can and could go in there anytime I feel the need for some kitty love...

It is a good way of 'giving back'... and the kitties seem to understand you grief.. all of them, did to me, the first few weeks... They allowed me to pick them up, cuddle with them and allowed my tears to fall down upon them...It was comforting....almost as if they were 'told' to be good to me....

Yes, it will lessen...
However, just writing about this is causing me to tear up again...

I am wishing you so much love.. remember.. you are doing this out of love.. that is what I have to keep remembering...

(((HUGS)))

 

[catlover73]

Welcome to TCS and I am sorry for the difficult circumstances that brought you here. Grief is different for each person. The pain does lessen over time but it never really goes away completely. It has been a while since I have suffered a loss but there are still times if I am having a bad day or see something online that I still bust into tears for my babies that are at the rainbow bridge. It just seems like over time you learn to establish a new normal in your life. Your baby will always be with you because love never dies it only changes form.

Jaspur knows you love him and that love you have for each other will always remain. Even when we know it is time to end their suffering it never makes it any easier. No one is ever ready to say good bye. Ending their suffering is like our final of compassion because we know they are suffering. This difficult decision is made out of love no matter how much it hurts us. You now have an entire community here to support you through the grieving process. Having the support of others who understand and have been there is really helpful as you are grieving.

Yes the pain does lessen over time but know when can tell you when that will happen unfortunately. All I can say is for me personally over time the pain of saying good bye does get replaced by the memories of the happy times you shared together. Eventually I can look at pictures and remember the happy times those pictures represent. One of my cats passed away in 2010. There is still one picture of him that still bring me to tears sometimes. It is not the pain of the loss any more but is missing being able to share that special daily event.

 

[catsforlife]

Thanks everyone for all your replies. You are all amazing and so caring here. And I'm so sorry for everyone else who lost a fur baby here as well...........My appointment today is at 11:30(3 more hours) I wish it was earlier, but only because I don't want my buddy to suffer anymore than he has to. I lay next to him and just cry and cry. What's really strange is that when I had to put my 19 year old cat down in 2011, it didn't hit me near this hard........I had bouts of crying, but I was still able to eat and sleep for the most part. You think it would be worse for a cat that I had 19 years. My other cat was a cool cat, but maybe it's because Jasper is such a sweet cat who didn't have a mean bone in his body. I'm not sure.

I will definitely be getting another cat... When my 19 year old cat passed away, I got a Jasper 2 weeks after. Some may think that's too soon, but I think it really helped soften the pain, only because he took my mind off it from time to time with his playful nature.... I will probably do the same again, because since I live alone, it's going to be difficult coming home to an empty home without a little buddy running to the door to greet me. I need the company after a hard day's work..... I was going to get 2 cats, but since I'll be moving to Colorado Springs from California in about 5 years, I'm not sure if I want to try to move with 2 cats. Moving with one is fairly easy, as I've done it before.

 

[catlover73]

Taking in another fur baby is a great way to honor Jasper’s memory. No one here will tell you it is to soon when you adopt your next kitty. We all grieve differently and some people do find it helps ease the pain by adding a new family member.

 

[Jem]

I'm so sorry to hear about Jasper. He is obviously well loved and cherished and I'm sure he knows this as well. The loss of a pet hurts, and grieving will be different for every one, never measure how much you loved them with how you grieve for them. I also want to say that it's never too soon to add to your family. The way I see it is, you are not replacing him in anyway, even if it helps ease the pain. What you are doing is giving a chance at a new, beautiful life, for another cat who needs it, and there are so many that do. And any cat would be blessed to have YOU care for them.

 

[lkessler]

So very sorry for your sweet Jasper. Right now I know it brings paid to think of him because of the loss, but one day, you will think of him and smile, and laugh. Just give yourself time, and be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve.

 

[silkenpaw]

I don't think it's too soon to adopt another kitty. Everyone understands it's not to replace Jasper, who can never be replaced. It's to have someone to give the love in your heart to, in honor of Jasper. And it's normal to grieve for some animals more than others. Each animal is different, we grieve for them differently. May be it's because of how Jasper was, maybe it's because of where you are in your life right now. It doesn't matter, we can't change how we feel, we have to accept it and deal with it in our own way, in our own time.

Take care of yourself. Sending you comforting hugs.

 

[Timmer]

I'm so sorry about your sweet Jasper. He is lucky to have you.
It is hard losing them. You never really get over it, but your life readjusts after a time. It's so hard seeing their toys laying there and dishes. If you can, lift the dishes and wash them and put them away. I've lost a few cats in my life and one of the hardest things is coming home and seeing their stuff out, exactly how you left it when you took them in. It's so very very hard losing them. Unbearable at times...I think. I lost Timmer in January and I still mourn him. I think going out and getting another cat would have helped me, but I can't do it.
You just take your time and don't let anyone try to rush you through the process. Grief is messy and hard work! It's all over the place. You have us here for you. There are some fantastic people in this forum.

 

[lalagimp]

Check with your county shelter, Humane Society, Aspca, etc.
They tend to offer grief counseling group on a specific day every month, like the first tuesday. I attended a meeting at the Humane Society in Phoenix, and the Big Bad Woof pet boutique out here by D.C. advertises in their newsletters. Lots of pet owners didn't realize this was a service that's offered.
I hope you recover well once he's no longer in pain.

 

[catsforlife]

Thanks again for the replies. Well it's done.... . the first time I put a cat down I didn't stay, because I really didn't know any better, and I get traumatized easily. This time I went half way. I stayed with him and loved on him for the first sedation. Then once he was asleep and no awareness, I left and kissed him, just as she gave him the final injection. I would never be able to see my cat take his last breath. That image would stick with me forever and not in a good way....I get traumatized too easily. I was with him for about 15 minutes.
It hurts lots, but with the intense grief, there's also a sense of relief I'm feeling right now. I know that sounds strange, but I don't have to look around the corner and see my little friend in pain any longer. I'm also glad I no longer have to give him his medication. Poor guy was going through enough without someone shoving pills down his throat every 12 hours. I just hope it helped and made him live longer than he would have.

I'm going to get another Scottish Fold, but I'm going to go with a straight ear and not folded and a different color than Jasper was.... I'm in love with their sweet disposition, so ears don't matter. I don't want another folded ear as that will remind me too much of Jasper. I'll check the shelters and see if they have any Straight Ear Folds in a couple of weeks. I just have to be careful, because Scottish Folds are known to have horrible joint deformities if they aren't breed correctly. Thanks again everyone!!!

 

[neely]

It hurts lots, but with the intense grief, there's also a sense of relief I'm feeling right now. I know that sounds strange, but I don't have to look around the corner and see my little friend in pain any longer.

No, it doesn't sound strange at all. Tomorrow would have been the birthday of our second Persian, Gizmo. He passed away at 3 years old due to FIP. I cried the whole way to the vet and while she gave him the injection. When it was over I took a deep breath and like you felt a sense of relief that he was no longer suffering or in pain.

RIP sweet, gentle Jasper. May you run free with all the other felines who have gone before you at the Bridge.

 

[betsygee]

So very sorry for the loss of your kitty. We'll close the thread now out of respect for your loss. If you'd like to post a tribute to Jasper, please feel free to do so in our Crossing the Bridge forum.