Cat Integration Nightmare - Need HELP!

[hbeaudoin]

Things are progressing sooo slowly, but it's happening, I think. This past weekend Salem slept under her cat bed (she was already laying on it) -- he made sure to put his butt right in her face! Was hilarious, but they stayed there for a good hour. Poor Luna was afraid to move. I think Salem putting his back to her is a great sign, correct?

But once she gets up, it's a whole other story. He still tries to attack and I break it up before it really begins. If he sees her even standing up he'll hiss. Should I be breaking it up? Anything else I can do?

I try to play with both of them for distractions, but Salem REFUSES to play in her presence.

 

[shadowsrescue]

 
Things are progressing sooo slowly, but it's happening, I think. This past weekend Salem slept under her cat bed (she was already laying on it) -- he made sure to put his butt right in her face! Was hilarious, but they stayed there for a good hour. Poor Luna was afraid to move. I think Salem putting his back to her is a great sign, correct?

But once she gets up, it's a whole other story. He still tries to attack and I break it up before it really begins. If he sees her even standing up he'll hiss. Should I be breaking it up? Anything else I can do?

I try to play with both of them for distractions, but Salem REFUSES to play in her presence.

I don't have any answers, but I am in the same boat.  My two can coexist in the house all day and even sleep in the same room near each other.  Yet, when one gets up and the other sees, the stalking, chasing begins.  I break it up every time before it gets out of hand.  if they do not settle down, one of them gets removed.  It is a royal pain to be the babysitter all day.  I started bringing my large dog into the room when the boys are together.  Marvin is afraid of Misty and would not dare attack or even try to attack Jake with her nearby.  I told my dog that she is "hired" for the job!! 

I try to play with them with the help of DH or DS each evening.  We each have a favorite toy and sometimes they will play, but other times they just want to go after the others toy or go after each other.  We also do chicken rewards.  They both love chicken and will sit right beside each other to eat small bites of chicken. 

I guess I am just resigned to the fact that this will be a really long process.  Marvin has a lot to contend with.  He is new to living in a house again.  Our large dog, Jake, noisy family, etc..  I always wanted to put a date on when I needed things to be just so.  I have learned that it is just not possible.  I now just take it day by day and celebrate the small successes. 

I have never let the boys go full on fight.  I do not want to deal with one of them needing a vet.  I really don't want them to know what it is like to fully engage in the fight.  We still have a bit of hissing, but the growling has stopped.  It is now chase and swatting.  Yet if I didn't stop the fights (with a loud clap or squirt from the water bottle) I have no idea what would happen.

 

[kelly patchett]

I just want to let you guys know its worth the wait! I had the same situation feral boy with a very aggressive attitude and I brought in a sweet little girl. It took over three months to get them in the same room. I used the diffusers and after about three weeks my husband put a screen door on the safe room the little girl was in. Bug would ram the door and and hiss and make the worst sounds. We did the switch and would let her roam the house for a few hours and put Bug in the safe room but there was no sign of any changes. I think I still have scars on my arms when I'd put Bug in the safe room. I even recorded his aggressive reaction he would have when he just heard her meow let alone see her. I wanted my vet to review it. He wasn't very optimistic. But after about three months we started bringing her out with Bug. We held on to her most while Bug walked around and stared at her and visa versa. Every day we'd extend the time until they were allowed to roam the house while we were home. Yes they chased each other and they still do and it's been six months! Bug is still the aggressor most of the time and every once in awhile we still have to give him a time out. But they haven't injured one another and that's good enough for me. But those first four months were filled with tears, anxiety, sadness and second guessing myself. I think aside from getting used to the scent, seeing each other was key. I also had them playing with a ribbon while one was on one side of a solid closed door and the other on the other side of the door. Each one would pull it all the way to their side, it was like tug-a-war. Don't give up!!!

 

[hbeaudoin]

Just an update...

I wish I could say things are magically different by now (3 months later), but they aren't  We have seen some real progress, I think, but it's been very slow and this is where I need advice!

We moved our new cat, Luna, up to the 3rd floor (its a redone attic) so she has a large space to run around. That way she isn't stuck in a small room when we're out or sleeping. She loves it up there and feels safe -- she will occasionally roam the rest of the house until she comes across our resident cat, Salem. We've put a baby gate up on the 3rd floor so that when we aren't home, they can still interact but know that shes OK. Otherwise, we leave it open during the day. The good thing is that I work from home on the 3rd floor so she gets a lot of attention.

Our resident cat does not scream at her anymore and fighting has been SLIGHTLY better. She has now been the one to really hiss at him and be mean. But, it really comes down to the fact that she's terrified. I don't blame her since he's attacked her so much. She wants to be his friend so badly and chatters at him, tries to play and he just smacks her and goes to attack..hard. He still has problems charging at her the minute she moves. But now he thinks for a minute before doing it, rather than just impulsively attacking. The strange thing is that they can eat side by side and be completely fine. I do this twice a day and they are great. When she stops eating, she'll slink back to her safe spot (usually under the bed).

I'm really frustrated though because we just can't seem to get over this whole attacking thing. It's gotten to the point where she's so terrified we can't even bring her downstairs and spend time w/ us at night. Every time we carry her down, she'll run right back up to the 3rd floor. It breaks our heart and is certainly no way to live! Anything else we can try? I feel like we've tried it all -- if you read what I've posted in this thread (safe rooms, scent swapping, feliway, etc)

 

[shadowsrescue]

Have you tried Composure?  It comes in treat form as well as liquid?  I like the liquid better as it works very quickly.  Yet it is more expensive.  I give both of my cats a dose in the morning and the more aggressive cat another dose at night.  I use the liquid and and add 1/4 t. in resident cats food and almost 1/2 t. in the new more aggressive cat's food.  It really really takes the edge off.  I also have been using flower essences.  My resident cat (Jake) went through a phase where he was scared to death to walk anywhere in the house as Marvin ( new cat rescued from outside) would brutally attack him.  I give Jake Safe Space for Cats from Spirit Essences.  After 2 weeks on it, he now walks more confidently around the house.  I still have some hissing, but it is much better.

Another idea I tried was to put one of the cats in a large dog cat or large sized cat carrier.  I used the dog cage.  I put Jake inside and then covered the cage on 3 sides with a sheet.  Jake felt safe and Marvin could walk along and sniff.  I would then feed them cooked plain chicken.  I also would have a string handy to play with them.  I did this 2-3x a day for 10-14 days.  It really helped.  I then moved to having them interact on either sides of a gate.  I needed help with this one so that one didn't jump the gate.  I would play string again and also have plenty of chicken. 

Lastly I moved Jake's cat tree into the front of the house in a very sunny location.  Jake likes to be up high and Marvin hates it.  Jake will spend most of the day in the front of the house while Marvin is in the back of the house in a den where I work.  I too work from home so I can see and hear most of what goes on.  The boys now mostly ignore each other.  They still have moments and I don't feel they will ever be best buddies, but it is better.

When I am not home and also at night, I still put Marvin in his safe room.  There is no way I can leave them out unattended.  Fortunately Marvin loves his safe room.  He has plenty of room to run and play and some days chooses to go up there on his own just to get away. 

Marvin has been in the house since the last day of May.  I started face to face intros in mid August and it was so so stressful.  I had so many crying breakdowns and felt totally at a loss.  I am happy to say that things are better now.  I just kept trying.

 

[cruisescouter]

It took my Isla about 6 months to come around. Her ears would go back and she would screech at the sight of the others. She spends a lot of time hiding, but she is happy and having shy cats in the past, sometimes they are just happier that way. They do all groom and sleep with each other now. Did you try the feliway? And play with them together?

 

[hbeaudoin]

I've tried lots of Feliway -- don't even want to admit how much I bought in hopes of it working . Didn't seem to do anything for either cats. I will try to play with the both of them more. The problem is that our resident cat is a grump when she is around and refuses to play in her presence. I swear, if only he knew how easy he'd have it if he just gave in and liked her!

At this moment, they are eating next to eachother with their bodies literally touching. I don't get how they can do this but the minute she starts walking around he freaks out. Will keep at it!

 

[fhicat]

Just want to send lots of encouraging vibes your way! It seems that it's working, albeit very slowly. You have been very patient in working it out, so keep at it! It may take a looooong time for them to be completely okay with one another, but if you ask yourself this question: "Are they the same now as they were 3 months ago?" and your answer is no, that's progress!

 

[hbeaudoin]

Thank you for the positive vibes! I was really hopeful that we were finally over the hump... but this morning they had a full out brawl. Took us 5 min to break it up -- they were rolling around, screaming and would not stop no matter how hard we tried. It was awful

 

[susank521]

I'm sure it was awful! Was either cat hurt? Five minutes of brawling would have given Salem, a full-grown streetwise male, more than enough time to put a serious hurting on Luna. If she came out relatively unscathed, which I hope is the case, then it would seem that his intention now is to "just" frighten her, which really is good news.

 

[hbeaudoin]

No - neither cat was hurt, thankfully. I have found some very minor cuts on Salem's belly, but he seems fine. He is always chasing her.. and being really mean but at this point, I'm starting to think its more of a scare tactic than anything else. Hoping it stops at some point

 

[katluver4life]

Some cats can take MANY months to adjust. Do not stop the scent swapping. Use a towel with both their scents on it to put under their food bowels when they eat. Use 1 grooming brush to brush each of them with. Especially use it around their faces where the heaviest scent glands are. Be patient and be consistent and they will learn to coexist.

 

[varsettie]

I had a very similar problem and in the end (4 months) it did work out. Try clipping your new cat’s nails if you can. If the other is de-clawed it evens the odds a bit and will stop Salem from ending up with claw marks. As for toys it sounds like you’re going to need to try to find ‘that’ toy for Salem. Every cat has one toy that drives them wild, even if you haven’t discovered it yet. If you can find the toy he ‘loves’ he will forget about the new cat even if just for a few seconds and play.

The other thing in shelving units. Do you guys have any way your cats can get up off of the ground? They need escape routes. I have set my place up so the cats can transverse the entire living room without touching the floor. It boosts their confidence and gives them a way to watch and explore each other without always being seen by one another. It sounds to me like your new female is acting like prey and so Salem is treating her like prey. If she is always hiding under things and running then she is presenting herself in a ‘small’ way to Salem and he is treating her like a toy who fights back. The best thing to do for Luna is to block off any ‘under’ places she can get and make her go ‘up’ instead. You should notice a confidence boost in as little as a week and if she starts being more confident Salem will be less likely to attack her.

 

[hbeaudoin]

I'm back with an update... hoping to give some hope to those who are struggling w/ their cats.

Things are not perfect.. and we still have a way to go but BOY have we made massive progress! It has been exactly 4 months -- and now Luna can roam the entire house without being terrified. Salem still attacks her, but they are not full-on brawls that leave her under the bed for days. She now will hit back and is pretty tenacious. That isn't to say that they are good friends, but for the most part, they can do as they please and there isn't any drama.  It is actually shocking to see Luna downstairs with us at night. She LOVES being able to be with us and not confined to her little safe spot. Just last night they BOTH slept on the bed! I think Salem is starting to give up and realizes she isn't going anywhere. He still isn't happy about it... there are moments where we runs after her and we have to sternly "yell" at him. I swear he gets it.. he knows that it's his new sister!

Hoping that in another 2 months, it'll be even better with even less fights. So for those who are so doubtful and down about their situation, don't give up. Most people would give away their cats if it didn't work after a few months, but I didn't. That just wasn't an option and things worked out! I just kept on with all of the things mentioned above -- especially feeding them together.

 

[shadowsrescue]

So happy to hear that things are getting better.  Giving up was also not an option for me.  I had no other options as I knew Marvin was not adoptable.  I had to stick it out, keep trying and make it work.  My two are similar to yours, they may never ever like each other, but they can tolerate each other and learn to coexist in the house.  That is all I ask for now.  I keep working with them and hoping for the best.  I realized just this morning that I had stopped getting them together and giving them chicken.  I must start this up again.  They loved it and it helped make positive associations.

Thanks for the update.  I hope the next update is full of wonderful news too.