Cat Integration Nightmare - Need HELP!

[hbeaudoin]

Hi everyone,

I just recently adopted a second cat and it has been pure misery. I am desperate for advice and would be so grateful if you could give me some guidance.

My husband and I adopted our first cat, Salem, 9 months ago. He was a stray (2-3 years old) and declawed. A timid but very sweet boy who only has "eyes" for his owners. While I work from home, Im not able to give him the attention during the day that he deserves. Add that we are out a lot on wknds, we thought it would be nice to bring home a companion for him.

About 1.5 wks ago we brought home a 10 month old sweet girl who is VERY friendly around other cats. We observed her behavior at the shelter and knew this would be a great match because she's so mellow. We brought her home and put her in our sunroom, which is separated from the rest of house -- it is off the kitchen, and there are glass windows/doors separating it. We initially closed the blinds and were going to have them do that for a few days but the door didn't have a space underneath for them to smell. My husband got overexcited and ended up opening up the blinds the first night and cracking open the window, to show screen.  Salem went wild -- tried to lunge through the window, while she just stared terrified. From that moment on, we knew had rushed it but tried to make up for lost time.

For the next 3 days, we shut blinds but cracked window and occasionally let them see each other through the screen. I know I rushed the visual familiarization -- I should have waited, but kept on. It was a mixed bag -- sometimes Salem would scream, other times hiss, other times just stare. Finally we thought it made make sense to put her in a larger room with a door that has a space underneath so they could scent swap. Backwards, I know. So we did that for the next 4 days until last night. Fed them on each side of door (he didn't mind her at all when eating), did blanket swapping, room swapping, opened the door a crack so they could see one another and sniff -- he did hiss and slightly cry, but was not that agitated. She had no problem w/ him.

Last night we decided that we would try introducing them face-to-face. It didn't work out well AT ALL. She slowly left her safe room and there Salem was. He hissed and almost immediately tried attacking her, with a horrible loud piercing yowl, while chasing her up the stairs. There wasn't any hesitation. My husband rattled a can of coins to break it up, and the new cat ended up under the bed petrified. It took her 3 hours to come out from under there and by then, we had separated them. I know fighting is normal, but this was beyond aggressive and I was afraid he would hurt her (though she is faster, skinnier! and has claws),

This morning I went back to square 1 and did the scent swapping again. The new room she's in has a much larger space under the door. Fed them again on opposite sides and he did hiss when he saw her paw underneath. I just ordered Feliway diffusers hoping that will calm him down but I am so devastated and worn down. We have put all of our energy into this -- morning and night -- for the past 9 days and NOTHING seems to have improved.  What do I do now?

I have been letting the new girl out to roam around the house for a few hrs while Salem is locked in a room (sleeping unaware) hoping that this will get the scent in more areas and also make her feel comfortable. But, now its also making her want to stay out all the time and hate the 1 room!

I have asked for advice and all my family/friends said "let them duke it out" "they'll figure it out - you have to put them back together" etc etc.  I'm not sure I agree since everything I've read says to go back to Square 1 of slow intros. But will anything change if I do that? Should we be trying to get them to meet every night even though a vicious fight will break out and she'll be terrified? HELP! I can't bring her back to the shelter because I am so in love and desperately want this to work out.

Heather

 

[latriciastar]

i slightly agree with the "they'll figure it out" attitude... but you have to mediate a little.

we have 4 cats currently, 3 males and 1 female. and when we added the last to the mix they were all fully grown adults and the final male added we were so worried about.

we spent about two weeks where he lived in the spare room, only coming out when we were home. instead of putting him right on the floor with the other cats, we carried him around, and talked to all of them, sat with him on the couch, etc. After a while they got used to him coming out each evening and his smell being in the room.

its natural for cats to hiss and growl and want to defend. they are trying to determine who is boss!

so we let them hiss and never scolded but instead used calm voices (very important) and told them it was okay. all the cats got equal pets and love and eventually we would let Tigger out all day.

its been two years now and though they still have days where the previous males will sometimes lash out - they all get along for the most part. they are easily broken up when there is an issue, and often we find them snuggling and sleeping together.

another tip is maybe avoid stuff like feeding them together, or sharing toys at first. it gives them something to fight over... and make sure the old cats have plenty of attention so they dont feel off put.

i wish you the best of luck with this! i hope something works...
 

 

[anele]

I am dealing with a similar issue.  All I can say is, I think you need to be extremely patient.  We have been working on this for about a month now.  I really think slow, slow, slow cannot be emphasized enough.  If I had moved VERY slowly, I would not be in the situation I am right now.  I doubt we would be at the finish line, but much closer to it.  It can even take a year, but I figure this is a lesson to everyone in my family that "good things come to those who wait."

Be glad your cat at least roams the house-- mine now only wants to stay in her safe room, whereas she used to explore.

I am not going to have a face-to-face free meeting until there is zero growling or hissing.  Then, I am going to put the male (he chased the female, like in your situation) on a harness.  I am going to try to desensitize both of them.

Don't give up, though.  It is way too soon. 

FWIW, I didn't find that the Feliway or calming collars made a difference, but it's still worth a try.

Also, like the pp said, being very sweet/gentle (not getting angry or excited/nervous) is key, even during a battle.  Sounds like you could at least separate them easily.
 

 

[MoochNNoodles]

My advice is to separate them and start again, slowly. 9 days is long to you and I; but not them. It is completely normal for it to take a few months for them to settle in fully. Patience is really key with some cats. It may be best to separate them for a few days first. I'm not able to link it right now, but we have an article on introducing cats to cats that is helpful. If you search for it or should come up. It is also in the last of articles in the stickie at the top of the behavior forum.

Good luck and keep us updated!

 

[GoldyCat]

Here's the link to the article Introducing Cats to Cats.

It sounds like you know what the process should be, you just need to stretch it out over a much longer time. I would recommend starting over from the beginning. Keep the kitties separated completely--no scent swapping, no chance to see each other--for several days, maybe as much as a week. When you start the scent swapping, do that for up to a week before you let them see each other.

Spend plenty of time with both kitties so nobody feels neglected.

Good luck with the introductions.

 

[hbeaudoin]

Hi,

Thanks everyone for your advice - much appreciated! I think we made some progress last night. Luna (the new cat) has been in her safe room since Sunday, and we have been repeating the process. The Feliway has been plugged in for a few days and Salem (resident cat) has seemed relatively more calm, so we opened the door to her safe room. My husband was holding Luna so that she wouldn't be terrified and we could control the initial visit. It took a long time for my silly boy to realize she was even there (he was looking down at the ground expecting to see her). But I think it was good he initially didn't see her because Luna finally saw him relaxed, in his real form, so now is not as scared.

We stayed out holding her for several minutes and Salem just watched. No aggression whatsoever. So, I think we'll probably keep doing that along w/ everything else. We'll try taking her out a little every night - holding her standing up, then a few days later, sitting on a chair, then on the floor, then they can meet on their own. It seems to be working.. fingers crossed!

Maybe it's also the Feliway working -- she was playing under the door and her paws were completely showing-- and all he did was stare. He was literally an inch away and eating treats near her feet and didnt show any signs of aggression. Maybe it was a fluke -- but I'll take that as some HOPE!

 

[cruisescouter]

Time will help tons. Our Isla's ears would go back and she would swat at the others and screech. We realized she was just scared. Took a few months, but they are all best friends now and play and sleep together.

Good luck!

 

[rosebudd40]

I am going through the same and desperate for help. I posted earlier. I ave read the instructions and followed the. It will be a month on Saturday. I cannot leave them out when I go to work. The 2 residents are petrified. The new one is sweeeeet sweet sweet with me. Attacks them. I can't do this to my boys much longer. But the thought of rehoming her makes me ill. But so too is the fact I have made my two 9 year old cats lives miserable.

 

[stephanietx]

If you can find a large wire dog crate, you can put her in the crate and expose her to your resident kitty with supervision.  That way, he can't attack her but he can reach her through the wires.  That way, he can go into her room and explore and get more comfortable with her scent.  Let him sit in there with you and just lounge.  You can also try to play with him in the room while she's in the cage.  Whatever you do, don't force one or the other to do something they're not comfortable doing.  Let them set the pace.  When you do introduce them, keep a towel handy.  I use both hand towels and bath towels.  If Salem starts getting too close for comfort for Luna, then use the bath towel to "herd" him away to a better place.  If they start scrapping, which is normal to work out the pecking order, toss the hand towel near them to distract the behavior.  Lastly, be willing to accept that it may take months to integrate them and/or they may not ever get along.  Don't be surprised if Salem becomes very possessive of you and strikes out at Luna if she gets close.  Learning to share the human is a learned behavior.
 

 

[gwlaw99]

This is an summary of a great detailed method, I read in this book.


Make sure that you get them used to each other's scent before they even glance at each other.  Take two clean thin socks and and rub one on the face of each cat.  Let them sniff eachother's sock and if there is no adverse reaction, rub the sock on the other's face to mingle their scent.  If there is a bad reaction, put the one you rubbed on Salem's face on the floor of the safe room with the kitten and one you rubbed on the kitten's face where the old cat will find it.  Try again the next day or several hours later.    Do this for a couple of days and if there is no adverse reaction, rub the sock on the cats shoulders and sides (not rear flank) and repeat.  Once they get used to each other's smell with the sock, buy a new brush and repeat the procedure with the brush.  Let them smell the brush before brushing them.  Do this for a few days until neither cat minds the brush with the mingled scent and keep doing it as you continue with the next steps.  Next let Salem into the safe room after the kitten has been taken out in a carrier (no visual contact).  Close the door and let the kitten roam a little while Salem sniffs around the safe room.  Maybe let the kitten in one room at a time and make sure he doesn't hide or get stuck somewhere.  Do this a few times so that their scents get mingled.  Now that they are completely familiar with each other's sent as well as their mingled scent, you can let them briefly see each other through a baby gate.  Make sure you keep them far away from each other and that they have food or treats to make a positive association.  The first time should only be 30 seconds or so.  Try to close the door before you see a bad reaction and immediately if you do. Give each a treat if there is no bad reaction.   Repeat, moving the bowls closer and closerand allowing longer visits until they are able to eat on either side of the gate with no bad reaction.  Then move on to supervised visits with plenty of treats and toys to interrupt any bad reaction.  Try to end the visit before anything bad happens (not just after) and give each a treat.

 

[susank521]

Hi,

Thanks everyone for your advice - much appreciated! I think we made some progress last night. Luna (the new cat) has been in her safe room since Sunday, and we have been repeating the process. The Feliway has been plugged in for a few days and Salem (resident cat) has seemed relatively more calm, so we opened the door to her safe room. My husband was holding Luna so that she wouldn't be terrified and we could control the initial visit. It took a long time for my silly boy to realize she was even there (he was looking down at the ground expecting to see her). But I think it was good he initially didn't see her because Luna finally saw him relaxed, in his real form, so now is not as scared.

We stayed out holding her for several minutes and Salem just watched. No aggression whatsoever. So, I think we'll probably keep doing that along w/ everything else. We'll try taking her out a little every night - holding her standing up, then a few days later, sitting on a chair, then on the floor, then they can meet on their own. It seems to be working.. fingers crossed!

Maybe it's also the Feliway working -- she was playing under the door and her paws were completely showing-- and all he did was stare. He was literally an inch away and eating treats near her feet and didnt show any signs of aggression. Maybe it was a fluke -- but I'll take that as some HOPE!

That does sound hopeful. Please don't give up, sounds like Salem and Luna have a wonderfully loving home. It can be such a looooooong process. You've been given great advice on this thread and I've got nothing new to add, just wanted to offer encouragement. The link to the article on this site that GoldyCat provided (http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats) is very beneficial, as I'm sure is the one from gwlaw99. Patience (kitten steps) really is the key and it's never too late to backup and start again.

 

[hbeaudoin]

Thought I'd check back in... since it's been awhile. Sorry to say we're not out of the woods yet. We've made some progress... but apparently have a long way to go...

We went back to square one, doing a lot of the scent swapping/playing under the door/eating on opposite sites, etc until we let them meet in a room. If she is sitting down, laying down on her cat bed or on a high spot (on the desk for example), all is relatively well. My resident cat Salem will sit in the window, with the new cat (Luna) in her bed -- which is about 2 in. from window and the same height. I thought this was great. She would chat w/ him, try to kneed on his fur, and just be very polite. He wasn't pleased --we had to keep him there by giving him treats -- but he tolerated her. They sniffed and it was fine. No hissing or growling. 

The minute she moved or moves, he goes to ATTACK. We've had them do this whole meet in the same room by the window/bed for 2 weeks now and there is no sign of it improving. It's great when she is not moving, but the min she makes any movement, he's ready to want to kill. What the heck do we do from here? I know we've made progress, but I'm beginning to lose hope. Obviously we can't keep this situation up forever.

At this pt, do we let them work it out on their own? Leave the door open and let him come in and see her when he wants, etc? The last time we did that it resulted in an attack, our new cat under the bed terrified, and she didn't come out for 10 hours. I don't see how that solution is really going to help them..... but I don't know what else to do!

 

[katluver4life]

Have you tried play as a way to distract him when she moves? A good toy for this would be a wand toy such as the Da-bird or similar. When they are together in the room I would do some play with them both. Play would boost Luna's confidence also.

I know it seems like these few weeks has been a long time for these 2 to resolve their issues, but it can take months at times. They will learn to coexsist though. Your doing everything right. They just need time.

 

[hbeaudoin]

Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it!

Salem, our resident cat, is not interested in playing at all when he's near her. We've played with Luna, while she's on her bed (literally 2 inches from Salem) and for the most part, he just stares and watches her. He doesn't try to participate. It's clear he isn't happy, but he's curious enough to watch. When she plays her paw will somtimes graze his or she'll try to tap him to say "hey let's do this together!" I figured that'll help him realize she's ALIVE and not just a creature that doesn't move! Don't know how to get him to accept her from this point on..

 

[katluver4life]

If they can be that close at times, it's just a matter of giving them the time to work things out. It's still early in the game. Keep doing what your doing, in the end it'll work out eventually.

I has been 6 months since I brought in my newest male, and though he gets along famously with my other male,.. my female to this day still freaks out a bit at him when he tries to initiate play with her. She allows him to eat next to her, lay near her, even sniff her, but anything more then that and all you hear is her hissing and yelling at him. 2 min later, they are again semi friends and he can sniff her, lay near her and so on

.

It is better between them though, at the start, she'd hiss at him even if he walked by her. 

 

[shadowsrescue]

I brought a stray into my home in late May.  My resident cat is 5 and had been the only inside kitty all that time.  I do have 2 and sometimes 3 outdoor ferals as well.  My new stray (Marvin) stayed in his safe room for almost 2 months.  Much longer than I wanted, but due to summer time vacations it had to be that way.  We started off slow with no contact.  We then did some scent swapping.  Next a bit of sniffing under the door, then eating on either side of the door and finally moved to a temporary screen door.  I bought a cheap screen door at Lowes ($20). I bought it larger than the door opening so it could rest beyond the door frame.  I would secure it with 2 tension rods.  This was it was easy to remove, didn't ruin my door frame and still allowed the cats to see and smell each other.  This also gave Marvin a chance to see and hear the sounds of our home.  Once everything went well with the screen we would feed them on either side.  They could now see each other.  When it was finally time for Marvin to come out, we put our resident cat away and allowed Marvin to explore at his own pace.  We did this for a few days.  Marvin would come out for awhile and then go back to his room.  When we were ready for complete face to face out of the safe room, we put our resident cat in a harness.  We did this for about 5 days with visits only lasting a short time.  Finally we tried without the harness and all went well.  Yet, after about 5 days, the hissing, growling, posturing and chasing began.  Add to the mix my 50lb dog!  Since this time, it has been slow going.  I keep the dog on a leash and always know where one cat is.  If I am not home and at night, Marvin still goes into his room.  I use feliway plug ins and spray, harp or classical music, flower essences that I put into their food as well as spray throughout the house and lastly I have been trying liquid composure.  This really seems to be doing the trick.  I had previously used the composure treats.  They took almost an hour to work and my stray often didn't want to eat them.  The liquid works in about 15 minutes.  I am giving them each 1/2 t. in the morning and 1/4 t. in the evening.  It is really helping. 

I just know that this is all so slow and necessary.  My resident cat is used to being the only indoor cat for 5 years.  Now I am asking him to share this space with a stray who had lived on his own for quite some time.  The stray was just neutered in March so he was used to fighting.  I can't expect them to love each other right away, but I do hope in time they will coexist.

 

[hbeaudoin]

I just recently moved Luna back to her original safe room --- the sunroom (it has a lot of windows both to the outside and inside the house) hoping that would change it up for her and allow our resident cat to see her all the time around the clock. It's not working. How come he goes nuts and tries to go through the window to attack her when he can be in a room and sniff her and be fine unless she moves? So complex.....

 

[katluver4life]

As was said, it can take many weeks to months for some cats to adjust to another cat. Patience is key, and consistency in following the steps, one at a time, not going forward to the next step until they show signs they are ready for it.

Salem being a stray previously, so no history of his previous experiences are known, and he's declawed, so he may feel threatened and is why he only attacks when she moves. He may feel he must be on the defensive.  He will eventually learn he does not have to defend himself, but again, only time will get him past it. You may want to look into some herbal or spirit essences. Bachs makes some, as does Jackson Galaxay of the My cat from Hell show.

Here's links for each: http://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-pets-bach-flower/

http://store.jacksongalaxy.com/Spirit-Essences-for-Cats-s/1816.htm

Also the feliway diffusers only cover a certain amt of space. I usually put one in every room

 

[shadowsrescue]

I just added 2 additional feliway diffusers and it has really helped.  I also use the spray.  I have also used Spirit Essences, Rescue Remedy and some fabulous remedies from Green Hope Farm.  I am using Outburst right now from Green Hope Farm as well as Liquid composure.  It is really helping.  My two are both out and about in the house (supervised) during the day.  If I have to leave, one gets put away.  At night, Marvin still goes to his safe room.  They are just not ready for full 24/7 immersion.  Yet, progress is being made. 

Marvin has been in my house since late May and has been coming out of his safe room for 5 weeks now.  It is a very very slow process. 

Keep plugging along and have patience.  I know how overwhelming it can be.  I recently started taking some Bach flower remedies for myself!

 

[cat wrangler]

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. There's one more thing I can think of that I haven't seen mentioned here. You could try hanging up some shelves so the cats have the ability to get up into a high safe place with an escape route. 

Have you ever seen the TV show called "My Cat From Hell" with Jackson Galaxy? This is where I first heard of this idea. Jackson calls the cat shelves the "super highway". Do a google search and you will see more information. Here's a link to a helpful site:

http://jacksongalaxy.com/category/catification/

Best of luck!