Cat Bullying?

[wild horse]

I have several cats and also fostering a mom & kittens. They are 8.5 weeks and are ready to go, but for the moment, I need to know if these behaviours are bullying or not.
A 3 yo male (fixed) came back after being away for a few weeks. He has met everyone prior to leaving, now he's growling/hissing at everyone. The kittens have it the worst. I've seen him growl and swat at them. My "friends" say it's normal, but my cat books say stop the aggression before the damage. My "friends" are currently bullying me on everything I do wrong, like they want me cast out. I'm trying my best, but cat info conflicts with each other. I don't want the kittens growing up traumatised. Once they get swiped/growled at, they hide for hours. Do I wait until someone bleeds? I'm already hurt enough from the "friends". I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Columbine]

It sounds like your best option is to treat the 3 year old as though he'd never met any of the others before. Introductions should be pretty quick, as it's not as though they're total strangers, but you can't let this situation carry on unchecked. He's clearly stressed, and is spreading that stress around!

Feliway diffusers are a good idea if you're not already using them, and Spirit Essences might help the 3 year old settle back in with the minimum amount of fuss. The kittens are unlikely to have been traumatised so far, but you're quite right that they could be if this behaviour pattern is allowed to continue.

Try not to stress. These things do work out in time. Trust your instincts and judgement - you know the cats better than anyone else. Hang in there

 

[wild horse]

Thanks for the much needed advice, Columbine. I did have a sudden feeling of something was missing when the 3 yo came home... Should've realized a scent re-introduction would have helped. Haven't tried spirit essences before, as my small town is limited with everything. But I'll look into them. I'll update and ask more questions because I like this site. Feels warm and friendly.
I'm also very empathic, meaning I feel others' emotions too often. It makes it hard to watch when the kittens are picked on. Mom cat seems very calm with everyone, but I feel she's a bit sad from lack of attention. She is most in need a loving home. She was originally from a house with a large number of cats, got evicted by the matriarch, and spent winter/spring outside. We found her very pregnant, limping, and super bony to the touch. She let us pick her up and we took her home. She gave birth during the night to 6 cuties. Despite the hardships, she's still very loving. I'm sad to see her go... but she deserves a home where she is queen of the house.

 

[Columbine]

It's so easy to be wise after the fact. No harm done though - just go back to basics and things should be fine.

It's wonderful that you're fostering the mom and kittens. It would be so tempting to keep such a loving girl, but I can really see you're putting her needs first - such a hard thing to do when they're tugging at your heartstrings :heart3: I'm sure I'd fail on fostering for that very reason :lol3:

It's so easy to over identify with animals sometimes, especially when they've had a rough start. Ultimately, though, that sensitivity is a blessing as it means you're really tuned in to their needs and moods.

Great to have you on the site. Welcome to TCS