Cat Always Attaching Me / Distant

[Coreylewisaspin123]

hi

I adopted a cat over 2 months ago, she's 2 year old and has always been quite shy.

The first month we had her she was very distant and the odd time she would get on the bed or under the sheet and cuddle up to us, but every time we tried to pick her up she'd meow and run away, same happens when you try and stroke her, she runs.

The start of the 2nd month we took her to the vets for the 2nd time (the 1st time when she came home she was fine), since her visit which was over 3 weeks ago she's always in the opposite room to us and tries to bite or claw us every time we approach her, try to give her a treat or pet her.

The only thing happening so far which I thought was good but I'm unsure is she rubs herself on us then gets on her back, meows and when you stroke her she grabs you starts to claw and bite you, which can't be good surely?.

I have also used felliway plug in as well as calming treats and spray, none which have seemed to work the past 2 months.

Any help would be appreciated as it's really upsetting me.

Thanks.

Corey.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

With an extremely timid cat, that can happen, and it is so upsetting when you want so much to love them and have them love you! First, I'm going to address the last part of your post. Rolling on her back is not necessarily (although it can be) an invitation to rub her belly. It is a sign of trust, so THAT is a good thing! But she may find your hand headed there as an attack. Try NOT petting her then, but talking to her softly and sweetly. Or stroking her head and cheeks, rather than the vulnerable tummy area. And remember, a hand coming down from above can be very intimidating to a cat, so get down on her level, and come in from the side or just below! My girl was 8 years old before she actually allowed me to touch her belly, and even now her tolerance for it is very limited.

Next, I'm going to give you several articles on getting along with difficult cats, things to do and not to do, and such. They are not long, and are clear, concise and easy to read, and just FULL of ideas for you to try!

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me
Your Cat Probably Hates It When You...
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat

Let us know how things are going!

 

[Wenda]

When she's on her back are you petting her tummy? A lot of kitties don't like that or try and play attack when you go for their bellies. Maybe try using a toy (wand or string or teddy) and playing with her when she does that. I've found play to be very helpful in strengthening bonds with shy kitties. After you play you can try and give her some treats.

I also found it helpful (when dealing with a feral kitty, Chi Soo) to let him come to me. If I sat on the floor in his room he'd usually end up coming to sit near me. I'd just talk to him and not even bother trying to pet him. I just waited for him to get comfortable with my presence and occasionally hold my hand out for him to sniff or rub against at his pleasure. And of course, I bribed him heavily with treats. I also never tried to pick him up until he was comfortable sitting in my lap (I never placed him in my lap, but would sit on the floor for hours giving him the chance to come cuddle if he wanted). I know another member posted some good advice about getting your cat use to being picked up. Hopefully they'll come comment on this thread too...I'll also try to find the link if I can remember.

I do think it's a good sign that she's rubbing against you. With a little patience I'm sure she'll continue to warm up to you

 

[Coreylewisaspin123]

Thankyou both so so much for your advice!.

I've spent so much money on different kinds of toys and she wants plays with none of them.

I've bought literally every kind I can find and the only she seems to bother with is the laser pen.

Is there any more toys you recommend?, I probably have them but it's worth a try!

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi - green string beans, real fur mice, string (under supervision), paper bags, --hang on to those toys she might, later on, decide they're just the ticket - take a look at the items mentioned in this thread discussion, maybe something will click for her - good luck!
Cat Playing/toys
Let us know what happens

 

[Wenda]

Hey, at least she likes something lol. I'm not sure what you've tried, but I find most cats like to chase things (stating the obvious, I know). Ares likes it when I throw his mice (or really anything) for him to chase. My sister's cat, Holly, loved giant bouncy balls. She'd bounce them on the ground for her and she'd go nuts trying to jump and chase after them. My dad's cat, Twishy, is pretty dang lazy. He'll chase a string every now and then but only if you move it the right way (kitty fishing, throw the string near him and slowly pull it away...he's very picky). My grandma's cat, Sammy, ignores strings, balls, everything, but will hide his fat self every Christmas in the box of bows she has and bat those around. All of them seemed to like hiding in boxes and paper bags. I think it just requires a lot of experimentation.

I know other members talk about mimicking prey when playing with cats with strings and feather toys or whatnot. And others who have talked about making puzzle boxes for their cats. But if it's the laser she likes then that's always a good way to build bonding too. Ares already knows I'm the one behind the little red light so we still bond playing that way even tho I'm not near the thing he chases.

 

[Desertmouse]

I agree that the fact she’s scent marking you is a good sign. Please don’t get to disheartened, it might take her awhile to come around but I’m guessing it will be worth it.

My cat Sadie came to me after her first owner got cancer and had to move to a non pet friendly apartment. Sadie is one of those cats that bonds very closely with a single person. It’s been awhile (gosh it’s been around 10 years already, how time flys) but if I remember right it took her about 4 months to come around, and the first 3 months she spent most of that time under my bed. Now she is with me every chance she can get, even sleeping next to my head at night. I promise you, it was worth it for me. That being said I’m fairly sure the reason she took so long was because she was grieving for her first owner, so it might be different for you.

What I did was sit on the ground next to the bed and do whatever I would normally do. I brought my laptop down to the floor with me and would read there. I also would put a path of treats leading toward me and if I heard her getting close I would lay my hand close to the last treat palm up and relaxed for her to smell and invest. I sometimes had a audiobook running but I don’t know if it helped or hurt ‍.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Cheap and easy cat toy... you will need an empty TP roll and some paper. Newspaper works well. Place a few bits of kibble or treats in the tube and stop up the ends with wadded up paper. Hekitty loves this. She'll fiddle with it for hours until she gets to the treats. I like it because it satisfies ALL of the "hunt/catch/kill/eat" equation!