Calling all parents?

[snake_lady]

I guess it depends on the definition of dating.

My 13yr old has had a boyfriend for 10mos now

They've gone on "dates" such as going to the movies (yes obviously parents have to drive them as we don't have a theatre here), he's taken her out for dinner (by themselves, as in he gets dropped off here or both get dropped off downtown, they go to a restaurant, go for a walk, then walk or get a ride home at a set time), and they hang out when they can (some supervised, some not).

Kendra and I have a very open relationship, thankfully. I trust her completely, and know 100% that she is nowhere near wanting to do more than hold hands. I also know that my daughter comes to me with questions, she is a very responsible young lady and she respects herself and others.

I don't think you can put an age on it. It's not the age, but the maturity level IMO. It's the same thing as the laws on leaving children home alone, while it varies from country to country, here the laws state a 12yr old can be left in charge of other children, and alone but it is up to the parents discretion of the maturity level of the child. I think the same for "dating" or boyfriends/girlfriends. I've seen some 12 yr olds that I wouldn't trust to be home for 5mins..... and other 12yrs olds like my daughter who know first aid, cpr, responsibilities, clear definition of wrong/right, clear understanding of consequences, etc.

In order to date, and I'll use dating = time with a "partner" unsupervised by parents..... I think the adolescent needs to be responsible, educated (on sex, stds, pregnancy, etc.) and communicative. Whether that is at 13 or 21, it varies from person to person.

My 2 daughters are 2 completely different people. In truth, my younger daughter is nowhere near as mature as Kendra was at her age. Kendra unfortunately had to grow up young, just as I did. But thankfully Kendra and I have a much more open relationship than my mom and I did

Of course we have our fights, and of course she has made mistakes (lying, not doing household chores, etc) but nothing I would consider a major mistake, of course we've fought.... what child/parent doesn't.

The bottom line is, I trust my daughter and know she is educated and responsible enough to make decisions for herself

 

[3catsn1dog]

I personally would prefer my daughters to never date and never get themselves in the situation I got myself into. Both their "donors" are in state prison and have never seen either of them and personally I like it that way because they are useless human beings. But I plan on being open and honest with them about sex dating relationships and stuff like that. I also hope my mom plans on doing the same with them because my girls live with my mom. I know how I was at 16-23 and was NOWHERE near ready for the responsibilites that came along with dating and sex but I still did it anyways because it was the "cool" thing to do. Its something I regret everyday! However I feel that being open and honest and having an open relationship with my girls will help them become mature women who can decide when they should date and when they are ready for that type of situation...I just worry about the peer pressure and stuff like that not only with boys but drugs and alcohol too....

Geez I feel like a worry wart and they are only 5 and 6 right now and Im already thinking about this stuff..I guess its never to early to worry about your kids!

 

[proudmamiof4]

I have 3 daughters 10, 8 and 6 and one son who will be 12 this month.

I personally don't think ANY of them should date until they are 18 and finished with school, Right now their focus should be making good grades and learning. Socializing and having friends...male or female is fine with me.

I had my son when I was 15, it had nothing to do with something that was going on at my home at the time. I simply made a bad decision. I am happy my children are here though. I tell my kids how hard it was being a teenage mom. I also tell them that they should be careful about who and when they give the most precious thing they own away to, and have told them the consequences to not being careful. I am very open and honest with my children, and in turn they are open and honest with me. All of my children make honor roll, every report card! and are very polite, respectful and well mannered.

I know the time will come when they get crazy over girls/boys (my son already claims to be in love) but I tell them there is a time and a place for everything. When they are done with school is the time....not now! Their friends are allowed over here, I take them to the movies, skating etc. I feel they are too young to not be supervised and I am super paranoid anyway, with all you hear about kids missing.

Well I am rambling, but to answer your question. I think your parents are doing what they believe to be is right! Too many kids have no rules or very loose rules and bad things happen. You have your whole life ahead of you to date. Enjoy being young.

 

[kittyl0ve4]

Before I say anything, I want to make it clear that I am not a parent. However, I think about how I will handle situations like this when I am a parent.

When I started middle school, my mom made it clear that she didn't want me to have boyfriends. But, back then, having a boyfriend was very different than it is for me now. In middle school The boy would have a friend come up to you and say "hey, [so & so] wants to know if you'll be his girlfriend.. & the same happened at the break up.. Whoever wanted to break up got the friend to do it. & being "BF & GF" meant going to dances together and holding hands in the hallway. Maybe the occasional peck here and there. I still did it even tho my mom didn't want me to because she couldn't find out. If I was my mom I would do things much differently than she did.. I mean, this is kinda O/T but she never had the "sex talk" with me- she never even thought to tell me about girls getting their period, until my cousin got hers- and by then, the school had already had that talk with girls and boys about puberty.. Lol.

Anyway.. I agree with several others when it comes to dating, it really depends on the maturity level of the kids involved. I would want to know my kids bf or gf, an supervision really all depends on the age and maturity levels again. Anywho, I am rambling so..

 

[nekomania]

Why should men be allowed to date before women?

So they can go out at 16 and get some girl knocked up and have to pay child support for the rest of their lives?

As if that isn't just as bad as a girl going out and accidentally getting pregnant.


I hate ridiculous sexist double standards.

I think that you should date when you feel ready to date, and that 16 should be the minimum age for having a steady boyfriend and getting to that "adventurous" state in your life.

Because let's face it...we all have hormones. Personally, I would rather be in tune with what my children are up to, rather than telling them "NO DEFINATELY NOT" and then they just go behind my back and do it anyways.

I am sure we have all been there and done that.

 

[fwan]

Every parent wants the best interest in their children, my parents said i would never be allowed to have a boyfriend untill i was in my 20! boy were they wrong, my mum allowed me to have boyfriends from the age of 13!! My dad didnt accept it, i introduced him to a boyfriend in germany and he went crazy because i was 16/17ish and well thats when usually bad things occur!

I ended up getting married at 22 and it was nothing related to religion! if you wait to date untill in your 20's it is way too long!

I don't know how old you are, but by your late teens everything will have changed at home!

 

[meminikitty]

I see where you guys are going, I agree: Maturity matters first.
And I'm glad many of you also don't agree guys should have privileges before girls, because that's what was really making me wonder.
Although I don't have anyone in mind yet, I was wondering about the future and what the heck I would do if I happened to want to date. But as someone said, at 18 I am an adult, and that's not too far away.

I enjoyed reading everything you guys shared, I really didn't expect to get that many responses!!

Feel free to share more if you come up with anything you want to say!

 

[meminikitty]

Originally Posted by Nekomania

Why should men be allowed to date before women?

So they can go out at 16 and get some girl knocked up and have to pay child support for the rest of their lives?

As if that isn't just as bad as a girl going out and accidentally getting pregnant.


I hate ridiculous sexist double standards.

I think that you should date when you feel ready to date, and that 16 should be the minimum age for having a steady boyfriend and getting to that "adventurous" state in your life.

Because let's face it...we all have hormones. Personally, I would rather be in tune with what my children are up to, rather than telling them "NO DEFINATELY NOT" and then they just go behind my back and do it anyways.

I am sure we have all been there and done that.

Very well put.

 

[nekomania]

Originally Posted by fwan

Every parent wants the best interest in their children, my parents said i would never be allowed to have a boyfriend untill i was in my 20! boy were they wrong, my mum allowed me to have boyfriends from the age of 13!! My dad didnt accept it, i introduced him to a boyfriend in germany and he went crazy because i was 16/17ish and well thats when usually bad things occur!

I ended up getting married at 22 and it was nothing related to religion! if you wait to date untill in your 20's it is way too long!

I don't know how old you are, but by your late teens everything will have changed at home!

My stepdad always told me that I would be allowed to do what I wanted as long as he knew where I was and what I would be doing and that I protected myself.

I was still a good girl and I didn't do "anything" until 19 and a year or so before then is when I first met Cody. (like I said, it's all about when you feel ready)

All of a sudden when I wanted to fly out to Washington to be with him my stepdad gave me an ultimatum to either pay 700 dollars a month to him in rent, or move out.

What do you think I did?

So much for his "you're an adult and I only want to know where you are and that you're safe."

I moved in with my grandparents for 2 months and then moved to Washington.


I don't agree with parent's who want to continue to shelter their kids far after they've taken that step into adulthood. For as much as everyone tried to tell me that going across the country was a mistake... It's been more than 2 years and I'm now engaged to be married to that same boy. I'm making (most of) the right choices in my life, I don't smoke or drink, I take the pill, looking for work again and looking into going back to school. We're also planning on hoping to invest in a cheap house while the economy is in the crapper, so someday in the future we'll be able to start a family.

All in all, I'm pretty sure I'm not where everyone expected me to be. And my Stepdad still wont own up to the fact that he was wrong, but someday he'll have to, and hopefully before my wedding day.

 

[cheylink]

I don't think it's about dating but sexually active. It would be a wonderful world if dating was just that! Especially these days, teens are sexually active for all the wrong reasons! Granted boys have hormonal drive in their teens, but girls? It's all about popularity, acceptance, peer pressure........even worse is knowing how I felt as a teenager, listening or accepting advice from an adult doesn't make a difference.

 

[nekomania]

Originally Posted by cheylink

Granted boys have hormonal drive in their teens, but girls? It's all about popularity, acceptance, peer pressure........

I don't agree with this as I had really strong hormonal urges in my teens.

Girls have raging hormones just the same as boys.

 

[snake_lady]

Originally Posted by Nekomania

I don't agree with this as I had really strong hormonal urges in my teens.

Girls have raging hormones just the same as boys.

The age at which I began being intimate had nothing to do with popularity (cuz I never was) fitting in (cuz I never did) or peer pressure (cuz noone pressured me into it).