Boyfriend spraying cat in face with water as negative reinforcement

[musicalbookworm]

I'd be looking for a new boyfriend, and I say this as someone living in town with very few single men who walk fully upright. FWIW, I'd say the same thing if it were a woman involved. How my animals react to a person and how someone reacts to my animals will go a long way in determining the nature of my association with them. Life is too short to hang around with people who don't like cats and ferrets! I consider not liking cats a major character flaw. It usually indicates someone with a very controlling nature.

Angie

 

[generic war]

my best suggestion is to move the table, it's like the biggest seat to the outside world for the cat.
Spraying water in the face sounds like it could hurt the cat, when mecha does something I don't want her to do I act like a dominant cat and growl or hiss at her (for eg when she attacks me I'll growl at her which lets her know to back off)
at the moment the poor cat has no consistancy you take her off and say NO
he takes her off by making her afraid of getting smacked in the face with water (which will possibly make her afraid of water)
you need to let him know that he needs to stop it. end of discussion, then you both need to decide on an action to do to stop the cat from being on there if yous do not want to move the table.
I've found growling and hissing the only effective thing with mecha though, she doesnt give a damn how many NO!s or OFF!s I say to her

good luck though
nem

 

[arlyn]

Try these, I've never used them as I don't care where my cats go, I always disinfect before prepping food anyway, but I do know people that have used them.

They are cans of compressed air with a motion sensor on them.
http://www.amazon.com/Premier-SSSCAT...5360561&sr=8-1

 

[brokenheart]

Cats literally do not have a sufficient amount of the brain structure that makes the connection between "I do this, that crap happens." It's as if your boyfriend said to you, Fly or you're next. You wouldn't be able to fly, right? Cats are not built that way.

I think you should tell him every time he does something to your cats you don't like, you're going to spray him with water. (Or perfume, which might be more embarrassing to him.) He's being an a-hole. Stick up for your cats; that's your job!


"No" for the most part is wasted on cats for the reason I stated at the beginning of this post. So you adapt the physical environment to them, not vice versa. And as at least one other poster said, your bf put the table right where it would be most irresistible to the cat. Tell him to move the table or get over it.

(I find my patience wearing very thin these days with matters like this; I think it's starting to come through in my posts!

)

 

[rotobay]

Originally Posted by Shanynne

First of all, this is your cat not your boyfriend's cat. Why are you allowing your boyfriend to treat *your* cat in a way that you find unacceptable?

I don't want to sound too critical since the OP is asking for advice to help the cat, but I have never understood why anyone would allow a boyfriend/husband to abuse their animals or children. YOU are the only voice this cat has. She can't speak for herself and depends on YOU to protect her. Being pissed and annoyed is not helping your cat. You need to take action if you think your boyfriend's behavior is inappropriate.

Excuse me?? Sounds like he is giving you an ultimatum and more importantly, that he is incredibly controlling. Not to mention that he does not understand cats very well at all. After all, this is only your cat's well being and health that we are talking about.

If it were me, the boyfriend would be the one getting the ultimatum. I would make it very clear to him that he is not to spray my cat in way nor at any time. Period. If your boyfriend can't respect that, then he can't respect you and the next thing you know, he'll be telling you he doesn't want the cat on the bed or on the couch .....

You can get the can, but your poor cat will only get scared and confused. It doesn't know it's doing something wrong by jumping on the table to look out the window. Just move the table somewhere else, simple. It's up to you to stick up for your cat.

If your boyfriend really cares for you, and more importantly, if he truly respects you, he will listen to your wishes in this matter. If he doesn't then you have something to think about.

I think its clear the bf has no respect for her. Presumably he knows she loves her cat but continues to hurt the cat in spite of her protests. MAJOR RED FLAG imo. I'd kick him and his Ikea table to the curb.

 

[mommysmeows]

I know people think cats are different than people but - what happens when you have kids? If you have disagreements ( big ones it appears ) with raising a cat, imagine raising a kid together!

 

[meow meow]

I think it is reasonable for him to not want the cat sitting where he prepares food.

However, the easiest thing to do it pull the table away from the window.

 

[drsteve]

Before i get to my discussion of what i think you should do about the situation pertaining to the cat, first and foremost, i'd like to suggest the bigger problem that ending a relationship over this simple disagreement would be unjustified. Think about this, we are referring to a squirt bottle with water; the same harmless substance that the cat drinks everyday, and some simple negative reinforcement, not even to a child, but a cat. I have a cat and two dogs and i love all my pets, but if that one thing alone causes a breakup in a couple there must not have been much of a relationship to start with. Its actually made me quite bothered to hear some of these irrational and completely one-sided statements giving advice from people who do not know you, your boyfriend, your cats typical behavior, nor do they even care about your relationship. I am not here to take up for your boyfriend, nor you, nor your cat. Even though this is not a lesson in relationship therapy, ending the relationship is drastic and i'd hope you wouldn't do that regardless of what others may say they might do. By the way they judge people and jump to conclusions based on one small act of this man attempting to make a seemingly harmless solution to a problem, i wouldn't be their boyfriend if forced and held at gunpoint. Many of them didn't even offer any advice but used the opportunity to release anger upon you boyfriend and sway you into their thinking. Who knows, its very possible that one day that person in your life may be more than just a boyfriend but a member of family which is unarguably reasonable to say that a relationship of lifelong partners is overall more important. To say spraying a cat with a squirt of water is "abusive" when you have continuously tried all other efforts to prevent this undesired behavior is an overstatement. Many cat trainers such as ones featured on television use spraying devices to deter cats from performing undesired behavior such as entering an area that is "off limits" (like the TV series "My Cat From Hell). Just as you could argue a cat has no sense of right or wrong, neither does a newborn child as it begins to grow. Therefore discipline and rewards are given appropriately according to the desired behavior you are looking for. In the case of children, such as i once was they receive consequences to their actions everyday. Where i'm from you get rear beat to a pulp if you continue to do something that you have been asked not to many times. This is not called "abusive", this is called "tough love" and many people these days need a lot more of it but unfortunately many parents are uncaring, involved, or pushovers. In children these kids can even run into lifelong trouble with the law or become drug addicts and I've not only studied it but have seen it first hand. If you must punish a child for doing wrong, how is it wrong to teach a pet some discipline? If a dog does not obey, usually a short pop in the nose can make them stop fighting or stealing the others food, as i had to train my two dogs. So why is it suddenly so unjustified to get a cats fur slightly moist with a little water? While dog training might differ and while cats may not be near as intelligent as humans, some of these comments I've been reading make me feel as if people are trying to make excuses for themselves not to control their pets; pitying them, making it sounds as if the animal is completely stupid and unaware that certain behaviors can lead to disciplinary consequence but we all know this is definitely not the case. Animals have a brain and can think and show fear, happiness, shame/guilt, and aggression depending upon the way they perceive a circumstance. If it's that big of a deal move the table, get the cat its own special platform, put the cat in another room or outside part time when your not around, that's where mine stays all the time because of the shedding and my families allergies and my cat lives happily with a warm bed and home outside in a shelter that he can leave freely and come and go as he pleases. Some people will even try putting tape sticky side up on the table to get the cats paws sticky as it climbs up, as cats are usually neat freaks and they will not like getting it on their paws. You can also buy the odorless and harmless spray training bottle that detects the cats presence and sprays a light mist and the cat will associate this negative reinforcement with the bad behavior. As my last suggestion a firm "No!" and a simple squirt or mist of a water bottle could do the trick if you do not overdo it. Maybe next time you could aim away from the eyes but i can see where the spraying in face gets a point across as there's no way the cat could ignore that however, i can understand why you wouldn't want to have the cat intentionally sprayed directly in the eyes. I'm glad some of you don't have a dog or pet that was as hard headed as mine. You would have dealt with much greater problems with your dogs are trying to kill one another, you better learn to use the old fashion weeping willow switch and have a firmness in your voice or your not going to be taken seriously by either of them. However some dogs can seem a lot more stubborn and a definitely a lot tougher than a cat but they will stay as stubborn as the owner allows and the same can be said about a cat as well. With cats punishment should not be so severe but it's also more important to focus on positive reinforcement more than negative. However, sometimes there is a purpose and place for different kinds of reinforcement in training household pets.

 

[gravekandi]

 
Before i get to my discussion of what i think you should do about the situation pertaining to the cat, first and foremost, i'd like to suggest the bigger problem that ending a relationship over this simple disagreement would be unjustified......

This post is from almost 6 years ago, I mean no offence but I think she figured it out. At least I would hope so haha.