Binx The Buddhist Cat

[skylerlark]

I looked back on the trials and tribulations me and my puss went through. I had forgotten that I'd taken him to the last but one vet to remove his blocked with feces colon, as shown to me on an x-ray. I'd then remembered the vet saying 'they would keep him in overnight on IV'. The IV, unbeknownst to me, was the dreadful Aceta, otherwise known as battery fluid, which is why he'd growled (never growled) all the way home and refused to get out of his basket. I'd then called in my local clinician who felt his throat and said he had 'a sore throat' which is why he wasn't eating. This was so obviously the previous vet's administration of Aceta. I'd asked if there was something she could give him. She was very reluctant to give him pain medicine, but I was otherwise at a loss as to know what else to do with my lovely CKD cat whom I'd fought to feed for almost a year.

An appointment was made to bring him in to her clinic around the corner from me the next morning. She gave him a pill (don't know what it was) and told me to immediately take him home and administer Lactate. Straight away he jumped from the table with a loud yowl and convulsed at the doors. There was no life in his eyes, I called the vet and she told me to take him straight back. It was obvious when a friend and I lifted him into his basket he was already gone.

I'm writing this out of guilt that I hadn't ended his suffering earlier. It was obvious he was miserable. I also feel guilt for dragging him around so many vets but it's Buddhist here and friend insisted no euthanazia. On the other hand, I couldn't have borne the loss of trust he'd have felt if I had had him euthanized, sitting on the vet's table with his head pressing in my belly as the shot went in.

I fell asleep but came to to spot a black cat walking between me and my computer monitor. I've seen a cat (Binx?) do that one more time. I've also had the bed thing. But after three days that's stopped now.

I'm so sorry Binx. For all of it. They keep telling me I gave this stray cat a good eight years life. But suffer terribly with guilt and grief of not having him around any more. I live in a foreign country, and loathe to get another cat, no cat could replace him. I don't know from one year to the next whether I'd still be here anyway. I love you Binxie and I'll see you again, I know that.

 

[nurseangel]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember it wasn't your fault. You were trying to help. I hope you do stay with us here, even if you decide not to get another cat. Of course, your Binx couldn't be replaced.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentIe, Binx, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I do not doubt that you wiII see Binx again, nor do I doubt that he, in That PIace Where AII Things Are Known, knows the depths of your Iove for him, and that you did the very best you knew to do for him. Now, from That PIace, he sends his Iove, transIated and purified into Love, back to waIk beside you down through aII of your days. Because Love abides. Aiways, forwever, Love abides.

 

[Mighty Orange]

Thank you for giving Binx a good life. Getting and helping another cat is not about replacing Binx that will never happen it is about saving another and learning new things with the new cat in your life

 

[skylerlark]

Thank you for giving Binx a good life. Getting and helping another cat is not about replacing Binx that will never happen it is about saving another and learning new things with the new cat in your life

The thought of giving another rescue a good home has not left me, even after only the two weeks since Binx passed as irreplaceable as he is/was and could ultimately be the worst outcome for him/her, back on the streets. There are hundreds of them here as in every third world country. Not only is it far too soon (I remember leaving at least a year in between pets in England) it is also impractical. I don't know where I will be a year on, my position at the moment is very unstable.

In the meantime, I hope this helps some one grieving too Can of course substitute 'cat' or any other sentient being.

 

[di and bob]

It's so hard to truly know if you did the right thing, but he did die at home, surrounded by your love. Concentrate now on his life, what he brought to your own life having known and loved him. You do him honor by remembering him and holding him in your heart, he is doing exactly the same. One day your grief will turn into gratitude for what he willingly gave you, a cat's love.....
you could never replace his love, it is securely lodged in your soul. Any future loves will reside right beside his, and help it to grow and bloom. At times like this I like to remember teh quote "do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened."
There are no right or wrong answers at the end of life, we are human and are not perfect. Just hold on to the fact that you loved him very much and he knew that. He will always hold your love in his heart and will live on through you now. Go forward and live your future as you would have wanted for him to go on, he wants no less.
My heart aches for your loss, but what you have gained is so much more. Remember the good times and all the years he gave you. We are here any time you need to talk.....RIP dear Binx, You will never be forgotten you will always hold a secure spot in a loving heart. Please help your human through this, the grief can be overwhelming at times.......