I have not posted here much for the last couple years but I felt I needed to come here to express my feelings and get your advice about this.
I just found out last night that my whole family (including neices, nephews, nephew in laws, neice in laws, etc) lied to me for almost a year. I just can't get past that fact.
What basically happened was that last night, we got together for our regular family dinners (everyone would come on sunday for dinner together). Dad happened to invite someone from church to join us. During the dinner conversation, the visitor talked about his dog which passed away. My mom told the guy that she understood the pain since a while ago we had to put Rusty (family cat who lived to be 25 years old and was originally mine until I went to college) to sleep.
At that point, I was taken aback and when mom realized what she said, she immediately clapped her hand to her mouth then started laughing. I looked at her and said, "Put to sleep? But you told me that she passed away at home?" she just kept laughing and wouldn't answer. I looked over at my sister and then at rest of my family and they ALL had the same face expression. They avoided eye contact with me. I asked why was I lied about to this? Especially since I had mentioned to mom and others that Rusty needed to be put to sleep several times because I could tell she was suffering and mom kept agreeing but was too busy.
When I asked mom this, she said she didn't want to deal with my emotions due to one episode when our family dog passed away while I was a teenager. That was over 25 years ago when I was a teenager and you know how hormal teenagers are!
I felt like I was treated as a little girl being patted on the head while being told that the pet is now living happily on a farm but really that pet was put to sleep.
I realized that my sister and brother even lied to me when I asked where Rusty had passed away, my sister said she went over to the house in the morning to check on Rusty and Rusty had passed away peacefully in her favorite spot in my parent's bedroom.
I felt so betrayed, demeaned and insulted. After dinner was over, I really wanted to get out and go home but I wanted to handle this maturely so I started cleaning up. When mom left the room for something, my sister came over and tried to tell me that mom meant well. I couldn't believe it. I told her, "She lied to me. YOU lied to me. EVERY ONE of you lied to me and the worst thing is ALL OF YOU knew the truth except me. That really makes me feel part of this family- NOT. How could I trust you again?" She said she knew it was wrong and that they tried to tell mom that it was wrong to not tell me the truth but they decided to go along with mom's story. I told her that was still wrong and that she CHOSE to support mom in this lie. As our discussion started to get a bit heated, my mom came and told me she wanted to talk to me in her bedroom.
When we got to her bedroom (sister followed), mom started defending her actions by saying that she was worried about how I would react and that she thought this was best. At that point, I stopped her and said, "Mom, I am 41 years old. I've lived for many years on my own, I have had to put a cat to sleep by myself in DC and I handled it just fine. Why would you think that I couldn't handle this?"
Mom said, "well, you have to admit that when you found out Rusty had died, you did lose it."
I interrupted her to say, "That's your definitation of losing it? Yes, I grieved but I didn't wail or sob uncontrobably like I did when I was a teenager for heaven's sake! YOU are over exaggerating."
Mom looked at me and admitted that MAYBE she exeggerated a bit which I disagreed with- she over exeggerated a lot! I was there, I know what I did and said.
At that point, she lost it and started screaming at me about how I would often miss family dinners on Sundays, and if I did come, that I'd let her know 5 minutes before that I was coming and that I was not willing to be with family.
I ended up walking out. I have not seen or talked to my family since then.
Mom texted me this morning saying how she was sorry and that she meant well. My sister texted me also to ask if I was okay. I have not replied to either one of them. At this point, apologizing is just empty words to me because they have said and done things in the past that has hurt my feelings and they would apologize then keep doing things again.
I am soo devastated. I cried for over 4 hours last night and still am suffering a HORRIBLE headache due to this. How could my whole family lie to me and how could I trust them again? At this point, I am not sure what to do. At this time, I do not want to see or talk to them.
Now, pls tell me the truth. What do YOU think? What would you do? Am I overreacting???????
I just found out last night that my whole family (including neices, nephews, nephew in laws, neice in laws, etc) lied to me for almost a year. I just can't get past that fact.
What basically happened was that last night, we got together for our regular family dinners (everyone would come on sunday for dinner together). Dad happened to invite someone from church to join us. During the dinner conversation, the visitor talked about his dog which passed away. My mom told the guy that she understood the pain since a while ago we had to put Rusty (family cat who lived to be 25 years old and was originally mine until I went to college) to sleep.
At that point, I was taken aback and when mom realized what she said, she immediately clapped her hand to her mouth then started laughing. I looked at her and said, "Put to sleep? But you told me that she passed away at home?" she just kept laughing and wouldn't answer. I looked over at my sister and then at rest of my family and they ALL had the same face expression. They avoided eye contact with me. I asked why was I lied about to this? Especially since I had mentioned to mom and others that Rusty needed to be put to sleep several times because I could tell she was suffering and mom kept agreeing but was too busy.
When I asked mom this, she said she didn't want to deal with my emotions due to one episode when our family dog passed away while I was a teenager. That was over 25 years ago when I was a teenager and you know how hormal teenagers are!
I felt like I was treated as a little girl being patted on the head while being told that the pet is now living happily on a farm but really that pet was put to sleep.
I realized that my sister and brother even lied to me when I asked where Rusty had passed away, my sister said she went over to the house in the morning to check on Rusty and Rusty had passed away peacefully in her favorite spot in my parent's bedroom.
I felt so betrayed, demeaned and insulted. After dinner was over, I really wanted to get out and go home but I wanted to handle this maturely so I started cleaning up. When mom left the room for something, my sister came over and tried to tell me that mom meant well. I couldn't believe it. I told her, "She lied to me. YOU lied to me. EVERY ONE of you lied to me and the worst thing is ALL OF YOU knew the truth except me. That really makes me feel part of this family- NOT. How could I trust you again?" She said she knew it was wrong and that they tried to tell mom that it was wrong to not tell me the truth but they decided to go along with mom's story. I told her that was still wrong and that she CHOSE to support mom in this lie. As our discussion started to get a bit heated, my mom came and told me she wanted to talk to me in her bedroom.
When we got to her bedroom (sister followed), mom started defending her actions by saying that she was worried about how I would react and that she thought this was best. At that point, I stopped her and said, "Mom, I am 41 years old. I've lived for many years on my own, I have had to put a cat to sleep by myself in DC and I handled it just fine. Why would you think that I couldn't handle this?"
Mom said, "well, you have to admit that when you found out Rusty had died, you did lose it."
I interrupted her to say, "That's your definitation of losing it? Yes, I grieved but I didn't wail or sob uncontrobably like I did when I was a teenager for heaven's sake! YOU are over exaggerating."
Mom looked at me and admitted that MAYBE she exeggerated a bit which I disagreed with- she over exeggerated a lot! I was there, I know what I did and said.
At that point, she lost it and started screaming at me about how I would often miss family dinners on Sundays, and if I did come, that I'd let her know 5 minutes before that I was coming and that I was not willing to be with family.
I ended up walking out. I have not seen or talked to my family since then.
Mom texted me this morning saying how she was sorry and that she meant well. My sister texted me also to ask if I was okay. I have not replied to either one of them. At this point, apologizing is just empty words to me because they have said and done things in the past that has hurt my feelings and they would apologize then keep doing things again.
I am soo devastated. I cried for over 4 hours last night and still am suffering a HORRIBLE headache due to this. How could my whole family lie to me and how could I trust them again? At this point, I am not sure what to do. At this time, I do not want to see or talk to them.
Now, pls tell me the truth. What do YOU think? What would you do? Am I overreacting???????
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