Best way to bond?

[volia]

Well the long and short of this story is that I just got a new cat (new for me, he's alittle over 1 year old) and I'm having a bit of a problem bonding with her.

Now for some background. (feel free to skip)
I just lost my cat the sunday before last. She had gotten out and got ran over by a car. Needless to say I am still having problems with it, but a friend of mine told me about a co-worker who was moving and had to find a new home for his cat. The problem was that he was moving on Friday, which was a bit soon for me to get a new cat, but she was just so sweet that I couldn't turn her away. And so, 4 days ago I went to get Sadie. She looks like she has some Korat in her and she had a very strong bond with her former owner. She would respond when talked to, come when called, and even jump on his lap. Sadly I live a good hour away and it was the first time she had ever been in a cat carrier, let alone car. When I got her home she wouldn't come out of the carrier for a good 2 hours and when she did, she ran under the bed. (we put her in a spare bedroom). The Biggest problem is that she has been hissing and growling since then whenever someone comes nears, though it seems to be getting less as time goes by. I've been bring my laptop, or a book into the room when I have free time so she can get used to having poeple around. She has come out and will let me pet her, or even rub against me before/after eating, but she growls while doing it. I tried playing with her with a old shoelace, but she carried it off to her food dish and started eating it (had to pull it out from her throat >_<) so I threw it away and she got more mad at me lol. she doesn't seem inteserted in balls or playing on her own, so I'm not sure which type of toys to get her (any ideas would be welcome!).
I know it's only been four days, but I've never had a cat take so badly to me before, usually by the next day we are getting along well. I'm hoping if I can find some different ways of bonding with her I can make she feel better and become closer to myself and the rest of the family. I should point out that we have one other cat (a 15 year old tom) and a dog. Both of them are used to having another cat around, but she might be smelling them on me and that could be why she keeps hissing at me...

Anyways, I'm sorry its so long, and jumbled, I'm running on 2 hours sleep, so I just hope it makes sense. Thank you for any help you guys can give.

 

[rad65]

All of your previous cats, were they by any chance shelter cats? I ask because it sounds like your cat is grieving for losing its owner. It sounds like she had a very strong bond and it will take a while for her to warm up to new ownership. The reason your other cats bonded so quickly was probably because you were the first large amount of human interaction they encountered, being in cages for a while before you adopted them.

Just give it some time and she'll warm up to you. Continue doing what you're doing, just have a little patience

 

[hissy]

This is a supervised toy only- don't let her have it without you hanging on to it. www.nekoflies.com Don't worry about her growling with it, that is normal as it brings out the prey drive. Just give her a nice meaty treat before you put it up after your play date.

As far as bonding with her, don't push it. She has a lot to get used to- new smells, new sounds, it all takes time. Ignoring her for now and letting her find her own way to you is the way to go. Be sure you feed her, clean her litter pans and provide fresh water on a daily basis and set aside about a 10 minute playtime with this unique toy- but other than that, let her find her own pace with you. Both of you are grieving and you both need time to adjust.

 

[dusty's mom]

A couple of years ago I tried to give a cat a home whose owner died suddenly. Ashley was 16 and had only known John since kittenhood. I'm sorry to say it didn't work out. She wouldn't let me get near her. I tried for over 2 months to be her friend, but all I got was scratches, growls and hisses. I finally had to make the hard decision of putting her down so she could be with her one and only master. Sometimes it will just never work. In the case of Ashley, there was no good place for her at the old age of 16, and it was no one's fault that her elderly and sick owner died.

I'm sorry that your kitty's prior owner thought she was disposable and he could just dump her when he moved. I hope he doesn't have any more pets until he grows up and realizes a pet adoption is really not much different than a human adoption.

 

[luvmyparker]

Some cats seem to take a long time adjust. When I brought Parker home, he stayed downstairs for 2 weeks. I had to feed him down there and everything. He slowly started wandering up stairs when he realized it was safe (he was always a one floor cat, never got to experience other levels)...but it took him almost a month before he was TOTALLY comfortable.

She just needs time to adjust. Keep doing what you're doing and she will come around.
Have you tried a laser pointer yet? Some cats aren't interested in them, others go crazy for them. Our cats LOVE the little catnip filled toys too. Its like throwing meat to a pack of starving dogs and watching them wrestle for it.

 

[volia]

Originally Posted by rad65

All of your previous cats, were they by any chance shelter cats? I ask because it sounds like your cat is grieving for losing its owner. It sounds like she had a very strong bond and it will take a while for her to warm up to new ownership. The reason your other cats bonded so quickly was probably because you were the first large amount of human interaction they encountered, being in cages for a while before you adopted them.

I never thought about that. As a matter of fact all cats I've gotten where from the shelter aside from a kitten saved from the streets (who was adopted to another couple the next week) and my first two cats, which I got at age 4 and they were kittens from a friend's cat. I never thought that it would be harder on them like that, but it makes sense, thank you.

And thank you for the toy ideas. I think tomorrow I'll get a wand toy for when I'm there and a ball chase (I think thats what they are called) for when I'm not. I guess I was just worrying to soon, thank you everyone

 

[darlili]

Aww, good for you to give this kitty a new home - I'd say keep on doing what you're doing...she sounds very smart, and her whole world has been turned upside down. Besides the toys recommended, just what you're doing by staying nearby, working on your computer or reading aloud, letter her get used to your scent and sound, and letting her set the pace sounds good to me.

I'd even talk to her, letting her know you understand how brave she's being in this strange new world, and how you're hoping to be her friend. If you can be consistent in being the one to feed her, clean the pan, etc., as mentioned, that will help her focus on you as being the provider.

Give her time, and give yourself time - you're both grieving for lost friends, but I hope that with a little time you can help each other heal.

 

[kailie]

This sounds like absolutely normal behavior for a kitty who is very frightened and unsure about her new surroundings. I don't doubt though that with a little time and patience, she will come around and be a great friend to you. Sending vibes! Good luck.

 

[volia]

She is getting better. This morning she jumped up on the bed and rubbed her face against my hand. But as soon as I started moving my hand she started half crying and half growling....what should I do? should I take it that she came up on the bed that I can pet her? should I stop when I hear that sound? do I stop even if she is leaning into the petting? sorry for bugging you guys so much, just a bit unsure of myself with her.

 

[darlili]

when she's making that noise, where are her ears? Pointing back, or forward, or press down toward her head? And what about her tail? Up in the air, swishing back and forth really fast? Do you have any idea what her normal vocalizations were in her old home?

That said, I think that's very encouraging that she's hopping up to head-butt you, and I'd say just try to relax and follow her lead - and maybe read out loud, or sing to her - just to get her used to your voice and your presence in the room.

 

[tijani]

Good Idea ...........Thansk for sharing .

 

[kylew]

She is making progress! Remember that she is coming from a world where there was only one person and no other animals. Now she has to sort out a new environment that as two people and two other animals. This is going to take time. I think darlili is asking really good questions. That growl may be just her guttural purring noise. You should be guided by her body language. let her dictate. If she seems to be expressing displeasure, stop

I brought Franny home to live with me and Franklin when she was 2 1/2. she spent the first week under the couch. I would talk to her, but never approach her. little by little, over a number of months, she got more and more comfortable with me. Now she is often on the bed waiting for me at night so she can curl up under my arm

Be patient.

 

[volia]

Originally Posted by darlili

when she's making that noise, where are her ears? Pointing back, or forward, or press down toward her head? And what about her tail? Up in the air, swishing back and forth really fast? Do you have any idea what her normal vocalizations were in her old home?

That said, I think that's very encouraging that she's hopping up to head-butt you, and I'd say just try to relax and follow her lead - and maybe read out loud, or sing to her - just to get her used to your voice and your presence in the room.

well her tail was flipping around like crazy, but her ears were up.

since then I got her a the ball chase toy and she seems to like it. Today since I had the day off, I left the door open and put the other animals in another area of the house, then sat in the living room. She's been slowly looking around with her tail very low, then running back into her room then back again.

She's very vocal (which I like) but its kind of odd, she will start with a high pitch mew and lean into my hand when I pet her, then while still mewing the tone goes lower then a bit higher then ends in a growl. I've never heard anything like it before, but I always make sure she knows shes free to leave. (sorry, starting to do the bragging cat lady thing ^_~, better stop typing)

 

[sammie2010]

Hi! I just adopted a 3 month old kitten. I did so because I lost my 6 year female calico to Kidney Failure on October 2, 2010. I was very lonely without her. We were very very close. Even through her treatments!

Now that I have a new baby girl. She isn't as trusting with me. She wants to stay in the kitchen all the time. My Boyfriend has male cat that is 10 yrs old.
Keep in mind I just adopted her on Tuesday November 2, 2010.

How do I gain her trust? I've read to just completely ignore, which I have done. The only time she does show affection is when we go to bed. I put her in the bedroom with me, with a litter box and her food & water. She is very loving in the mornings we she wakes up, but the rest of day she plays by herself, or just lays in the kitchen.

I'm not sure how to discipline her either. I don't want to be to loud with her because I want her to trust me, but she has tested me the last couple of days.

Example: I had her food on the dryer, because of the fact my Boyfriends cat Mr. Figget lives to eat. He is on a time schedule. So her food is up high so he can't get it. Well she managed to fit her self in the furnace above the pilot light area. Thank goodness it wasn't lit. I took her out, told her No a few times and the put her in the bedroom for punishment. This is also where I keep 1 of the litter boxes. So now I have to keep the door closed which is not fair to Mr. Figget. She also tries to get behind the dryer even after blocking entrances on both ends.

I know I have only had her a few days. I give her a ball....which she loves. I throw it for her up and down the hallway. But she gets mad if we pick her up or even bother her through out the day.

I had Tid Bit when she was 4 weeks old so it was easy to bond with her & her baby sis's and bro's. (The mother disappeared) I just need some advice, since this is only the 2nd cat I have ever had.

Thank you! =)

 

[volia]

Originally Posted by Sammie2010

Hi! I just adopted a 3 month old kitten. I did so because I lost my 6 year female calico to Kidney Failure on October 2, 2010. I was very lonely without her. We were very very close. Even through her treatments!

Now that I have a new baby girl. She isn't as trusting with me. She wants to stay in the kitchen all the time. My Boyfriend has male cat that is 10 yrs old.
Keep in mind I just adopted her on Tuesday November 2, 2010.

How do I gain her trust? I've read to just completely ignore, which I have done. The only time she does show affection is when we go to bed. I put her in the bedroom with me, with a litter box and her food & water. She is very loving in the mornings we she wakes up, but the rest of day she plays by herself, or just lays in the kitchen.

I'm not sure how to discipline her either. I don't want to be to loud with her because I want her to trust me, but she has tested me the last couple of days.

Example: I had her food on the dryer, because of the fact my Boyfriends cat Mr. Figget lives to eat. He is on a time schedule. So her food is up high so he can't get it. Well she managed to fit her self in the furnace above the pilot light area. Thank goodness it wasn't lit. I took her out, told her No a few times and the put her in the bedroom for punishment. This is also where I keep 1 of the litter boxes. So now I have to keep the door closed which is not fair to Mr. Figget. She also tries to get behind the dryer even after blocking entrances on both ends.

I know I have only had her a few days. I give her a ball....which she loves. I throw it for her up and down the hallway. But she gets mad if we pick her up or even bother her through out the day.

I had Tid Bit when she was 4 weeks old so it was easy to bond with her & her baby sis's and bro's. (The mother disappeared) I just need some advice, since this is only the 2nd cat I have ever had.

Thank you! =)

First off, I'm sorry for your lost.

Others on this site would probably know more then me (you might want to post in a new threat) but if it was me. I would take her into a smallish room, one that had one or two places for her to hide, but not so many things that you might "lose" him. (of course this might just be my issues, once had a cat get stuck in a cupboard and couldn't find him for a day). Bring some treats and toys for her, and some books/laptop for you. When she hides, let her hide, but when she comes out, offer her treats while calling her name. If she takes them, try playing with her. Basicly, the more time you spend with her without her getting scared the more she will trust you, and how much will be even more if the time spent with you is fun.